Did anything happen...

[Tinkerbell-GG]

...to make you want to 'shed' being a boy?

I see this written here a lot, that it's not just about being a girl - it's about discarding the boy, even just temporarily. So did anything happen to make you dislike the boy?

In my H's case, he noticed very early that everyone fawned over his sister much more than him and he remembers this very clearly and he felt rejected and just assumed girls were more special. Not to mention his father was the type of man he definitely didn't want to be like - disinterested, selfish, never home. You get the picture. He wonders if these things didn't play some small part in who he became, along with the usual genetic stuff. Did my H shed the boy because he was never made to feel special?

Anyone else?

[Katey888]

Don't think so, Tinks.. Only child here - and not particularly fawned over...

If I think back to when this started for me, at around 6 or 7, I believe I just wanted something more... being greedy, I suppose..?

Later - yes, there was a fair amount of sexuality involved..

But it was always more than that - and something much deeper than just "I like doing this.." - more like: "I have no idea why, but I have to do this.."

This might sound weird, but when I'm Katey - there's nothing discarded... It's more like Katey is released as an extension of me - but I'm all there, and I like that extended personality... like being the two aspects of that whole... oooh - that is a bit odd - have to think some more on that one before talking again...

Sorry, that probably doesn't help kick off the theory very positively...

Katey x

[Tina_gm]

If anything, the reverse would have happened to me- I never bonded well with my mother. I am an only child. so no strong female influence at all. My father I did have a great relationship with. He was an awesome man. Incredible amount of honesty and integrity. He even passed away with incredible honor class and integrity while suffering miserably with cancer. So for me, it is just me, nothing contributed to this.

[MissTee]

Not sure, Tink. I grew up with abusive, alcoholic father. Family and I were on the run from him during most of my childhood. Eventually reconciled when he stopped drinking in his late 50's, but the damage was done.

I also spent a lot of time bare footed in my youth. For all I know that could have caused it, too. I'm sure one day science will find the answer.

[Wildaboutheels]

Both of my parents were good and never showed any favoritism between my brother sister and I.

But what you are describing is mostly Human Nature I think. Wittle girls will "usually" get more coddling, praise and attention than little boys and it only gets more intense and lopsided as time goes on and when the girls come into puberty, the pressure intensifies to "be attractive". [gather attention] I am not aware of any Beauty pageants or contests for 5 year old boys but some of these mothers on TV who are trying to make their 5 year old girls look like "adults" to win contests are downright scary.

IMO, anyway.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Tinker Bell, I'm perfectly happy being a Double Agent.

[KayleeDahl]

I've often wondered this myself, could there have been some first domino that started a chain reaction that brought me to where I am today?

When i was younger, even though i was the older brother, my younger sister and I often played together with things she was interested in. Whether it was putting on a mini play, playing with barbies, or some other activity, it seemed like we often played more typically female games. Was this because I also wanted to play these games? Did I set the field so that we would end up playing wth her toys? or did I accept that if I wanted company in play, that I had to play her games? I truely don't know the answers to these questions, and doubt that I will ever. But the truth for me, is that today - it doesnt really matter which came first - the chicken or the egg.

The presented question was more towards the other side of the gender. Was there something that made me dislike the boy? I don't think I do dislike or devalue the boy, the "me" though is not tied to being the boy or the girl. "me" encompases both, though i didn't always realize this was true. Untill I started to really explore and accept the girl side, I couldn't fully be me, which almost caused what seemed like a push away from the boy, but was actually just a push away from what society said I should be. (hopefully this makes sense to someone other than just me )

Hugs!

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Actually, I'm firmly in the 'genetics' camp as a reason for CD as it seems to cover too many backgrounds and cultures etc, to be anything else, but I guess I wondered if anyone else had any other moments that perhaps might have acted as a catalyst or affected the feelings behind it? My H definitely remembers this early jealousy of girls, and like Wild said, there's just no pageants for boys. I often think boys were actually meant to be the prettier ones (look at other species) and don't really understand why we ended up with all the frouffy outfits. Seems a little greedy on our side, so don't feel it's only you wanting more, Katey. We girls just want it all!

And Wild, I agree, toddlers just shouldn't be doing that. Those poor little girls are going to be a mess when they're older. Great, I probably just gave a producer another reality show idea!

