Coming Out

[Amelie]

I have a question, If most of the girls here were dressing at a young age and new they were cds why didn't you tell your wives early on in the relationship? Secrets can only hurt especially waiting so long.

[nicola_j]

I crossdress mainly for the sexual thrill of it and don't want to dress as a woman outside of that realm. When I started as a child, I used to wear my sister's swimsuits and found it a turn on which was heightened by the fact that I knew it was wrong (or at least perceived to be wrong by society which as a child is really the same thing). As an adult the reasons I cross dress are the same - the sexual thrill which is heightened by the fact that I may get caught. I did tell my girlfriend that I enjoyed wearing women's lingerie once and she wasn't impressed and said she had no desire to see me dressed, but it didn't really effect our relationship. Now we don't talk about it as there would be no point, it wouldn't achieve anything. That is not to say that she isn't understanding and supportive of me as a person - she is. I would love to be with two women, but after discussing it with my girlfriend I know it's not for her and that is fine - it will remain as a fantasy. For me crossdressing is a fetish/fantasy and I think in a relationship you have to decided which fetishes and fantasies you reveal to you wife/girlfriend. Some are probably best left as just that - fantasies, especially if they would have a negative impact on your relationship.

[RachelleMarlina]

I didn't tell anyone mostly due to the fact I was scared of rejection and ridicule. When I was young I was confused about how I was, and through my teens I was caught "being me" several times and made to feel like a dirty homosexual.

Whem my wife caught me we discussed the situation and at first she thought it would be kinky and I started to feel comfortable around the house "being me" but she later didn't like it and ridiculed me.

I now live in a town where being gay is more acceptable than being TG so it is still hard to fully come out for me.

[Carrissa]

My wife knew the night we met. She didn't believe me when i told her i bet i have cuter panties on till i pulled the waistband out

[MonaSmith]

I don't really understand how anyone, cd or not, can commit themselves to a relationship where their spouse treats them with such contempt as to ridicule them or to 'not allow' them to be who they are? Surely a bit of give and take is what makes a relationship work, not one partner dictating what the other can or can't do?

I may be lonely, but I hope that I am never that lonely.

[Stephanie Brooks]

I told her before we were engaged. This was 1983, 21 years ago. At the time I knew almost nothing of what I was. Mostly my knowledge of crossdressing outside of my direct experience was from Dear Abby letters.

[Danielle1960]

I didn't realize probably through denial that I liked to Crossdress. As a retired Navy vet my time on active duty didn't allow me to examine this part of my life. All I knew at the time that walking through the womens lingerie section of a store was an extreme turn on. At the time I figured it was because of the obvious but that wansn't the case. When we met and married at the ages of 18/23 I didn't really suspect any issues were there. After retiring and 3 kids later one in college and two in HS 11/9. I realized that I was and am thrilled to dress. I did tell my wife and she got pale and sickly looking and all but left. After about nine month of seeing a psychologist and being on anti depressants I pretty much have decided that I'll follow the wishes of my wife. I do this out of love (which is a femme charactoristic) and let her know that I won't do it because she doesn't want me to not because I don't want to. This gives her some stress but she needs to live with the fact and being responsible for a portion of my lack of fullfillment.

Wow. This is almost a novel. In short I didn't know that I was into Cding (and would transition if circumstances were different )until I was 43 years old. As for the wife and I she wants me to get manicurs, pedicures and eye brow waxing with her monthly so eventually she will probably become more tolerent.
Hope that gives some inight. If I was dating today I would anounce this fact about me right away and if still interested I would insist on us dating while I was enfemme.

Love is the most important thing.
Danielle

[DonnaT]

It came out early on after the marriage 29 years ago. Before we were married, we hadn't been dating very long before the discussion of marriage came up. It was quite quick.

I really didn't think of it as an issue, mostly because I didn't even think of it at all during that time, that I remember. Probably because it was so quick.

If I did, I may have supressed it because we were both in the Army, and if she would have been upset by the revelation, there goes my career. But I honestly don't remember thinking about CDing during that time.

I still didn't even think of dressing after we married. Until one day she decided to shave my legs. This led to wearing pantyhose, to re-awakening and then to coming out to her.

Thanks for asking. I really hadn't thought that much about it!

[MonaSmith]

Hi Danielle,

I suppose if even you didn't know then it makes it kind of hard to tell someone else, so I can understand where you are coming from. It is good that she is starting to acknowledge it in her own way and I hope that you reach a place where you are both comfortable and happy.

Does anyone know how common it is for people to not know that they are ts/tv/cd until later in life? I have always known on some level and started dressing when I was about 6. Is this more common or am I just an early starter?

[Amelie]

Wow!! People are answering my thread!!

I started this thread in early August. Around that time on this forum, there were a lot of girls having trouble telling their wives about crossdressing. Also at this time I was reading threads where most of the girls here were dressing at a young age, long before there were any thoughts about marriage. So I wanted to put the two thoughts together, and asked this question above.

I was new to this forum and I didn't understand why so many had not told their wives about their dressing. To me it would have been first on the list to tell my SO. As I stayed on this forum for awhile, I heard stories and got a better understanding of the lives of the CDs here. I would not have asked this question now, I now understand why most do not tell their wives.

