At first it was a little weird, but I'm still new to the world of CD (via my SO). But after a day or so to adjust to the idea, I've actually found the pictures to be great! I haven't seen my SO dressed yet, but the avatars are helping me to imagine what my SO might look like dressed. It's also been interesting and eye-opening to see how diverse this community is!Originally Posted by cdmorganashley
"Cages or wings, which do you prefer? Ask the birds. Fear or love, baby? Don't say the answer. Actions speak louder than words." - Tick Tick... Boom
The questions I would like to ask the ladies are these:
1. Did you find out about your partner's cross dressing
(a) Before your relationship became very close
(b) Before marriage/moving in together
(c) Afterwards.
2. How did you find out?
(a) He told you directly
(b) You found his female clothing
(c)Otherwise.
3. When you found out about your partner's cross dressing, which of the following emotions were strongest
(a) Disbelief
(b) Disgust
(c) Fear
(d) Hurt
(e) Rejection
(f) Pleasure
(g) Anticipation
(g) Relief
4. Overall, has your partner's crossdressing made your relationship
(a) Stronger
(b) Weaker
(c) Over
5. If you had found out sooner would you have
(a) Stopped the relationship right then
(b) Tried to come to terms with it through negotiation
(c) Embraced it whole heartedly
(6) Briefly, if you could advise a woman who has found out the her partner is a cross dresser, what would you say?
If you are comfortablw with what I am asking, or not, for that matter, can you let me know?
Finally, can I offer you and your ladies a heartfelt thank you for being here.
If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.
F.A.B. Forum Access
1. I found out about 20 years into the marriage.
2. My spouse told me directly.
3. Fear was probably my biggest emotion, along with one you left out--confusion and apprehension (which is different from fear, in my opinion).
4. Overall it has made our relationship stronger.
5. I think I would have embraced it, as long as my spouse had proceeded at a pace I was comfortable with. As it is, we have proceeded at a good pace for me, so I've been able to embrace it and accept it.
6. If I could advise a woman, it would be to educate herself with what it means to be TG, and to keep honest and open communication with her spouse. I would also tell her that setting fast and hard limits will only make things more difficult, as it will keep her spouse from being able to find equilibrium. The desire to expand the boundaries without the ability to experiment will just make the desire stronger--if the spouse can experience dressing and going out (safely and responsibly), then it won't be such a forbidden temptation.
I am comfortable discussing this, and it's wonderful that you want to know more about our perspective.
If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.
F.A.B. Forum Access
karyn2000 -
never personally knew any GGs that have gone for laser/ but I am sure there some...sry do not know.
1. Did you find out about your partner's cross dressing
met here
2. How did you find out?
see above
3. When you found out about your partner's cross dressing, which of the following emotions were strongest
( non of your choices we met here /
4. Overall, has your partner's crossdressing made your relationship
very close....taking this journey together can make for a very close relationship]
5. If you had found out sooner would you have n/a
(6) Briefly, if you could advise a woman who has found out the her partner is a cross dresser, what would you say?
Happy you are here to learn more BUT know all the things you read most likely does not pertain to your hubby/ I know thats my case so do not freek out. Talk to your partner.
Know It will never go away it is just a part of your hubbys life although he prob tried to deny it even from himself so the best thing is to compromise.....find what works for you both even if it is DADT. Although when you find out after yrs of not knowing.....make it clear NO LIES from here on out so you can get over the feeling of being betrayed . Although you feel now it is impossible it is not.....you still can have a loving relationship again and they still are the same person you loved....you just now know everything. One important thing do not lose yourself sometimes after you know the hubby goes overboard ( we call it pink fog) BALANCE is the key Talk and talk some more
Last edited by Di; 04-15-2014 at 07:10 AM.
If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.
F.A.B. Forum Access
Back to the Gypsy that I was !
Administrator
To Anonymous:
1. I found out as we began dating.
2. He told me.
3. When I found out, like Mimi, my reactions were confusion and apprehension.
4. I think that the CDing has made no difference in our relationship. We would have the same level of intimacy and devotion if my SO did not crossdress.
5. I did find out right away, and my feelings for my SO were already strong enough that I was willing to learn about it and make it work within our relationship.
6. I'd advise her to have an open mind, find out everything she can about it, talk to her SO at length to determine what his end-point might be (for most CDers, it is perfecting an appearance to the point of going out, if they feel they can get away with it), before deciding whether she can live with it or not.
