getting "all emotional"

[AllieSF]

I agree that in a way that what you had you probably still have, i.e. emotional or not emotional before will probably mean that one will be similar after really getting into and accepting one's transgender state of being. However, since finally being able to realize what we are really doing and what we are or may be can be an eye opening experience which needs some courage, a better understanding about oneself, maybe some more practical and common sense thinking and analyzing, and a newborn sense of freedom for oneself, I believe that we can open the door for other feelings, mannerisms and viewpoints that we may never had thought that we ever had. That does not mean we went from macho to femme, but rather we opened the door to let what might have always been within us to finally take a few or many steps out the newly opened door.

So, taking that to what Pamela has described, one may start to let their emotions show more publicly when in the past they had been subconsciously been held in check. I also think that we may start looking at other things differently too. We may have never really paid much attention to our presentation, how we dressed and coordinated our birth gender wardrobe and now we care about one or both. We never had thoughts about sexual experimentation with the same sex, including those camouflaged like we sometimes are. Freedom of the mind and then ourselves in front of others can be a truly powerful medicine that let's us be more open and maybe even exploratory about things we never considered before.

I am not saying this is for all or most or only a minority because I have no way of quantifying this. But, I truly believe that people can change and let out feelings, thoughts and curiosities that have always been inside of us but have never manifested themselves until we were finally true to ourselves. As a dear friend of mine here in the TS section always stresses, self truth can be truly liberating in many ways.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I used to believe that being emotionally sensitive made more "female" in some ways, but with life experience I have found that isn't really true. Men are as capable of feeling the full gamut of human emotion as women are, it is what men choose to do with it that is different.

[Victoria Demeanor]

Pamela,
I hear you a couple of Sundays ago I woke up early, as normal. It was a rainy morning and I had given up hope as to working out in the yard, so my wife and I decided to be lazy, just sit around and wake up slowly. I sat sipping my coffee and watching music videos on You Tube, mostly Post Modern Jukebox, if you haven’t seen any you should check them out.
Anyways to the point of my story, for some reason unknown to me, I felt sad on this morning. Pretty much sad for no reason and as I sat there I would just start to tear up and get congested even when I was watching something happy. It got so bad that I ended up having to sit a box of tissues next to me and I went through quite a few. It took me till mid afternoon to get out of this funk and I end up going up to the store to get a couple pints of ice cream for me and the misses. We kidded about it just being that time of the month for me and she did try to console me by telling me she has those times too.
Okay so I have had times in the past that I have started to tear up for no reason, but before I really came to terms with myself, I would bite my lip give myself the macho talk and move on and in the past they were never as overwhelming as this. I have to say though it did feel good to just let myself go. Now I wasn’t in what I would call girly mood, just my typical lounge pants and tee shirt. I’m not on any medication, nor am I transitioning. My T level is probably low due to my older age, but hey as long as I don’t start retaining water and getting cramps I’m going with it. I think it is healthy to let your emotions out.

[AndreaSC]

I can get VERY EMOTIONAL, some times for no reason at all...

[Robin414]

Hi Pamela, ummm...ABSOLUTELY!! I've only been back in class for a year but at about 6 mo I would cry at the drop of a hat! It's tapered off a bit lately but I love it, 'we' are wonderful people...the unicorns in the enchanted forest!

[Gabby6790]

I am not saying this is for all or most or only a minority because I have no way of quantifying this. But, I truly believe that people can change and let out feelings, thoughts and curiosities that have always been inside of us but have never manifested themselves until we were finally true to ourselves. As a dear friend of mine here in the TS section always stresses, self truth can be truly liberating in many ways.

I think your whole post has a lot of validity. I am very interested in seeing how this yellow brick road changes my mood and my emotions. I have obviously had this all bottled up inside for so long that coming to terms with it can't help but effect me emotionally. I have already seen my myself becoming more understanding to my SO. I DO think that dressing for me could let the emotional stuff flow even more. The feeling of breaking down the barriers that have built up for so long could easily crossover into other things besides your gender presentation.

[ReineD]

i'l clarify, clearly its needed. I started to CD in January this year. Back in 2001 I had an awakening experience that opened me up to a huge emotional range and sensitivity, from being a dissociated engineer. Before then, yes i'd get teary in those films but suppress it. Since then I've been calm, stable, aware of emotions, largely unaffected though. I had the experience of putting words to sensations as a 40-year old - quite something.

I've noticed this among some CDers. I don't know why they seem to stifle their emotions more than men who do not crossdress. I've often wondered if CDers grow up determined to not let anyone guess they have an affinity to feminine things, and so they begin to construct rather rigid rules about what is considered masculine vs feminine, and they try hard to not let an ounce of what they think is feminine shine through?

