Hi Sarah,
I know you said you are happy, but you are also 'running on empty'. So how can a happy person be running on empty at the same time? There is a difference between living a happy versus a meaningful life. Although these two concepts overlap sometimes, we can live unhappy but meaningful lives (just ask a surgical resident or new parents! haha).
Transitioning has never been a happiness pursuit for me. I had to subject my body to numerous surgical and chemical alterations, not to mention the mounting medical bills and the upheaval it has caused within my social circle. I know that I will be a lot happier if I did not transition, but life would be meaningless. I can live without happiness as long as my life has meaning.
I suspect you meant to say that your life is now meaningful, even though it isn't as happy as you'd hoped.
That is fine, and that is to be expected. Running on empty is what a lot of desperate parents will say when trying to parent an obnoxious teenager. But they do it anyway because parenting gives them meaning and purpose (among many other things).
So you want a pat on the back? *PAT PAT PAT* - there you go.
Now get back out there and keep trying.
Yours,
S