I get my ups and downs, most of my life has been mundane and boring. I do enjoy parts of life, going out with friends and such. There are times I just can't get out of the dump. This usually follows happy emotions or if I feel great about something, perhaps a challenging project was completed with great success, or perhaps a new outfit that makes me feel great.... and then bam! I hit the bottom or fall down the pit that seems like there is no end.... I miss my wife is all I can think about. I am not sure which is worse, loosing a spouse to an illness or loosing a spouse to divorce. I think I would rather deal with the anger and stress of a bitter divorce as I had dealt with some 14 years ago. That was easier to comprehend. Now I am brought to my knees, it has gotten better over the past year, but the pain is still there just as strong as it was the day I lost my love. Why is life so hard? I am not expecting anyone to understand, I do know some of you do, have been there and share the same. My heart goes out to all of you that has lost that special someone. (at this moment, I am contemplating to submit or just cancel, if you are reading this, I guess I hit the submit button).