So Unfair

[Lorileah]

All the "I wishes" in the world don't actually consider that men CAN dress "pretty" and still dress as men. Note in the OP the women wore skirts and dresses and heels and sandals...while the men...CHOSE to dress blandly.

There are few things sexier than a man in a sports jacket or a suit and tie...equivalent to dresses and skirts. There are men's shoes that show panache and look very nice. And yet, most men prefer to blend into the wall paper. You can ever wear polos and button ups with a nice jacket...but they choose not to.

I wouldn't be jealous of what others wear. Jealousy is a wasted emotion. I would want to be the guy the women look at and say "Now look at the THAT style. He knows how to turn heads". I'll defend Katey here, but mostly because I wear dresses and skirts everyday and the world hasn't ended. I have this imaginary Facebook in 1935,printed on newsprint of course, delivered once a week to your door, where women wrote "I was at a party the other day...the men got to dress nicely but I had to wear a dress...how boring. I wanted to wear slacks. Why can't we wear slacks?" and then there would be a photo of a cat

[Debra Russell]

hear hear ! and Amen ! -- it would be nice, without any condemnation ..... good post Jillian. Let's all take it for the spirit it was written in...................................Debra

[Sharon B.]

Amen to your Post Jillian, hard to dress the we want to at times

[Alice Torn]

I am jealous of there free choice of clothes, and jealous of how much more women are in demand at work, and how many single women out earn us single men! There may be some male privilege, but, also much female privilege now. This is one time i completely agree with Sara Jessica, too. I also for once, totally agree with Jenniferat home , too. The male in the animal and bird world is the colorful, beautiful one!!!

[Pat]

I lean Katey's way on this but I understand the envy being expressed. You want to be able to crossdress without it being controversial. That's fair, but it's not where we're at. We'll never get there if people just sit around and moan about "fairness." But I understand the desire.

I think the thing that bothers me is when the issue gets cast as "somebody's got something I don't have." Like people are counting the beans on the plate of the person next to them -- "Why do women get to wear pants but we can't wear skirts?" You know what? They had to fight for that. It took brave, aggressive women to push that boundary and it took almost a century to do it. I still remember the fuss at Locke-Ober's restaurant in Boston when a woman went in wearing a pants suit -- this was the late 1960's / early 1970's. They wouldn't allow her in, so she took off the pants! And was it a coincidence that there was a news film crew on hand? No. It was a planned move in a fight to allow women to choose what clothing they'd wear. Many women were physically assaulted, most were not. Many more were demeaned for choosing to wear "men's clothes" and Right Thinking people tried to stop it until it reached a tipping point -- it's rather like crossdressing males these days.

[mechamoose]

Ok.. gloves are off.

I get that some of us live in really repressive places. I get that some of us live in places that threaten our personal safety.

Unless we stand up, we will be told to sit down.

I know I'm privileged to live in a zone of acceptance by being in the Northeast US. At the same time, I have to say that unless we challenge the norm, then others get to define that for us.

I know that it is risky. I know that. I believe we have to push it anyway.

How will it change otherwise?

- MM

[Tina_gm]

You feel this way because of who you are, most guys never experience a feeling of boring old clothes or man's clothes. I can say I have definitely felt the same way, but women often feel envious of guys in as many ways, maybe not the clothes, but especially about how long it takes men to get ready, and the comfort of some of the clothes they wear, to functions and stuff. It does go both ways.

[Sarasometimes]

Jay I understand where you are coming from. I vacationed in the south and it was steamy weather. Even with short and a tee and the women are wearing sleeveless or tank style dresses, with those sleeve-less tops with light airy skirts or super short shorts.

[jemima_bates]

Wow - this got real serious real quick!

Jill - FWIW I fully empathise.

Of course we *could* wear whatever we want, but in many cases, we're just not gonna. There's many reasons for feeling that frustration, from societal, to shyness, to fear, etc. etc.

And of course there are *other* frustrations in people's lives, from monetary to location to yadda yadda yadda.

But - I feel, and share, your pain in this very specific, so-close-you-can-almost-touch-it-but-so-far-away-it-kills kinda way.

Jemima
x

[Sarasometimes]

Well put Jemima, so close!

[laurenp245]

... having a Walter Mitty moment while watching a parade of great outfits.

Oh how I have been there!!! I 3rd this quote! I cannot tell you how many times I have seen ladies (my wife included) who are all dressed up looking fabulous and wish to myself that I had the confidence to cast off what the rest of society deems normal and just take those steps outside my door wearing whatever I wished. While there is some truth to the fact that we certainly can go out dressed as we please (it's not like there is someone just outside our door regulating what we wear), the reality of the situation is that it's just not something that some of us are entirely comfortable with for a multitude of reasons. Maybe in time this will change, who knows? I applaud/envy those who have taken this step, but at the same time I relate 100% with those who think that it's just not the right time just yet.

