Never guilt or shame, I did realise that it was different and was not accepted readily by others.
Like the French during the war.....
I went underground.
Never guilt or shame, I did realise that it was different and was not accepted readily by others.
Like the French during the war.....
I went underground.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Crossdressing is socially unacceptable. It, and those that practice it are generally considered "weird" or worse, sometimes much worse.
As a latecomer to the party, I have a long established persona of a conservative, heterosexual, Christian, middle class, responsible man. Like many others here, I have a family that sees me in a different although similar light.
This weirdness is known only by my sweet wife, and those on this forum through an anonymous name.
So, why is my crossdressing hidden from the rest of the world, and even my name is hidden from this support group? It's because I believe that disclosure would hurt those closest to me. By keeping this a secret, I am less than honest to my family. Hiding it from them makes me feel guilty and ashamed of myself for being secretly weird.
Therefore, while I am comfortable with the crossdressing and would make a general disclosure immediately, the effect it would have on my loved ones holds me back. That dishonesty, not the crossdressing, is the root of my discomfort.
Best wishes
MsVal
I went through a shame phase for about a year which only ended about 3 months ago. My goodness, it was terrible. I would so much fun dressed up, taking pictures, etc etc. Then I would have to put it all away. I felt ashamed of myself because I've had to hide it, which after every session of dressing it was awful. After I told my mom and I had actually outside(sorta)help, it quickly rid me of my shame. I wasn't doing anything wrong, as I knew many people crossdressed, just I felt that I was doing something wrong. With my mom knowing and her support it was reassuring, so now I feel no shame when dressing.
Though I do get a little bit sad when I have to put it all away, but that's just something I have to deal with for only a little bit longer.
If, like in my case, you get found out at the age of 12 and your mum treats you like someone that needs a lobotomy so to speak...you get guilt and shame after a while when you realise it just doesnt change anything. And its the essence of brain washing....repeat something often enough and you'll start to believe it. I agree its the shame of someone else projected onto you...but its shame none the less. You feel it, you start to identify with it.Originally Posted by Dani0948
You can't fly with the eagles if you sleep with the pigeons.
Kinda confused by this. If you never shared it with others, how could they tell you it was wrong?
As to "instinctively knew", I don't think so. More likely, at a very young age we began to learn, and in very subtle ways, like observing that men and women dress differently. It wasn't drilled into us, and we didn't know instinctively, we just learned.
Whether you are right (instinctive) or I am right (learned), most all of us tried on that first item behind a closed door. We just knew.
Ms.Val... Profound comments... Peace, mel
I'm really sorry about the false guilt and shame that so many have suffered. I'm lucky I never suffered much of that myself. The false guilt that I did experience was so mild that it was almost nothing, like a mosquito bite. I never felt guilt or shame about crossdressing. Actually, I don't remember what I had false guilt about, but I think it was when I was in my 20s or 30s.
I'm glad that I do feel proper guilt when I do something wrong; otherwise I wouldn't realize when I do wrong to anyone and need to apologize etc.
I was raised Catholic too, but I guess I never noticed the popular belief that people are born sinners who are unworthy of anything good. To me sinning just meant that we make mistakes, so we just need to learn not to keep making them. Instead of feeling unworthy, I felt that God was all-loving and appreciated me and all others no matter what. I felt more affection from this God-image in my mind than I did from my parents or anyone else. There didn't seem to be much affection for me from people. Mom was kind of aloof and Dad was scarey to be around, because he'd lose his temper over almost anything.
I remember at an early age, maybe 8 or so, deciding that Satan wasn't real, but just a scare tactic to keep people in line. I guess I'm pretty lucky that my life was never burdened with a fear of me or loved ones ending up in eternal hell.
T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"
The only guilt I harbor is that I dressed in mothers clothes for many years,in secret,every day when she went to work.I would
lift a fresh pkg of pantyhose out of her drawer&put them on&proceed to dress in many of mothers good wardrobe,including her
skirts,dress slacks,silk blouses,all of her pantsuits&skirtsuits.I would dress completely in one of her skirtsuits,with a silk blouse,
then walk in the closet&step into a pair of her heels&sit down at her makeup table&try on her wigs&do makeup
It's the only thing I feel mixed with some excitement, relaxation and ... yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...
When I was young I felt guilty because I thought I was the only boy in the world how wore moms under things. Guilt? not now!!
As a baby boomer growing up in the 50's and 60's I was judging myself based on society standards. The guilt and shame I felt came from feeling different and rejected by society. I didn't really get over this until the internet came along and saw there were so many others like myself.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Always have had a gulit complex about being alive. The family guilt trips, trips from teachers, and other kids. Guilt from the Bible and churches. I enjoy getting pretty, but have not been able to shake the lifelong guilt and shame. I fell like ending my pain often.
I didn't feel guilty about dressing, or wanting to be a girl. Those were just facts. What I felt guilty about was having to lie about it. I didn't find out until my father was about to die that they had tried to protect me from the "Cure" for transsexualism back in the 1960s. Back then, they would use shock therapy every day for months - no anesthesia, no sedatives, just extreme pain until you pass out, and then the same the next day. My mother had been through such "treatment" because she was raped by a politician's son. The bigger fear was that if that didn't work, they would give me a lobotomy.
But I didn't know any of this at the time. I just knew that I couldn't talk about it with anybody. My parents knew but wouldn't talk about it. I tried discussing it with psychologists and therapists and they would refuse to even allow me to say another word about it.
I FINALLY told an A.A. sponsor who told me I had to tell my lover (who became my wife later). Finally, at 33 years old, after years of domestic abuse, I finally saw a therapist with experience in Gender dysphoria. It took him two sessions to realize that I was a type 6 transsexual and should transition. My wife couldn't accept that, so we got divorced.
I started transition with a lover who was very supportive, and was about to start hormones when my ex-wife showed me a letter that would have had my visitation revoked - and told me she had worked in the court-house long enough to know exactly which judge would issue the order. If I wanted to see the kids, I had to abort my transition.
200 lbs, 1 heart attack, and 1 stroke later, I realized that if I didn't transition, I would probably end up prematurely dead, so I started transition again. I'm now living full time as a woman.
I hated the lies, the deception, having to keep the secrets, worrying that my grandfather would find out (a fundamentalist Christian who might have sent me to a Christian "deprogramming" program or boarding school).
Things have changed SO MUCH in the last 50 years, and most of that has been in the last 7-8 years.
Facebook - Debbie Lawrence
Web - [URL="http://www.debbieballard.org"]DebbieBallard.org{/URL]
See also:
Open4Success
With the exception of not being much of a latecomer and that I believe my wife does not know, then that - MsVal - is a great summation for me also, which I intend to cut out, edit a little bit for me, and keep!
Thank you!
Katey x
"Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear" Stefani Germanotta
Hi Dani, I used to feel guilt but I got over it.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
I used to feel a lot of shame about dressing, and even suppressed the whole thing for quite a while. But one advantage of getting old is you gradually cease to care what others think. I finally got to the point where I decided that I had paid my dues. If I wanted to wear dresses, I was darn well going to, and if others didn't like it, well too bad for them. I'm happy with who I am.
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