Advice

[beccacd24]

I have been invite through a local group to trans friendly private Halloween party. Admirers and what not will be there. It's my chance to finally go out and meet some people like me and possibly explore becca further. I invited my gf so she didn't feel I was being deceitful and she said yes. I then talked to her about possibly having some "gurl" time if the situation is right with another cd. She knows I'm bi-curious and has told me to explore that side if I want. But when I talked to her about it she got all mad saying she wants to be there involved if any hooking up when down. I get where she's coming from but i feel I can truly explore beccas sexuality like that. Should I not have invited her or am I in the wrong for asking.

[GaleWarning]

I think your girlfriend has a right to expect fidelity from you. It's the possibility of you hooking up with another cd that is making her feel anxious, IMHO.
I admire your honesty thus far.
Only you know how to resolve the situation.
Your call.

[MsRenee]

I think its very nice of her wanting to be included in every aspect of your dressing.
The other part about exploring , well that is different and maybe you too should sit down some more and discuss that.
Good luck
Renee

[Sarah Beth]

Inviting her was the right thing to do if you had not I think she would have been hurt because she has been so supportive of you. As for the "hook up" part I can understand how she would be anxious about that and have some uncertainties about it. I agree with Renee that the two of you need to have a sit down and a more open disucssion about that aspect.

[cdmorganashley]

i am just voicing my personal opinion on this, but i think being with anyone other than your gf is asking for trouble... even if she is there and even if she were to participate this is going to introduce a totally new dynamic to the relationship and has the potential to cause feelings of jealousy and insecurity... if you are satisfied by your girlfriend, i wouldn't change things... i know it is possible that she could turn out to be fine with you being with someone else, but i don't like the odds on that, and having a supportive gf is a really special relationship that i wouldn't risk losing not matter what she says is okay with her in theory... if you feel that you cannot be happy unless you are also with another cd i guess its something to talk to her more about, but i think her initial reaction of getting mad should be a clear signal to you, and when she says she would want to be there, it doesn't sound like she wants to be there because she is turned on by it, but rather because she wants to know exactly whats going on because she is worried you might like the cd better, etc.--maybe i am way off base, but i really don't think so... if there are things that you want to explore in the bedroom i would try and find a way to satisfy them with your gf--strap-on/roleplay, etc. (hope that's not too graphic)... anyway something i've seen before on here, and experienced in my relationships is a gf saying to do what you want and meaning "are you actually considering doing that when its so obvious it is not what i want you to do?" if you don't need to do this, my advice is don't do it--good luck

*as for going to the party with your gf... if its just to go out and have a good time it sounds like fun, probably for both of you, but when you say admirers will be there i am suspicious of what type of party this is going to be... if it is just people getting together to hook up it might not be the best place to go with your gf for a fun night out, especially if she is not aware of the type of party this is ahead of time... i would make sure this is going to be a regular party or find a party that is, especially if going out with her dressed is something new to you guys... walk before you run type of thing i think...

[linda allen]

You're telling your girlfriend that you might wand to have sex with someone else, presumably a man while dressed? I don't think you have to ask anyone else if this is appropriate.

If you don't understand, I will explain it. No, you can't be in a relationship and have sex with other people. You shouldn't have considered it or mentioned it to her.

[Kandy Barr]

Only you can answer that question dear. How committed are you to your GF? The answer to that question should give you a pretty good idea as to what you should do when it comes to having sex with others............K

[Farrah]

In my opinion, maybe you shouldn't explore since you have a girlfriend. I can understand how that would make her feel uncomfortable.

[kimdl93]

I find the last part a bit disconcerting. If you're in a relationship with a GG who is this accepting, then you run a very grave risk of damaging that relationship by pursuing this curiosity. I don't care if its hetero, bi or gay, anytime you involve a third party, even as a casual sex partner, you are putting the core relationship in jeopardy.

If you are thinking about "exploring" then you probably should put this relationship behind you because it suggests a low level of commitment on your part.

[Beverley Sims]

I feel you are betraying your GF by trying to hook up with a stranger.
Don't destroy what you already have.
If she wants to engage in a threesome with you on the night, so be it.

[deebra]

Becca, your picture shows you to be very feminly attractive, wanting to explore cding as far as possible, 28 and bi-curious. I think all this adds up to you seperating from your gf for a short time to let you explore and find out if having sex with another MtF cd or non-dressing male is what you want. I'm sure you've thought what it would be like to do this dressed and presenting as a woman. You also want to hang with other cd's. You need to do this and find out, it will be good for both of you, why drag her along when I think you would prefer to be unattached to find out what you want. You just might find being a bi cd is what you really want and she could find another guy that doesn't bring the baggage you are carring.

[5150 Girl]

I've always been an advocate of full disclosure. I feel it avoids sticky situations down the road. I both applaud and admire your honesty with her. However, I also believe that once you enter into a relationship, the other party has the right to expect the exclusivity that goes with being a couple, unless of course an "open relationship" was agreed upon by both parties prior to the beginning of the relationship/ (and I don't see that special circumstance applied to this case)

[marshalynn]

this sound like a good way to get rid of a girl friend, fast....

