Results 1 to 21 of 21

Thread: Coming out

  1. #1
    Member gerri ray's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Federal Way, WA
    Posts
    144

    Coming out

    I'm in a bit of a dilemma. What would you ladies say is the appropriate age of children to inform them of your dressing? I have 4 adopted kids(which are family members) whom more or less know of my dressing. They have all seen my nails done and asked questions. My wife just tells them that "I'm her lab rat that she sees what colors look good." They have noticed some of my tops and pants are women's. I'm wondering if it's time to talk with them?

  2. #2
    Gold Member Jaylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    7,444
    I think it would depend on the maturity of the child before they are told. Some kids probably should never be told especially if they are a son that looks up to male roles and are not able to handle that his male model is a CD. Also you might be surprised what kids can tell their teachers in schools so if you want it to remain is secret dressing mode out side the home.

  3. #3
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Boston Area
    Posts
    4,099
    Naturally it's going to vary based on the individual kid and on you. If you're thinking you might tell them and then swear them to secrecy, I'd suggest you not tell them at all -- it's not fair to add a stressor to their lives and then cut them off from their sources of support. If you tell them, it's not your secret any more. Regardless of if you tell them or not, they're likely to figure stuff out on their own if they're seeing evidence of it. At that point you probably have a small window in which to come out and retain their respect. If you lie and they know you're lying, they'll lose respect and trust -- that loss will cut across the board, effecting anything you tell them from then on. I'm not making it sound easy, I guess. The only good defense (in my opinion) is total honesty and owning the result. And you can do that with kids of any age.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member Genny B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    500
    All but one of mine was in their thirties when I told them. They all took it well and it I had it to do over again I would not do it any sooner.

    Genny B
    Dani (Genny before Transition)
    All Girl!

  5. #5
    I am me! TrishaTX's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Keller texas
    Posts
    1,239
    Personally I don't see ay reason to tell him atlas now for the time being...
    No regrets except I should have got dressed & stepped out sooner.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    13,465
    With kids, wait till they ask a question unless you get caught outright fully enfemme.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    765
    I found this documentary by the daughter of a transgender woman to be very interesting. for me it was probably a bit of confirmation bias, reinforcing my decision and my wife's desire that i not be out to my kids and very locally until my youngest is close to done with high school. YMMV.

    http://www.pbs.org/pov/fromthisdayforward/

    edit: and i agree with pat about the lying part. if i get caught by them, i will
    own it.

  8. #8
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Madison AL
    Posts
    3,917
    I told my children when the youngest was 39 and after their mother was passed away for over 8 years. That was after the second time I went out the second time.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
    _________________________

  9. #9
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Myrtle Beach SC
    Posts
    2,231
    I have a 3 year old grandson and a 7 year old grand daughter and they have seen me through my journey into crossdressing, they accept it. They do ask questions and I tell them that I like to dress this way, all people are different.

  10. #10
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Posts
    2,758
    If there is no immediate reason for you to tell then don't tell, let them do the asking rather than forcing a situation on them that they may not want to completely know. I would wait and see. If the questions get more enquiring then let the cat out of the bag completely. Up till then I would leave things as they are.

  11. #11
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Michigan USA
    Posts
    8,957
    I waited till mine were in college (so they were adults). If they asked me questions before then I would have opened up sooner.

  12. #12
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    USA RI
    Posts
    55
    My 17 year old know but my 6 year old does not. Well my wife does not want her to know. Most likely because I have not told my brothers, mother, father, friends ( or wait, i have no friends ) and other family members. I would say the proper age would be, when everyone else knows. Your little ones will always love you but their ears know no secret and their mouths have no filters. So be ready to let the world know before you tell them. Hope that helps.

  13. #13
    New Member Roslynsimm17's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Central Mn
    Posts
    28
    Only a close family friend knows that I dress along with my wife not sure when I tell our children, my wife says they will not be told at all.

