Worst Case Reality

[Jane G]

I was driving dressed in a company hire car across the moors at night in the thick fog. A huge bull charged the car and basically stuck it's horn through the windscreen and wrecked the passenger side of the car. I continued driving until the next town, where I parked under a street lamp and checked out the damage. The car looked wrecked but still worked. So I drove back to my hotel. I was terrifide I would lose my job, but the boss laughed it off. We all worry too much about what others will think. They have other things to worry about.

[Jocee]

LOL - too funny......

You need to get better breast forms. At least they didn't think you were stealing sausages.

[Petra1]

My worst case reality was having a cop pull up behind me as I changed in the van on the side of the road late one night. I was doing fine, explaining I was figuring out where I was until a second cop came up (whom I hadn't seen) and told the first guy that I wasn't wearing pants. (I had a skirt on.). They had me get out, put my pants on, and get in the back of the squad while they searched my van. All they found was the "girls" and a pair of heels. They eventually let me go after I embarrassingly admitted what I was doing (changing) and answered the question about what I was wearing underneath everything (thong). I was scared beyond belief because they knew my real name and easily could have easily associated it with my part-time jobs. Don't think I slept much that night.

[Pat]

Worst case reality? For me, the incident that stays with me is when I first started venturing out of the house. I had been thinking I was pretty expert at walking in heels, but a trip outside had proved that walking in the real world was a lot different than walking around the house. So I figured I'd practice by going out at night for a walk around the block dressed male but with a pair of wedges that nobody would notice. Good plan. Uneven pavement and gravel was treacherous and managing uphill and downhill walking was much different than carpet and hardwood floors, but I was feeling pretty smug that I was within sight of home and still on my feet when a car turned onto my street and the headlights dazzled me so I didn't see a pothole. My ankle twisted, I went down like a ton of bricks right in front of the oncoming car. The driver screeched to a halt -- it was one of my neighbors -- she was upset from feeling she nearly killed me and started ranting about me being out walking at night dressed in dark clothing.

The side of the wedge had ripped out from the fall and the shoe was dangling from its ankle strap. I found another thing I had never considered about being in heels -- getting up from a prone position in heels isn't the as easy as it is with flats. So I'm in the street floundering in her headlights, trying to take off the shoes, getting read out by my neighbor, trying to think of any possible excuse for me being out in leopard-print heels and decided better to say nothing than to say something lame, so I just apologized, for scaring her, said I slipped in a hole, did not say a word about the shoes as I finally pulled them off and proceeded back toward my house barefoot. I had sprained the ankle badly, but shock and adrenaline got me home without noticing. The ankle developed bruising that didn't go away for weeks and that foot remained swollen compared to the other for months.

[jessica33]

Years ago I went to a K-mart store all dressed up in the middle of the week thinking all my friends/neighbors are at work . I walked around and came to the gift cards section where my next door wife was looking at the cards . It stop me in the middle of the track with my hearts in my throat . Luckly when she looked my way she did not connect the dots .

[Rachel Anne]

Long time listener, first time caller

I slowly worked myself up over the years, one night, just decided to give it a try. First out back (at 2 AM...high fences make good neighbors I always say), then to the mailbox (at 3 AM) and finally, finally, going in the car to drop some letters off at the mail box around the corner (at 3 AM). Nothing flashy, hop in the car, go for a spin. Yet even after reading the threads here...

Here's a public service announcement...Don't go out late. There's no one around. And when there's no one around, and it's just you, whoever is around, is looking at you. Back to our story...

Hop in the car, swing down to the end of the block, turn the corner, and down the street headlights blink on. I knew exactly the moment I saw them...a police car. It's bit twisty turny to the mailbox, and the police car went blasting past me as I made the turn, but I gave up and decided just to spin around the block and go home. I turn into the driveway, and there's the police car making a swing around my block.