[Cami.Aeris]

Hi Becca,

I think that you should be praised for trying to be so honest about your emotions / desires. Many people run and hide from them all their lives, so to be open to yours is a positive thing!

How this works in the confines of a relationship is more tricky, and in these days of complicated relationship statuses it is tricky to determine what is okay and what isn't. It seems your partner places being involved as something that is important to her. If you want to keep your relationship, I'd drop the desire to pash another CD for now, and work on strengthening your relationship. Maybe in the future when your partner and you are more comfortable you could pash another CD with her involved in some way.

[beccacd24]

Ladies we have talked about doing it together just to see if it was something becca wanted. I would never cheat on my gf no matter what the case. We have had threesomes with other woman not me dressed and she hooked up with the girl.(her idea) but now that my time has come as my other half she is hesitant I just find it unfair she gets to explore her sexuality and I don't. I wanted her apart of it with me so I could explore but maybe you ladies are right. Not good timing.

[robindee36]

Becca, I totally understand your curiosity in exploring with another Tgirl. It can be an absolutely electric experience.

On the other hand, we live in a binary world so you only get one partner. If you value the relationship with that partner, then 'exploration' is totally out of bounds. Put another way, how would you address a request from your GF to explore another man or woman at this party? The door must swing both ways sweety.

Advice....at this stage go to the party with your GF, meet and chat with others while your GF is at hand, go home with your GF. Bet you can still have a great even as Becca and your GF would be part of it.

Difficult situation but that's my take.

Hugs, Robin

[beccacd24]

So because of my difficult status is society as a cd my gf gets to explore and I don't? I wish all trans people were just accepted and didn't have to dance around the issues we have too

[cdmorganashley]

i can understand what you are saying about things seeming unfair Becca, however, evening things out may have its costs... if you feel very strongly that you need to explore your sexuality or that you are going to be resentful of your gf if she doesn't give you the same freedom you feel you have given her i would recommend talking to her more about what sort of boundaries she will be happy with in your relationship and think seriously about whether or not you can be happy with them... i think so many of us on this forum find a relationship with a supportive SO to be a rare thing, so we are willing to make a lot of compromises to sustain the relationship (as we feel a SOs support of us as a cd is a significant compromise on their part).. you mentioned this may not be the right time to do this and i think at the least that sounds like a smart assessment--perhaps this is just something that your SO didn't expect and she will be more open to it once she has had some time to process it... i think communication is key to a successful relationship so i would give her more time and come back to it, and try to understand her angry reaction better... once you have a better understanding of why she reacted this way it may even change how you feel about things...

*Becca i just read your most recent addition to this thread and i think a lot of things are unbalanced in relationships... i mean many men would be thrilled if their wife wanted to be with another woman and let him watch, but i don't imagen many women would be too thrilled to watch their husbands have sex with another man... your frustration i think is valid, but often getting what we want has costs and i think the responses you have received are just trying to make it clear that we think there could be a big cost to your relationship if you pursue this... it may be something you have to do, but don't act rashly and wind up regretting it...

[robindee36]

Becca, I did not see your most recent addition to the situational information before offering my $US 0.02. Oopsie This new information may change the playing field a bit since it seems you and your GF have already broken out of the binary relationship confines.

Yes, you deserve to explore your bi-curiosity but would do well to also protect your relationship (if you deem it of value). Only you can figure out how to do this but I suspect it will not involve your GF in a TG three way. Well, not initially at least.

There will be other trans-friendly gatherings, just plug into the community and watch for them. You might make contacts at the Halloween party to help with this. Your GF might also warm to the idea after meeting some of the other Tgirls. Just never know.

At the end of the day, only you can decide what is the right thing to do. All we are here are various opinions based on our own experiences. Me....I explored and found it quite to my liking. But I don't have a GF to contend with.

Good luck and hugs, Robin

[giuseppina]

Your SO's reaction to exploring things with another CD would stop things dead for me, Becca. For me, there would be no need to ask. Infidelity is a big no-no in my books.

[GaleWarning]

Just how much do you love your girlfriend?
That, to me, is the salient question.
All else is inconsequential.

[Karren H]

I think you would dump her and go find someone who hates your crossdressing and doesn't want to get involved.... then you can sneak off and discover what ever you want to all by yourself.....

[robindee36]

Karren, have to love your thinking girl. Certainly the part about exploring this thing on your own.

In my case, there are two separate existences and I never try to mix them. Folks just would not understand and I do like the current arrangements

Hugs, Robin

[beccacd24]

I love all you ladies for the advice and thank you so much. I did not go to the party me and the gf stayed in and had a quiet night so we could be together just is no distractions. I'm bummed out I didn't get to go out my first time but she is more important to me. Love you all. Xoxo Becca

[GaleWarning]

Good move, Becca. Well done!
May your relationship continue to grow stronger and more committed.
All the best.