  14. #14
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    USA RI
    Posts
    55
    Quote Originally Posted by Roslynsimm17 View Post
    Only a close family friend knows that I dress along with my wife not sure when I tell our children, my wife says they will not be told at all.
    What your wife is saying does not make sense to me and might make you feel uncomfortable. Sorry to see you going through this but keep your head up. Time changes the feelings of everyone. First, you must work on your confidence, then your wife will see you blossom which will build her confidence, then, have the discussion again. Let her know that you would like your kids to know as you feel like you are betraying them by having to hide things from them when you tell them to come talk to you about anything.

    We will always hit bumps in the road, dealing with those bumps with your head up seems to work best.

    Good Luck.

  15. #15
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Madison AL
    Posts
    3,917
    My thought is that the children will figure it out without you telling them.
    Just don't lie about it when they ask.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
    _________________________

  16. #16
    Member gerri ray's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Federal Way, WA
    Posts
    144
    I've been pondering it over and reading the advice given here. I'll just wait to answer questions. My 8 year old daughter probably has more or less added things up. She likes to paint my toes. She asked to do paint them again tonight. They may not be the best nails, but it gives me an excuse to wear them out with pride.

  17. #17
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Mississippi
    Posts
    5,000
    What is the need to know? Is it so you can dress openly at home but under the guise of diversity education?

  18. #18
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    North Central Indiana
    Posts
    102
    Apparently you have come out to your wife. The children in a family always expect the truth from the parents and can tell every time when you are hiding something. Don't hide things from them because someone else will eventually reveal your secrets to them. Then it will be difficult to explain that you are not ashamed of something. Get it over with. you may have some difficulty at first, but the time will come when they will accept who you are and love you for having them in the family.

    Rhanda

  19. #19
    happy to be her Sarah Doepner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Utah, north of West Jordan, south of North Salt Lake & west of South Salt Lake
    Posts
    3,832
    Three of my four adopted children knew about me while they were still teenagers, although I didn't know that. One had figured it out and shared it with his siblings. throughout those tempestous years they never threw it in my face or used it against me, something I expected would have happened. When I finally told them they were all adults and have been fine with it. Kids are more mature that I ever expected.

    Now I understand some of my younger grandchildren know, although I haven't discussed it directly with them. None behave any differently than before. It may be a crap shoot, but it's getting to look like the odds are not always against us with the younger generation. It has a lot to do with how you taught them to accept diversity and how love and forgiveness work to strengthen a family.

    Good luck.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  20. #20
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Gerri,
    My feeling is there's never a good time because you never know how they are going to take it .
    I personally believe not until they are adults, from my own experience kids go through so much of their own problems right through schooling and into university, dealing with your problems on top is unfair, they need you more than you need them at that age.
    My kids were in their thirties when they both finally knew , they were married with their children and handled it well, even telling their marriage partners .
    I'm not 100% out because they haven't seen me but they know I go out socially and are perfectly OK with that , my wife is more accepting because she doesn't have the fear of any surprises , if they see me then that's the final hurdle but no major drama .

  21. #21
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    4,475
    I've 3 stepdaughters and the youngest (4th) is mine.

    I informed the oldest when she was 22 and was back home doing a year of University, she used to believe only in black and white until she was 21.
    next was 14 when i informed her, she was mature and understood "variations" of black & white (this was 5 years before I told her older sister), she liked exploring our "adult stuff"
    next was 13, had a trans (M to F) BFF and her 14 year old sister are very close and "share all their secrets"
    my daughter was 10, it was the same time as I told the other 2.

    But like I said, the oldest was not mentally open to "variations" until she did her psychology paper, hence the 5 year wait, the 5 years of the others hiding "girlie presents" for my christmas and birthdays.

    my blog has a photo with me (Rachel) with my youngest 14 June 2013, having hair issues.
    Last edited by Rachelakld; 06-16-2017 at 03:33 AM.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State