Boobs

[makin' it real]

Susan, after the novelty of having breasts as a guy wore off which won't take long. You will start to hate having then and wearing bras if you stay living as a guy.

Hi Candice. I noticed you tend to predict what other people's experiences will be if they grow breasts and still present as men. It sucks that you seem to be dealing with a tough situation and that you really do hate all the problems that come with having breasts. It would help me, though, if you could find a way to leave open the possibility of other people having different experiences than you.

See, luckily, your predictions don't describe me. I have small breasts (36B), present as a man, and I don't hate it. In fact I like it very much. Yes, there are problems, as Debbie so accurately described above, but I'm finding ways to work with them.

If you tell me what you've experienced, what you've learned that works and doesn't, that's a gift to me. That's a treat. Thank you, because then I get to learn from your experiences in the same way that I so enjoy getting to learn from Debbie's.

Candice is correct. You really want to get as close to living 24/7 as possible before starting HRT to grow real breasts. This is a key distinction between a transsexual and other transgenders such as cross-dressers. A cross-dresser wants to go back and forth, having the advantages of being birth gender at times. A transsexual wants to be their chosen gender and pretending to be their birth gender is often a painful and difficult experience emotionally.

...If you really think you want breasts, you should start considering gender counseling, and really look at whether or not you might be transsexual. If you are just a cross-dresser and think this is a fun and "expensive hobby", then you should definitely NOT make plans to do anything that would cause you to grow REAL breasts.

Well Debbie, I think there have to be a few more options than just crossdresser or transsexual. I've been wrestling with this for a long time, and so far the online and in-person LGBT communities I'm part of still haven't come to an easy recognition and allowance for more.

I identify as dual-gendered, having physical mental, emotional, and spiritual characteristics in common with both men and women. I'm not a transsexual because although a large part of me is feminine I'm still also a man. I don't want to transition, but I do want my body to reflect my feminine identity. In the same way, I'm not really a crossdresser either, because the dressing itself really isn't all that important to me. I'm about equally comfortable and uncomfortable in both poles of gender dressing. Sometimes I really enjoy getting gussied up as a woman, or running in full Rachel mode, and then there are times times like last week when I thought I looked especially good in a new suit and wanted to show my running buddy that I clean up nice in guy mode too.

I have breasts, and hips, and a smaller waist. I grew them myself and sort of terraformed my body using plant-based supplements, diet, and exercise. I am happy with where I am. I like having a feminized body, I have good friends who seem to value me as much as I do them, and I'm enjoying my colleagues and career again.

Part of how I got to this place is by doing what Debbie suggests. I've done lots of counseling, including with a therapist who specializes in gender issues. And yeah, it's definitely helped me. But while I've found a place of ease in my own gender identity, it still leaves open the gender identity issues in the communities I'm part of.

Including the challenge of how to express this dual-gender state here on this forum, in a way where I feel heard, where others can feel heard, and where I can learn from others who've had similar experiences. Debbie, as you so clearly described, there are definitely problems with having a feminized body and presenting as a man. But curiously it seems easier to talk with my non-LGBT friends about these things than to bring them up here.

Because I'm not a transsexual, the discussions and recommendations on the transsexual forums didn't fit for me. People there gave good advice for TSs but it didn't always fit for gender blenders. In fact, most there couldn't conceive of a third or fourth option beyond CD or TS. Similarly, most of the people here seem more interested in changing the gender of their clothes than in changing the gender of their body. And that's okay. It's even helpful too, but again only to a degree. Like the TSs, CDs too sometimes have a hard time understanding that some of us may want to change our bodies without "going all the way." So that can limit the discussion here as well.

So although the advice to live as a woman 24/7, getting that RLE before doing any physical feminization comes with the best of intentions and is sound advice for many, it simply doesn't fit for everyone who is thinking of growing breasts. It does make sense for some, but not for me. I know there are others here who feel the same, but like me they've learned to not talk about it very often. That's why I'm glad to see the occasional "breast" thread in the CD forum, because then I can poke my head up, look around, and see who else here might be like me.

Hello all you gender blenders! I see you!

~Rachel