When in High school age 16 or so I sneakily put on a girl's dress and wondered what I was doing. From there on for fifty or more years, zip, nada, no dressing. But many years of fearing that something was radically wrong inside. I made up for it by trying, unsuccessfully, to be more manly, yet not wanting to be more manly. By supressing whatever emotional baggage was hiding within. So, no I cannot call it lying to myself because I didn't know what that dark empty hole inside was all about. I was in denial, not a liar.
Ineke
