To Pass - or not to pass - as what - accepted as a crossdresser?

[Krystenw]

For years it was just my wife and I. Then my Mother-in-law found out and everything changed. Mom will bring over a box full of things she picked up at yard sales or at the thrift store and there is always several things in the box for me.
When it got to the point that I had more "ladies" clothes then "mens" I just stopped worring about what I had on.

If I have on a dress or a skirt and blouse when the neighbor ladies come over to quilt I don't worry about it any longer and they have pretty much accepted me as who I am. I wear Capri's and a t-shirt to mow the lawn and have even started wearing them shopping.

One of the ladies that come over to quilt has helped me with my eyebrows and even did a makeover for me one day to show me how to put on my makeup. She said I was using too much and kept telling me that "less is more" So I have pretty much given up on anything more then lipstick and a little foundation and eye shodow in the makeup department. When you are as old and ugly as I am, it doesn't make a whole lot of difference how much you use.

I agree it would be nice if we didn't have to worry as much about going anywhere but as was mentioned in another post there will always be that 2% of folks that would complain if they got hung with a new rope.

I think passing is just a state of mind. I know I never will and have given up on trying. My wife tells me I look a whole lot better then a lot of the women we see wandering around the mall. At least I have the majority of my body covered.

[Karren H]

When I used to go out, a month ago or so..... I just went out... and who knows if I passed or not... and frankly I didn't care... No one hastled me and I didn't keep a low profile.. If someone didn't like the way I dressed, that's their problem, not mine....

Karren

[KateSpade83]

But isn't passing 100% important if you go in a crowded women's washroom? If they know your a guy = big trouble?

[valery]

First of all thanks for all those answers. Seccond I have to tell you that I feel real home in this place because of you.

I don't worry about it any longer and they have pretty much accepted me as who I am.
One of the ladies that come over to quilt has helped me with my eyebrows and even did a makeover for me one day to show me how to put on my makeup.

I think passing is just a state of mind. I know I never will and have given up on trying. My wife tells me I look a whole lot better then a lot of the women we see wandering around the mall. At least I have the majority of my body covered.

Thanks for this outstanding cool story about you. That's a different but cool and amazing point of view.
So you live in a good neighborhood, that's cool. Can I borrow them for my "come out" some day?

What was that moment when you said to yourself: "I don't worry about it any longer", how did that feel, what did change in your heart, your head? You said when you had more "ladies" clothes then "mens" - but that's only the clothes(external).
Did you get more self-assurance at that point or was it more like to stop to torture yourself because that torture to pass was more painful than the fear of negative feedback or uncertain events?

You said that you will not give up on trying. Is it just to be what you are - without trying to fit to a default-picture and the passing is more a game? Or is it still the wish to be a full accepted girl but the awareness that you cant't pass a 100%?

I agree it would be nice if we didn't have to worry as much about going anywhere but as was mentioned in another post there will always be that 2% of folks that would complain if they got hung with a new rope.

It's much more than 2% allthough I wish it would be only 2%. I mentioned in a few other threats that I have two gay-couples in my circle of friends and their stories about tolerance today were disillusioning, allthough the area were I live is dedicated to be open minded I had to find out that it's not always the way it looks at first sight, but we'll keep on going.

When I used to go out, a month ago or so..... I just went out... and who knows if I passed or not... and frankly I didn't care... No one hastled me and I didn't keep a low profile.. If someone didn't like the way I dressed, that's their problem, not mine....
Karren

I can't agree with you more and you're a cool, self-assured , strong lady. It's their problem that's so true...but I'm not so self-confidently as you and I mostly have the desire that everybody should like me. I know that's silly and I'm working on that, but I'm contaminated with this bad-20th-century-disease and most people in the world have this virus. You Know this advertising-thing (beauty, be hot, be cool, be the boss, be the man, be the princess, be the star etc. and you should better buy this product or this car to be and belong to ...) wouldn't have so much power.

it's great and encouraging to see people like you

But isn't passing 100% important if you go in a crowded women's washroom? If they know your a guy = big trouble?

I think it depends on the place and the women. From my point of view women have more tolerance. A strange idea is growing in me: We have to ask for equal rights, so a washroom for all those who don't fit into those society-boxes. A gender-free-washroom. My mind is sometimes really weird and crazy, sorry...but I like this idea. So if I would open a cool club in NYC I might would have 4 toilets? (man,girl,mtf,ftm). Someone will do it as PR if he reads this I don't care.

[Stephenie S]

When I used to go out, a month ago or so..... I just went out... and who knows if I passed or not... and frankly I didn't care... No one hastled me and I didn't keep a low profile.. If someone didn't like the way I dressed, that's their problem, not mine....

Karren

So what's up, Karren?

What ever do you mean, "When I USED to go out."? What's going on, dear?

Have you given it up?

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Rikkicn]

I want to have the experience of living my life as a woman and being perceived as a woman (passing is only part of this)is important to be able to relax into the experience.
This is the reason that I am transitioning. I realized that my story is different from others I’ve heard or read about. I never felt like I was a woman trapped etc. I never had a longing to be a girl as I was growing up. I didn’t and don’t feel like I had a birth defect. What I have has nothing to do with illness or perversion of any kind. I desire to live n the world as a woman and all that can bring me.
If I didn’t transition I’m certain I could lead a good life with lots of joy and happiness. I feel that I’m making a choice. One that will in some ways make my life more difficult but will bring me even greater happiness and joy than I could ever find living as a man.

[Krystenw]

Valery,
I don't know how to make this page paste a quote.
But in answer to your question about when I no longer started to worry.
I had to have some major surgery on my lower back (The steel rods, bolts, etc.)
and I had to be out of work for a couple months. It was very difficult to get pants on and since I had plenty of dresses I thought it was only natural.
After about the 5th week of being cooped up at home my wife decided we should go into the city to the mall. I was still having problems getting dress up like a guy so she said I might as well go in a dress. To make a long story short, I spent the entire morning getting ready and we made a trip to the mall. I was petrified and was glad to find they had family restrooms.
That was also when the ladies that came by to quilt accepted me as one of their own. (I'm getting so I can quilt with the best of them.)
But as was mentioned. I dress very conservativly. If I have to use the ladies room I go in, complete the task, wash my hands and leave. I have learned to smile and nod my head and keep my mouth shut, and do everything I can to not draw any attention. I guess for me it's not a matter of passing but more of just blending in.
The photo I have attached was taken that day. That was before I was taught that with makeup, Less is More.
Krysten

[crusadergirl]

blend or pass it don't make an difference to me. I'm just myself i don't go by a label, so really passing isn't something i worry about at all.