Why do people instantly think...

[ReineD]

A few decades ago the only men dressed as women that were in the news were Drag Queens at gay pride parades. So people made the association. Also, what Badtranny said.

AND ... we don't currently have a "would you date a man thread", but when we did, more than half of the people said yes. Whether some of those were fantasy or not doesn't matter. When people see images of CDers, they are usually associated with the gay crowd, or in T-girl porn while having sex with men. And then there are all the suggestive poses that CDers love to take in their pics, the type of poses that would not attract a GG.

[Badtranny]

Oh RD, you're such a troublemaker. :-)

Just because a dude says he's attracted to dudes doesn't mean he's gay. Sheesh, can't a man just make sweet love to another man without people thinking he's gay?

[Sandie70]

Actually, I wouldn't care if people thought I was gay when I'm dressed. I probably have more gay friends than straight and I would take being mistaken as gay as a point of pride. Although, in all honesty, I am bi... so I guess I have the best of both worlds anyway (Victor, Victoria in real life - except I can't sing like Julie Andrews). But my real goal is to go out dressed and pass enough to really screw with people's minds. Is she or isn't she? Keep em confused if you can (lol).

Oh, and as to why people think what they think... blame it on Hollywood.

[becky77]

Oh RD, you're such a troublemaker. :-)

Just because a dude says he's attracted to dudes doesn't mean he's gay. Sheesh, can't a man just make sweet love to another man without people thinking he's gay?

That did make me laugh.

The neighbour thinks your gay and you get all worked up at his ignorance. So I assume you went over and enlightened him??

People instantly think you're gay, because people like you don't do anything stop it.
You could correct him and maybe he will carry a new message, or you could keep hiding and let him tell people about the gay tranny next door.

Is it always up to someone else to fight for your Trans rights, while you remain all cosy in the closet?
Problem is those who stand up are usually gay, there is hardly anyone standing up for straight CDers. Until that changes what do you expect?

[Marcelle]

Hi Susan,

Plain and simple . . . an inability to differentiate between gender identity and sexual orientation. Indeed it is the second order question I get asked: (1) So are you going to get an operation? (or words to the effect); (2) Are you gay?. Perhaps it is ignorance (and yes some people can be just plain rude about it) but in most cases I don't find malice in the questions. People just don't know. Let's face it, there are not a lot of TG primers our there for the Vanilla World to read so many will just default to common stereotypes and supposition. For me, I respond to the question and educate at the same time . . . No, I am not gay this is about who I am as a person not my sexual proclivities .

Hugs

Isha

[Teresa]

Susan,
The whole idea is understandable but so unfair, not only to us but more importantly to the gay community, making comments like that as if being gay was still a crime, no matter where you find love and comfort, why don't people put their brain in gear before opening their mouths ?

I'm not gay, my dressing is still sexual but wish to share it with women, which has happened in the past before I married !

[donnalee]

Well, if it walks like a duck and....
I learned long ago that people's mistaken assumptions were their problem, not mine and I was not required to educate them; however with the caveat that a polite question deserved a polite answer.
On the other hand, if I was somehow put in physical danger, I had sufficient means at my disposal to deal with that as well.
As I have never really fit in anywhere, it doesn't bother me that I am myself, nor does it bother me if others may have a problem with my presence; again, it's their problem, not mine.

[kimdl93]

It's a long standing, spurious association, leading to an extreme overgeneralization.

[xoMindyxo]

Most of the replies on here are pretty much hitting the nail on the head.

Uninformed folks try to associate crossdressing with being gay because they think you are betraying your manhood by doing so. I won't deny that there are gay/bisexual men who crossdress, I do believe the majority are straight.

Iggy Pop said it best. "I'm not ashamed to dress like a woman because I don't feel it's shameful to be a woman."

[chris63]

I thought I had to be gay at first because I dint have a paradigm for what I was feeling. I wasn't attracted to men but I wasn't very masculine.

