Well...if you have been keeping up with many of the posts on here, you would have seen that I do entertain thoughts of being with a man while en femme.
I have also thought about other CDs or TSs.
The fact is, I am married, and I will not do anything about it while I am.
With that said, a very large part of me feels as though I was meant to be a woman. I have felt this way, and denied it, since I was about 4 years old!
When I was young, really young, my mother and one of her friends told me that if I kissed my own elbow, it would turn me into a girl. I laughed at them, but then went to my room and tried as hard as I could to do it!!!
Where the hell that particular wives tale came from, I have no idea. Maybe it was an old Canadian thing. Who knows. The thing was, even then, I wanted it.
When I was a teen, I would lust after girls, as would any other boy my age, but some part of me envied them. I envied their hair, their clothes, their smell, their bodies, their makeup, everything. I always thought it was just me being sexually frustrated. I finally had sex with a girl at the age of 16. And that was followed by years of sexual experience that most would be ashamed of. (I was a musician = more ass than a toilet seat!)
I am NOT bragging here. I just want to point out that the more sex I had, the more I realized that not only did I love to BE WITH women, that I really want to BE ONE! I hid this from everyone, even myself. I came to terms with it after my first wife and I seperated, and later hid it again when I met my current wife.
Let me say this.
If I had the opportunity to go back and experience some things that I did not experience then...I may not have gotten re-married.
I know this sounds harsh, but I have come more to terms with who I am vs. who I was meant to be since then; only now I am married to a woman that deserves much better than the likes of me.
I have NOTHING but respect for women. I cannot do to her what I should do...and that is leave her and find happiness as a TS.
My advice...discover YOURSELF before you commit to something that you cannot live up to.
Morgan