The Fit Hit the Shan

[x_girl]

My wife and I went through a very tough period after I told her, but you can get through this. You have just turned her world upside down and she likely doesn’t understand her feelings. Give her time to reflect without adding further unsolicited discussion on the topic.

I recommend that you pay her extra attention and show her how much you love her. She needs to know that your relationship is no different than it has always been and that you are still the same person she loves.

Good luck

[Laurie Ann]

Thanks everyone I know that you all wish the best for both of us. Time will be needed to get through this. However if the choice is Laurie or my wife Laurie loses.

[Siobhan Marie]

Laurie, I hope you it all works out, I really do. We're here if you need us, we won't cross to the other side.

Anna x

[NatalieBliss]

my thoughts and best wishes are with you...

[Clare]

[SIZE=3]Hey Laurie. I have only just seen this thread and I don't know what to say! I just hope you and the Wife can reach some level of compromise and understanding in the long term.
[/SIZE]

Thanks everyone I know that you all wish the best for both of us. Time will be needed to get through this. However if the choice is Laurie or my wife Laurie loses.

[Jodi]

Good luck Laurie. But remember, you can put Laurie away, but Laurie never, ever leaves. And to all the other girls here who are in the closet and are married, you are living with a timebomb. You will be caught, and you must be ready to live with any consequences. I know this sounds harsh, but I've been there. My ex-wife knew about Jodi for many years. After a long marriage, she gave me the ultimatum--either Jodi or her. I knew that Jodi would never die, and putting her away would probably drive me over the edge. So, I now live alone. We are both much happier.

Jodi

[Rachel Morley]

Oh no!......I am so very very sorry Laurie Ann. I don't have anything new to add to what's already been said by the girls here, but hang in there sweetie we're all routing for ya.

Big hugs

Love Angel

[Noel Chimes]

My Ms. accepted me from the begining. Since we have moved into a new neighborhood, I have been out more often in the neighborhood.The only ones who haven't seen me are next door. My thoughts and prayers are with you Laurie.

[michellecd9999]

My prayers and thoughts are with you. I thought I was found out a few weeks ago, but my wife let it drop. I understand your concern and her reaction. I hope you two are able to work it out. I HATE seeing relationships end over CDing. Other women put up with so much worse (affairs, violence, abuse, lack of love, etc)
Michelle

[uknowhoo]

Oh dear, sweet Laurie, I am so sorry to hear your sad news.

As you know, a month or so ago my marriage was at the edge of the precipice. It was heartwrenching and agonizing. At the same time, the experience brought into sharp focus just how important our love, our marriage and our family are to us. Coming that close to losing it all, really made us appreciate just how much we had to lose. We still have some hard work and bumps ahead of us, but my wife and I are both committed to rebuilding and making it stronger than it was before.

I hope that the two of you are able to work it out. You both will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,

Tammi

[Zelda Noe]

Laurie:

I know this is a stressful time for you and your wife right now, I think you are dealing with it wisely. Time can heal. Listen closely to your wifes' needs, assure her by your daily actions that you are for her and continually assure her of your love for her.

We are here for you on Crossdressers and rooting for you to come out a winner in this difficult situation.

All the best,

Dandy

[tabytha chai]

I have been there before. I lost my then fiance when I "came out" to her. I really hope that this turns out to be a good thing for you and your wife.Just go slow and try to empathize with her fears. Hopefully she can find it in her heart to understand. There will be awkward stages to get thru but it could very well work out for the best. Good Luck.
hugs
tabby

[Laurie_Ann_CD]

I wish you good luck to through this phase.

[Annesah]

Not to burden anyone but this thread reminds me that all this heartache could be avoided if we just came clean about the cd issue. It IS a mater of trust and faith! Please.... You younger girls still dateing. Figure a way to present yourself when things start to get bit "serious". It will show her you are honest, upfront and courageous. She will probably love you for it and neither of you will ever have to deal with this again. 0.02

[Tiffy]

Laurie, You know I love you. Keep your head up and time may help. Just please do not think you can put part of yourself away. I tried that in my first marriage. I found out April was stronger and would never leave. So I had to adjust. I know that is not something you want to hear. But facts are facts. I wish you the best and will keep my fingers crossed for you and you are in my thoughts as well as my wifes. And remember we are all here for you sister. We love you!!!!!!


Love, April Marie

[Kelly_TGirl]

Are the peoples going to realize that there are something's you can not change no matter how hard you try being transgenred is not the easeist stuff to ever come down the pike very old saying

I just fali to see why others can not love us dispite our own falinigs what have you.