To Brittany, it's important to be aware of this because there is no room for any secrets in committed relationships. There are many reasons why women are turned off. The most common are: religious upbringing, a belief in crossdresser stereotypes, a lack of sexual attraction to feminine men, and/or the nature of the CDing itself if it is a fetish (few women like to be in a committed relationship with a man who gets sexual pleasure from something or someone other than her).
To Karyn: I have not considered laser for my legs. I don't have enough hair nor does it grow fast enough to warrant it.
Last edited by ReineD; 04-14-2014 at 11:51 PM.
Reine
1. Did you find out about your partner's cross dressing
It started with him wearing my underwear as a funny/kinky thing. He lead me to believe that he never did that kind of thing before me. I don't actually remember when I knew how serious his cd'ing was . over time I would do his makeup and would pick out a few dresses for him to own. I had no clue, I just tried to accept what I could
2.
(c)Otherwise. see above
3. When you found out about your partner's cross dressing, which of the following emotions were strongest
I didn't have any feelings about it in the beginning. Like I said I was clueless. I accepted because I didn't know not to. Over time he exhausted me with it and neglected our relationship.
4. Overall, has your partner's crossdressing made your relationship
(c) Over
5. If you had found out sooner would you have
(b) Tried to come to terms with it through negotiation
Sadly this cd thing consumed his brain and the whole relationship became about it. Anytime I asked him what he wanted to do on a weekend it was always cd. I just wanted him to just once say I want to take you out for a good time like a "normal" couple. Sadly I was the only one making compromises so that he could cd.
(6) Briefly, if you could advise a woman who has found out the her partner is a cross dresser, what would you say?
I would tell her to talk to him and get to the bottom of how much this is on his brain. I would tell her actions speak louder than words. He will not tell her the whole truth. I would tell her that this is a very difficult relationship to be in and she should do some serious inventory about the kind of person he is. I would say TRUST YOUR GUT. If you are confused about his feelings he is probably lying. I would say compromise, communication and respect for each other is key. If these are lacking, the relationship will most likely fail.
Finally, can I offer you and your ladies a heartfelt thank you for being here.
I have never known a women to do this. Most of us are mothers and use our extra money on our children and family. Not on expensive cosmetic treatments. Most go for inexpensive treatments so that we don't feel guilty about taking away so much from the family.
Last edited by Mimi; 04-18-2014 at 07:58 PM. Reason: consecutive posts
I hope this has not been asked before?
Any of you ladies ever feel "inadequate"? [from reading a lot of the advice here] That you are not lady enough? Or that you are not doing your hair or nails right? Worry that you might be busted out in the RW as a MtF crossdresser? Maybe your hands are too big to belong to a GG. Or your voice too deep? You don't walk correctly in heels .[I think one of the heel experts here said a woman needs to lead with her breasts. Any of you GGs do that? Or have any female friends that do?
Me, I think a GG can be "feminine" sporting nothing but a silly smirk on her face and wearing nothing but a well worn burlap bag and a beat up pair of flip flops. Throw in a little twinkle in her eyes and she could be mesmerizing. To me at least. Obviously, I am no expert on the matter...
Seriously, the whole "feminimity"/must do X to "pass as a female" has to wear on you?
Oh yeah! I can't walk in heels to save my life and it makes me feel super self conscious and like I'm less of a woman because of it. I also have a masculine name IRL so that gave me a lot of grief until I was in college and then started loving it.
"Cages or wings, which do you prefer? Ask the birds. Fear or love, baby? Don't say the answer. Actions speak louder than words." - Tick Tick... Boom
For Anonymous:
1. We were both kinky when we met – we had a shared interest in BDSM which brought us together. I did know that he had some pumps and a maid's outfit, but it seemed like a very mild fetish compared to the ones we shared, so I wasn't concerned.
2. In the last few years (after 15 years together), his CD interest accelerated rapidly -- first he wanted to dress me up (as ultra-feminine) and then to dress ultra-feminine himself. I found out about his increased interest because he told me.
3. My reaction: when it was just panties, I was amused and not upset. When it evolved into him wearing full outfits with forms, wig & makeup, I felt grief and loss. My catastrophizing brain went straight to the belief that he was transsexual, not just a CDer. I felt that I was losing the man I married, and this new woman was showing up to take his place. I felt anger towards her, as I expected that she was going to "kill" my husband, the love of my life.
