what to do?

[mrsjbperry]

i was wanting advice on the best way to tell them. he and i have been talking about it and my family is very close. my grandmother can drop by at any time to see us since we are moving back to Texas. we will be getting a house there and have family from my side staying with us. deebra i do not like the fact that you assume that i am trying to do this without my husband knowing. he has posted a comment on here so he knows what i am doing. i am not going to do anything without him say its ok or not ok. i was looking for advice

[CherylFlint]

Keep quiet, it’s none of their business anyway.

[mrsjbperry]

good grief nobody is understanding what i am saying. i am NOT trying to out my husband. all i am wanting is advice on how to let them know. THAT IS IN CASE THEY FIND OUT ON THERE OWN OR STOP BY UNEXPECTEDLY! i have let a few people know in my family with my husbands permission (not that i need it). and he didnt give me permission to tell anyone he told me to let certain ones know that he can trust with his life.there is one person that knows in my family that has turned against him and we did not see that coming. she could let it slip that he is a CD. that is all. i do not like the fact that i have been attacked or being accused of trying to hurt my husband. i have posted in the intro and re-intro part and everyone that has posted comments told me if i had questions or concerns to ask away and that is what i am doing. i have been attacked on this thread. everyone that has attacked me needs to go back and read the original post that started this thread. then you need to read what my husband jbperry posted as his comment. then you may understand what i am asking. thank you very freaking much!

[Karen_Ski]

Rather than worrying about telling them now handle the situation when it arises, the best laid plans of mice and men have a way of coming undone when the heat is on

[ErinSassyPants]

Mrsjbperry, I am fairly horrified by how you've been treated in this thread.

My suggestion is to do the stuff you need to do to in order to join us in the FAB forum and we can have a quiet respectful helpful thoughtful discussion of for instance what you might say if someone came to the door unexpectedly to find your husband dressed.

Not that there aren't CDs who might have some excellent advice because I know there are, but rather because it seems so many members had such intense reactions of their own they couldn't see what you were asking or that your husband is clearly not in the dark about this. That makes this thread difficult to have a thoughtful helpful discussion in.

Besides it would be wonderful to have you in there. (I'm going to feel silly if I go look now and you are already in there )

I'll think about if I have any helpful suggestions for you and I'll send you a private message.

[daviolin]

Let the sleeping dog lie. Treat it as a need to know basis. Daviolin

[Sandra]

Well I hope you are all happy with yourselves. We have a new GG here asking for advise which is very clear in the opening post, yet most of you haven't bothered to read the opening post correctly and just jumped in and bashed Mrsjbperry to the extent that she has let me know that she is thinking about not coming back, well round of applause to you all

[Julie York]

i have been sitting here thinking about how i could let my family know that my husband is CD. my mom and sisters and b-i-l know. along with an aunt. but not everyone knows that he is. i am afraid that my family will disown him. i love him no matter what. how do i let my family know that he likes to CD?

Whilst it is regrettable that Mrsjbperry has been misunderstood it is understandable how it came about if you read the original post.
"How do I let my family know that he likes to CD" is what people read. That's what they were responding to.

[ErinSassyPants]

Julie, can you clarify for me which part of that deserves to be yelled at? It seems to me that if someone posts something that people find objectionable they should take a moment to re-read it (for instance at least one person got angry with the OP because they thought she said his family, a second reading would have cleared that up).

Then if they are still thinking it's objectionable they should read the other posts (in this case the one by MRjbperry which clearly indicated he knew and ones by the OP clarifying) before yelling.

If they have reread the OP, and read through the comments and they still think someone is asking something awful it may be time to ask the OP if they mean what you think they mean.

Just a suggestion on how to deal with posts people find themselves having a strong reaction too in order to keep it respectful and thoughtful.

[suchacutie]

Wow. It seems that some of us have superimposed our own fears on the OP. Just goes to show how scary most people find this topic.

If you both feel it's important to get ahead of the curve, then I suggest you talk about it to small groups or even individually. I would explain that you just didn't want anyone caught unawares so thought it was better to bring up the lifestyle issue before that happens.

Treat it as no big deal, but that you didn't want any surprises.

You'll likely get questions, but then the ice is broken.

Best wishes.

[Julie York]

Julie, can you clarify for me which part of that deserves to be yelled at? .

Erin, the answers given were because they were answering the question which, in its original form, implied that the OP wanted to know how to tell her family that her partner was CD. It was only later that "in case he gets found out" was added to make it more clear.

People were just answering the original question "How do I let my family know that he likes to CD." Which is bound to generate some very animated responses, maybe even some 'yelling', because it reads like she was about to out her partner.
So it seems rather unfair to lambast folk as being uncaring or unpleasant when they were simply answering the question put to them. "How do I let my family know that he likes to CD."
If anyone had been rude or unkind AFTER the nature of the question became clear, then feel free to give them a kick up the backside.

[NicoleScott]

I'm glad to hear that whatever you do, it will be a joint decision with your husband. Although your question was "how do I tell", I'm in the "don't tell" camp. I have yet to see a compelling reason other than a preemptive explanation before unintentional discovery. Even then, and even with a close-knit family, I don't see why anyone needs an explanation of what goes on in the privacy for your own home. Lots of things are permitted/acknowledged/accepted as "bedroom fun" and details are not required.

[mariehart]

I do think people have jumped to conclusions about the OP's question. Bit of a classic internet moment, people seeing what they want to see and responding to that rather than the actual comments.

To directly answer the original question. I wouldn't tell anyone else in the family at all unless they really needed to know. To be honest even if one was to find out and confront you or your husband with it. I would be inclined to play it down and politely dismiss the issue. It is after all none of their business really. You don't really owe them a full explanation. It is a private matter after all. I certainly don't share any problems in my wife's family with my own family and believe me there are plenty. Certainly compared to some issues, like drugs, alcoholism, mental health, crime etc. You certainly wouldn't want to share any of those issues with certain family members. Crossdressing is a far more frivolous and harmless pastime. I think sometimes we invest too much drama in the mere act of dressing up.

In my own family, two of my sisters know and my brother. But not the other two sisters that I'm aware of. (Yes a big Irish family!!) They may have been told but as no one in my family addresses the issue at all. I can't be sure. Ironically the sister I'm closest to, doesn't know even though perhaps she would most understand. Something I find regrettable. However I don't think telling her now would be in any way helpful.

On the other hand my wife doesn't officially know but I think she either suspects it or has realised the truth even if again she doesn't address the issue. I also suspect one sister in law has worked it out. But again unless she brings up the subject I won't be telling her.

That's just my opinion. Essentially unless someone makes a big issue of it. I wouldn't discuss it at all. Even then I would play it down and politely remind them that it's a private matter and no big deal really. Which in truth it is. It's just another facet of our lives.

[Beverley Sims]

Do they need to know?
Why tell them.
It is part of your private life and no one needs to be privy to that.