Worst Case Reality

[CindyB]

All's I can say is, I've been very lucky! Worst case scenario is living in Texas

Worst case would be: living in Texas and a small town, being caught by someone I know. It would spread like wildfire.

Probably worst thing ever happened is: I had some guy start following me as I was driving. I wasn't far from the police station so I headed that way but before I got there I ran a yellow light and he stopped on red. Whew!

Most deflating thing that ever happened was at a bar in Austin. Had some drunk lesbian start mocking me to my face. Her friends kept apologizing but she wouldn't stop. I just got up and left. Never went back to that bar.

[Georgette_USA]

One of my worst case was when about 25-26 before I had SRS. Was partying in a no Trans disco type club. Drinking too much and went to ladies. My voice is an in-between. Made the mistake of talking to someone else in a stall. She freaked out and thought there was a man in there. I quickly and quietly finished as she got her BF to check it out.

Learned to never talk in ladies unless I knew who else was in there.

[PaulaQ]

What was your worst case reality?

I try to always be watchful, because I am out, and I am known to some extent. Always in the back of my mind is the notion that if someone spots me, and it's the wrong person, they could try to end me.

Of course there are also people who are really attracted to us, so I now carry a rape whistle (among other things), after someone attempted to rape me.

I *won't* go to any of the local psychiatric facilities here, regardless of whatever problems I might suffer. Not that I am suffering from anything or can imagine why I'd need that. But were that to come to pass, I would resist, well, very, very strongly.

I don't typically out myself as trans to a medical doctor, unless I trust them, and there is a very good reason for them to know. There are those who will refuse to treat, or undertreat, a trans person. I particularly worry about this if my state adopts one of the "religious freedom" laws that would make refusing treatment of me on religious grounds completely without consequence.

I have changed all my ID's, as well as my birth certificate, the original of which was sealed. This was only possible during a brief window of time in my state. Hopefully they will allow it again, but we aren't sure about that. Anyway, the state can't prove I'm trans without a court order, I believe, and since the law that sealed my record relates to adoption, not trans stuff, my hope is that it would be hard for them to get.

I have a passport in case I need to leave the country.

My worst case scenarios are more anti-trans state laws that criminalize being trans. The things I've outlined above, I believe, make me immune to most of the current ones. I do worry that they will begin to interfere with our ability to get medical treatments we need, particularly medications. Those types of things would make me leave my state, unless we get a hostile president in the future, who implements them at the FDA / DEA level. In that case, I'd leave this country.

I wish these were all just paranoid fantasies, but unfortunately, there are groups dedicated to making such things happen. We can only hope they fail.

The above still aren't quite my worst case scenarios. If the state or US government restored my identity documents back to match what were assigned to me at birth, or did some of the other things I list above, and didn't permit me to leave, there are actions I have considered as well. However, my survival in such a situation would be highly unlikely.

I will NOT go into assisted living / nursing home type facilities either. I am not expecting to live far into old age, although I'd be happy to be wrong about that, especially if old age didn't, imply being placed at some point into the care of people who might well be allowed to neglect or abuse me based on rather awful state laws.

[BethanyCross]

My worst case would be being in a salon with my hair in rollers or having nail extensions applied when someone I know walks in. I'd be stuck having this ultra feminine stuff being done to me as an acquaintance watches. It is a risk I have taken a few times. Now I only do these things away from home, but coincidences happen...

[Krisi]

My worst case reality was probably the time my wife went out but came home immediately because the tire light in the car was on and found me in the garage desperately trying to get out of a bra and one of her blouses. Not fun.

Things are better now, she knows and accepts or at least puts up with my hobby.

Second worst (but nothing really happened) was when I was driving dressed on a two lane country road at night and rounded a curve to find a guy riding a bicycle the wrong way in my lane and heading straight for me. I was able to swerve and miss him and not hit any oncoming traffic so that was the end of it. Bicyclists around here are pretty stupid.

[Beverley Sims]

I was with my girlfriends dressed and we ran into some of my service buddies in a bar, they spoke to a couple of the other girls but I kept my distance......

Boy! or Girl! was my heart racing.

I think I mustered up all the adrenalin I could that day.

