Chaperones

[Helen_Highwater]

Kandi Robbins posted a thread, "Looking for some feedback" about what would get folks to break out of their comfort zones.

I'd been thinking something similar and the idea struck me.

Try as I might I've struggled to get those who've expressed a desire to step out to do so and one of the most common reasons not to is the distance involved.

Hence I wondered if say in the US for example, each state could have a volunteer chaperone. One of the members experienced in outandaboutery who could be called upon to handhold anyone who was looking for that first outward experience. The idea could be translated into any country. A network of "Old hands" who could help those enjoy a first step out the door in a safe environment.

We already have a set of guidelines for safely meeting others. This would be another tier.

Thinking on, there could be a menu, a list of "What do you want to do"? 1)Have a drink in a pub. 2) Go for a meal. 3)Go shopping. You get the idea. Predetermined but not set in stone as one thing does lead to another.

So, I guess the question is two fold. Who would volunteer to be a chaperone and who, knowing help wasn't that far away, would call upon it's services?

[Patience]

Your idea is certainly nice, but you're falling into the same trap the Beatles fell in when touring the States. The sheer size of the US.

Unless you're talking about the smaller eastern states like Vermont or Delaware, one single chaperone is not nearly enough. Texas and California, to name two, have a larger land mass than many European countries, so multiple regional chaperones would probably be needed.

[docrobbysherry]

There used to be a makeover service by a T friendly woman in Vegas. Included with a complete make over was a nite out with the woman and her T friends if u scheduled it on a certain afternoon.

However, what u and Kandi propose is NOT financially viable. There were services like that offered in certain cities in the USA in the 90's. But, they were expensive and rarely used. All folded long ago I believe?

Ultimately, if a T is too shy to go out alone they need to contact other dressers online, like here, or in person, locally. LGBT bars/clubs is a good place to meet other dressers locally. The T could go in drab.

But, this is all dinosaur talk anyway. Young T's don't fantasize about dressing up as women from ancient times like we do. They put on whatever androgenous look makes them comfortable and go out anywhere without a care!

[Di]

Nice thought
But
After Sherlyn got her confidence and we went pretty much everywhere we did offer that ( for free ) just so those could experience what she had because once upon a time that was Sher.
There was a local online group and we offered it . I would reassure them even the day of and they said they were so excited , what they were going to wear ect. But they did not show up. ( we offered to pick up or meet them ) ( I said I would walk them in and so on) But their fear over took them and they totally ghosted us. We did meet a few and still friends to this day but we found most were all talk .
We gave up as we lived a ways from the city and it was a big inconvenience for us.
We just did our thing from then on out,
I don?t know how that could be prevented from happening. Had a GG friend that offered it and they had to pay upfront as she had to hire a sitter and take a train into town . And the still backed out. Both my friend and her hubby wanted others to experience what they did .
So sadly there are those that get too much in their head and chicken out.

[DianeT]

Di, it's sad that all these efforts were in vain, and Helen nice of you to try still.
Love the "outandaboutery", very outandabouteresque.

[Sallee]

It is a great idea but as Di stated probably won't work. People are just to paranoid. Once you step out very few notice even fewer care. I have been out to lots of places from gay clubs to T clubs, not to many straight clubs. But I have done restaurants, malls, and many other venues. Never a problem. Never anything said by the staff concerning my gender. I know I have been read, but still nothing said. I understand the paranoia I've had it. Sat in the car getting the nerve up to get out, once I get out and make my way to my destination there are a few nerves but then I begin to realize no one is staring or calling the morality police and I begin to realize I'm passing at least in my mind. I find that after a few days or hours of running around in dress it actually becomes boring, but I do have a great time being a girl for a few days or hours. Get out have fun, so someone may read you but they won't say anything. Life is about having fun so don't worry about it

[Helen_Highwater]

Thing is, while I appreciate that my suggestion has wrinkles and yes in the larger state of the US there would need to be multiples of volunteers to provide optimum coverage, some would be better than non.

Over the years I've made my once a year offer to be that chaperone and as faras I can remember this year is the first time no-one has taken up the offer. A couple of those who I've met in the past are now full time. Now I'm not vain enough to suggest that was down to me but if you don't try then you never succeed.

As a community we move forward by supporting each other. Doing it through the written word here has been of immense worth to so many over the years and my experience tells me anyone who were to offer their services isn't likely to need a secretary to handle their bookings. Blue moons springs to mind.

