Then I am unhealthy as hell.Originally Posted by ninapuella
But I know quite a few who do not have a fem side and just like to wear the clothes. They do not act fem at all when dressed, they just like to do it for fun. It seems like they are very happy too.
All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?
This is a good topic, one which I can kind of relate to. But I know having someone to dress up with helps out a lot.
I know with me it is all about the clothes! I don't try to present as a female,but, wear feminine things just because its fun and exciting to do so. Maybe, it's the "Taboo" factor and gives me a little spice to my perceived booring life. I have to admit that I like to see others reactions when they notice my bright red toenails, while wearing women's sandals or that they notice that I have boobs and I'm wearing a bra, even though I have no makeup or wig to disguise my obvious maleness. Each of us has our own ideas and goals when CDing and there is no specific template for any of us. If that were the case, then we are right back to the expectations of society's norms for what is proper for each gender. I consider myself a rebel and I'm gonna do what I want to. You only live once so I feel that I will do whatever I like because I am my own person and don't have to explain my actions or motivations to anyone!!
Monique
Nope. I don't know if there's a fem side and a male side...there is "me". But me is either an interesting mix of genders, of indeterminate proportions, or just a mixed up person, depending on your point of view.
But I'm certainly not just a man I'm women's clothes...decidedly not that.
Once they do join they seem to be the type to stick and stay in becoming longtime members of crossdressing social groups.
And Sherry, count me in the bunch that doesn't have a femme side.
Last edited by Princess Chantal; 04-24-2013 at 10:21 PM.
Doc , you're not alone.. I have always felt that there is no female side of me.. Or is that just my own opinion of myself? When I am presenting in front of other people ( which is very rare) I have been told that I am different ..
Strange because I thought I didn't act any different than if I was dressed in DRAB around them...I was told that I do.. I present more body language when I sit ,stand or even walk while dressed..I talk the same , think the same but to them I come across totally different..Sometimes it takes others to pick up on things we miss about ourselves..
I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.
I had a male side and a female side. I 'accidentaly' left the male side in Sears tool dept. I never went back to get it.
I can don a skirt and get the satisfaction of relieving my need to crossdress. I do not need the makeup and wig. Not that I don't like the makeup and wig, but can be happy as a man in a dress.
Do I have a fem side? Well, I believe I am transgender, or bigender, so I most likely do have a fem side, but I've never thought of myself as a woman, not even close.
I've elaborated more at http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...but-what-gives!
DonnaT
And Frédérique has more eloquently and as accurately described me as I can.Nope. Count me in. I don’t have a female “side,” either. How come you and I aren’t friends?
I'm just a man in a dress. Always was, and always will be...
Many others have essentially stated their personalized version of "I am just me." I agree! I have a set of traits and characteristics that the infamous "they" forgot to ask me about when assigning them to feminine or masculine categories. I've had times where I felt more particularly pretty than others but I've never looked in the mirror and said "Man I feel like a Woman today or even spectacularly feminine. Decorum of course must be observed based on the hemline height of the garment, feminine or not.
"You are not an accident, nor are you malfunctioning. You are performing EXACTLY as coded." For many "Man in a Dress" is the worst atrocity commit-able; for me it's just reality. Click to Learn About Me. Click to Complain About Me! There is a fine line between brutal honesty and honest brutality. It is rarely in the same place for the sender and the receiver.
Maybe I should add something clarifying here:
I was a guy for 50 years before I began dressing.
Not a mocho guy, but I just loved doing physical guy stuff.
Not one who was pretending to act like a guy. I was/am a guy. Never thot otherwise until recently.
Not a guy who wore his mom's pantyhose on the sly.
Not a guy who ever had a thot of trying on ladies things. Or, any other fem thot or inclination, as I recall.
So, when I found I enjoyed wearing women's things late in life, it rocked me like a hit of LSD! I worked thru all the; gay, breast implants, SRS, etc. stuff on my own. I think I simply like looking female. And, at times since I began dressing I may have BELIEVED I have walked, or moved, or nuanced fem in some way in my appearance.
But, feeling or thinking female? Nah! It's just that same old dude I've lived with for 60+ years! Only now, he's a crusty, rude, crotchitty, crude, dull, absentminded, fuddyduddy, self absorbed, old man who wears dresses! Maybe there's no room in there for a fem side?
Last edited by docrobbysherry; 04-24-2013 at 11:19 PM.
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
This thread reminds me of Jung's theories of the unconscious, which he did attribute both male and female aspects to, the so-called 'anima' and 'animus'.
While I tend to regard many psychological theories with a bit of scepticism, I do believe in the idea of integrating aspects of the unconscious with our conscious life. For me, this means the commitment to follow my crossdressing urges wherever they lead me. In allowing the expression of my urges, I feel that aspects of my self become more integrated over time. If one finds the conceptual duality of masculine/feminine to be a help in their process, well, anything that is a help is positive. But might not the conceptual lens be a filter? and can we hope that it doesn't become something so rigid that it binds us?
Last edited by Taylor Ray; 04-25-2013 at 06:41 PM.