Car goes past, I quickly retreat into the house. I was completely petrified. It probably took 30 minutes for my heart rate to return to normal. Certainly I had nothing to hide or fear from the police, but when they pull someone over out here, all their lights go on. You will be the center of attention, even at 3 AM.

Ruined what should have been a milestone and nice time.

Oh, and don't wear heels for your first time driving. That was an interesting moment to be sure .

[ChristinaK]

Haven't had any really bad real life events, but with the current stupid bathroom issues, I could imagine being outed by a gg in the ladies room. Police are called, I'm arrested. Media shows up or people take pics with their phones.

Wife finds out, divorces me, kids shun me as do relatives. Friends evaporate.

The plus side, I could then dress all the time!

[PaulaQ]

An update. I can't say what it's like in other states, but I bet in many areas it is the same. I've talked with people all over Texas now, and every trans group I've spoken with has seen increased incidents of violence or harassment of trans people because of the anti-trans / anti-lgbt propaganda being floated currently. Most places you are going to be fine. But there are some locales where a witch-hunt mindset has set in, and if you have the misfortune to wander into one of these places, your odds of something bad happening are substantially higher. I can tell you that I am seeing violence and harassment against us happen locally at rates I've never seen before.

BTW, so-called "safe" lgbt friendly places aren't always safe. We seen incidents where attackers were clearly laying in wait for people to exit such places. I recommend just basic safety tips - don't go places alone, en femme at night, don't walk back to your vehicle alone, etc. For the most part you should be OK, but the threat of violence against us is much worse now in many areas. Hopefully you don't live in one of those, and can mostly ignore this.

Be careful out there, y'all.

[Diversity]

My worst case scenario would be to have family members find out accidentally that by seeing me as Diversity. This would be further exacerbated, if I did not have any plausible reason for bring dressed when I was caught out.
Di

[Pat]

I've talked with people all over Texas now, and every trans group I've spoken with has seen increased incidents of violence or harassment of trans people...

I wouldn't wish misfortune on you, but I'm hoping what you see is regional. Up here I've actually been seeing an increase in the number of people who are venturing out in mixed presentation. I think people are starting to test the waters. Of course, more targets means more opportunity for trouble but so far I haven't seen any nor have I heard any reports of problems.

Of course your safety tips are always correct.

This would be further exacerbated, if I did not have any plausible reason for bring dressed when I was caught out.

Maybe it's just me, but I would think if you're caught out in full dress the most plausible explanation you can offer is being TG/CD. Anything else is a reach. ("I'm what?? Ohmigosh! Would you look at that? I must have put on the wife's clothes, wig and makeup by mistake when I got dressed in the dark!")

[PaulaQ]

I wouldn't wish misfortune on you, but I'm hoping what you see is regional.

Probably - there's a world of difference between Texas and Boston! We're also seeing more allies come out too, though. What is happening is complex and unpredictable. But I think we are going to win. The 'bags are reduced to lying about why they are trying to hurt us. Or even that they are trying to hurt us. But what they are doing is pretty transparent, and I think they are overreaching, and it's actually hurting them.

I hope that's how it plays out. That said, there are places like Texas that have a massive number of really uncool people.

[sometimes_miss]

Yes, this can be a problem if a person is married to an image of a spouse rather than the person the spouse actually is.

But you see, that's just it. All we are, is that image, what someone knows about us; to us, that's who that person actually is. There will always be things that they don't know. It's simply impossible to know everything about another person. Because remember, there are things that they don't even know about themselves (which is easily exampled by all the folks here on this website who have no clue why they love to dress and behave as a woman, and aren't even interested in finding out!). We fall in love with who we believe the object of our affections is. Especially early in the relationship, when we know the least, yet, the passion is strongest. Anything that significantly changes who that person is TO US, and the love and passion can easily be destroyed. Consider a woman who marries a man who, before he met her, raped and killed 20 women, including the sister of his wife. But he was never caught. And never told his wife, unable to bring himself to kill the woman he lusts after so much. They live happily ever after, until one day three decades later, she finds a folder with clippings of all the newspaper articles documenting the women he killed, with his annotations on them describing the dates and how he killed them. She's horrified, realizing what he really is, instead of who she thought he was, she had always thought of him as a wonderful, kind man. But now, she runs from the house, closes the bank accounts, and leaves the country. Did he change? No. He's always been that way. What changed was the image of him in her mind, from a loving, kind man, to a merciless killer.

