The Urge

[Nathalia]

These past few weeks I've been alone in my apartment and I've been dressing a lot lately enjoying myself being beautiful. I tried many dresses, lingeries, pantyhose these past few days looking myself in the mirror and also this time around I applied make up on myself I'm a beginner when it comes to make up but I still appreciated it and I know with practice I can make myself more beautiful. There is this urge that whenever I'm fully en femme I want to get outside and walk letting other passersby see me en femme. This urge just keeps getting stronger every time I dress. Is there a way to contain it? For I really want my crossdressing to stay secret.

[Karren H]

Well, if there is a way, I never found it. I had that same urge over 2 decades ago and after practicing makeup for over a year, I finally grabbed that door handle and escaped into the real world. My advice is to hurry up and figure out makeup and get out there! Looking back you will wonder why you did not do it sooner.

[Helen_Highwater]

Natalie,

Like a lot of thing compromise can be the solution, one many here including me have embraced.

You want secrecy, neighbours, friends and acquaintances not to know about your dressing so take it somewhere no-one knows you. Stay in a hotel or rent a holiday home, AirB&B, somewhere it's highly unlikely you'll bump into anyone you know.

As Karren says, why fight it. It will overwhelm you at some point. I fought it for years but eventually succumbed and now I'm so pleased I did as I've had such wonderful adventures meeting up with so many from within our community and many outside it.

[Kris Burton]

I agree completely with Karren! I have found stepping out publicly to be a peak experience. There are lots of ways to do it, especially for the first time, that would not endanger your identity. Selecting a site a good distance from your home where it would be unlikely to see anyone you know would be a good start, as would going to a local CD/TG support group where you could meet up with others. The very fact that you are interested in developing your makeup skills will go far in concealing your male identity too - you'll be surprised at how little the lovely girl in the mirror resembles you.

[kimdl93]

It’s probably been 14 years since I first found the courage to step out my front door. Since then, I have kept going. I have no idea how to dampen the urge to be out in the world.

I think at some point its just natural to want to escape the confines of ones home and step out into the real world. We are social animals, so it?s natural that we want/need to interact with people. And I suppose that there is a degree of validation in being out, being seen and hopefully encountering some positive reactions along the way.

[Jillcder]

For me it was a very slippery slope once I started going out in public the urge continued to increase to the point I would dress daily if possible.

[Leah87]

Hi Nathalia.

I'm reading your post with great interest as I seem to be going through a similar phase of having this urge to go out when I dress. Up until a few months ago the urge was non-existent, as it has been for all my CD life. Think there has been a boost in my confidence levels recently, especially since joining this forum, along with seeing how other people in the CD community live their lives. Having said that, being confident in the comfort of my own home is one thing. Stepping out in to the world outside my front door is a different matter altogether.

The ramifications of going out locally are too great for me to even think about. No one knows of my CD life aside from people on this forum. However, as Helen has said in her post, the answer might be to go somewhere else where I would be completely unknown. The logistics would still be extremely difficult, but not impossible.

I have yet to apply any make up, but I really need to mention that a fellow member of this forum has very kindly offered to help in this respect should I ever wish to venture out. They have also very kindly offered to accompany me should I venture into the big wide world. Facing that first outing with someone by my side makes the whole thing seem a little less daunting. I have no idea right now if that time will ever come, but I appreciate their offer more than they might imagine. I am extremely lucky.

I will be really interested to hear how you deal with your urges, Nathalia. I wish you all the very best for your future.

Leah.

[Andrea Renea]

What Karren said.

[Sandi Beech]

Back in 2017 I was dressing in my hotel room more and more when traveling for work. Eventually I got bitten by the bug of wanting to go out and to be seen. For a number of months, I had this tug of war with myself.

Go out Sandi. No it is too scary. But you want to. But what if this, what if that.

The back and forth was tormenting. One day I was fed up with it and took the plunge. There is no going back. You can go to any LGBT bar and be very well accepted. The only real concern is what your spouse would think. I have been caught wearing fem items enough that at least she knows I do it for me. You are in the risky position of not knowing how she would react. So that is a huge consideration.

Still, if you do go out, please take advice of the people here. Going for night walks in remote areas may be your first inclination, but most will tell you, real women never do that. So keep that in mind. Go to safe places.

FYI, it can be a lot of fun. Maybe too much in my case. Haha.

Sandi

[Sometimes Steffi]

There was a time when I was afraid to go out dressed.

I had several inflection points. I was on long term company travel, and I finally got up the guts to go shopping en homme. The first place that I went to was very nonchalant about me trying on a women's blouse. The second place let me try on harem pants. When I told the SA I wanted to buy them, she kept showing me other clothing that would go with the harem pants.

I scheduled a makeover during an out of town business trip. I found out that I could really be made up to look like a girl. One time my wife went out of town on vacation without me. I concocted a fake out of town business trip. It was actually a 2-day trip to a well known CD who did makeovers and had a photo session en femme. My profile pic (not the Buggs Bunny one) is one of 200 pics that I got from that trip.

My second inflection point was meeting another CD (who I had met here) FtF. She knew a number of CDs locally, and soon I was going out with about a dozen girls. The last step was to go to the Keystone Conference with 500 girls.

Being out in the real world was so wonderful. Getting positive confirmations from CDs and GGs was so empowering. Once, I even managed to get a "date" with a Bi GG who appreciated my look and style.

So, sorry. I can't help you control the urge. For me, embracing the urge was great fun and very empowering.

[ReallyLauren]

For me, there came a point in time where I had a degree of confidence in my appearance and I didn't want to contain my dressing. Eventually, I took baby steps out the door. While there were occasional setbacks, my confidence grew and grew to the point where I now get out 4 - 5 time per week. I came to the realization that people are just into their own thing and hardly ever notice others. I want to relate to the world as a woman and have the world do the same for me. I don't dress to be seen by others, I just want to see myself that way.

