Aargh the frustration of being seen wrongly

[pocoyo]

Sal - aww thank you so much, that means a lot. A lot indeed. *big hugs*

Cap - yeah they are real nice people but they certainly didn't get me and are definitely a little pushy (which doesn't gel with some people like me). Hey thanks for all the Cappy hugs mmmm thanks

Kieron - you know me... I'm greedy for everything good... muahaha!

Tristan - awww thank you. Cheers for the lovely hugs too! Mmm Tristanhugs

Zen - thank you. I'm sorry you have this frustration also. But.. you're right... correcting them is probably the way to go! I actually took your advice in an e-mail I replied to him/her. (See next post for that). Thank you *hugs Zen*

Hehe John! thank you

Ms Donna hehe oh yeah hehe don't worry I won't do that! But it does indeed bear repeating. Sometimes it feels like I have to just to shut foolish people that don't "get" it up lol! (But I wouldn't... ... ... I don't think... haha no I wouldnt ).
Oh yes, I can see from your tale that you share the frustration of not being seen right. Awww for that I am sorry... may I offer you a pochug? *hug*
1 good thing is... I think that slowly but surely this world is loosening it's grip on "gender"... so take heart dear Donna.
And thank you for good advice! (Hehe yeah I agree Kieron, twas good).

Hey Joy - yeah it's soo no worth getting upset about, you're right. But... you know... even the most chilled out of us get riled up sometimes hehe. But yes... it's not worth it. Thank you. Btw... brand spanking new you? Sounds nice! I'm glad you are feeling much better these days *hug*

Haha Das yeah I didn't explain that bit too well.
Erm ok well... I wasn't like forced at gun point. But it was in the week when I finally shed my shell of not travelling... and we visited my Mum's new friend (this guy/gal... doesn't mind being either... is my Mum's friend's son/daughter you see). I had spoken to them a few times on msn (again... because mum wanted me to lol). So I wasn't FORCED, but I felt very obligated. Mum just wishing so much I had a nice friend in real life, and (to mum) he/she seemed very intelligent and kind and good looking also and has gender issues.
That was when I was still being pushed around a lot (yes a mere few weeks/month ago). I don't let myself get pushed around like that now.
Anyway, I agreed to go out (as MATES ONLY) for a drink with him/her because s/he kept saying would I go for a drink with him/her and I said I didn't want to ... couldn't we all go out together as 2 families instead? And s/he was like
*pouts* "oooh [female name] won't go for a drink with meeee" in front of everyone and made me feel so mean and everyone - his/her mum especially - was like "Oh go on... " and I made my reasons like "I'm shy... I won't know what to talk about..." and she was like "Oh he can talk for hours... you'll be ok"
So... because I knew it would make my mum happy, and because it was my week for being brave/doing challenges, and 'cos I felt mean, I thought I would.
It was quite fun...we both got to talk about our annoying alcoholic stepdad/dads which we have in common (how our mum's met...) and tough bits of childhood. And joke around about tv shows and stuff. And gender issues which s/he hasn't really been able to be open with much people about before.
But s/he came back to mums and it was fun watching tv and havin a laugh.
But I saw him/her a few more tims that week and his/her texts were getting very intense and really really lovey dovey, when all I wanted was to be friends...

Anyway, then they were all depressed and "thinking death thoughts" because of that and because of their Dad for the next week or so.

So yeah. That was nice lol.

I can tell that this person doesn't quite see the real me either.
And even though I repeatedly tell them that "I'm not a girl" they seem to keep calling me female stuff and comparing me to famous females and using my female name and treating me like they are a man and I am a girl.

And it p*sses me off... 'cos that's not how it is or should be.

(Which shows a lack of respect if you ask me, especially from another transgendered person).

So yeh. I thought it didn't feel quite right, from now on I will trust my instincts a little better. It has actually been a good lesson for me.

*stops waffling*

[pocoyo]

This is the e-mail I sent him/her this morning:


Allo,

Sory that I didn't reply last night, but my phone was open on a message, so it didn't make a beep sound to tell me I had a new one. By the time I saw it, it was too late to reply incase you were asleep.

Anyway:

aww bless, I'm really sorry that you had to go through that (I hope you are feeling much better now/soon), but everybody's journey is different.
I am ok, it just gets frustrating sometimes. (I know you think you can totally see the real me, but I can feel that you can't entirely).

Also... I didn't mean to sound rude, I was just exhasperated.

Btw... don't worry about the wanting someone to love you thing (again, totally different to my journey), you will find someone that loves you for the real, whole you. I just know it.