[StarrOfDelite]

I am thinking we're talking about incidents where people have been being Outed, or almost outed in a particularly embarrassing way. I've been lucky not to have any totally humiliating moments of that type, but have had a few very close calls. Several weeks ago, I had a date with a guy I know at a pizzeria which has the most loaded Pizza Deluxe I've eaten outside of New York City. The pizzeria is about 20 miles from my home, which is no big deal, but it's mostly over two lane roads in the Allegheny foothills, which are twisty and dangerous at best of times. As luck so happened, there was a thunderstorm which lasted for hours, and after leaving the restaurant as I was driving home I missed the warning signs for a T-Intersection and didn't get my brakes applied until too late to stop on the rain slick road surface. I slid through the intersection and came within about 2-3 feet of going into heavy underbrush and a 3-4 foot drop-off, which would have required a tow-truck to extract my vehicle, even tho' its a 4WD SUV. Wrecking my car, having to deal with a tow-truck driver, and maybe the highway patrol, with a couple of bottles of beer on my breath, and wearing a paisley skirt, cowl neck sweater, wig, dangly earrings, mascara, et cetera as my outfit would definitely not have been fun. On the whole, however, I'm sure that dealing with the damage to my vehicle would have been much more of a long term hassle than the relatively minor nuisance of having to reveal I'm Trans to a couple of strangers.

[Dana44]

Worst that happened to me is that I was outed by my Ex wife. My sister hasn't talked to me yet. I was confronted at work and it was a bad time. Yep it can be bad. But time and moving away helps LOL.

[StarrOfDelite]

Probably - there's a world of difference between Texas and Boston! We're also seeing more allies come out too, though. What is happening is complex and unpredictable. But I think we are going to win. The 'bags are reduced to lying about why they are trying to hurt us. Or even that they are trying to hurt us. But what they are doing is pretty transparent, and I think they are overreaching, and it's actually hurting them.

I hope that's how it plays out. That said, there are places like Texas that have a massive number of really uncool people.

I don't know Dallas at all well, but I've been to Austin on both business and football games, and the people there don't seem much different than their socio-economic counterparts in large northeastern university towns like Columbus, Pittsburgh, Syracuse and Lansing.

There are plenty of uncool rockheads in the 'Burgh and C-bus, I can guarantee you.

Of course, I have heard that people in Austin have voted to secede from Texas if Texas secedes from the United States, lol!

[sara.rafaela]

I used to carry a guy bag in my car. Pants, male t-shirt, shoes, acetone, and makeup remover wipes. I never used it. I have been pulled over 4 times. Each time for nothing, except driving around a bar/club area around 2 AM. I do not drink when I drive and now I chose not to drive anymore. I locked my keys in the car once and had to deal with AAA. I got rear ended, no damage, and had to deal with the guy. Lost my hotel key. Was aggressively chased by a tranny chaser and had to lose him. Was out for after bar closing pizza and a colleague lined up behind me. He did not notice me in the least.

[Sarah Doepner]

For me I have a few worst case reality situations. One in public would probably be a bathroom confrontation with someone who believes themselves to be the vigilante protecting the world. Those are the ones who seem to know no limits and can't be reasoned with.

Within the family it's going to be coming out to my grand children. I'm out to their parents but eventually we need to take the next step and I'm not looking forward to that one.

Finally the absolute worst case might be finding myself in a long term situation where I can't be authentic about my gender at any time or place.