I just wanted to clear any questions, this is an old thread I started when I was new here.
Amelie

[Fiona K]

Good question Amelie,
Something my wife has asked me a lot recently too!!!!

Fear of rejection, fear of hurt and causing hurt, lack of understanding of one's self are among the reasons. Another might be what Allison mentined, after dressing for some years suddenly the needs are suppressed subconciously by the new relationship? I honestly don't know.

As you know my wife isn't happy with the thought ofme dressing, not surprising as I am one of the 20+ year club but she has handled it amazingly well, apart from the 20 years of secrecy.

Bottom line- terror and possibly an element of shame?

Thanks in large part to this site I have finally got the secret out and many things have improved in our relationship as a result. I am a better person for being whole.

Love
fiona

[Fiona K]

Definitely still a good question Amelie!!
Love
Fiona

[Georgette]

Amelie. One of the reasons I didn't come out to my wife when we were first married the stigma attached to that kind of behavior at the time we were married. 40 plus years if you know what it was like, then also I was still in the Milatary at that time and that was definitly cause for a discharge. I guess it just kept getting harder to acctually admit that this was something that was not going to go away with time.
There was times when I would go for months up to maybe a year and not even think about it but the more I did CD the more compelling it became for me, that I finally got to the point that I realized that there was no turning back.
Here I am today I found all of you wonderful people and I love it .
Love Georgette

[MonaSmith]

I have never had a serious relationship and I find that the older I get, the more I want to be a woman. I used to think that a lot of this desire was due to me trying to fill that empty part of my life with the next best thing i.e becoming part woman myself.

Perhaps when you really fall in love with someone this fills the desire and it becomes less important. If so over time, as the lustre fades from the relationship, the desires might start to return?

This is all sheer conjecture on my part as I have no real frame of reference but I would find it interesting to know if in the first few months/years of love the desire to dress is less for most people?

[Amelie]

Yes Mona, this was one of the things I have learned while I was here. I think Cds are so much in love it repalces the desire to dress, so they don't tell their wives.

Also Georgette, I have also learned while on these threads, that a good number of Cds have gotten married when it was a major taboo.
I got into trouble saying this before, but I didn't really relize the ages of the CDs on this forum. Quite a few got married when I was in diapers, sorry I meant no harm in that last comment, I didn't know how else to put it.
Amelie

[Jenna1561]

I got engaged during my junior year in college and married in my senior year. I hadn't dressed in years, and didn't think I would dress ever again.

But the accessability of her wardrobe eventually wore me down and I would dress up when she was out. I've been married 19 years now and only started collecting my own things this last year, but now I can't seem to stop and don't want to, but don't know how to tell her.

Jenna

[MonaSmith]

Hi Amelie,

Thanks for the answer. So would it be cheaper to get myself a girlfriend or buy myself some new silicone breasts?

[Amelie]

Well,,, Silicone Breasts don't answer back.
Amelie

[Katiegirl]

I never told my first wife about my desire to cross dress even those I had been doing it since i was 10 as I believed it would go away. Of course after a while it came back and evenually I got caught with some tights on and all hell let loose. After that in every argument it came up and eventuallly it was used by her lawyer to divorce me. I will say this for my ex a few years later she did say that it had been wrong of her to use it as a reason for the divorce. I still see my ex as our marriage produced 4 children (I don't think my kids know) and it has never been mentioned since.

It has been 20 years since the marriage ended I know now if I had another relationship, "Katie" would have to part of it, she is now a big part of me and growing every day. I have a number of friends who are gg's but I don't think they would accept it and I value my friendship with them to chance it.

[MonaSmith]

lol, true and there is much less chance of rejection. Oh well, It looks like it's the single life for me then, but with a great rack.

[MonaSmith]

Oops, Sorry Katie my comments were meant to answer Amelie. I should refresh my screen more often.

[Sharon]

I told my wife shortly after we met, within a few weeks. I just knew that it was important that I be honest with her, even though I felt there was a good chance she wouldn't want anything further to do with me. That was probably the bravest and most sensible thing I've ever done.

[rachel_jean]

I didn't tell my wife until after we we're married, mostly due to trying to supress it coupled with the fear of losing her.

She is somewhat supportive and understanding, coming to the realization that it's a part of me and isn't going away.

Rachel Jean

[StephanieCD]

I've been dressing since my earliest memory at 5. I told my (then) fiance when we first started dating in an attempt to come clean. However, I was in mid purge and felt I'd never do it again so I said that I "used to" do it. Then... we were 6 months pregnant and I couldn't take it anymore - honey, if we're getting in this deep - we need to talk.

Since then I've told one girlfriend and no more - I never told others because of the shame. That, and my circle of friends is so tight that there's no doubt it'd make it out of the bedroom and into the bar - hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned.

[ieya]

My reason was FEAR.

Feared i would be rejected by my family was very close to them when i was younger.

Feared rejection from my friends as i was at a vunrable stage of life at that time.

feared i was 'sick' as crossdressing in 1980's was never heard off

Its really only the 21st century that CD, transexuallism and transvestite is becoming a 'non issue' But its still a long way away from being the norm for society. These things take time etc . Like many things like slavery , women voting , Equality and racism it all takes time to become excepted by society as a whole and even longer for society to except it forever.