All I'm saying is, if experienced members are willing to help then should someone decide they would like support for that first step, someone would be willing to say, "I'll do it".

[docrobbysherry]

There was a girl that popped up here a couple of years ago that was always anxious to meet local dressers for dinner. She lived close to me and I dressed with my T friend and we met her and a few other T's for dinner once. The other 2 were new to going out.

She continued to hold these dinner events and always invited me. But, they were always very close to where I live. And, I'm not comfortable dressing close to home. She wasn't interested in me coming in drab! Sadly, Jenny passed this year.

As I said previously, us old time, closet dressers that dress to the 9's but r afraid to go out r a dying breed. A few will brave going out, of course. But, like Di explained, most probably won't.

Helen, u and Di's offers of support r wonderfully generous. But, I've met 100's of dressers. And, most r independent individuals used to going their own way!

[KitCat]

Been there did something like it.
When I was moderating a local group there were monthly Girls Nights Out (GNO) where we would meet at a bar for snacks and drinks.
That still goes on now thanks to the next generations.
What I did was to acquire a safe space for gathering a few hours before GNO. The local LGBTQ (Out Alliance) was great at helping and providing the space)
There was space for changing and gathering and I always tried to bring something to share that was of interest makeup tutorials or tech tips.
Come as you are or dressed all were welcome
Once we even took a field trip to a hair/wig shop where an ally was ready to help with a half dozen CD"S trying to find themselves.
It was only somewhat successful, but I burned myself out fairly rapidly.
It was a great couple of years and I made some dear friends.
Back to the thread topic I envisioned something like Helens idea as a knock off of the big brothers and big sisters program.
In my mind I jokingly called it Really Big Sisters
Maybe someone will run with it again some day

[Marcelo]

It's not my cup of tea, neither is it free, but one option is to start a MeetUp group in your area. There is one in Dallas, TX that has a GNO every Wednesday. I think you can put in an interest for a group on the website to see if any else wants to join. I've searched a few times for groups when traveling.

I suppose you could also start a Facebook page for free.

[Philipa Jane]

I went looking for groups of other trans/CD groups online the other week. Trying to expand my social scene.
Most offer some sort of hook up/ dating contacts. Not something I am interested in.
Eventually I stumbled across a like minded group and these people were to meet for a walk along the coast foot path just 5 minutes from where I live.
In order to identify themselves obscurely there was to be a yellow sign on display where they met.

I went on Friday at the designated time and looked for anyone and any sort of yellow sign. Nothing.
To be fair we have had a cold snap and the wind was howling off the ocean but with that in mind I went dressed for the weather.
There is another meet planned for next week so I shall try again.

It would be good to find someone to have a coffee and chat with.

[SaraLin]

Helen, before I start my thoughts, I need to say that there's probably nothing that would entice me to go out these days, since my wife has a VERY firm rule about leaving the house.

Now that I've said that, I'd like to share a couple thoughts, if only to see what you (and others) think.

I'm hesitant to go out in public, since for me, getting noticed as anything other than just-another-woman is not at all what I want. In fact, I dread it.
Now, add another person dressed up, and the "risk" of discovery feels like it's multiplied.
If [s]he doesn't pass well, I get a closer look.
If [s]he DOES pass well - then I fear a reaction of "why is she with that ugly - oh wait! That's a man!"
I'm not saying I'm being sensible here but then again, how many fears are?

A long time ago, I decided that the ideal "go out" situation would be something like this:
Having a friend who also dresses - and take turns being the girl and guy on "pretend?" dates.
This way, the muggles sees a man and a woman out together, and don't think anything about it.
They're not comparing which is better looking. They're not thinking about "hooking up" with the possibly-single girls, and thus taking a closer look. Their eyes just move on.

The faux couple wouldn't have to act all romantic or anything. They could act like a "first date", getting to know each other pair - or at the opposite end of the spectrum they could act like an old-married couple. Perhaps even co-workers out to lunch? Just friends? The possibilities are endless.

The next time around they switch roles. This time's woman is next time's man.
This way, not only do you get to go out as a lady, but you get to be treated as one by a partner - an added bonus.
Maybe as both friends get more comfortable in their female roles - then they could have all-girls' outings.

Of course this would take a lot of groundwork, rules set up in advance, and trust.

I know it's probably just a fantasy. But it's a nice one.