I have not been posting much these days (although I have been reading many of the threads) because back, I think it was around Januaryish, I came out to my wife for the second time. Anyone who has read past threads of mine will note that I was accidentally outed to my wife about 9 years back and it was a disaster. Over those 9 years the turmoil of keeping this inside had almost reached a boiling point, I was very unhappy and the relationship was going down the toilet. I was contemplating ending an almost 24 year relationship because I felt that I could no longer hide away this part of myself. For whatever reason, perhaps it was because of discussions with sisters I know from here, perhaps because of discussions with a local CD friend I have made, perhaps because I was at the end of my rope and felt that I had little to lose I came out to her again and this time she listened and we chatted about it and while she is not fully embracing this, she is at least accepting that it is a part of who I am. I do not know what changed in her, perhaps she saw that I was desperate or perhaps she loved me too much to throw away so many years together, however, she has changed, she is okay with me buying femme things (though she still won't help me) and she is okay with me wearing those things in private (although she won't see me that way) and she is okay with me going to cross dresser meetings (although she won't go with me) and she is starting to read some of the books that I have given her about this subject (although it is a slow read on her part). While it is not perfect it is a wonderful start and I can only hope that over time she will become more comfortable with the whole thing.
An amazing thing in this process is that I have started to shave my legs and chest. At first she was not happy about it but now she is fine with it, in fact we had a bunch of her lady friends over today and she was encouraging me to wear shorts and big surprise, none of the women even noticed my clean shaven legs. I have also grown my nails longer and no one comments at all.
I have also noticed that the more comfortable I am with going into ladies departments and shopping the less anyone cares or notices. It is almost as if my own personal self confidence and comfort with this whole side of myself resonates with the world around me and says that it is okay to be this way and do these things.
It is a strange process, but I feel that as I move more and more towards being myself, being feminine when the mood hits meet and being masculine the rest of the time that for the most part all will be well with the world. I have heard other girls here who have moved further down the path than I have yet make these statements that confidence and belief in yourself mixed with a good sense of humour will make all well and I am beginning to see that that is true.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this observation? I would love to hear what others have to say, what others have experienced.
Huggs
Melissa