Doc, I've been here for five years also ,even tho my tag doesn't show it ( because I was kicked outta here so many times).. What would you consider as having a female side? Do you have to .talk like one? Do girl things? I guess I don't see where you are coming from.. Do you have to act like a woman while presenting only as dressed like one and act like a male while dressed as a man? Or never act like a female even though you dress to resemble one ?
I get the just of not having a female side as in my life in general ..I hate shopping or anything that's typically stereo typed as what women do..I just act human I do not act any different no matter what I am wearing .. I am just being myself and I think that is all that should be important..
I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.
This is an excellent, thot provoking, post, Lucy! Since I was simply a man for all those years, I've ASSUMED a female thot or feeling would be apparent to me now. But, never being a female, I'm not sure I'd recognize it!
How does one KNOW when you're having a fem thot or feeling from your fem side if you're not a female?
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
For me, I just love fem clothes. I cant say that it makes me a different person though. I don't go full fem with makeup and stuff (though I do have a curiosity towards it) but for me, I just love the clothes! The closest thing I can think of to a "feminine side" that I get when I wear them is just a peace and feeling like I am being who I am. I cant say that is too feminine though because the fact of the matter is, women question themselves all the time and are in constant turmoil about appearances and whatnot. I dont have questions about how I look as a woman...I dont look anything like a woman. Id never pass and I most likely dont look pretty at all. But then again, thats not why I do it. I do it because it makes me feel good and at peace with myself. So I cannot mistake peace of mind for a womanly side. I just simply am myself...as quirky and fun as I normally am.
Doc. That's just what I've been saying..Most of us wouldn't know if we act differently specially those of us who dress alone.. Unless of course we purposely try to act being Fem out ,something I know I don't do..But by dressing and wanting to get a Fem appearance in my opinion ( mine not speaking for anyone else) is getting in touch with your Fem side..
Unless you just enjoy wearing clothing with the appearance of a guy in a dress I would understand the no Fem side.. But many here ,who grow out or use hair , make up, forms and eyelashes just to name a few.. To resemble being a female kinda gives having a female side away..Nothing wrong with what any of us do..Just because we want to appear as women doesn't mean we want to become one full time..
I just so happen to like being a male there is nothing I see in the future that will ever make me not want to be male... Some people here like being female and want to become one full time..Nothing wrong with that..If there is anything we T.G.s have in common with T.S.s is we both do have Fem sides it's what drive us to dress.
I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.
Sherry, being a CD WITH boobs is "bad" enough but adding schizophrenia to the list is really too much. Perhaps people confuse sensitivity with femininity. I like art, music, like to cook, don't like guns and war (been there, done that), cars are a bad investment, played sports in HS and that was that, don't watch or care for sports but I do consider myself just a male who dresses in women's clothes--and most every day at that. No wigs, makeup etc.
It is difficult when one is not sensitized to female things and males are not socialized as women and no amount of "medical stuff" can replace that. I recommend for light reading "what it's like to be a bat by thomas Nagel for those that truly think they can be women. There is so much confusion about TG/TS within the science/medical community (hormones, brains, psychology). I tend to think we do what we do because of chemistry/psychology but I'm not certain that it has anything directly to do with being a woman. Hormones can be a trigger mechanism and likely are since every male does not cd or want to be a cd.
JUST a crossdresser
The simple FACT of the whole matter is that there is no way to know other than guessing just how many guys are "just" CDers and have no need or desire to tell anyone OR actively "share their dressing activities" with anyone else.
I think one easy guess is that very few men who CD, participate at this or any other Forum.
But the thing is, MOST men are visual and CDing IS a very "visually based" activity similar to porn in many respects. I think the incidence of men who CD is probably many times higher than most people think.
In the end, the numbers and ratios of who does what or WHY they do what they do is completely irrelevant IMO.
You just do. That’s not a very good or scientific answer is it? In fact there is no answer unless you can teleport yourself [or whatever you want to call it] into a female brain and live there for a day or two.
But I stick to my answer and other transgender members here will know exactly what I meen!
Or are transgender people a sort of third gender. Food for thought?
Last edited by suzy1; 04-26-2013 at 02:39 AM.
Oh yeah. The female thoughts feel different.
Wow, How does one know? That is a very good question. I like Mexican food. I like it a lot, but how do I know this? I just do.
All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?
Dear Sherry,
I have some bad news for you. Or perhaps it's good news, it all depends.
You are such a dear friend of mine. I had looked forward to meeting you based on your writings, your POV, and even your unique angle on "This Thing of Ours of Varying Kinds" (©VM). You are a fascinating person who I have come to absolutely cherish. And what I have to say kind of segues from what you and I talked about on the way back from Vegas.
You see, I do think you have a female side. Whether it was something you were born with, something that you failed to recognize, or something that was cultivated is irrelevant, I see it in you. And may I be so bold as to speculate as to where it came from?