<3 Lauren

[mechamoose]

panache

It is a uniform, a pretty one, but still a uniform. I could compare a suit I had 30 years ago to one today and the differences would be minimal.

- MM

[Athena_]

Jillian,

I will give a big Amen to your OP. I share your feelings. I often see the fashions of the women in the office and wish I could have the same options, and the same level of normalcy with the options. I have often thought that women have nearly limitless options with fashion. I love to see the finished product of their efforts

I have seen some of the other side too. Many choices can equal hard decisions. My wife will sometimes change her outfit multiple times before finally settling on a choice. All of those options can be hard for the wearers too!

[julie w]

You can go out to functions wearing lovely fem cloths ,I have been two weddings this summer as my male self wearing a business suit , but this year I have also been to dress up dinners as Julie with my transgendered club , it's quite possible to do both ,you just have to build you life to do it

[BillieAnneJean]

I did a blog on "Life is too short to wear boring clothes". It came from hearing women discuss clothing they were looking at in a store. They were examining some items and saying "This would be fun to wear". I have never ever heard any guys say or have fun wearing any guy wear. For guys even getting really dressed up means wearing a strangling tie or tight collar, a long sleeve shirt, a jacket even though we are inside, heavy shoes with thick soles, insulated from everything right to our neck and wrists. The colors for guys are dull enough to make getting really dressed up totally uninspiring and to be avoided at almost all costs. And before we put on the dull uninspiring outerwear, we have to run a sharp blade over our face and neck to scrape off the thickest and hardest hair on our bodies located on the second most tender skin we have. Hey, no wonder why we don't do it unless forced to.

http://billieannejeansblog.apps-1and1.com/

It isn't much but it is all mine.

SUCH FUN!
Billie

[Stephanie47]

I'm with you Jillian. Many times when I am out at the mall or a central business district I see many lovely women wearing lovely outfits. My young granddaughter dresses fashionably, whether in a short dress or long jeans. I see women who are middle aged that are knockouts. I love the colors and styles. Yes, as a man I can do my best to look my best as a man.

Don't pay too much attention to those posters who want to rain on your parade/post. We live in the real world. We are not free to wear and do whatever strikes our fancy. I think any sane person understood anyone has the ability to throw caution to the wind and disregard the perils it may bring. I really wonder if everyone follows the advice they so freely give out.

[Judith96a]

Jillian, you get an Amen from me too.

Yes, in theory, any of us can wear whatever clothes we want but NOT without consequences! In your example the women were wearing skirts / dresses and the men were wearing polo shirts and trousers. Do the swap. In most 'Western' societies a woman wearing a polo shirt and trousers will not run any special risk of ridicule / assault etc. Can the same be said of a man wearing a dress or blouse & skirt? I think not. Now what about the same man not only wearing 'female' clothing but also wearing wig, makeup etc and generally attempting to present as 'female' rather than 'male'? Interesting, isn't it!

[Yinlingyen]

I agree to the inequality.
Women get to wear very light clothing (thin strappy dresses) and be accepted as classy/sexy.
If I as a guy turn up to a restaurant or club in a vest (no matter how well made or how good the quality) and short shorts with sandals, I'd be sure to be asked to please get dressed properly .
Girls in short shorts are deemed acceptable while a guy in it is not. Fair?
Same with sandals. I take great care of my feet. No ugliness there, with regular pedicure, but still many places require proper foot wear for men......

[Sometimes Steffi]

I would also like to give Jillian an amen.

But more importantly, doesn't Jill really look awesome in her 'fro (in her avatar)?

[Katey888]

Perhaps I was having a bad day...

And Jillian, please don't take it personally - I may have come across a little reactive, probably for all sorts of reasons not to do with your post so I unreservedly apologise for any offense you may have taken - and yes, your new avatar is very sweet... :D

I've watched the discussion develop a bit over the past couple of days and my first thought is still one that relates to the members here that first of all do venture out in some way, and then to those that have both the need, fortitude and courage to express that need to everyone around them - not always limited to the TS part of the community, but obviously they of anyone eventually have to present as reality has defined them. If more of us were to do it, it would surely become more acceptable? If more of us were to be actively involved with any local trans support groups - in drab or otherwise - surely it must help awareness and representation if only by strength of numbers? I'm not talking about activism as such, I'm just talking about moral support as a minimum for those who perhaps don't have the relative luxury of being able to manage how this condition affects them.

I openly admire those who are prepared to take their presentation aims into their daily lives whether that's a mix of male to female transformation like Isha, or others who mix and stretch the boundaries like MM, Klaire Larnia, Nadine Spirit, Jason+ (and others) - and beyond that those who transition and who have no choice about when they can reserve or submerge their feelings of expression about who they are inside and have to brave those inequalities and unfair aspects of society regardless.