Hehe cheers, don't worry, I do smile, a lot actually.
It's just sometimes it's hard for people to see the total/real me at the moment.
But it's ok.

The other reason I was frustrated, is because I feel like you're pursuing me.... and I don't like people pursuing me, because it doesn't feel right.

Sorry about not wanting to talk on the telephone, but I actually really have a thing about it. I don't like it. The only reason I actually answered it the other time is because 1) You had been really depressed 2) I knew mum was at yours/in [town] that night, and it was a [town] number and I wondered if she was ok or in trouble and calling me from a [town] number.
MSN is ok for talking though.

Hope you are ok anyway

And sorry again if I sounded rude or blunt.
I am actually a ridiculously polite person that can never be cross or blunt with people... but sometimes, you just have to be to-the-point.

[Dasein9]

Yes, that does show a lack of respect. Actually, the getting others to pressure you into going for a drink sounds a tad manipulative, if you don't mind my saying so.

Your mum may have a point -- friends are a good thing to have. But you're a bit old for her to be setting up play-dates, aren't you?

[pocoyo]

I'd run the other direction as fast as you can!

Hehe yes .. I kinda am Thank you!

Yes, that does show a lack of respect. Actually, the getting others to pressure you into going for a drink sounds a tad manipulative, if you don't mind my saying so.

Your mum may have a point -- friends are a good thing to have. But you're a bit old for her to be setting up play-dates, aren't you?

Yeah. It does. grrr!
Lol it was actually (manipulative!)

Sorry I forgot to reply to the bit that you said earlier about calling out Poc the brave and being firm... thank you... I shall!

Hahaha play-dates... like we're toddlers (awww!) haha.
Yes... definitely. But... I know she was just being all sweet and caring and trying to help (even though she didn't listen to my wariness about it... and at that point I had so little faith in myself that I didn't even know that my wariness was valid... so I just sort of went along with it).

Thanks Das *nother hug*


P.S. I do actually feel a lot better about this after talking to you guys...thank you for being there... *In Stewie Griffin when he was trying to be nice voice* thanks for listening hehe

[Dasein9]

Yeh, helping... Some people just will insist on "helping" in their own way, and according to what they believe we need, instead of listening to us telling them what we need, won't they?

[Kieron Andrew]

*nother hug*

Yup there he goes again, trying to get hugs off everyone

BTW...........






just cos i felt like it lol

[pocoyo]

Yeh, helping... Some people just will insist on "helping" in their own way, and according to what they believe we need, instead of listening to us telling them what we need, won't they?

Abso-friggin-lutely!.... but eh, its my Mum, so she's allowed to try an "help" more than other people hehe. 'cos a lot of the time "Mum's know best"...
but not always... definitely not always.

Yup there he goes again, trying to get hugs off everyone

Of course!

BTW...........





just cos i felt like it lol

Awwwwwwwwwww! Thank you!

Btw... s/he has asked me to go on MSN... I'm scared lol.

[Dasein9]

Then don't go.

[Kieron Andrew]

Btw... s/he has asked me to go on MSN... I'm scared lol.

like i said tell her ur busy!

[Dasein9]

Y'know... I'm seeing this a lot with transmen, this odd sense of obligation to fulfill others' needs and demands, even at our own expense. I think it has to do with having been socialised as girls. We've been told all our lives that we have to take care of others, consider other people's feelings.

Guess what -- we don't. Well, yes we do. But not to the point of doing something that's not good for US!

You don't owe it to this person to jump onto MSN every time s/he pages, you know.

[pocoyo]

Hehe you're right... and some people are just that kind of person too.
(Even if I was GM I'd be a bit like that) but I'm learning not to be, so much.

For some reason I felt it was important to go on.. so I did.

But I really still don't think s/he gets me.

It is very frustrating. Like trying desperately, using all my might to tip the scales in my favour just one bit to make myself understood.

Sometimes (like I said on a thread in the clubhouse) I think it would just be easier to be the person people want me to be.
But that wouldn't be fair on my real self.
Now I've discovered me, I sure as hell aint lettin' go lol

[Kate Simmons]

Here's some more hugs Poc. Now listen, like you said, you gotta be firm *pounds fist on table--breaks table* Dang, don't know my own strength Anyway, firm is the key, Mr. Longblade.

[Tree GG]

Well, you know what I think . . . she may be more "psycho" than "psychic",

That pretty much sums them up.

...So yeh. I thought it didn't feel quite right, from now on I will trust my instincts a little better. It has actually been a good lesson for me.

*stops waffling*

Ataboy!

