Funny you write this is as I would actually suggest that many wives do believe their husbands are choosing to be crossdressers! Even now, after my time here and all that I know, I still see the grip this has on my H and how even though he controls it well and only occasionally dresses, the truth is he's powerless to stop. And I'm still here thinking 'it's clothing, for crying out loud. You're a grown man so just stop it already!'Originally Posted by Judith96a
Sad thing is, my H is a lovely, generous guy and he's not really childish about any of this. It just looks childish from the outside when you see men getting their lives and relationships all twisted up for clothing and wigs and make up and basically external paraphernalia. Many here mention illness and injury and how we wouldn't leave a spouse when these things happen. I think some would. I personally wouldn't though, because I understand these things. They usually occur without choice and the person needs love and support. I also realise that on some level crossdressing is the same. Despite that, there will always be this little nagging doubt at the back of my mind that my H did choose this, that it's only compulsive because he allows it, and ultimately he is the one bringing the issue into our marriage that is making our vows difficult. As I said, I suspect many new GGs wonder if her partner isn't just refusing to stop dressing because he doesn't want to. The sheer depth of all this is very hard to understand unless you delve further.
And MM, you asked how to fix those of us for which gender and sexuality is inflexible? You don't. We're not broken any more than you are. You're not going to change heterosexual women into preferring men who present like women or change our sexuality from straight to fluid. It's not in our DNA to behave such a way. If we didn't prefer heterosexual men who present as men, we wouldn't be heterosexual women! The only thing you might change is social approval so that straight women feel less embarrassed and threatened to marry men who crossdress, and so that those women who actively seek gender fluid partners can find y'all better! As it currently stands, most women end up married to a crossdresser without realising, until some shocking moment arrives many years after the wedding day. The choice was never given. That is not a healthy foundation for marriage and in my mind, definitely reason enough for the relationship to end if the wife chooses. It doesn't matter that maybe her husband hadn't figured himself out before that moment. What matters is that sometimes the change is just too big and the relationship moves in a direction that one of the spouses can't or won't follow.
Sometimes it's better to move on.