Until that time we will never achive any kind of lasting peace be it on a personal levle or elsewhen!:

Jay Suzy!:

What i fail to understand is how YOU can feel like that. A woman falls in love with the man, IF she hasnt been told of the femme side. I have told all my female partners about my femme side , then further down the road there are no surprises. DEMANDING a female accepts a male being a tv is just plain wrong and shows no respect. A female doesnt have to acept the femme side, she will feel her man has been lieing etc etc. Which is why i have told all my partners. I now have one who LOVES my femme side, is turned on by it, buys me clothes and make up all the time and everything is good.

To any tvs out there, TELL your partner, 1 they may LOVE it, 2 they will respect your honesty and 3 there will be no surprises for her.

[Holly]

Laurie Ann, my heart aches for both you and your wife. Things may seem bleek at the moment but time does have a way of changing our perceptions. Give your wife some time to sort out her feelings and you also have a need to process where you are at as well. As the two of you work through this period of your life, don't make promises unless you are 100% certain that you will be able to fulfill them (nor should she). You are still both the same people who fell in love with one another and have experienced the ups and downs of a committed relationship over the years. If you wanna talk...

[jerseycarla]

Hang in there, only time will tell, and time heals all wounds.

[Dixie Darling]

Kelly,

I just couldn't let this one go by without replying to it. With all due respect to responndee Kelly TGirl, it seems as though you may not fully understand that not all CDs had reliable and current information available to them which is available today prior to their marriage. The availabilty of this information - ESPECIALLY through the internet - has provided a whole bunch of crossdressers with PRE-marriage information that enables them to bring the issues up BEFORE making the marriage commitment. Those who have been married since long before the internet came into being were extremely limited in the amount of reputable information available to them. Most had the mistaken idea that once they were married, the propensity to crossdress would go away, and I think we are all in agreement that THAT'S not going to happen. Then (usually several years down the road) by the time the couple is completely committed to each other, and he discovers that the need to dress is stronger than it ever was, he is faced with the decision to either tell her and risk losing her and everything they've 'built' together, or staying in the closet.

You're correct in stating that a wife doesn't HAVE to accept her husband's feminine side and it's a fact that many of them don't. You made the statement:

"DEMANDING a female accepts a male being a tv is just plain wrong and shows no respect."

I'll agree with that entirely, but on the other side of the coin, and recognizing the fact that dressing is an undeniable NEED that a CD has, is it also reasonable and respectable for his wife to DEMAND that he cease to dress immediately and forever more? And especially after he's worked up the intestinal fortitude to come out to her so as to not have to lie or sneak around behind her back any more? In doing so she is essentially telling her husband that he is to rid himself of that portion of his personality. Oddly enough, some of the very parts of that personality are usually what attracted her to him to begin with and even if it was possible to do away with that part, the end result would most probably be a personality that she would like even less.

You also said:

"TELL your partner, (1) they may LOVE it, (2) they will respect your honesty and (3) there will be no surprises for her."

I will agree that if there's a REASONABLE chance for even some tolerance and understanding that CDs ought to come out to their wives. As far as a wife respecting her husband's honesty by him telling her, it would appear that these wives would do so. . . . HOWEVER, all too often the news itself overshadows the guts and honesty it took for him to come out and the respect for his honesty in wanting her to know about his feminine counterpart is cast to the wayside. In regards to your # 3, it's true that there may be no futher surprises for the wife, but at the same time there might be many for the CD depending upon whatever the wife's reaction(s) might be post disclosure.

Dixie http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[suanne]

To Dixie Darling. "And the Choir says.........AMEN!!!!!



Suanne

[Angie G]

: Laurie sorry to get this news my prayers are with you.
You must let your wife know hoe much you love her she needs to know this
at this time above all.
Good luck in working things out we are all with you
Angie G

[donna h]

Best wishes 4 you and your wife, I feel 4 you both. I gave my wife some info from Geocitie I think Dixie was on here already, its good stuff 4 her 2 read. We had a big talk and I wrote my wife 4 page letter trying 2 explain me. I gave her stuff 2 read from Geocities such as the other woman and it helped. She learned it is just a fact of life, and that I still loved her. The deception part is hard. You need to show her by words and ACTIONS you are still the man she fell in love with. My wife read the stuff as she wanted, no pressure from me I stressed it was 4 her 2 learn,hopefully with the info available 2 you and her you both can overcome this. I can say once she knows a little and accepts a little you will feel alot better inside.Once again good luck my thoughts are with you and her

[Gale R]

Nothing i can add to what has been said already but if your wife is still able to discuss the situation, there may still be hope.
Good luck Laurie.

[Julie Avery]

Laurie, I'm really slow at finding posts these days, and I just found this. I'm hoping for the best for you.

Doug

[Missy Anne's GG]

Laurie,

I feel so sorry for you that this situation has developed. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,

Missy Anne's GG