[Rachelakld]

My older sister was my idol, and while neither of us were in to dolls (except for giving them haircuts), when I was 3 and she was 7, we both liked getting the tent and billy (I was an Australian in those days) and going in to the bush for the day.
But her clothes were always so pretty

[kimdl93]

It's my observation that everyone tries to identify 'the root cause' in their recollections of childhood. There are a couple of problems with that sort of thing. First, childhood recollections are notoriously unreliable. There are sporadic, infallible experiences glued together in memory with sheer fabrication....much the way the brain fills in the blind spot where the optic nerve emerges from the retina.

The second is that your H is a sample of one. Anecdotal evidence ignore the possibility, even the high likelihood that even if the recollections are accurate, ten or 100, or 1000 others may have had similar life experiences...or at least similar recollections with totally different outcomes....or no outcomes at all.

[Tina_gm]

I think for many CDers who bonded more with their mothers or sisters is or was due to their internal femininity so they were able to connect more to them then their male counterparts perhaps? In my case since I had none to bond with it may have only delayed my desire to CD. My 1st desires were not until about the age of 17. Had I had sisters or had a better bonding with my mother, it may have happened sooner, like many on here who began feeling it as early as they can remember.

[Jenniferathome]

No, my upbringing was a very good one. Both parents loved me and told me so. I was treated like a boy, always and it always felt right. I was treated special. I wanted for nothing, literally. I don't think I "discard the boy" but more an image of one. Maybe it's a break from reality in a sense, and hence the stress relief I feel, but I'm me inside at all times, I think. Maybe there is even a little less pressure to be "me" when I am dressed. My wife had a theory on it, I'll ask her to comment.

[Kate Simmons]

I think it's mostly a "mission" we assign ourselves early on, genetics or home life notwithstanding. "Your mission Ms Phelps, should you decide to accept it is to become a girl to the best of your ability." Evidently most of us accept.

[Tina_gm]

lol Kate, that was awesome.... your previous reality will self destruct in 5 seconds..... Or is there also a pink pill option we chose?? lol

[Erica Grace]

I don't think doing what we do "sheds" being a boy, at least for me that's not what it is about. It is about expressing my inner creativity, releasing stress, challenging myself to always do better (whether its perfecting make up or finding the clothes that fit just right), and embracing the other, more unfamiliar end of the gender spectrum. I'm still very much a boy when I dress, just don't look like one.

[Jorja]

I was the child at 4 or 5 that demanded I was a girl. My parents instructed me that I was not a girl but a boy and I was never to speak of it again. Later that same day I was found wearing the neighbor girls dress and cute shoes. This went on like this until I was 14. My father caught me dressed one day and had enough. He kicked me out of his house. I spent a few months on the streets until this wonderful lady took me in. Grandma Tita. She listened, understood, and taught me. Look out world, Jorja had arrived, finally.

[Mz Jenna J.]

When I look back, I always had wondered about how this all happened? I started I think around the age of 8-10 I believe. I had two older sisters and they were pretty popular back in those days. My dad worked so much I rarely seen him. My mother was the warden! Ha! I had quite a bit of buddies in the neighborhood I did stuff with, boy things like sports, fishing and getting dirty. But at home I was always around my sisters and mother. Is that a reason I started? Still not really sure? I am really close with my family these days. I've just learned, especially fairly recently, that this is who I am and plan on making the best of it!

[Tami]

I couldn't say but for me I have no intention of shedding the boy just bringing out the girl alongside. Two sides of the same coin. X

[sanderlay]

I think as a very young child I was more androgynous than boy or girl, which would be closer to my true self anyway. I was dressed in male clothing by my parents. But I wondered why I was not allowed to have or option to wear girls clothes? I think I even asked the question at some point, in a sly way, but I don't remember. I got that birds and bees book and that I'm a boy and boys don't wear girls clothes.

I think this was an indication of my gender conflict, my gender dysphoria, as I was loosing my outlet to feel feminine. I think around this time I did start to cross-dress and wear some of my mother's clothes. But for me I was not trying to "shed the boy" but feel feminine.