[Launa]

Worst case reality is waiting for the bomb to go off and everybody in the world finding out. This weekend came pretty close, I was at a big public fashion event and I wasn't sure who was going to be there as it was a very public event. I went to the front counter with my I-phone to get my ticket scanned off the phone but it wouldn't scan at the counter and I was late getting there. There was a bunch of people around the ticket counter and the guy trying to scan for the ticket said, "ok lets try it a different way. What's your name?" I said, quietly my real guy name and then he said to another lady at the counter can you find his name on the list? The lady replied oh yes he is here, its all good! So people at our local Science Center and whoever else knows my real name! LOL

[barbara gordon]

Worst case was having to face my wife about my crossdressing. End result was her blackmailing me for divorce and all our assets, and my telling my family to keep her from being the one to break it to them. Brought my life tumbling down into a shambles for years. Still haven't recovered. And yet, looking back, it's almost funny: I was so, so sure that all the good things about me would easily outweigh the little crossdressing thing. I had gone over it in my head a thousand times, yet the pink fog is thick, and I didn't understand back then how much importance we assign to who we believe our significant others to be, and how much what we think we are in love with, can so easily be destroyed.

.....wow sounds like what my ex wife did when i told her about my cd'ing . except mine threatened to take the kids too..i did the same defense with my family . i told them before she tried to . and yep , she tried . my sister basically told her to "love off" thats the only thing i was able to "own " at that time.. Well it indeed was a "worse case scenario" . I lost so much including all $ and home ,i was blackmailed and bad mouthed and outed . But somehow i held tight to my dignity .And after a dirty legal process ,I deservedly kept full shared parenting custody .
It takes time to get through it and a lot of scars .and ditto on the trusting / not trusting of a significant other . In the end I evolve every day and that "worst case" allowed me do become more .so don't be afraid of "crossdressing worse case " . I am glad my ex found out about me . it showed her true nature . while i showed mine . the "worst case " gave me a chance to be happier . sorry if this response is a little jagged . Having gone through being outed , I am now more afraid of health problems , safety accidents , etc .

[Lauri K]

The worst case is that everyone here stays hidden and we never advance ourselves as being who we really are...........

Think about that for a minute.............

Not saying to throw all caution to the wind, but don't leave any room for regret later in life

PS. Carla get your clip board out now honey and keep track of the responses...........LOL........and don't hide out in Area 51 all the time

[Georgette_USA]

Wow Paula

I still use the terms TS and such, as that was what was commonly used back then.

You either have had some terrible times, or imagine same. I have looked at your FaceBook pages, interesting reads. I guess we need some OUT Trans to work on all these laws for the new people. I understand that not all TG go the full route to Post-TS.

Maybe my partner, a Post-TS MtF, and I have just been lucky. We both became Post-TS MtF in 1977. There were NO laws protecting Trans, as it was probably so limited, it was not on most peoples radar. I had NO problems with birth state Illinois or local Virginia stuff. Of course back then a cert from surgeons was what counted. That officially made us both women for all legal stuff.

Only doctor that knew background was my OB/GYN and that stopped in 1985 when we decided to stop HRT. Other then work NO one other then family knows my background. I have never been an OUT Trans person, in my day it was expected to just blend into society.

Live in Maryland now, and it is fairly progressive. Now in my 60s, I tell some doctors in case it might make a difference in diagnosis.

I can see sometime in future some test cases will be picked up by US Supreme Court for rulings. As was done with same sex marriage. Of course some states still fight Abortion and same-sex marriage rights.

[GenieGirl]

This past weekend I had two worst case scenario dreams. One was visiting the current girl I am dating's family as her "boyfriend". She is a lesbian and I am only dating her as a girl. The second dream I had was running into my boss at the bar as a girl and not realizing it till the end of the night and it was awkward for us....

[Dana44]

The worst case for me was my ex wife outed me to everybody including my sister. I lost almost everything in that divorce. Even lost my job a year later before I could recover. But today I am happier and run about 50/50 male to fem and enjoying life now. I have an understanding SO and we have a lot of fun doing things together. It seems good comes from bad.

[PaulaQ]

You either have had some terrible times, or imagine same. I have looked at your FaceBook pages, interesting reads. I guess we need some OUT Trans to work on all these laws for the new people. I understand that not all TG go the full route to Post-TS.

Oh, we surely do, hon. I've read some of the plans from the groups that write these laws, and seen the horrible ads that were aired on TV against us in Houston. It can get bad.

Maybe my partner, a Post-TS MtF, and I have just been lucky. We both became Post-TS MtF in 1977. There were NO laws protecting Trans, as it was probably so limited, it was not on most peoples radar. I had NO problems with birth state Illinois or local Virginia stuff. Of course back then a cert from surgeons was what counted. That officially made us both women for all legal stuff.

Not being on the radar and being stealth kept you safe. Most of the women I know will NEVER get GCS without it being covered by insurance. One of the aims of the groups that write these laws that are being sent around to states is to make sure that private insurance doesn't cover trans medical care of any sort. (It's crazy, but they put this stuff up on their website. Guess we aren't perceived as much of a threat, so they just make their plans known...) BTW, in my opinion, even if everyone in the US had health insurance that covered all trans medicine, there aren't enough doctors to provide everyone with GCS who needs / wants it. Marci's waiting list, for example, will hit three years soon for MtF's!