Of course I understand the expectations that society places on us as obedient, conforming sheeple... but if we are not able to push our own boundaries, exercise our own rights of expression as individuals, then who else will address the unfairness of any aspect of a world we want to change...?

Maybe I am becoming an activist in my old age...

Katey x

[JaytoJillian]

Katey, no offense taken. I talk/debate/argue for a living, so I enjoy the discourse. My 14 year-old takes after me a great deal in that regard--A fact of which I am quite proud.
Besides, who can get mad a a Brit? That wonderful accent makes everything sound so polite and charming. I appreciate the compliment AND the clarification. No apologies necessary.

I served many years in the U.S. Military, where cross dressing or being transgender could not only cost one their career, it could also result in criminal prosecution. During that time, I deployed to combat zones four times, so one would think that I would, by now, feel free to do as I please and wear what I want, when I want. In some ways I do, but within certain parameters. In those combat zones in which I served, there were "go" and "no-go" areas. "No-go" areas were those that represented great risk, and unless you had enough assets to unleash hell if need be, you simply avoided them. I use the same criteria for determining where I go en femme. I love going out, but I steer clear of the straight clubs. I go where I am most likely to have friends and allies--the LGBT clubs and LGBT neighborhoods.

So, I am out and about to some degree as Jill. I do the best that I can to look presentable--If someone points at me and says "dude in a dress," I want them to have to admit that "the dude looks pretty good."

Cheers,

Jill

[justmetoo]

I agree with both what Katey and Jill are saying. Dressing as we please won't come about by hiding in the closet, but we do have to chose our battles, so to speak. Women didn't get the freedom they have now by not getting out there and fighting for it, and taking plenty of hits in the process. At the same time, it's not easy to flaunt society (or to face our own fears), and I don't blame anyone who doesn't get out there or who maintains whatever "no go" zones they feel they need. And I applaud those who do get out and push boundaries and open doors and make a difference. I get out in public occasionally (just a few times a year), but I'm not out to a lot of people who know (certain family members, co-workers, etc.), and when I do go out I try to stay low key. I don't like to attract much attention en femme OR en homme.

[Kandi Robbins]

Wow, stirred up a bit of a hornet's nest here Jillian. Amen, I say. Sure, we all have the freedom to do many things in society including wearing women's clothes. But no matter what anyone says, there is always at least a little trepidation in the backs of our minds. Even the most seasoned girl. Otherwise, we would not have to take additional safety measures that we might not need to when in male mode. I don't think anyone would deny the possibility of an uncomfortable experience increases when dressed. All we can do is get out there, present ourselves with class and dignity and change minds one at a time. Some day we will get there, we just have to stick together and be who we are!

[bimini1]

For me I don't want to simply cross dress. That would be me, out as my male self from the neck up, no forms in just clothes made for a female. No, I am not arguing to do that. I don't know if this applies to you Jillian, but I am not talking about just cding persay. What I want is not the right to cd, but the right to express my full transgendered self. To me it's two different things.

The old argument women get to wear what they want while men do not ? Well if I showed up in say, some red dress shoes, or red slacks. Or some men's shoes that were purple or flowered. Somebody is going have an issue with that. You know this. Women have more freedom, more options to choose from. That is just the way it is. Yes some of the colors are opening to men, I wear more pinks and turquoise, purple than most in my male self. And in my everyday life as male, I have little desire to wear anything other than mostly traditional male attire and color. And it stresses me out after a while because I want to appear in female form after a while. But when presenting my full TG self it goes way beyond just the clothes and colors. I have no desire to be a male in women's clothing. In that respect I feel I am a transgendered woman.

Now still, notwithstanding, a female who shows up in jeans and a flannel shirt but is obviously female, make up etc is going to fly way better than if I do the same albeit in a dress and clearly male from neck up. You can't say it's not. I once had a co-worker, female, who would once in a while wear a woman's garment that was clearly influenced by a mans suit all the way down to shirt and tie. I could clearly tell a change in her demeanor every time she wore that outfit. She became more domineering, confident and assertive around the office. No one had a problem with it. Let me try something like that and they would have run me out of there. A woman can freely change hair color, wear wigs, extensions and it's all good. Let a man be discovered wearing a toupee and he's open to ridicule and laughter.

Sorry to say that is just a double standard. Anytime a society deems one group superior to the other, then there will a double standard. If a female aspires to do a traditionally male pursuit, I dunno like suit up to be the kicker on a football team. It's celebrated for the most part. Good for her. If a male wants to do a tradionally female pursuit, like play with a Barbie doll, or ballet, it's generally frowned upon. Like something is wrong with him and he needs help to be more masculine. He needs to "man up". Of course it's utter BS.