So, here's a hypothetical I've been modeling a bit in my mind lately. It was inspired by a post from another member who has a close friend whom they thought might have cd/tg leanings, so the member, desirous of a potential shared bond between the two, tried to encourage the friend to reveal any trans-orientation. Results were less than optimal, I guess.
That got me to wondering: if my one of my closest male friends came out as CD, how would I feel about sharing that new commonality with him?
No matter how I try to model the idea in my head, I have to say that I don't feel like I would be comfortable in becoming bosom CD buddies with any of them. Maybe I should clarify: of course I would accept/encourage any sort of non-cis gender expression, should any of them ever come out as such. But if Friend X came out about it, I don't feel like I would be in any hurry to go dress shopping with him or the like.
I've been trying to isolate the why of this, and I think it's for a couple of reasons:
-For one, I've known my closest male friends for up to 20 years now. My relationships with these guys were forged around activities like racing cars, lifting weights, fishing, climbing mountains, chasing girls, listening to loud music, and drinking lots of beer. The idea of such a drastic shift in paradigm is almost too much for me to wrap my mind around, let alone enthusiastically embrace. I should emphasize: it's not that I wouldn't be supportive (or they me, for that matter - one of the reasons that my closest friends are my closest friends is that they are impressively sensitive, thoughtful, and open-minded for guys - otherwise they'd just fall into the realm of guy friends that I generally just sort of tolerate), I would just find it difficult to process the development.
(As an aside, thinking about this has given me a new appreciation for the SO who has had this sprung on them after years and years. It must be incredibly difficult to assimilate all of that new information, and reconcile it with the concept of the person that you've grown to know after all of this time.)
-For another thing, giving thought to this topic has made me realize, once again, just how compartmentalized my male-ness and female-ness are. Behind closed doors, or with certain people (for example, my female friends who I am out to), I have gotten much better at not drawing such a definitive line between the two - and therefore a more accurate picture of my whole self. But in most situations, or with guy friends, I am reluctant to wipe out that line to any significant degree. And the more I think about this, I wonder what the implications are. Does this mean that I am more ashamed of myself than I would like to admit? Am I less secure in the person than I am than I have lead myself to believe?
Not that I'm asking for answers to those questions from all of you - those are things I have to sort out on my own, and in time. Funny how much of a puzzle I can still be to myself, huh?
So, I'm curious about how some of you would react. If your best male friend suddenly revealed a cd/tg propensity to you (and you to him), would you enthusiastically embrace it without question and run off to Macy's to try on shoes? Or do you think it would be something you would be more reluctant to share completely, at least at first? Or would it be something else altogether that I haven't even considered?