I know it is natural for teenage boys to not want their school mates to see them being emotional, but after that "sorting-out-the-pecking-order" stage, they do move on to the next stage in life and they become more secure in themselves. They get married eventually and they don't mind shedding a tear over a movie that has emotional content because they know that their wives understand. But CDers seem to want to keep up the bravado much longer than the men I know.

I'm glad you are allowing yourself to feel all your emotions.

one may start to let their emotions show more publicly when in the past they had been subconsciously been held in check.

I just want to say that even GGs do not like to show their emotions in public, if what you mean by that is crying. I mean, young girls may cry but after a certain age, we are taught self-restraint, just like boys. It's OK to shed a tear or two at a sad movie, or with sympathy to someone who is telling you a heart-breaking story, but to just start sobbing would be unseemly if out in public.

The world needs me to be more vocal and irrational.

OK, I know you said the world needs "you" to be more vocal and irrational, but are you suggesting this is what women are like? What do you mean by "irrational" exactly, and I always thought being vocal was a good thing for both men and women. Men certainly seem to not have any difficulty wanting to dominate in group discussions.

[AllieSF]

Rene, just to clarify, I said "show more publicly" and that to me includes outwardly to others, not necessarily the general public. I agree that I hardly ever see anyone crying in public. However, around family and friends, yes, depending on the circumstances. Though crying is a common type of emotion that could be seen, there is also extreme happiness, concern, sadness and other emotions. My point is that most men I know and see tend to keep most emotions in check, highs and lows, and I am not talking about how their favorite sports team is doing. Once they are true to themselves, I think for some it is also easier to be more open in many things, emotions, conversations, differing opinions and so forth.

[Amanda M]

Pamela - I wonder if a carer change has made you more empathetic and more open with your emotions?

[pamela7]

Hi Amanda, actually the shift in emotional sensitivity led to the career change. Before that shift in 2000 i'd intuitively "know" but not feel it (very suppressed) but still get teary in those old tear-jerker films. After that change, I felt it too, even very subtle ones. Then as I discovered how projection actually works with emotions it became the most awesome tool to know who is radiating what at any time, and I learned to trace the layers back to origins.

The "no apparent reason" is because if things are deep in my or other people's unconscious, then the leakage has no obvious origin, until it is traced. This is like finding out where water is ingressing in an old roof perhaps, or how a piece of circuitboard wire is picking up a stray signal unintentionally. When one is on open-receive, one feels it all. Without a clear definition of self/other it can be tricky to know if one is receiving a local area or wider group emotional field or an emergence from one's past or even ancestral lineage. I do use questions to source these, and eventually it makes sense, but at the time it's "all emotional for no apparent reason", or it can be. I did wonder if some of my feelings on these last 9 months of CD life experience have come from being in this group field, so I stopped visiting the forum so often for a short while, and the feelings tailed off then, allowing me to discern mine and others' more readily when I returned.

To quote a movie I like "it's complicated", and why the hell not, life would be boring otherwise.

Reine, it seems to me you would be right, it would be natural for the more sensitive souls to overcompensate and suppress the feelings in macho environments. I do find though that on my reasonably extensive travels, the anglo-saxon world is highly suppressed relative to mainland Europe - I was surprised how soft and empathic the Germans are compared to the Brits, for example, and the latin peoples are far more emotionally expressive. I'm not sure it's about "allowing" though, as we don't know what we can't sense - rather like the people who have a 4th type of cone in their eyes, so they see more colour than imaginable to us "3-coners". Until we feel/sense it ourselves we don't even know it exists. After all, why do some silly scientists try to develop telepathy machines when a few questions to undo some structures will emerge telepathy naturally!

xxx and thanking all of you

[Brandy Mathews]

Pamela,
Yes, happens to me quite regularly too. I am a very emotional girl though. And even when I am in male mode too. But even in mal mode I find myself watching chick flics and women's shows. I especially like the one about them trying to find the right dress for them. And when I am watching a movie or a sad story on the news about something, I am grabbing for a tissue. I just think that after all the years of crossdressing, some of us have processed it different then others. I enjoy being softer inside. I am especially so much softer when I am all dolled up and I like that.
Hugs,
Bree

[Gabby6790]

I've noticed this among some CDers. I don't know why they seem to stifle their emotions more than men who do not crossdress. I've often wondered if CDers grow up determined to not let anyone guess they have an affinity to feminine things, and so they begin to construct rather rigid rules about what is considered masculine vs feminine, and they try hard to not let an ounce of what they think is feminine shine through?

For me at least, i think you hit the nail on the head. I honestly think this may have led to a lot of other issues that I have (anger, shyness, etc). I am hoping my exploring this side of me may put me more in balance.