4. So it weakened our relationship, because I started to picture my life after divorce. I had never done that before. It was, however, calming to process through the grief and come out the other side to acceptance. If he transitions, and if I don't feel love for that future persona, I will be okay and I trust that we will manage to co-parent together anyway.
4 (part II): Since getting to the point of acceptance of whatever the future brings, my husband's pink fog has abated, and his dressing is now well within what I can live with. He says he has no intention of transitioning, and he has not shown any interest in HRT. Having weathered this storm (so far), it now feels as if our marriage is strong again, although it was definitely educational for me to process the possibility of living on my own after all these years together.
5. I don't think I would have married & had children with someone I believed might transition in the future. But he has never believed he would transition; so if his CDing had been more frequent at the beginning, perhaps dating him for a couple of years before getting engaged would have given me confidence that he wouldn't transition.
6. Advice for another woman: slow down the relationship. Don't make any permanent decisions until you have a handle on how he feels about his male body and how happy he is in his body. Don't marry someone who is unhappy about their life, and don't expect issues to go away after marriage.
7. Yes, I'm comfortable with your questions. Thanks for checking!
@Wildaboutheels
I have always felt somewhat inadequate – my body and my behaviors don't measure up to society’s expectations of what a woman should look like and how she should behave. But over time I learned that most women feel that way, and that in fact it is a mark of being female in our society to feel inadequate. So then I didn't feel so inadequate anymore :-)
Last edited by MatildaJ.; 04-15-2014 at 12:41 PM.
Feel inadequate as a woman or in my femininity? NO!! I did, however, wonder how much my SO valued me compared to the CDing for some time in the early stages of our relationship. This was when my SO was expanding all aspects of the CDing: presentation, clothing, social sites, outings, etc. It sometimes felt as if I was optional to the relationship, as if my SO valued the CDing so much more than me. Eventually everything stabilized though, and now it's all OK.
Big time! :p I hate to read the idea that many women "don't pass". :rolleyes: In my view, this is akin to saying that many women fall short of CDers' expectations in the beauty department, as if this is what defines a woman.
Reine
mtf member with questions for the GGs
The questions I would like to ask the ladies are these:
1. Did you find out about your partner's cross dressing
(c) Afterwards. After moving in together during college.
2. How did you find out?
(a) He told you directly
He told me initially about a pantie fetish. It progressed from there
3. When you found out about your partner's cross dressing, which of the following emotions were strongest
(c) Fear of the future and confusion about what this all meant. When I found out that it was more than panties, I felt hurt, betrayed, confused, upset, angry. A lot. When I found the porn I was disgusted.
4. Overall, has your partner's crossdressing made your relationship
It has made it harder. It is something we are working though. Dressing doesnt change him, but it is something that is "not normal" and figuring out how to normalize it has been hard.
5. If you had found out sooner would you have
I want to say that I would have been accepting with open arms. Honest? I don't know. I would never search out a CDer as a partner. We had been together for 4 or 5 years when I found out. We were invested. in the beginning? I might have not stayed. Not sure really.
(6) Briefly, if you could advise a woman who has found out the her partner is a cross dresser, what would you say?
This life is hard. But people cannot change who they are. I think this is a part of them. It doesnt make them more loving, caring or anything else. A lot of times i think CDers think they have better qualities becuase they are CDers. I think that those things are not related. If you love the person you are with, the clothes they wear dont change them. Work through it, becuase the person you love is still there.
If you are comfortablw with what I am asking, or not, for that matter, can you let me know?
Yeah thats fine. We like answering questions that help people out.
.
The questions I would like to ask the ladies are these:
1. Did you find out about your partner's cross dressing
(b) Before marriage/moving in together
2. How did you find out?
(a) He told you directly
3. When you found out about your partner's cross dressing, which of the following emotions were strongest
(c) Fear...and if I'm honest, disappointment.
4. Overall, has your partner's crossdressing made your relationship
(b) Weaker - it's hurt how I see him and it sucks. I don't even understand my reaction as I'm so NOT this person. But there you go.
(However, I will say that coming here has helped A LOT and we're doing much better, if at helps)
5. If you had found out sooner would you have
(a) Stopped the relationship right then. I hate even thinking this but I know it's true. It would have been the respectful thing to do.
