Hi Ashley, sorry to hear you are still struggling with stuff. While I am not ever going to suggest to repress anything. I am going to suggest rather than to beat yourself up over gender, to focus 1st on simply being a good person. Sometimes, stepping back and seeing that men and women actually experience so much alike too. I remember there were times I had gotten wrapped up in gender this, gender that, what am I, repress this, let that out etc etc etc. It was an overwhelming feeling. HRT may very well help you, as it seems for many the best part about HRT is NOT the feminizing/breast growth, but of an internal calming. I wish you luck with this. Still, Sometimes, gender isn't everything. Just being a good you can go a long way. It doesn't have to be the end all to self identify exactly as anything. Just be you, ennjoy what you enjoy regardless of where it fits, how it lands, how it looks.