My wife and I have been together for over 14 years (living together for 12 and married at least 2 years).
One of my regrets is never informing her of my cross dressing when we first met. I've made 3-4 purges (I regret some items I tossed, as they were lovely - like an Undercover Wear long black lingerie gown), and in that time I kept thinking to myself that I could suppress the CDing urges.
Well, time has come for me to face my demons and tell her. I won't be jumping in with both feet, but I want to slowly ease into it so it isn't a total shock. Right now, I've been testing the waters to see my wife's reaction - for example, we were watching reruns of Frasier recently and in one episode Frasier says something like "oh Niles, he likes to wear Chinese long gowns." My wife says : you don't wear long gowns at night (something to that effect), my response : yeah, you can wear long gowns during the day.
So far, my wife has been very accepting of me wearing zentais and women's OPS (one piece swimsuits). I have a huge collection of women's swimwear and I wear it at home all the time. For me, that is a positive. How I eased into that one is I stored my swimsuits in an easy to find place (drawer where I keep my zentais), and she found them (which was something I hoped would happen). She mentioned that she found the swimwear and wanted me to try it on for her, so I did. She didn't flinch or anything, and was quite open/supportive of it. Only complaint from her is the size of the collection (100+ swimsuits)
Anyways, I'm going to stay the course and see if I can drop little hints of my cross dressing and gauge her reaction.
I have a hunch she already knows, as I've been almost caught on a few occasions- one time I was in full dress up mode when I heard the front door open, I took off all the clothes as quick as I could and threw them into the downstairs bedroom corner. She comes downstairs wondering what I was doing and noticed I was huffing and puffing like crazy. She goes into the downstairs bedroom and looks around and I'm positive she saw the strap of my black camisole. She didn't say anything and walked back upstairs.
Another example : we were watching a commercial and this guy was wearing tights. She mentions that guys should not wear tights; I told her that I wore tights when I was a kid (for a school play), she then exclaimed "that's why ! Now I understand."
Wish me well on this endeavor, as I no longer wish to hide my CDing anymore.