[Cheryl T]

I was alone in the closet till 2005.
Finally I succumbed to that desire to be in public. I made myself pretty, dressed in my finest and grabbed my purse. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!
I've never looked back.

That first time I was at a mall. I sat on a bench and watched people go by. I thought they'd all be staring at me, pointing, laughing. No one looked. They were all so wrapped up in their own business they didn't have time for me.
Now the world is my oyster, as the saying goes.

We all want to be part of the world.

[Stephanie47]

Is there a reason you want to contain it? Is it taking up too much of your time, resulting in nothing getting done? My recommendation is to get it out of your system. Go out for an evening stroll in an area of your town that is safe and you will not encounter anyone you know. When I was overwhelmed with the need to go out that is what I did.

[docrobbysherry]

Yes, Nathalia, there is! I am a closet dresser. Yet, for over a decade a few times a year I pack up all my gear and go out of town for a week of dressing, partying, and socializing with 100's of cross dressers from all over the planet!

T girl conventions and get togethers r all over the USA every year. I plan to attend 2 in Vegas this year. WildSide in May and DLV in Oct. See the there!?

[CrossKimmy]

It?s hard to be in the closet. You just want to be seen as your beautiful self but you don?t want to risk your secret getting out.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I am in the closet myself, but I still have FUN with it. I take PHOTOS of myself in various looks and it is LOTS of fun--- I show many of them on this site. I like to pull off tricks of makeup and my outfits and characters have a bit of a fantasy edge. Not only am I trying to test different looks on myself, but try to see if I can look like other people (SophiaLloren, etc.) too. Even if I do not succeed I end up with a new look for myself. Besides, even if I decided to actually go out, Most of my looks are a bit too "fantasy" inspired to go public in. Would work for Halloween or masquerade though. I actually did do my "Gypsy Fortune Teller" one Halloween and also participated in a Church womanless Beauty contest a few years back.--- The only times I actually went out. So every couple of weeks or months I try out new ideas in my photo sessions. Those are enough to STAY the URGE until next time.

[BTWimRobin]

There's not point in fighting the urge. Just accept it and move on. Dressing feels good and keeps me at peace with myself. I call it a peace, euphoria. I don't have the time to dress as much or the way I would like so I do what I can, when I can. I also try to incorporate some aspects into my everyday life. I've found the clothes I wear everyday have become my clothes. And yes most of them come from the softer side of the store.

Have fun!

[Aunt Kelly]

As I shared in another thread recently, there are many valid reasons to keep your gender identity/expression a secret, but shame and guilt are not among them. You may want to examine your reasons. It may be that staying in the closet is a sound choice for you, at this time. On the other hand, given your expressed desire to present en femme, there also appears to be some conflict here that is not being addressed. Consider finding a professional who can help sort this out. Life is too short to live it with doubt or self-loathing.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Natalie , It sounds like you are between a Rock and a Hard Place, >Orchid**OO**

[Helen_Highwater]

Back in 2017

Still, if you do go out, please take advice of the people here. Going for night walks in remote areas may be your first inclination, but most will tell you, real women never do that. So keep that in mind. Go to safe places.

Sandi

Not wishing to move off point but I think this is worth reinforcing for anyone thinking of going out.

It will seem totally counter intuitive but going out to a busy shopping mall is far safer than walking a lonely street late at night. It's surprisingly easy to hide in a crowd especially if you dress to blend. Be like all the GG's in what you wear.

First encounters; drive though can be a good starting point.

[JaclynL61]

For me, I got tired of staying shut in. I felt so trapped. I just decided to go out and live. As all the others have said, be safe.

[Geena75]

I don't know if there is a healthy way to control the urge. I can only think of heightening the very thing that keeps you from getting out -- fear. Feeding yourself fear is not a way to live. Most suggest finding safe ways to get out. I would suggest taking a drive, maybe in the evening. Find an outdoor locale seldom visited (and a distance from your usual haunts) and walk around there. Keep in mind, unless someone knew you dressed up, they most likely wouldn't recognize you.

[Betty70]

I started showing up in public less than two years ago.
My experience is this:
* the urge does not go away,
* if you start, you probably won't stop anymore.
* every outing is very emotionally draining
* there are periods of total fatigue with dressing up.
* fear of the consequences of being exposed
Summary: the feeling of happiness and fulfillment is temporary, in the long run the urge still remains unsatisfied.

[Jessica Secret]

Oh yes Nathalia the urges are very strong, no idea how to contain them. I dress at bedtime in romantic lingerie and I hate having to change out of it the next morning (other than the weekends when I stay in lingerie most of the day).

[Nathalia]

Thabk you ladies for the advices. I enjoy reading all your advice as well as your share of having these urges of going out in public fully en femme. I know to myself that these urges are strong because I have been crossdressing secretly since I was young maybe it started at like 10 or 11 years old and now that I am in my early 30's I kinda regret not going out as a crossdresser when I was younger maybe I would have been more satisfied if I did it. I would have been able to express my feminine side without any restriction if I have done so.

These past few days for me to fight these urges I wear pantyhose and panties under my work uniform and I am at my office the whole day just feeling it imagining that I also wear skirts, dresses and make up like my lady coworkers.

It also passed through my mind to go to a hotel maybe for 2 days and 2 nights and get out there in oublic fully dressed en femme. I'm going to execute this plan that I have but I would have to travel far from my hometown for this to be layed out and also I would need to buy a wig for me to look more beautiful while not being recognized by anyone. But for now underdressing in pantyhose and panties would suffice.