Coming out...

[Deedee Skyblue]

I actually used the 'It might help you get closer to your fantasy of being with another woman?' question with a girlfriend, back about 20 years ago, when I told her about my dressing. Of course, I already knew she had the fantasy.

Deedee

[Jeanna]

I am glad that you are going to tell her. I got caught about 2 months ago. I wish that I hadn't kept it a secret. She is not accepting, at least not for now. One day at a time......

[Beverley Sims]

What you are planning to say sounds like a good idea.
Try and treat it as no big deal and do not embellish the story if you can avoid it.
Just answer the questions and try and prevent more questions if possible by phrasing your answers correctly.

[Hannah W.]

So...I did it!!!! Never been so scared, but had to get it out...& my wife was fantastic!!!!!!!

I told her all about my history, why I do it (no idea!) etc - she gave me a huge hug and though she said she was shocke,d (as was completely unexpected!) she was so happy that I had told her and so glad now that I no longer have to creep around. No anger, no horror...my wife is perfect!

[AmyGaleRT]

That's wonderful news, Hannah! That's just like my own experience when I told my fiancee Sabrina. And doesn't it feel so much better to get it out in the open?

Now, just remember to go slow and not go overboard. Respect her feelings. I don't know if she will actually want to see you as Hannah; if you don't know yet, resist the urge to push it on her before you know she's ready.

And always, always tell her how much you love her and appreciate her.

- Amy

[Hannah W.]

Thanks Amy - we've agreed to keep things very separate, like DADT but more due to the fact I don't want to rub it in her face, rather than she isn't happy about it. Believe me, i'll be taking it very slow from here on in.

And always, always tell her how much you love her and appreciate her

oh I do, and will and will never stop telling her!

Thanks again everyone, could never have got there without you all!
xx

[MissTee]

Congrats, Hannah! You'll have a much healthier relationship with your wife now that you're not harboring secrets. Do take it slow though as she will definitely be processing this for a while.

[Bree Wagner]

WooHoo! Way to go Hannah, I'm thrilled it went well. Good luck from here on out.

-Bree

[cdxmatty]

good for you girl. treat her well!!

[Beverley Sims]

Taking it slowly is a big part of the recipe.

[Rogina B]

She will be "processing it" for a good long time! You'll see!

[mariehart]

Well done Hannah. I too am toying with coming out to my wife. However my position is slightly different. I think she knows or suspects already. Indeed I think one of her sisters may know or suspect as well.

Naturally I've been giving away hints over the years, jokingly or by mistake. She found a stash of my panties once. She said nothing, simply incorporating them into her selection. Whether she thought they were hers which had been mislaid or mine. I could never find out without compromising myself. I have worn her underwear in sex games in the past. Her only comment was that she shouldn't encourage that kind of thing.

But lately I've been pushing my luck. Buying and wearing casual female clothes that could be male and wearing them around the house and in public. Actually what led me to believe she suspected was when I bought a pair of male jogging pants. She actually said. 'Those are women's' I showed her that label that proved otherwise. But later I bought a female pair. But they were too tight really and she noticed. I stopped wearing them and in fact when she was looking for something casual to wear once I offered them to her. She's worn them ever since and led to a moment which convinced me she knows I crossdress. She took a hoodie top I had which I stopped wearing because it's too small. She was wearing that and the trousers. I joked that she was completely dressed in men's clothes and must be a crossdresser. But she pointed to the trousers and said: 'Well these are women's.' I agreed. Nothing more was said.

The other day in the course of conversation, she drily commented that I shouldn't assume she doesn't notice things. She didn't say anything else though and wouldn't be drawn.

So she has to know I routinely wear women's clothing. But for some reason has chosen to ignore that. The question I have is to ask: 'What next?'. Do I let things continue? Or do I try to be more open about it. I don't necessarily want to be in full female mode in front of her. But I would like to be able to dress as I am now and not have to worry if she notices my bra or underwear.

I'm not sure how to approach this. I'd like to confirm she knows without simply telling her outright thereby giving her a chance to deny it all or forbid me from wearing anything female. Knowing her as I do I think she might fear that if she gave approval. I might take advantage and go too far and others would find out or I would escalate the whole thing and spend my days flouncing around in skirts. Which wouldn't happen as much as I'd like it too. I would like it to be a much of non issue as if I collected stamps. Hard for her to understand but harmless.

[Hannah W.]

I wish you nothing but success Marie, sounds like your SO may have an idea as to what you do - whereas my wife was taken completely unawares. We're taking things slowly now, I've promised to only CD when she isn't around (as she doesn't want to see me as Hannah yet), but it's such a relief to be able to order clothes etc online now (had a big eBay spend this morning!!). Jo (my wife) also offered me make up tips & volunteered to pick me things up from the shops if I wanted her to. So thrilled she's supportive but have declined the offer for now as don't want her to get involved with my CD until she is completely at ease with the idea.

Good luck Marie, really hopeit works out for you.

Hannah

[mariehart]

Thanks, glad it's working out for you. Oddly enough you would think I'm in a better position given that I suspect she knows. But perhaps she doesn't want to have to deal with it. It's a tricky one.

Like you I would like to be able to buy things openly and not sneak around. Perhaps she is worried that if she encourages me too much. I'll overdo it. Hard to say.

[Hannah W.]

Update: Just thought I would let you girls know how i'm getting on post admission...

I'm sitting her typing this as Hannah for the first time since Sunday before I told my wife. She has needed a couple of days to process the news and start to see a new side to me, but i'm glad to say that today its been like nothing ever happened I know that things will not always be so easy, I know that If i 'overdo' it too soon, it could well plant seeds of worry into her mind so am planning on taking it very slowly.

For me its been like a breath of fresh air and a massive weight off my shoulders! I had a bit of an credit card assault the morning after my coming out and am now sitting here in my first pair of breast forms that I would never have been able to buy if i hadnt made piece with myself and been honest with my wife - and i feel so good for it! So much happier (& dare I say sexier with my new shape!!) I feel more like a girl than I have ever done before!

I very conscious and very grateful I've been very lucky with my wife, I know that I could be in despair right now if things didn't go to plan, but just wanted to share my happiness with you all. Sorry if it sounds like a gloat...but i'm just sooooooooo happy!!!

Hannah

[mariehart]

Excellent, that's exactly how I would like it. Just not having to worry about being caught. I too wouldn't want to be in her face about it either. But just not having to worry about leaving the wrong site up on the computer or leaving clothes in the wrong place or like I've done put one of my bras in her drawer. (I do all the washing). Even something as simple about never worrying about her coming home unexpectedly.

I think possibly some of us overdo it when they tell their SO and find them accepting at first. Soon she's wondering what happened to her man. Not good that.