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Last edited by CharlotteCD; 01-28-2024 at 03:46 AM.
I don't know you or your wife, just the little bit that you have written on this forum. What I do know is - secrecy poisons. It poisons relationships and how someone keeping the secret feels inside.
You seem to be trying to open up to some of the people that mean the most to you and that may be a good thing. Never say never, where there is communication, there is hope. For some, coming to the brink of dissolving a marriage is a turning point. Maybe things will change.
I wish you the best.
Excellent post by Char! Yes communication is the big key for all of us.
Good luck!
I do also understand that it is easier said then done.
Crissy
There's so much in your first paragraph that I relate to Charlotte, so much to unpack. Yes ... I've been struggling with telling those closest to me for some time. As I've aged its become more important to let myself enjoy being Joanna. It's what drew me to this site in the first place. I have hinted to my eldest daughter that I have a dominant feminine side but haven't gone into details about it other than saying I enjoy wearing nightgowns and she seemed supportive. Since then I feel the need to be more honest about things with her and my other children but I doubt they would be able to handle it. With my upbringing and beliefs I've struggled with living a "no nonsense" existence and who I feel I am within ... its been a balancing act. I had a girlfriend for a number of years and when we first began I was honest with her about my wearing nightgowns which she wasn't supportive of and through our time together I had to hide my things from her. We broke things off for a number of reasons and think she suspected the entire time that I was still wearing but never said so.
Since then I've gone all-out to enjoy my feminine side. I purchased breasts and a wig to wear when the mood strikes (which is often) and add a necklace and perfume. I know I don't pass for a female as I don't hide my male parts but I enjoy seeing my silhouette in the mirror with both M/F parts and just would like to have an hourglass figure to finish things off. When I first started wearing it was because of feel but as I've aged its become important to pass for a female. I hope to achieve that so I can go out as one.
Joanna
Wow, things have come a long way recently. I totally respect your efforts to work with your spouse. If this new candor is improving communications, that is a good thing, no matter what. Even if things do not work out, one might hope that you can have an amicable relationship, not just for your daughters benefit, but for both of you as well.
Best wishes!
Last edited by kimdl93; 01-14-2024 at 11:48 PM.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
My wife and I met as teenagers and we had to split 17 years ago to come back stronger together a year later. 4 years ago my coming out as CD shook the foundations of the couple again. Still fixing it, but we recovered, I think. Where there is mutual love and a will there is a way. I wish you both find it.
Thanks for this Charlotte. I don’t know why but for some reason I thought your wife was comfortable with the dressing. My wife and I have had our ups and downs. Almost divorced, short separation, couples counseling etc. I still don’t know what the future holds for our marriage but we love each other. No matter what happens I hope and those you love will get through this. By the way we also have a daughter. She is 9.
Just another man in a dress
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Last edited by CharlotteCD; 01-28-2024 at 03:47 AM.
I could only suggest is to communicate as much as you can without pushing it either. I don't know you or your wife and your relationship as a couple but I know in any kind of building of anything the foundation has to be strong to support the weight. If your relationship foundation is strong it could withstand anything, I know it's easy to say don't push it but if there is a chance I believe you have to find balance and patients. Hearing you have a daughter there has to be something to fight for.
Personally, I would refrain from trying to inject levity into the situation. You may think it's a joke to say "I'll let you be the one to teach _______makeup." to which she gave a smile and said "Probably best that way." You're rubbing salt in an open wound. She is right in her analysis that a cross-dressing husband down the street is no way akin to a husband revealing he is a cross-dresser. Counseling may be helpful for your wife to understand how and why a man may want to wear women's attire. Counseling to iron out differences between husband and wife may be helpful. You need to think what your end game or goal may be when it comes to counseling. I get the impression from postings on this site many times there is an expectation counseling will end up with the husband's goal being fully met and the wife is along for the ride. Men have to acknowledge they may not have laid all the cards on the table before they said the "I do" at the alter. As any GG on this site will say holding back a material piece of information did not allow her to make an informed choice. Yes, sometimes differences can be ironed out, but sometimes "It is a deal breaker."
The person she fell in love with is the person she's married to. The person she fell in love with is a crossdresser. It's part of what makes you you, part of what made you be a person she fell in love with.
As I mentioned in another recent post, no girl grows up dreaming of marrying her knight wearing a shiny white wedding dress. It doesn't work like that. But, a crossdressing husband brings qualities to the table that likely aren't anywhere near as common in vanilla males. Some women have referred to it as the best of both worlds. There IS value in a husband being a crossdresser. It can take time to understand and embrace that.
Whatever the future holds, I wish you the best Charlotte.
"Care about what other people think of you and you will always be their prisoner" - Lao Tzu
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Last edited by CharlotteCD; 01-28-2024 at 03:47 AM.
your comment about 'social anxiety' in interesting in light of the recent thread about 'neurodiversity'.
Charlotte, There is never a simple answer, it is always more complex
Crissy
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