Coming out to the guys

[Frankie-Dear]

Don't do it Jenn. It's not fair. You are thinking only about yourself here, and not about them at all. If these are really your friends, then treat them as friends. Don't sandbag them with this. They deserve much more than just seeing you walk through the door dressed as a woman. As I said, very seriously, before, give them some warning. And not just 5 minutes warning. This is something you should talk about BEFORE you do it.

Please re-think this. Your friends deserve to be treated better.

Lovies,
Stephenie

Yep. Like I said, you can push YOUR envelope as much as you want. When you go pushing the boundaries of other people, especially friends, then that's when difficulties are certain to arise.

[Mitch23]

I have a scenario coming up in the next couple of weeks. We are going on a girlie night out, and if guys want to come then they must be girls. I can let them do me up and treat it has a laugh or come dressed to my own tastes and standards which will mean 'coming out' not only to the girls but to the rest of the workforce including the 'rednecks'

Mitch

[Frankie-Dear]

I have a scenario coming up in the next couple of weeks. We are going on a girlie night out, and if guys want to come then they must be girls. I can let them do me up and treat it has a laugh or come dressed to my own tastes and standards which will mean 'coming out' not only to the girls but to the rest of the workforce including the 'rednecks'

Mitch

Aw... Now see, that sounds like a lot of fun! But it's EVERYONE participating, and nobody is getting shocked by it.

[KandisTX]

GlitterGG and I keep meaning to plan a "slumber party" for the ladies, where the guys would be allowed, BUT they had to come en femme. For me of course, that would not be an issue, but it would be interesting to see how many of the guys we know would be willing to do it, if just for the purpose of being campy.

Kandis

[Jenna Lynne]

Don't do it Jenn. It's not fair. You are thinking only about yourself here, and not about them at all. Please re-think this. Your friends deserve to be treated better.

Sorry, Stephie. I can't agree with you at all. To say that I ought to "treat them better" implies very clearly to me that you're saying that letting someone know (or see) that I crossdress is somehow treating them BADLY.

That's just not right. If I do that, I'm shouldering responsibility for other people's feelings. It's totally, totally codependent. If I buy into that line of thinking, I'd better get myself to a 12-Step Program real quick, because I'm the one who is making me miserable!

How would it be treating them "badly" to assume that they're grown-ups and can take responsibility for their own feelings? Can you fill me in on your thinking here?

***Jenna***

[renee99]

I think we should only seek to invoke positive feelings in our acquaintances, because that is what gives us a good public image, as representatives of a marginalized group.

When it comes to friends, it depends. Sometimes the only way to be a real friend is by invoking negative feelings, but that would be when the friend has issues that simply need to be addressed. When being CD/Tg is *your* issue, you can't exactly just tell your friends to take it or leave it with this "new" development, because that's invoking negative feelings just because they associate with you... end result, they stop associating with you.

[Wenda]

I have gone out with friends/co-workers enfemme a couple of times, but there was always a 'reason'. Some have connected the dots, because my wardrobe, wigs, shoes etc, is a bit more extensive than your average cowboy would have on hand for Halloween, but nothing has come of it. Use discretion. All the best! w.

[Stephenie S]

Sorry, Stephie. I can't agree with you at all. To say that I ought to "treat them better" implies very clearly to me that you're saying that letting someone know (or see) that I crossdress is somehow treating them BADLY.

That's just not right. If I do that, I'm shouldering responsibility for other people's feelings. It's totally, totally codependent. If I buy into that line of thinking, I'd better get myself to a 12-Step Program real quick, because I'm the one who is making me miserable!

How would it be treating them "badly" to assume that they're grown-ups and can take responsibility for their own feelings? Can you fill me in on your thinking here?

***Jenna***

Dear Jenna,

Read my post again. Perhaps I was unclear. I do not mean at all that "letting someone know" you CD is treating them badly. I meant that surprising them with the fact that you CD is treating them badly. You misinterpreted my point.

My point was that you should let them know you CD. Treating them badly would be springing your CDing on them with no warning. They will probably still accept you but it's unfair of you to expect them to accept your CDing with no preparation. I wanted you to TELL them first. Give them some warning. Let them accept the idea that you CD before you shove it in their face.

Of course, it's OK for you to handle this however you want. My point was only that if you give them some warning, some time to prepare, some time to "get their heads around the idea" that it will be easier for them to accept your actions.

