This is going to be another book, so if you don't like reading long posts, skip merrily along by
There was a thread somewhat recently where the question was asked about what everyone's favorite item of femme attire was. A lot of the answers were bras. For me, it's always been pantyhose and that's what I answered. But, the bra answer got me thinking. I have a bra; it's the only bra I've ever owned. It doesn't fit well, and it never really felt all that great. I've worn it on occasion, but never very much. Just not my favorite article of femme clothing, and I don't feel more femme really with it on.
That all recently changed, thanks to that thread. Holy wow did it change.
I've recently re-measured myself in every dimension apropos to clothing, both men and women. That included sizing myself for a new bra. I figured if I got a bra that actually fit then I would have a better understanding of whether I liked them or not. I don't have very large breasts, but based on measurements I should be able to wear a 42B comfortably without inserts. I did some online shopping, getting an idea of what I liked and didn't like. One thing I definitely don't like is wire free bras. They just look wrong to me for myself.
My wife (very accepting and supportive) and I took a trip recently and were staying in a major city for some days. While there, we did a fair bit of shopping in a variety of stores. Most of the time I was with my wife, but sometimes not; there was a particular store where she went a couple of times for quite a while and where I was bored, so I went shopping on my own. We kept looking for 42B bras. It seems in stores there are no women larger than 40. Between my wife and I we must have gone through over a thousand bras without finding a single 42-anything bra, much less a 42B. Finally, at her suggestion we got a 40C bra for me, operating under the supposed principle that one band size less and one cup size larger sometimes fits. So it fit, but it was a fair bit too tight in the band. Not uncomfortable for a relatively short while, but after a couple of hours it was a bit much. But, it fit better than my only other bra. So then the search continued looking for a 42B, but I also was looking for a 3 hook bra extender. I found both in one store! I couldn't believe it! Both the first new bra with extender and the new 42B fit fantastically, and I absolutely fell in love with them. I suddenly knew what all the fuss was about! I NOW LOVE BRAS! My wife even noted that I was occasionally touching my breasts with the bra on while driving lol!
Back this past spring, I had a long post about getting out in public while wearing anything femme. On this trip, when I got the first bra I put it on in the bathroom of a mall and walked around the mall while my wife was at the store she loved. I did some shopping. I knew the bra straps couldn't easily be detected from the front, as I had a sweatshirt on, but I suspected (and confirmed with my wife later) that the straps could be seen from the back at least a bit. I did my shopping anyway, and felt invigorated by it all, knowing people behind me likely could tell. The chances of me being seen by someone I knew were effectively zero (just too far from home), and the chances of something significantly negative happening were also effectively zero. That was the key; safety.
My wife and I have a few ground rules about my crossdressing. One of them is not in public in places where people we know might see. With her permission, I violated that early this evening, not long after sunset. The town where we live gets pretty quiet around Christmas time, and snow was coming down. I took the opportunity to go for a walk in a pair of heels. I walked about 3/4ths of a mile. I went into a public building and used a restroom (I was getting pretty desperate!). In all of it, I encountered no other pedestrians. But, I don't think I would have cared too much if I did.
I think a new mode is being entered. The run-to-the-storm confidence I have in other aspects of my life is now edging its way finally into the CDing aspects of my life. It's almost a relief. So much of the self acceptance journey is about self hate, self doubt. Getting that confidence is finally saying screw you to the gnawing doubt that's frequently there instead.
I'm also having to resist the urge to buy up all the bras I see online that I think look awesome I did buy two sets of gel inserts though, one small and one large. The large ones especially help to properly fill out the 40C bra that's now effectively a 42C bra with the extenders. Oh that feels fantastic!