My take is it is about sex and sexuality. Sexuality being who we see ourselves as, male or female. Sex being who we desire to be with man or woman. I like to throw a spanner in the works because my sexuality is feminine but I want the intimacy of others like me. Some have coined the term Lipstick Lesbian. Well, if the shoe fits
Hugs girls, Robin
I'll start by pointing out that I'm TS not just CD.
I've been dressing since I was about 2 years old. Back then, I think I just wanted to look pretty like the other girls at sunday school. I'd may skirts out of towels. When I made a dress out of a dry cleaner bag, mom made a belt for me from part of the bag. When dad got home, he didn't mind me in the dress, but he was worried that I would suffocate, so mom made one out of a pillow case.
When I was about 4 I wanted to be part of a "circus" that the girls across the street were doing. All I had to do was jump off the garage roof onto a stack of mattresses & springs below. I remember how much I trusted them.
When I dressed, I felt incredibly calm, relaxed, like I belonged in my skin. I'd get goose bumps like when someone feather touches your back.
By 6 I was playing with other girls and we were at that trading clothes stage. The girls traded my clothes for theirs, and I really liked wearing the dress with all the trimmings (cotton tights, panties, and mary jane shoes.
When I was forced to stop playing with the girls, I hated playing with the boys. I wanted to be a girl.
I'd dress up in my mom's church clothes from the dirty clothes hamper.
Again, it gave me that really calm feeling.
Later, I started having erections, but couldn't have orgasms.
As a result, it felt good, but wasn't really sexual.
Even then, I wanted to be a princess who fell in love with a princess.
By the time I was 11, I was starting to have sexual feelings, and dressing was part of it.
At that time, my mom's clothes actually FIT, and she would let me help her pick them out.
Even as a kid I loved to go clothes shopping with my mom (because I knew I would eventually wear what she bought).
I could look at myself in the mirror and see the beautiful girl I wanted to be, and would be sexually attracted to her.
Later that year, I ejaculated for the first time. It felt good, but it made a horrible mess, so I hated it.
I started wearing the more sexy things in mom's drawer. A favorite was a teddy made with layers of black (outside) and white (inside) chiffon.
I would try to delay orgasm as long as possible because I hated the mess.
My dad tried to explain the birds and bees when I was 10, and showed me pictures from playboy. The naked women didn't do much for me, but women in lingerie got me excited. I'd imagine myself wearing something identical, and both of us together rubbing against each other. I imagined she took control and seduced me.
Essentially, I wanted a woman who acted like a man but dressed sexy and beautiful like a woman.
Often, even when I had orgasms, I would still want to keep wearing the outfit. I almost always slept better when dressed (more relaxed I guess).
At about 18, in College, I started under-dressing. Even though the sexual thrill wore off quickly, it actually seemed more right to me. I started buying women's tights and leotards for my stage movement (dance) class. By the end of the first semester, the whole classed figured out that I was a cross-dresser. They didn't know I was transsexual. They DID notice that I liked being "one of the girls" and frequently hung out with other women rather than the men. In a school with 900 women and 25 men, it wasn't hard to be "one of the girls".
When I lost my virginity at 21, I couldn't have orgasms. I wasn't dressed and I kept focusing on her pleasure. She had to tie me down to force me to focus on my pleasure. I really enjoyed letting her take control like that, and being the sexual aggressor. I was afraid to tell her about the dressing, because I thought I would lose her. When she figured it out, she left me a note on my windshield the next day saying she never wanted to see me again.
After 2 years chaste, I was ready to try again. This time, I moved in with the girl, and threw out my wardrobe before that, thinking I wouldn't need it anymore. 3 weeks later, I let her know, and she pretended to accept it. However, dressing was limited to bedroom and sexual activities. She didn't want me out in public.
When I finally DID start going out, as suggested by a sponsor, it was like a whole new person had come to life!
I felt happier and freer than I had ever felt as a boy. I wanted to dance, diet, and look as good as I could.
I got really interested in other people, being more compassionate and understanding.
I flirted more, giving complements to both men and women, because I WANTED to and felt like I COULD!
As Debbie, I was more authentic, genuine, compassionate, understanding, forgiving, and loving than Rex had EVER been.
Because Rex was an "act" I had created to survive and avoid the real and imaginary threats if I were discovered.
Is I got older, my wardrobe and gender lines blurred. I'd find women's clothes that I could wear as a man.
Gradually, more and more of my wardrobe turned female, and now it's down to ONLY the pup-tent shirts I wear to cover developing breasts.
In a few months, I will probably transition to working as a woman. Even for the last 6 months, I have been letting the "Girl" out more.
The result was astonishing - highest performance rating I've EVER gotten anywhere.
Facebook - Debbie Lawrence
Web - [URL="http://www.debbieballard.org"]DebbieBallard.org{/URL]
See also:
Open4Success
Edith, I printed out your reply for my wife. This is what I have always wanted to tell her!!!!
P.s. Thanks!!!!!!
Because it is me! When I am en femme i feel complete. I can cope with my male side but I really have no desire to embrace it. My journey is just beginning, and I will not rest until I am living my female dream.
Susan in Phoenix
MALE BY BIRTH.......
FEMALE BY DESIGN
My So and I were discussing this today. Basically the reason "Why?". She wasn't asking me why, I was just trying to explain to her the reason why. Why I feel I need to buy women's clothes, paint my toes, have my girl time and such and the answer was the same as it has been since I started this.....I don't know why. I have accepted it for what it is solely to myself and since she is on board...not much else matters.
Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!
I feel the most happy & at ease when I dress as a woman. I love living this lifestyle.
Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years.Ten Years Living 24/7 as a Mature Lady
My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty
I'm Always Rainbow Proud
For me it was always there is nothing similar between male and female clothing, and they have all the fun stuff!
Jamie
I dress because it feels so good. I may not be pretty, but I feel pretty when dressed.
not sure beyond what others have said here. i suppose we all have a feminine side that needs to express itself and be nurtured. i also started secretly experimenting with hosiery, lipstick and polish in my early to middle teen years. it's now part of who i am. always wish i had been a girl and now i enjoy living out my fantasy.
What are my reasons for dressing?
I can't give a definitive answer to this, it just feels right.
I also like the challenge of "passing".
But part of it is that when I am dressed, as I am now, this is a side of me that is totally disjoint from my everyday persona.
This who know me would never guess that I am a crossdresser and probably be surprised to find out (to put it mildly.)
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