(6) Briefly, if you could advise a woman who has found out the her partner is a cross dresser, what would you say? (This isn't related to my personal situation but it's something I've observed) I'd suggest she ask her partner if he knows who he really is before he starts involving 'her' in their life. If not, I'd suggest she walk the other way and never look back. Living with someone who doesn't even know the simple facts of who they are is a relationship death sentence and I'd say that of any person, not just a crossdresser. Figure out who you are FIRST!
If you are comfortablw with what I am asking, or not, for that matter, can you let me know?
Finally, can I offer you and your ladies a heartfelt thank you for being here.
PS: Wild, a big NO to all. I guess this is about the old 'passing' issue spoken of here - something I'll never get as unless you're TS I still don't see the point - surely there's a place in this world for men dressing as women? There should be. Then everyone can walk and talk as they already do and that's got to be more natural!
Last edited by Tinkerbell-GG; 04-21-2014 at 07:37 AM.
Ladies, my wife has recently joined (wifeofjenniferathome) but feels she has nothing to contribute. Her chief reason is that she is comfortable with me and my cross dressing and she also does not want to offend any cross dressers (yes, she is actually married to me ;-). Many of you are in the same situation. So what do you get out of your participation here? And for you women who are not in the comfort zone, why should she participate? Thanks and I plan on showing her the answers you provide.
:wave2: wifeofjenniferathome. I hope you will join in. I have found all these yrs I have made such very close friends and there is always something you might want to talk about or hear other takes on things because I really only have here to talk to others that will totally understand.
I hope I help and that is my intent and prob the main reason I stay is to talk to the new GGs that come here to see if as a couple they figure out how to fit this in their life ( what both are comfortable with) and it does not have to be the end of a relationship. Those are my reasons for being/staying here.
Wild you asked
No never have....I am just me and only care what my sweetie thinks , But I always have been a confident strong woman.Any of you ladies ever feel "inadequate"? [from reading a lot of the advice here] That you are not lady enough? Or that you are not doing your hair or nails right?
Last edited by Di; 04-23-2014 at 09:09 AM.
If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.
F.A.B. Forum Access
Back to the Gypsy that I was !
Administrator
wifeofjennifer!
Please you have so much to contribute, your husband has helped me a lot in my journey to acceptance, I think that as the successful wife of a CDer you have a lot to share. You can also tell us if jennifer is blowing smoke up our arses and if you actually exist. Just kidding Jennifer you know I <3 you.
I still struggle with this realization that my fiancee is "different," but am trying hard to be the most accepting and loving person I can be. One more person here to help other GG's know that there is a future is great. I have seen many GG's come and go in just the last year but you can help.
Hi wifeofjenniferathome! Some days my husband goes beyond what I've gotten comfortable with, and then it's nice to have someone to talk to about it. I can't talk to my friends & family, because he's not out of the closet, so I come here. Just hearing that other people are dealing with similar issues usually makes me feel better and more able to cope with whatever threw me for a loop that day.
After I had been reading for a few months, I also started wanting to provide that same comfort and understanding to other wives or significant others who are even newer than I am to all of this.
That said, I'm someone who likes reading blogs & websites, and participating in the discussions. My husband isn't like that, and he has never bothered reading here or any of the non-CD web discussions I participate in. So if this doesn't appeal to you, I'm not sure there's much point in trying to make yourself participate. Just know that we're here, if you ever do want someone besides Jenniferathome to talk to about all this.
Hi WifeofJenniferAtHome, so glad you joined!
I hope you do decide to join us and participate. We can never have enough GGs!
At first I was here for support but now I'm here to help other GGs come to terms with the crossdressing and to do this as realistically as I can. There's no point sugarcoating things, on the other hand it is possible to have happy relationships with husbands who crossdress. I hate to see relationships break up for a lack of understanding on a wife's side, or because a husband gets lost in Pink Fog to the point of jeopardizing his marriage.
Reine
WifeofJenniferAtHome
You could help a new GG who is struggling, a few words from you could make a lot of difference to her. Also at times some of the cders get ahead of themselves
Sandra
Administrator
I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
R.I.P Rianna
WifeofJenniferatHome
We would love to have you as a part of this community because you have so much to offer and, really gain, too, if that's what you want. Your SO is a great voice of reason here, and it would be a wonderful insight to many to hear from the other side of that relationship. Looking forward to getting to hear from you and hopefully, getting to know you!