[happyfish]

How long have you tried to explain to this friend about who you are and how you see yourself? 'Cause if it's been a while, and s/he's still not gotten it, then I don't think s/he will. And that's not a relationship I'd like to continue, if I were you. Good friends get you, easily. It doesn't take explanations and explanations and frustration. And since this relationship sounds sort of fishy anyway (what with the being pressured into it and being pressured into going drinking) then maybe it'd be a good idea for you to leave. 'Course, it's your decision, but it doesn't sound like it's doing you any favours.
And I know the feeling that it would be easier to just be who people expect you to be. But I really don't think it is, in the end, because you'll know the difference and then you'll never really be happy.
Oh, and

[Lovely Rita]

I hope some day things will get better for everyone and people will stop judging things just on the surface.

Is is hard when people can neither see or understand our souls. Everyone is so very blind and this blindness hurts others.

[kerrianna]

I hope some day things will get better for everyone and people will stop judging things just on the surface.

Is is hard when people can neither see or understand our souls. Everyone is so very blind and this blindness hurts others.

Especially when it comes from someone who is supposed to 'get it'.

Which makes me wonder if this person is even TG at all? I don't think someone who is would not understand where Poc is coming from.

Sounds like a confused person with an domineering mom (psychic you sure the word isn't psycho? - sorry, she's your mum's friend...hehehe)

Poc you are super kind and polite and try so hard not to hurt people, so sometimes the best thing to do is to disengage. Firmly, politely, bye bye.

Otherwise you need to bring Klingon Salandra over to have a talk with them.



Boy you've had some great advice here. Das had a really good point about being brought up as girls and looking after other people's feelings, and I PM'd you about being an only child too. Carol is the same way - always others first. It's just about killed her.

Keep re-inforcing what is ok and what is not ok to you. Trust that you are a good person (you so much are!) and that not everyone in the world has to like you, nor you like them. And make sure you draw a boundary sometimes because otherwise you will get sucked up into other people's weaknesses.

Transitioning won't change those weak parts in them, that's for sure. It's their s**t, so don't think for a moment it's about you. A compassionate person would have totally got what was going on and treated you with more respect. Why would you want to hang out with a person who doesn't have that compassion? You don't need their crap.

Anyway got a few of these saved up...

oh yeah...picked these from the neighbour's garden. Uh...you might want to take them inside right away. She was getting the pitchfork last time I saw her.

[Lovely Rita]

Urgh.

I am fed up of people seeing me wrongly.

It really "hurts"... not like physical pain... but hurts somewhere deep in my heart.

Yeah you guys & girls on here see me right... (apart from the odd person that doesn't really know about ftms and gets it wrong).

And most of the people in my life do (because my main life is online because I've cut any other unneccesary "real life" people off due to them seeing me wrongly).

So I have this whole internet life where I am allowed to be the real me.
And it f*cking gets to me when people in real life (for instance a new friend that I was basically forced to befriend) totally gets me wrong. Especially as he/she is apparently transgendered themself.

Makes me want to yell at them (scream in their face is how I put it to them via text message lol), and show them my videos and photos and prove it.

But it's like the only way to PROVE that I'm a boy is to transition.
And I'm not sure I'm ready for that/should do that.

Bring on the f*cking verdict of "intersexed" so I can have the girl bits lopped off and get on with being a boy. Gah!

Bah! :mad:

I have spent a life time undoing what many have done. Today I don't let anyone rain on my parade. If I even smell a problem it is over. It has taken me too too much work to undo the mess that was done to me and the mess I also did to me.

[Kate Simmons]

Just tell them jIH tlhab Poc.

[Felix]

Hi Pocs my friend This is a hard situation but I think ya have to look after ya self and maybe keep ya distance so as to protect ya mental well being. Ya a dude in my eyes Hun and anyone who can't see that must be a fool!!! xx Felix

[Taylor105]

Hey Pocs....I know I haven't been posting much. Been having a bit of depression. I felt I had to post in response to this one though. I agree with a lot of the advice given to you in response to this person. Personally, the whole psychic thing is absolutely rediculous. If this person actually believes that then that is one thing that I would consider a red flag. I am a lot like you with the phone thing. I don't enjoy talking on the phone much. I also am not real big on i.m. I have messengers but I always stay on invisible. If I see someone online that I might feel like typing to then I take the initiative. I don't think you should feel forced to i.m. or talk to someone on the phone. Regardless of who they are. I think that the messages you sent are to the point and not rude in any way. If this person does not start respecting your boundaries and treating you in a more respectful way I would turn tail and run. That's just me though. You have lots of people who see the real you. Even if we aren't real life friends. I would rather have the whole lot of you as friends who really see me than a real life "friend" who doesn't get or see me at all. Big hugs to you. Taylor