The whole thing was a very confusing time in my life and I felt like society was very unfair to have these strange rules. At some point somebody asked me if I felt like I was a girl trapped in a boys body. I said I don't think so. And these were my only options at the time, boy or girl? Girl or boy? I have male parts so I must be male? This was the conflict that made no sense and yet that's what the book I had said in the mid 1960's.

Years later, in my teens, when my mother caught me wearing some of her clothing she asked if I was Gay. I said no. I gave a lame some excuse that I was cold. I got flannel male PJ's almost every Christmas after that. And we never spoke of that again. After that I learned to be more secretive and fit in as a male. But my urges to cross-dress remained.

I do believe that nurture had nothing to do with my conflict. That it was societies gender rules that were the issue. They were not allowing me to be my true self and wear feminine and masculine clothing to be more androgynous in my gender presentation.

That's my theory for who I am.

[Chloe75]

For me, my family was great growing up. I had loving parents. I always had a ton of girls around me who wanted to date me but I fell in love with one when I was in my teens and she became my wife several years later. I cannot point to any single event. Since I'm a geeky science nut too, it doesn't seem to be something linked to alleles.
I like to dress because it is an escape, no, a secret identity that I do for me. It's not about discarding the man but becoming something else, something different than what I usually am. Though I don't ignore who I am inside. My soul is still the same and that is clearly seen in Chloe. I want to blend in as a woman and not stick out like a man in women's clothing. Perhaps it is about putting aside my regular life and slipping into another's shoes...especially if those shoes are 3 inch pumps.
I'm still trying to understand this desire and relate it to who I want to be. It is a fun adventure and I'm not sure where it will take me but I hope for it to be used in a way that builds others up.

[Carmen]

These past weeks I have been reminiscing about this very question.
I come from a large family, droves of boys and girls, cousins, neighbors, kids everywhere.
I did all the things that any post Vietnam Cold War boys would do.
Perhaps the only exception was that I was experimenting with womens clothes.

In retrospect, I remember that I had a greater appreciation for everything. I read every book that I came across, wrote stories, watched many movies, listened to music...on and on.
The one moment that I realized that I was different, was in elementary school, probably 5th grade. It was the weekly classroom film day.
My cronies were curious about the days film, wondering if it was any good, I told that it was a good film.
I had seen this short film before during summer school. Essentialy, it was a chick-flick about a teenage girl that finds herself pregnant and all the drama surrounding her situation.
When the movie was shown, all the girls in the class were rivited to the screen.
Well when my friends realized that it wasn't going to be an action flick about sports or cars or whatever, they were dissapointed and I caught some bad remarks about liking a 'girls movie'.

For me, that was my defining moment. The moment that I realized that I had a greater appreciation for things beyond the typical adolescent male constraints.

[Joni Beauman]

First, I must say, Kimdl93's take on this is spot on. Nevertheless, I think it started at about age 5 when I was made to wear a dress to a party of some kind as punishment for swimming "like a girl" at swim practice early in the day. Ever since, its just a form of self abuse. But really, I'm OK with it. Joni

[Emogene]

I have been seeing a counselor for some little while; as a late bloomer who suddenly starting dressing in my mid-sixties with no prior interest or experience, my counselor (and yes she sees a number of other transgender and transsexual people) suggested that as I had recently undergone a very stressful traumatic situation (police, child threatening suicide by gun, extreme alcohol intoxication of said child, keeping the kid talking on the phone until officers were on scene and set up, hang up the phone and then wait while the officers take the door, et al) that I may have had a personality split in an effort to preserve my sanity. Yes, I was very broken, after the aforementioned incident and no neither my son nor any of the responding officers were hurt.

Anyone else start feeling, acting, being female following a severe mental trauma or as part of PTSD?

Just wondering?

[Angie G]

No not at all. I just love being girly.And have for a long long time.
Angie

[ShelbyDawn]

As best I can tell, I was born this way. I have memories from age five and six of dressing in my mothers clothes.
For most of my life it was pretty much hit or miss until about ten years into a very abusive marriage; the ex was verbally, psychologically and physically abusive and I let her convince me it was my fault. My guess is that I retreated into dressing as a safe haven and, as I healed, it just stayed with me as a comfort.
Either that or I was abducted by a band of roaming gypsy aliens and reprogrammed...

You pick.