My wife and I have a DADT, out of sight, out of mind agreement. I don't talk about it unless she asks, and as long as I keep it out of sight, she doesn't mind. Like you, I long to be able to talk to her about this side of me. However, this is one of the very few things that I can't do, per the boundaries we've agreed on, that I wish I could. Yes, being able to do so would bring us closer together. One more thing to share and talk about. My wife is completely pro-trans when it comes to political issues, she enjoys songs and movies that have crossdressers in them, but I think she worries for me and for how it would play out if people in our social circles knew. We all have fears and insecurities that we are able to deal with to different degrees. I'm forever grateful that my wife is willing to face her fear at least enough to allow me to do what I need to do and loves me enough to support me as best she can in this.
