So for the past few weeks I have not been all that excited about dressing up to the extent I have been. I know the first thing that comes to mind is burn out and to me I don't think that is what it is this time.
At the moment I do have a lot of things going on in my life. But I have noticed at times that I wonder if I fully accept this part of me. There are times that I will look in the mirror and be confident in myself and then there are times that I'm not so much. I know I am not a GG (though I wish I was at times) and am happy with the effort I put in but I can look at my selfies at times and see my flaws, and obvious signs of a mans face and for some reason that will turn me off to the want to do it just like how I will look at some of my good photos and think dam I look great.
Now I'm not saying I should be excited and giddy when I dress everyday as it has become the norm now. But I tend to ask myself questions like "why do I do this if I only hid in my home" "Is there more to this? Is it a gender issue?" "is this a phase that I will drop in the future like I have with trying to learn drums, bass guitar, karate, etc"
I feel like I am looking for a reason but in turn its the possibility that I don't 100% accept myself yet. Like I've mentioned before I have an amazing wife that pretty much lets me have carte blance, on top of a few family members that know.
Depression dose not seem to help the cause, but I feel not accepting myself 100% is probably a factor in it.
I don't know if I am just ranting but I wanted to share my current thoughts and feelings. I have never had a huge friend circle let alone ones that know about me. This forum has been good to me in the past and other than my therapist this is one of the few places I feel I can talk to someone.
-Jessica