I've been dressing on and off for over 40 years. I done pretty much everything that everyone else on these forums have. I've purged. I've taken drives dressed. A few walks in a very secluded area. I've never truly went out dressed, though. I've never "fully" dressed. I've never had everything to fully dress; ie wig, makeup, etc. I guess I've always fought it and won? Most of the time, perhaps 99.9% of the time, the limited dressing I do is only for sexual release, That has never went away for me. Yes, I have thought about getting out of the proverbial closet for years and years but have never made that happen. I have daydreams and even night dreams (sometimes) about being out somewhere dressed with others. I've gotten to the point where I can just imagine myself dressed and that's enough for me to get to "you know what". I've "imagined" myself in "hetero" relationships with men. I have only imagined myself with a man while I was either dressed or when I imagined myself dressed. I have never been with a man in the physical sense. I've had numerous girlfriends over the years. Maybe not lately or in quite some time, but when I was younger. I am sexually attracted to women. I've also imagined that I have no "tool" while also being "with" a man. That also will allow me to reach a "climax".
Sounds pretty screwed up, huh? Maybe that's why I'm single, never married, and no children. I hope this post isn't out of the bounds of this forum. It's not meant to be. It's just things I have felt, thought about and what resulted.