I have never been an OUT Trans person, in my day it was expected to just blend into society.

Yup. I understand. Back then, you didn't have much of a choice. Look - I could do the same thing you've done. I've had surgery, I pass, my documents are all in order. It requires that I come out to people to be out. It just isn't obvious, apparently. I'm in a position of privilege, so I use that to be out, and help others. No disrespect intended to others who don't make the same choices I make. None of us asked for this, and we all obviously should have the right to live a life of our choosing.

Of course some states still fight Abortion and same-sex marriage rights.

It is important to not underestimate our foes here. States that oppose abortion have made SIGNIFICANT strides against it by increasing the regulatory requirements on clinics that perform abortions. They forced half of the clinics in Texas to close overnight in 2014 by increasing the regulations under which they operated to the point where they could no longer stay in business. It can take a very long time for the supreme court to right such wrongs. And here's the thing - even if they declare the rules in Texas unconstitutional, those clinics are GONE. They aren't going to magically pop back into existence.

This matters to us because it is very possible that states that don't like us could use the same tactics against us. There are VERY few providers in most states who treat us. If those providers are harassed or legislated out of existence, it doesn't matter what the supreme court decides - many of us might not be able to find treatment for years because there will simply be no one in the area to do it. They don't have to do A THING to us directly. In fact they can claim "we are protecting the rights of transgender people by protecting them from substandard care." Which is exactly what they said about their rules which closed half of the abortion clinics in the state. Only those clinics did a lot more for women's health than provide abortions, and in many areas, there are NO other such clinics available, so many women, in fact, receive much worse, or no care now, even if they had no intention of EVER having an abortion, but just needed some other health service offered by the clinic.

Again, this is a more dangerous situation for us, because right now, there are very few doctors who'll treat us at all. Shut them down, and some of us are in real danger.

People like you and me, Georgette, who're pretty invisible, and who have been able to get surgery and ID changes, and who have resources, are probably going to be fine - or at least it's going to be a lot harder to get us. But there are many trans people who just aren't so fortunate, and who are in real danger if these laws continue to be passed in the states.

I'm sorry for the extreme seeming negativity, but I've seen enough because of what I do that I understand how fragile our lifeline is. Unfortunately, unlike times past, the bad guys appear to be doing their homework, and are beginning to target areas where we are the weakest. I don't think they can win in the long run, but the human toll of any successes they have in the short term could be terribly high.

Stopping this stuff is going to take trans people and our allies working together.

[Helen_Highwater]

When I was 17 I went to a local park at midnight, I was loving it until a car pulled up and 5 older guys got out and started walking towards me.

This is what happens if you're somewhere that a GG won't be late at night. We'll put that one down to the innocence of youth.


As for me, years ago I got stopped by the police while out driving. Being in the earlier stages of my dressing I wasn't fully enfemme which must have looked a little strange. However nothing came of it just sent on my way. The police have seen it all over the years.

Working from home one day and dressed my SO came home from work to pick up something she'd forgotten to take with her. When she went to talk to me, fortunately it was close to Christmas, I said don't come in (to the room) unless you want to see you're Christmas presents. So off she went back to work. I don't think my heart has ever pounded so much.

[Renihoward]

Years ago I was out driving dressed and stopped at a 7-11. When I came out of the store a cop had pulled in behind my car, I had a hot check outstanding. He followed me home and let me change then told me to turn myself in the next morning or he would come back to get me. Nothing was said the next day. I paid off the check and nother else happened. I scared my but now 20 years later I still go out for a drive.

[Lea]

My worse case would getting caught because I would be fired.

[chris80]

This is what happens if you're somewhere that a GG won't be late at night. We'll put that one down to the innocence of youth.


As for me, years ago I got stopped by the police while out driving. Being in the earlier stages of my dressing I wasn't fully enfemme which must have looked a little strange. However nothing came of it just sent on my way. The police have seen it all over the years.

Working from home one day and dressed my SO came home from work to pick up something she'd forgotten to take with her. When she went to talk to me, fortunately it was close to Christmas, I said don't come in (to the room) unless you want to see you're Christmas presents. So off she went back to work. I don't think my heart has ever pounded so much.

expensive mistake. you then had to go and buy her a present!

