19 year old need coming out advise

[Aforms26]

Hello,

My name is Austin, but my fem name is Olivia and that is who i truly identify as. I have been since I was about 13 I am currently 19 in college. I started off putting my moms clothes on just as every crossdresser does haha but i stopped when it didnt fit anymore. Growing up my mom and dad divorced when i was younger my mom remarried but to a woman just this year whom she was dating for the past 7 years. I lived with my mom and her girlfriend almost most of my life. That said my mom always seemed proud that I was who I am She seemed to like that I was straight and that I was an athlete. She pushed the athlete life on me and ad this image of who I was going to be. My other mother never really seemed to care she wanted me to live my life, yet she wasn't my biological mother and much younger than my mom closer to my age so we related more I feel. When I went to college my longterm girlfreind and I broke up a few months in and then that released my inner me. I bought a black dress some heels and breast forms with a wig. I crossdress in spare time when I am alone or when I meet with guys who want me as their "sissy ****". I am so happy with these men when I look in the mirror, yet it gets at me, because I can't be who I really am in my own home. I am worried that my mom will be mad and force me to stop or just always be dissapointed. She had an image of the ideal son, but now I want to be her daughter. Can I please have help on how to adress this. Should i tell one not the other. I just want to be normal with my own family in my own home. Any advise would be appreciated thank you

-Olivia
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[AllieSF]

Knowing who you are is very good, but learning how to be you, as you will find out as you read the many different threads on this site, can be quite difficult. You will get a lot of good recommendations here, some better than others and a few worth nothing. Since you are young and apparently in school, I recommend that you see if they have a school medical unit. These usually offer minimal medical assistance to their students and some counseling therapy services, which are typical for students starting their adult lives, trying to study and advance while at the same time meeting new people and having new experiences. A lot of their personnel have at least some exposure to the LGBT community. If they cannot help, they may and should have some local references to those that can help. Many times these services are free to the student, or at a lower cost. For you, they could help you to better understand yourself and how to deal with it within your family, circle of friends and classmates. Also look for a local LGBT center in the nearest big city, or on campus. It is not uncommon today for many campuses to have LGBT organizations, which can be very helpful. Good luck and welcome to the forum.

[Alice_2014_B]

I have to agree with Allie.
There should be support for you at school.
Also, nice picture; love the heels!

[Jazzy Jaz]

I dont know ur family life so this is just my outside observation. Perhaps ur mom only strongly encouraged your straight/athletic image because thats part of who she really thought you were. She could possibly be just as supportive when learns about your truer deeper self. Also if she is in the LGBT community then there is the added possibility that she can relate to you and how you feel. Normal is just a perception and in your household things are already not what mainstream would consider normal so you being you might actually be more normal for your household. Im not advising what you should do, just wanted to give that perspective.

[Paula_Femme]

Hi Olivia, and welcome to the Forum!

Allie has given you some good advice about potential avenues of support through your college, and Jasmine has made the very good point that your home life is not what the majority would call "traditional," and I would hope that your Mom and her Wife would at least be sympathetic to your situation, and to who "you" are.

I'm guessing that you discuss LGBT issues with them, perhaps in a general sense, perhaps stuff that's in the news, and at the moment, it seems that all things Trans are currently the hot topic, from Laverne Cox to Caitlyn Jenner et al.

Then, of course, there are the very real issues facing Transgender Teens; given your home life I wouldn't have thought it would be difficult to start a very general conversation, then depending on the reactions you get, focus more on your own feelings and needs... although you may want to hold-off on the whole "sissy*****" thing, at least 'til you know where you stand with them as far as the 'dressing is concerned!

Good luck!!!
Paula

[Aforms26]

HI everybody I just wanted to say thank you for all the wonderful responses

[Robin414]

Hi Olivia! I think Jasmine offers the same advice I would but in any case I think I speak for all of us when I say we're here for you girl!

[Lily Catherine]

Even though I'm around your age, I definitely don't know the entirety of your family life. Depending on the stance of the school counselor / medical unit - some of which (around me at least) actually still skirt the issue, very unfortunately - an LGBT support line would be preferable.

Feelings would be the ideal starting point with your family - how you feel, how they feel about this. Coming out isn't very easy, especially to those with whom we share a high degree of intimacy.

Above all, however, it's not exactly the best option to impose your opinions on them. Pushing it is unlikely to help.

[Krisi]

I have no good advice to give except to watch out for that "sissy ****" thing. You could end up doing things you hadn't planned on.

[TrishaTX]

It sounds to me like you know what you want. You just need to ease your mom into it. Speak to her and slowly explain. Leave out the sissy**** part. thats for you.Speak to someone on a regular basis as well therapist support group etc....but if this makes you happy then so be it

[Katey888]

Good advice from Allie and others, I think...

You should speak to someone about this - you are still quite young and your dressing seems to be a catalyst for what might become, high-risk sexual encounters. Not moralising with this, but I think you need to try to understand a little more about yourself and your motivations for doing this and that's where a professional could help. At some point you might want to seek further advice on how to tell your mom and step-mom, but I feel that you need to really understand what it is that you'll be telling them first. It all sounds very confusing for you so do seek some qualified counselling and take your time in understanding what this all means...

I can vaguely remember when I was 19 and the world was a blur of new, exciting and wonderful personal experiences - it may be hard to think of trying to slow all that down but believe me, you have lots of future ahead of you and time taken now is worth it...

Good luck and seek assistance...