I speak from some experience. I have told many people about Stephenie. I have exposed many people to Stephenie. Strangers don't matter. We don't really care about how strangers feel. But family and friends DO matter. We should care about their feelings. I have found from experience that family and friends do much better when you give them some time to prepare for your feminine self.

It would be great for YOU if you just show up dressed. That would make it easy from your perspective. But from your friends perspective, I think it would be far easier for them if you let them know first. Try to be empathetic here. Try to put yourself in their shoes. How would YOU want to find out that your friend was . . . say, . . . a bondage enthusiast, for example. Would you want him to talk to you about it first? Or would you want him to just show up at your house all decked out in black leather and chains, carrying a whip and leading a naked young woman on a dog leash?

Remember, I wanted you to introduce your fem self in as "matter of fact" a way as you can. To make sure that they know that you know that it's "all right". That you don't feel ashamed and guilty about it. Let them know, before hand, that you consider this to be a PLUS in your life that doesn't need to be hidden away.

So, I hope I have explained my thoughts a bit better this time. Believe me, I speak from experience.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[SatinDoll00]

I had a very close friend that I believe discovered, or at least strongly suspected, my little secret. He and I are no longer friends...and we were as close as brothers for more than 15 years. I still cry over that loss from time to time, and it has been 4 years now.

Here is something about friendship...

Your friends have developed a trust with you. They know you. At least they think that do. To suddenly come out with something as monumental as this requires that they re-evaluate everything they have ever known about you. The question of sexuality is a difficult one for many to answer, and it is a subject for many men than is shrouded in many falsehoods.

To ask your friends to accept this is a great deal to ask.

Ask yourself this...is it more important to put yourself out there, or is it more important to retain your friends. I can promise you, not all, if any, of them will understand.

I hope this works out for you.

Morgan

[trannie T]

I came out to a friend a few months ago, he handled it well but I don't think that either of us are ready for me to make an appearence en femme. Although we see each other most every day he has mentioned crossdresseng only once or twice.
Telling your friends is one step to take before showing up en femme. I would talk to them before showing up in a dress.

[OC-crossdresser]

Try to put yourself in their shoes. How would YOU want to find out that your friend was . . . say, . . . a bondage enthusiast, for example. Would you want him to talk to you about it first? Or would you want him to just show up at your house all decked out in black leather and chains, carrying a whip and leading a naked young woman on a dog leash?

AAA i feel this is a whole new topic

my answer is to tell them in advance real friends will accept it fake ones will leave if they leave you don't need them anyway

[Stephenie S]

AAA i feel this is a whole new topic

my answer is to tell them in advance real friends will accept it fake ones will leave if they leave you don't need them anyway

Oh please, OC,

It's not a whole new topic, it's an example. An illustration. Pay attention.

Or was your tongue in your cheek on that one?

Stephie

[Jenna Lynne]

Dear Jenna,

Read my post again. Perhaps I was unclear. I do not mean at all that "letting someone know" you CD is treating them badly. I meant that surprising them with the fact that you CD is treating them badly. You misinterpreted my point.

My point was that you should let them know you CD. Treating them badly would be springing your CDing on them with no warning.

Try to put yourself in their shoes. How would YOU want to find out that your friend was . . . say, . . . a bondage enthusiast, for example. Would you want him to talk to you about it first? Or would you want him to just show up at your house all decked out in black leather and chains, carrying a whip and leading a naked young woman on a dog leash?

Okay, I misinterpreted. Sorry for jumping all over you, Stephenie! What you're suggesting is exactly how I would handle it (and have done so in the past).

In answer to that fantasy question, though ... gee, I guess it would depend on whether the bondage dude and his friend wanted me to join in the fun! I've never done either bondage OR a threesome, but I have to confess the idea has points of interest.

***Jenna***

[Stephenie S]

Well, Jenn, I actually HAD that happen to me.

My wife and I had met someone who was into BD/SM in Boston. We seemed to hit it off on a social level, and we had mentioned that if he was ever in our small Vermont town, he should give us a call.

Well he showed up just as I descibed one afternoon as we were taking the kids out for a boating trip on the lake. It was a bit uncomfortable to say the least. We had to ask him to leave.

Lovies,
Stephenie