[sherri]

I've had 3 or 4 traffic-related encounters with law enforcement over the years -- nothing serious, not even ticketed -- without a problem, I've gone out countless times in a nearby city and traveling without any significant incidences, I've intentionally choreographed situations in which I've presented as fem to people I don't know, I've shopped, dined and stayed in hotels fem, attended public lgbt events, I've even bumped into gay/lesbian people I know from home in lgbt clubs, all of which have taught me 90% of our fears are in our own heads. But -- and this is a big but -- as much as I'd love to out myself to someone I know (assuming they would react positively, or at least neutrally), after 15 + years of being TG, I still must face the fact that being totally out could come at terrible cost, and still know I run a risk every time I step out the door, even if I exercise caution and discretion. I hate that reality, but it is the one fear I still have to live with.

[Karren H]

Worst case? Being exposed by someone who hates you. Loosing your job. Loosing you wife and family. Loosing all your savings. Your house. End up dying alone in an alley in a soiled pretty pink dress. Yep. That's probably the worst. Lol

[Nadine Spirit]

It is kind of amazing to me how many people are describing what their worst case WOULD be. That is NOT what this thread is supposed to be. It is supposed to be describing the worst REALITY you have experienced.

So..... my worst reality was being fully dressed, in another state, and handing my ID over to an officer. Nothing came of it, but I was sure freaking out! The officer handled it very professionally and was in no way disrespectful to me at all. Oh, it was in Arizona, BTW.

[josie_S]

Most deflating thing that ever happened was at a bar in Austin. Had some drunk lesbian start mocking me to my face. Her friends kept apologizing but she wouldn't stop. I just got up and left. Never went back to that bar.

OMG...I'm so sorry that happened. I can imagine how uncomfortable it was.

[Karmen]

It is kind of amazing to me how many people are describing what their worst case WOULD be. That is NOT what this thread is supposed to be. It is supposed to be describing the worst REALITY you have experienced.

So..... my worst reality was being fully dressed, in another state, and handing my ID over to an officer. Nothing came of it, but I was sure freaking out! The officer handled it very professionally and was in no way disrespectful to me at all. Oh, it was in Arizona, BTW.

I guess we misunderstood what the thread supposed to be. I already described my worst reality until now in the past in similar thread. Lucky nothing worse happened after that.
I was stopped by cops while walking around at night and I wet my pants in front of them from fear and nervousness, because it was my first encounter with cops while fully dressed in female clothes. I didn't know what would happen. Lucky they handled it really professionally and let me go since I didn't do anything wrong, they just checked my papers and ask a few questions, but those were really humiliating and long minutes for me, just standing there with wet pants in my own puddle of urine.
It's kind of funny remembering back on that particular moment now, but was not funny then. If you have a weak bladder is not really convenient anyway, but in moments like that it is really embarrassing.

[Jennifer in CO]

Well, I started to write the story and by the time I was through it was two pages long. So its saved anyway. Here's the Cliff-Notes version: Wife is out of town. Red mist sets in. I have a vacant rural mountain property to inspect. I don't dress appropriately (white crop top, micro-mini, 4" heels). I take lunch with me to eat at an isolated park. Park empty when I get there but dang near full by the time I need to leave...and need to go to the potty. Potty success in the park johns but need to leave. Drop keys getting in the car...with people waiting for me to pick up my stuff so they can park in the space next to me. Did I mention I have a bushy black mustache? Suddenly there is an uncontrolled orgasm. Now crying (and messy), I manage to get in the car and leave. That is my worst case scenario

[Georgette_USA]

Thank you Paula for the responses. We had an hour discussion in one of the TG support groups this Friday on all these laws. As others have said there are some of us that have been invisible/hiding out. I have thought of being more visible, but after 40 years it scares me more then the first years of transition. I am retired, no SO, completely out to my large extended family. Not sure what I could do.

Here is another worst case for me.

In the US Navy in 1972. Lived off base and could dress as much as I wanted. Started to drive around at night and day. Got stopped by local cop. After him checking me and my driver and military IDS. Gave me a warning but must have reported it to base commander. Had to see Pyschs and US Security people. Because it was not Gay related they had NO major problem. My life and career could have been very different. My Top Secret and later Secret clearances continued until I retired at 61. Always warn younger NEVER lie or HIDE things from US Security people.

[rian]

One day I was Fully Dressed with make up , my apartment lay on the Ground floor ,,,I opened the window to have some fresh Air when suddenly I was face to face with my neighbor ...I suddenly felt as if the ground has swallowed me ,,,,so I closed quickly the window and run to the other room ....But after a while and to my Surprise and laugh I heard my neighbor giggling with his friend at the stairs lobby ....he saw a very sexy lady at my house ...and he thought she was my mistress .......knowing at that time my wife was traveling abroad ....