What if Your Best Male Friend...?

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

Virtually ALL my guy friends are bigger and more manly than I. I would be incredibly surprised to find out that any of them were crossdressers... How would I react? I most certainly would not judge them (duh... how could I?). And I would probably be very supportive. And yes, if someone did come out to me, I would immediately tell them about my own activities.

My opinions of them would generally not change. I can't see how this would damage my relationship with them at all. In fact, I think the opposite would happen. We would become closer because now we are sharing something highly personal with each other.

While this is not at all the same situation, about 10 years ago I was considering moving in with one of my friends that I have known since public school. (Still to this day, the longest running friendship of anyone I know). Believing that this was going to happen, I got him on Yahoo messenger one night and basically outed myself. Mind you, at this point, he had already seen me dressed at a Halloween party a few years prior, so the prospect of me adorning feminine attire was not at all difficult for him to imagine. And in our conversation, I used that experience to warm him up to the news. I dropped the bomb on him, and he totally took it all in. Had nothing negative to say about it. Full acceptance. I was so happy to finally tell somebody (other then my girlfriend) about Tracy.

This relationship has remained strong, to this day. And he usually comes to visit me about once a week. And yes, for almost all of his visits, I am fully dressed. While my girlfriend has no real problem with my activities, she generally doesn't spend time with me when I'm dressed. He's the only person that I can spend any time with being Tracy. So I always look forward to when he comes down. For this reason alone, I can easily call him my best friend.

[MsVal]

Val,

I would disagree that you have nothing to contribute. You made me consider the question from a different perspective than my own, when I am so often inclined to forget that the world doesn't revolve around me! (; I'm certainly glad you wrote.

Thank you. I often see things from unconventional perspectives.

Also, your statement about having female friends being a show of disrespect towards your wife and marriage - do you think that's really true? [...] women I date are not comfortable with my female friends.

If I had female friends my wife would feel uncomfortable. I believe it is important to respect the feelings of my wife and my wedding vows.

Anyways, I digress. Thank you for your contributions. (:

You're welcome, and thank you for the very thought provoking thread.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Tracii G]

Sounds like you are reading too much into it.
If I had a friend that came out I would let them know its OK and I don't have a problem with it.
If they wanted me to go shopping with them then I would.

[GeminaRenee]

Tracii, you may just have fewer hangups to sort out than I. (:

[Marcelle]

Hi Gemina,

Interesting question. If I had a close male friend who came out to me as CD I would be there for him as I expect he would be there for me. Would I run off dress shopping with him? Most likely not the first thing on the "to do" list. As you articulated this person would have become my friend through experiences we shared "en boy". As such, I would most likely want to continue the friendship in that manner . . . after all, we did not suddenly stop being guys, we just share a common like. Would I want to explore that side of ourselves into our friendship? I would think "yes" but we would have to take some time to integrate that portion into our friendship.

Hugs

Isha

[Lori Kurtz]

I think our answers to this question have to vary depending on what CDing means to us. For me, because CDing is a highly sexual act, it would be highly fraught emotionally. I would be excited and scared: wanting some sexual interaction but afraid of it, and afraid of the possible complications.

[sanderlay]

Since I'm already out, full time in what I do, it becomes a lot easier for me. I would certainly be there for my new TG friend to give them my experience and advise. I would shop with them if they were comfortable being around me in public. I would not dress with them. This is a friendship and not a relationship, if that makes sense.

But I believe strongly that we should not lead each other. What I mean by that is this is an individual journey for each of us. We must come to understanding on our own and on our own individual path. What's good for me may not be good for another. Sometimes that means making mistakes to learn certain lessons. We must respect each others right to make our own decisions and not blame the other person for the consequences. Take responsibility for yourself and what you do.

Perhaps what I'm thinking is a given but not always with all people. I prefer not to assume. There are lines that needs to be respected in every friendship or else it's not a friendship, TG friend or not.