Katey x

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

It's been a long time since I was 19 but in the time machine I would go full force into womanhood knowing what I know now and the changing environment. 40 years ago we hardly new anything about who we really were and I for one thought that I was probably only one of just a couple weirdo's that did this. Oh if I had only known..... You have a great figure and the world is at your fingertips. No tie downs yet so be whomever you want to be. Pretty sure that your Mom's will understand and want you to be happy. Just my two cents as I stand here in a micro mini and t shirt with matching VS bra and pantie's while at my work keyboard.

[Aforms26]

OMG im so sorry I didnt mean to make it seem like the sissy **** was a big thing. No like in the past I've had three boyfriends and sometimes they would call me that when we were together doing "things". Truly Its whenever I look in the mirror not dressed up it just doesn't seem complete. I really am not a promiscuous kid I didnt mean to word it like that. My sexual orientation has no impact on me wanting to crossdress, Crossdressing really is who I am at this point in my life I feel. But thank you all so much for the awesome advise pls msg me if you ever want to talk.

[janina_xoxo]

That's a lovely picture Olivia, love the dress with black pantyhose

[Melanie 0339]

Hi Olivia can't really add to what the other girls have said, some really good advice there. All I wanted to say was I love your heels xxx

[Tracii G]

Welcome Olivia and coming here was a smart move on your part.
Only you know how your Mom is so not all member suggestions may or may not apply to your situation.
Allie made some great suggestions and you should make use of what is available thru your school.
An LGBT center is a good place to start and they may be able to help you to some degree.
My suggestion is learn to accept who you are inside first and deal with your family later when you are ready and can answer all their questions.
Being TG can be a broad spectrum to navigate thru so I wish you all the best.
Read thru the forum on threads that interest you and maybe they can help you figure out who you are.
This site has helped me figure out who I am and helped me to understand we are all different and how to deal with my inner self.

[Nadya]

Hi Olivia! I don't have much to add but I wanted just to put my support here for you. This could be the hardest thing you do but holding it back could also be terrible for you, emotionally. Whatever decision you make, know that we all support you here despite differences in opinion. You are beautiful and have your whole life ahead of you. Good luck! <3

[Brendaben]

You're in a better area to come on his cross dressing 30 years ago no you couldn't now you can just enjoy the fun and so I bring a real woman just been so it and I've come up to my friends and they've all been accepting of it so its all your girl you're gonna love itAnd you look very pretty

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Hi Katie 888 You're very helpful on your advice This is this is Brenda man nice nice nice beautiful

[Saikotsu]

Good afternoon, Olivia,
Lots of good advice has already been said. Something stood out for me in what you've said. You don't seem to fear rejection, so much as not living up to your mother's expectations. I get the impression, and I may be completely off in this, that she may be pushing the masculine lifestyle because she feels she has to be the father figure in your life. Or like the others have said, perhaps she thinks that's what you want and tries to be supportive of what she thinks you're trying to be.

As a member of the LGBT community herself, she may be more open to you being who you are. That said, everyone is different. You know her better than us, so you're more qualified to judge how she'll react.

Perhaps you should come out to your step mom (or other mom, whichever term you prefer) she seems to be accepting from what you've said. She might be able to help you ease into coming out to your biological mom.

[Dana44]

Oliva, wow it been a long time since I was nineteen. But you know your mom and her girlfriend. Get some help with the school counselors. After you get stable, then have a good sit down talk with your mom and her mate. Go to them as your boy self and start with your life at 13 and bring them up to date. Perhaps they may see you in a new light.

[flatlander_48]

O:

Welcome To The Jungle!?!?!? Who was that? Arrowsmith?

Anyway, a few words about coming out, in general...

Coming out, for L's, G's, B's and T's is not a singular process. Every person you know, or will know, presents the possibility of revealing your innermost self. That's important because it probably will never be One And Done. Base the criteria on what you will, but it is something that has to be figured out each time. Significant parts of my personal decision are what is the possibility that someone will learn about me and the degree to which I value that particular relationship. If there is the real possibility that the news will travel to someone I know and value, then I would much rather they hear it from me rather than how gossip gets distorted as it gets passed along.

In the past month or so, I've outed myself to a BUNCH of people. Most importantly at the top of the heap would be my daughter and son. As I was planning to be the Mistress of Ceremonies as DeeAnn at out recent LGBT affinity group entertainment event, it became clear to me that I had to tell my son. He grew up here and although he doesn't live here anymore, a few of his friends still do. If word was going to get to him, I wanted to make sure that he heard it from me first. My daughter's situation is a bit different. She started college the same summer that we moved here, so she's never been here for more than a few weeks at a time. However, it didn't seem right to tell my son and not my daughter.

Anyway, that's part of my thought process. I think if you decide to come out, that you should do it on your own terms with a few compromises as possible.

Good Luck,

DeeAnn

[Rachelakld]

Hi Olivia, I love the name, and the photo is really nice.

My parents were old fashioned, but had seen enough of life to realise one size does not fit all.

I politely asked one winter if it was okay to wear leggings at home (every woman knows they are warm and comfortable). parents said yes.
I could have equally said pantyhose or what ever you call them over there
I started with cotton yoga pants, them moved in to shinny leggings
Summer came and I asked about womens shoe string tops, got another yes.
I don't wear wig or make up, or boobs at my parents, and so long as my clothes are respectable, they don't care about gender.

As you have 2 mums, they will probably be even more understanding than my parents.
Best of luck, hope you let everyone how things are going for you at home