We talked about how "Sherry" took that leap of faith to become a social creature beyond the confines of the home or her photo shoot world of the internet. In doing so, you have seen, felt and heard all of the joys that can be had by interacting in this wonderful world of ours as a female...or at least while presenting as one. Something happened when you did this. Whether it was conscious or not, you chose NOT to come across as a total "dude". Just as Sherry is the ultimate in illusion, perhaps in stepping out you consciously tried to act the act, walk the walk so to speak. I think in doing so, it has allowed others to see your essence without the mask and relate to you as such.
Regardless of how this all came about, you should also remember that your emotions betray you. Remember DLV 2011 when we met, the final event when Alice took leave a bit early??? There wasn't a dry eye at the table, yours included...because we were all in awe of the person we had come to know and love over the course of the week. You tapped into an emotional place that I dare to say wouldn't have happened at a gathering of dudes at a model railroaders convention.
Even if you don't necessarily see it, or recognize what it feels like, don't fight it. Don't even try to force yourself to see it. Just go with the flow and be who you are. The richness of the friendships you have made over the years is a testament to you as a person regardless of whether or not you detect the female within. I can see her, with or without the mask.
With love, friendship & respect,
Sara
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
This is a subjective view of the taste of Mexican food on your specific palate. We all have taste buds but we each individual tastes things differently. Some people have a keen sensitivity to odors and they are very highly paid professionals in the perfume industry. their ability to smell is quite different from the rest of us. Some people are wine tasters. For me, everything pretty much tastes like cardboard now.
Since you have never seen the world through a woman's (being a woman is a whole subjective experience that cannot be replicated) eyes or imagined the world through a womans' thoughts, you cannot possibly say "I just do".
It is the same thing as getting into a swimming pool and claiming to BE a fish. No matter how much you like swimming under water, it just won't happen.
There is no doubt you have thoughts, but you cannot say they are the SAME
thoughts that a woman would have.
JUST a crossdresser
But of course she can say that - it is one of the symptoms of gender dysphoria / gender identity disorder. I would presume that if anyone in the scientific community gave a damn, they could do scans of our brains, to see if the neurological activity followed similar patterns to those of a biological female, at least some of the time. That might prove or disprove it, or at least shed more light on the matter.
Don't you think it's pretty profound that it's easier to pump somone who's TS full of hormones, and perform cosmetic surgeries to alter their secondary sexual characteristics, than it is to treat their minds so that they feel proper in their birth gender? Doesn't this suggest there is something fairly profound going on in their brains? How can you be sure that it is so different?
Here ..they did ..http://www.newscientist.com/article/...rain-scan.html
I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.
One of signs (not symptoms) of GD could be saying that a persons thoughts are that of a woman--but that cannot be proven since the person has NEVER been a woman. There is no experience to compare. If you have never been to the moon, it is difficult to compare yourself to astronaut Alan Shepard who has. You can have thoughts that you SAY are a woman's thoughts but that doesn't make them so. claiming and being are two entirely different things. Otherwise I declare that I am now the president of the US.
something profound MAY be going on in the brain but according to whose definition? That there is clearly SOMETHING going on is clear, but science/psychology has yet to determine exactly what that is. One of the problems that I see, is that there has been little long-term scientific study and those studies that have been made have a small sample group as in the study Lucy Bella has quoted. The long-term heart studies involve several hundred thousand people, and go on for 10-20 years.
Though Lucy quotes a study that PROVES there is a difference, it actually doesn't. The author says:"Guillamon isn't sure whether the four regions are at all associated with notions of gender, but Ivanka Savic-Berglund at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden, thinks they might be. (bold is mine). Thiking something might be, and being scientifically proven are worlds apart.
further :" "People may experience early or late onset of transsexuality and we don't know what causes this difference." this seems to negate the entire brain scan thing.The scans were post-mortem (e.g. the people were dead) so changes in body tissue have to be accounted for and as stated "But the region is too small to scan in a living person so differences have only been picked up at post-mortem."
I'm not denying that some children see themselves as opposite of their birth sex (brain chemistry , epigenetics likely and more) , but I'm not certain how this plays out when all of a sudden a person of 40 or so all of sudden decides they are TS. There is so much experience over 40 years of so that psychology is going to play a larger role that it would for a 5 year old.
I am not an expert in this subject and have no degrees in science but I do read the literature, I have thought about this issue and just general consideration of the human mind and it's infinite adaptability warns me away from any certainty. In math there is certainty. Part of what I see is that we are able to talk ourselves into almost anything. We're beautiful, we are better looking than the woman we model ourselves after, we will live forever, etc. If a person wants to live their life dressed as a female and present themselves to the public as such, fine, but there is no need to rationalize that.
Some people say they are a woman trapped in a man's body, but how can one say that never having had any experience to compare to make that statement.?
Is it just the logical thing to say because woman is opposite of man? Isn't it better to say I have confused feelings and thoughts. Several studies I read recently suggested that the "true" TS is very small in number like 1% of all people who think they are TS and it is irreversible and you really have to hate your genitals.
I recommend reading Thomas Nagel's paper (it is only 4 pages) entitled "what i it like to be a bat" here
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...t-is-it-be-bat
click on the blue text philosophy paper when you get to the link.
'
JUST a crossdresser
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