[ReineD]

I honestly think this may have led to a lot other issues that I have (anger, shyness, etc). I am hoping my exploring this side of me my put me more in balance.

Good for you! I think the ultimate goal for happiness should be integration. I've seen this in my own SO. Years ago, my SO kept her feminine preferences separate, but no longer. Now my SO enjoys doing everything in guy mode that she enjoys doing in girl mode and considers that all of these things are a part of his/her core self.

[Tina_gm]

Originally Posted by ReineD

I've noticed this among some CDers. I don't know why they seem to stifle their emotions more than men who do not crossdress. I've often wondered if CDers grow up determined to not let anyone guess they have an affinity to feminine things, and so they begin to construct rather rigid rules about what is considered masculine vs feminine, and they try hard to not let an ounce of what they think is feminine shine through?

Quite possible Reine. I think in a lot of ways as an adult I may have also felt this way or been more rigid. It also comes from the generation I grew up in. Now 1st let me just say that my parents were not the hardcore haters of anything racial, gender, etc etc. I was never taught those kinds of things. At most, they may have chuckled at the very few people at the time who were outed or openly gay, but they never went on or hated or taught me to hate.

I remember something that probably was programmed into me from an early age. I was at the dentist, and I think maybe 8 or so years old. It was already becoming apparent that I was going to need some serious orthodontic work. The dentist at the time decided to give my mouth a little more room or whatever, and without warning just pulled out dental pliers and removed the rest of my baby teeth. It didn't hurt much that I remember (some maybe) but it just scared me. I remember trying really hard NOT to cry, but did end up shedding some tears. Both my parents said they were proud of me for TRYING to be brave. So at an early impressionable age, it was programmed into me that crying was not something that boys or men did, unless it was crazy bad like a death or something. Not crying was taught to me to be a good thing. I don't blame them, it was just the way it was back in the early 70's. I don't personally feel men crying, or me crying is a bad thing, but it is just not something that I hardly ever do, and have rarely done as an adult. My wife actually feels it would be better if I did more often.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Interesting question Pammie.

Do I experience the fuller range of human emotions and their consequences by embracing my femme side?

I've cried easily during movies my entire adult life, but I believe I've been more in touch with my femme side than many, regardless of crossdressing (though I've dabbled in that since my teens). I'm bi; I've always had female friends as well as male, I was raised by a single mum, and I'm far from being a macho type.

So I suspect that my readily expressed emotions are a product of non-trad maleness; femme qualities if you like.

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I haven't experienced females "getting all emotional for no apparent reason"Katey x

Good grief, you haven't?

You're like so sheltered dude.

xxNikki

[ReineD]

I remember trying really hard NOT to cry, but did end up shedding some tears. Both my parents said they were proud of me for TRYING to be brave. So at an early impressionable age, it was programmed into me that crying was not something that boys or men did, unless it was crazy bad like a death or something.

I was praised for trying to be brave too. My brother and I were taught that people in general handle the witnessing of extreme emotion poorly (anger or tears) and so it is best to express these emotions in private. I do cry sometimes (although less so as I age) ... but in private. I don't even like to cry in front of my SO. By crying, I mean with sobs. Tears have come to my eyes on occasion when I was among others and witnessed sad things, but not enough for anyone to notice.

You're like so sheltered dude.

Goodness, I feel I need to defend womanhood here. Are you saying that you see women getting all emotional often? Can you give us some context? Is this in public like at the mall, grocery store, restaurants? Are they adult women or are they children? Or is it in private (a sister, mother, or wife) and if so, is it when there is a particularly difficult argument? Or do you think they lose it for no reason? How often do you witness these behaviors?

The notion exists that "women are all emotional" but this is a stereotype that people think exists and joke about, but seldom witness. Like the dumb blonde thing.

[pamela7]

Hey Reine, its very easy for a tough, intellectual bar-steward to reduce a sensitive soul to tears. :-)
There's probably abusers anonymous for people who speak above whispers in certain family constellations.
I think Nikki normally posts somewhat tongue-in-cheek so take it with a pinch of salt, and don't throw any toys out of prams just yet, that the preserve of males, stereotypically.

xxx Pamela

[ReineD]

My post comes off much harsher than I intended, sorry. I should have added Smilies.

I've seen women lose it, but under stressful situations. I've also seen men lose it (my ex husband used to lose it a lot and when he did, it was scary). I suppose it's all a matter of context or degree. In public, I seldom see anyone lose it, male or female.

[Dana44]

I must say that as I gotten older. Never cried when I was younger. But now wow, Ive teared up on some of these threads. Some of the TS threads are so sad. It's not due to our feminine selves although we now express more feminine emotions. Naw I think after a lot of stress and we find that we are mortal, we look at life different now.