Hugs,
Jules
Jenniferathome's wife,
You have a very unique relationship that is very successful. You can share your thoughts on how you got to this point. Most of us have no one to talk to. The Cross dressers have lots of resources at their disposal and there seems to be a huge gap in the support and resources for us. I think you could be a great resource and your words will have value beyond what you can even imagine.
Wifeofjenniferathome,
I would love you to contribute here! Your husband has been such an honest and helpful source for me in a place that can often hold much fantasy. Sifting through the nonsense to find actual useful information can be difficult and if he wasn't here, there'd be a lot less worth reading! Your thoughts would be even more important to those of us GG's who still struggle with all this. I would love to hear your side, how you came to find this a non-issue, what you do on those tough days when it does irritate you. If it helps, we could even start an Ask WifeofJenniferatHome thread!
Your voice here would be much appreciated. PLEASE come and talk to us all
I have a question from an anonymous CD member who would like to hear from the GGs who do NOT dress up in fancy "girly" clothes on a regular basis. The question is this: How do you feel on those occasions when you DO dress up in special or fancy clothes? Do the clothes make you feel special or sexy, or do they make you feel uncomfortable and stressed?
F.A.B. Forum Moderators
I'm definitely a jeans or black leggings type of girl, and I prefer flats. If I'm getting dressed up for an occasion I truly expect to enjoy and I'm looking forward to it, and I also like the outfit I'm wearing, then I might feel pretty or at least like I look decent. Nice jewelry is far more interesting to me and makes me feel good, special or pretty more often than clothing. If I'm wearing heels (rarely), then I tend to be stressed out by trying to keep my balance, and handle the fact that they are pinching my feet. I don't do at all well with clothing that is uncomfortable, no matter how nice it might look. If I don't like the way something looks on me, or it just isn't my style, I feel uncomfortable and stressed. However, I do own a few dresses that are really pretty, and are comfortable to wear and go with my very nice pair of black flats. I can't really describe how it makes me feel other than perhaps competent, or just satisfied that I'm dressed up and feel good about it. As for feeling sexy--I'm kind of past that age where I worry about whether or not I'm turning heads, but a few decades ago, I did enjoy dressing in a way that I felt showed me off, even if it was more casual, and I could feel sexy and pretty in a pair of jeans and a camisole top. Looking back, even when I was younger, I preferred sexy jeans and sexy tops to dresses and skirts.
If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.
F.A.B. Forum Access
I'm in blue jeans most of the time. I live in a small town and no one else gets dressed up. Although I like pretty clothes (I have an eye for good design), I dislike being over dressed for my surroundings. So my "dressiness" is limited to well fitting jeans, cute sweaters, and stylish shoes (not over the top). In the summer it is usually casual knee length cotton skirts or capris, cute tops, and sandals.
I do, however, enjoy getting dressed up to go out when I go back home to a major city for a visit. A girlfriend and I usually go out together. Or, should my SO and I get to the city for dinner here. I think that people respond well to both men and women who are well dressed, and so when I dress up I enjoy the validation. But other than that, once the clothes are on they don't feel much different on my body than what I wear daily, meaning that the focus for the evening is on the people I'm with, the people around me, and what I'm doing, more than how a particular fabric feels on my skin.
My makeup is the same whether I'm doing day-to-day stuff or going out, which is very light.
Like Mimi, I never buy uncomfortable clothing. My shoes fit well even if the heels are high, and I refuse to spend an evening tugging away at a skirt or arranging this and that in order to feel comfortable. I much prefer focusing on the people and the events than on my clothes.
In my younger years I worked in middle management in an office, in a major city. I had a good income and preferred classic designer clothing to the trendy stuff. I wore heels, hose, silk dresses, skirts, and tailored suits daily, and to me, the clothes were just work clothes. Everyone else dressed that way. We'd go out to dinner or a bar in the evening, and my clothes just carried me through. Again, it just felt ordinary.
<Edit> As to feeling sexy, yes, I do enjoy appreciative looks from my SO when I dress that way (I don't wear those clothes in public
Last edited by ReineD; 05-03-2014 at 01:02 AM.
Reine
I'm one who feels dorky and awkward in sexy outfits. Mostly i like forgetting i have a body, so calling attention to my body makes me uncomfortable.
