The above quote was written by Abbygirl in the now closed thread about Halloween. For most closeted dressers, I think there is a lot of truth to the above words, although like Abby, I am surprised that this sentiment did not appear in any other replies. No matter what the reasons may be for being closeted, how much we may deny feeling a need to go out, whether or not it is about gender or the clothes, and on and on, there is a kind of wish or feeling that things might be otherwise. We may live vicariously with daydreams and fantasies about being more daring and adventurous, or we may deny ever feeling any desire to be out and about. But can we honestly say that such thoughts do not exist.I'm a little surprised no one mentioned the same feeling I have lurking in the lower portions of my mind - the feeling that although I'm closeted, I kind of don't want to be. I know that by wearing a female costume, I'm making a statement. I believe part of me WANTS that statement to be made. It's like coming out in a minor, passive sort of way.
I'm OK with others thinking I think it's just a Halloween costume I wear with impunity, when all the while I know perfectly well I'm making a statement, that I'm revealing something about myself. After all these years of hiding my Abby side, I think part of me kinda wants people to know. Halloween is a great time to drop a little (or not so little) hint. Maybe if one day I do ever come out, everyone will just say, "yeah I knew ever since you wore that _____ costume".
It is for this reason that I think that Halloween provides such a tremendous opportunity for crossdressers. It can be a relatively safe way of giving vent to that feeling; a sense that we are not forever locked in that closet. Crossdressing should be about enjoyment. Even the most ardent transgenderist, who insists that it is about their identity and being themselves, would likely admit that if their crossgender behaviour and expression did not bring about immense satisfaction and comfort, their actual crossdressing time might be more limited in favour of an androgynous style and other forms of self expression.
We have a tendency to take ourselves very seriously, when enjoyment should be about having fun, and being light hearted. With that in mind many of us have probably tried to push the envelope, so to speak, and had crossdressing adventures that no one else ever knew about, because while we were taking a chance, we were doing so in a manner that did not arouse any suspicions. The obvious methods are such things as underdressing, going for a drive in the wee small hours or taking a walk around the block on a rainy night, complete with umbrella and suitable protection from the elements. Can anyone tell us their stories about their own personal adventures in pushing the envelope? Here's mine:
I live in a very small community, referred to on maps and archives, as a hamlet. A provincial highway once passed through our little community, but it now bypasses our little corner of the world turning our road into an elongated crescent. At one time we boasted a general store, a church, and some sort of a mill. An abandoned rail line once passed through, but is now a snowmobile and hiking trail. Everybody knows everyone else, of course, and crossdressing in the area is totally out for the closeted dresser. That is, unless you get creative.
In back of my property is a long hill that originates beside my house and stretches well beyond my lot past a small creek and by some neighbouring farms. The hill is totally wooded and there used to be paths leading up the hill from my yard to a long path that ran along the crest of the hill for close to a mile. These are mostly overgrown now as nobody ever goes up there any more. I am a bit too old to chance the climb. The view from the top was spectacular looking away from our property, but was obscured by forest looking back toward my house or our hamlet. I used to go up there crossdressed, usually in women's slacks, and hike that pathway. Sometimes I would wear a skirt under the slacks, and once up the hill, would remove the slacks to enjoy the feeling of the breeze on my skirted legs. On warm days, I also removed my blouse or top and enjoyed feeling the breezes on my bra and form clad torso. Complete with my wig and some jewelry, the sensation was exhilarating.
This form of escape came to an end when another house was built on the property next to mine, which had some views of my escape routes up that hill. Even more scary was an invasion of sorts by a few bears who decided that that hill was an ideal location. Finally, my age was starting to make it risky to climb the hill, which has a bed of damp leaves on the slopes and clearings all year round. After a few slips and falls, I decided discretion was advised. Subsequent to those hikes, I dressed for a few Halloweens as I described in that thread, and more recently have attended a few crossdressing conventions or events.
While this question is aimed more at closeted dressers, most of the out and about types probably went through many years of secrecy. How did you find creative ways to safely push the envelope.
Veronica