[Patty F]

Great post, I had a male friend several years ago and we both had accepting So's, we would go to dinner together as four girls but him and I never went shopping or anything. It was nice even when we met in male mode to be able to talk about anything, like a new dress or jewelry, whatever we didn't have to hide anything. Sadly he moved away and we lost contact.

[Nikki50/50]

You seem to have quite nicely illustrated precisely what, in a nutshell; your projection of what your friends would be put through were you to come out to any or all of them. The irony here is palpable lol. But here is my own insight, having had this actually happen... I hope it helps.

First, I want to point out that whether or not you are a CD, the only real difference a friend coming out to you would make, is that AS a CD, you would be far less likely to judge-or at the very least, judge that person negatively. That's the only difference.

Second, the fact that said friend DOESN'T know you are also a CD says that said friend is putting a SEVERE amount of trust in you by welcoming you into a part of her soul that very few, or no-one at all, has ever been allowed into before.

Those things being said; I can move on to a breakdown of the only logical outcome, embracing the implications of where the friendship would go from that point of revelation, so-to-speak:
That friend comes out, as a CD... and would undoubtedly, at that point; stand soul-naked before you, awaiting either an affirmation of her trust in you, or a soul-crushing rejection. It is at this point where you, as a CD yourself could only give that supportive acceptance, as to do anything but would place you in a special category of hypocritical monstrosity. Mind you; immediately revealing that you are also a CD may not be a good idea. Let that come on its own, when at the VERY least, enough time has gone by to let your friend re-collect her nerves from the shock of revealing Herself (for me, it was almost two weeks, whereupon I got a shock of my own: my friend had already long suspected I had a hidden alter-ego). Don't fret over letting some time go by, BELIEVE me, your friend will understand any trepidations at this point; probably better than you yourself do LOL.

Ultimately, the situation is this: You now have a new friend to get to know. More specifically, a new FACET of an already known friend, which should make it easier to assimilate. In time, your own revelation to this friend is inevitable. New memories and events will unfold in friendship where you get to know one-another, anew. That "commonality" will reach a point, eventually, where that shopping date, or a girls-only lunch meet-up could very well become possible. Probable, even. As for the impact own your own psyche, I can all but promise that it will be nowhere near as bad as you seem to fear it could be.
In the end, it is trust. That person shows enough trust in you to accept what may very well be there deepest secret, by (as stated in the beginning) welcoming you into a part of their soul that few or none have been allowed into before.

You will either return that trust, or you will betray it.

[GeminaRenee]

Thanks, Nikki. Great input - and interesting to hear from someone who has actually been through it. Sounds like you handled it quite smartly.

[Nikki50/50]

To be fair...and completely honest, it was MUCH harder to introduce my 'other me' to my wife...who turned out to be not only accepting of it, but went so far as to help me with it. She does my make-up, as my own make-up work in her words "Epitomizes Horrific" LOL She won't let me do it now.
Anyhow... I remember meeting that other side of our friend that first time. My eyebrows definitely went upwards. My verbal reply was simply "Cool. The look suits you."
But our friend and I didn't start doing our "Girl's night", until a few YEARS had passed between her revelation, and my own subsequent revelation... and funny enough: It began as an impulse. We were visiting, dropping off some boxes left over from their move into a new house, and when we got there, she was completely dressed, drinking a Gin/Tonic, cigarette in-hand. This was the usual. We hung out a bit, and left shortly before noon to get on with our Saturday. Right before we got to the door, she said "Hey you two should come over later tonight, I think I need a Girl's Night." And so it was. LOL
These days, I can't imagine having known him/her any other way. I feel as though I know the complete person, and additionally; I feel grateful and privileged that I have people whom are close and that I care deeply for, who know the complete 'me'.

[MetalGurl]

If a close male friend came to me with the same common interest, I think... I think I'd be secretly ecstatic. The chance to sit down with someone and discuss likes, dislikes, gather opinions, and share secrets face to face without fear of judgement with someone who I'm already close with would be uplifting and probably take a huge weight off my shoulders.

[SabrinaEmily]

All my close friends know about me, so I'd wonder why he'd taken so long to tell me.