Dressing just makes me feel "normal". It has only made me love my wife more and be more at peace with myself and others. I feel a soul connection with her when I'm in girl mode. Being a girl has made me a better guy. Go figure.

[Marcelle]

. . . Is it always up to someone else to fight for your Trans rights, while you remain all cosy in the closet?
Problem is those who stand up are usually gay, there is hardly anyone standing up for straight CDers. Until that changes what do you expect?

Becky,

I understand your sentiment but it is not really fair to admonish the OP for not becoming one of the trans "shock troops". While some people make the decision to come out to the world irrespective of where they fall on the TG spectrum others for reasons we cannot fathom choose not to. Also I am not sure what you mean by those who stand up are usually gay? Are you talking about gay cross dressers or the LGBT community writ large. While there certainly plenty of gay CDers out there telling the world about being TG, I am also quite certain, if this site is any indication, there are plenty of straight CDers out there who educate the Vanilla World as well.

Isha

[Tina955]

Like Reine mentioned decades ago the only men you would see dressed as women were drag queens in gay pride parades. As has been said many times, most gay men don't want a man dressed as a woman. Whether true or not, I have read that the reason gay drag queens dress up so over the top flamboyantly is to actually mock women.

Tina

[MissTee]

A year or so ago I sat on the peripheral of discussion by a group of GG's. They were chatting about a guy who used to come to work, " . . . looking all effeminate and sometimes in girl clothes." It wasn't a bashing type of conversation, and it was interesting listening to them try to wrap their heads around a logical explanation for something so out of the ordinary. They discussed him being gay or not, that it did not really matter because he was so sweet, and so on.

I do see that most people will try to make sense of things that are out of the ordinary. Heck, we're as weird as flying saucers in some circles and that phenomenon is still hotly debated. Add to that that many of us can't even understand what drives us to dress. I guess we'll have to adapt to certain common speculations, then, until someone finally unravels the fabulous mystery that is us.

[Krisi]

If you walk around outside your house, you will out yourself. Sooner or later, someone will see you. You found this out but I'm posting it as a warning to others who might decide to prance around the yard dressed.

[LucyNewport]

I'm gonna have to agree with Becky in this. If we want the world at large to get the fine points of cross dressing it is really on us to do the work. Some of us are out and share ourselves with friends and family etc, but most of us are not. If we act like this thing is shameful than how can we expect some random stranger to think differently?

Also, what is so bad about being gay? Some of the smartest, coolest, most creative and all around awesomest people I know are gay. I've been assumed to be gay from time to time. It's no big deal.

[Barbara Black]

Well, at least he said that you 'might' be gay? and he's 'an ass' anyway. But as I often forget also, 'there is nothing wrong with it' (Seinfeld), if you are, so why are we always fighting so adamantly when confronted with that possibility? Perhaps because that is the standard question by nearly everyone when first outed, especially by wives? What I really don't understand is the animosity that gays are said to have towards us crossdressers (gay light?). We just need to be out more, whether read as gay, odd, or as crossdressers. Oh well, life goes on, in one fashion or another.

[reb.femme]

Social conditioning says, "If you wear a skirt, you obviously like men". That's my take on it anyway!

Rebecca

[becky77]

I'm gonna have to agree with Becky in this. If we want the world at large to get the fine points of cross dressing it is really on us to do the work. Some of us are out and share ourselves with friends and family etc, but most of us are not. If we act like this thing is shameful than how can we expect some random stranger to think differently?

Also, what is so bad about being gay? Some of the smartest, coolest, most creative and all around awesomest people I know are gay. I've been assumed to be gay from time to time. It's no big deal.

It's an irony that someone who is ok with dressing like a woman, would be so pent up about being considered gay. Why does it matter?

Becky,

I understand your sentiment but it is not really fair to admonish the OP for not becoming one of the trans

I don't expect the OP to go out and tell the world, but you could correct your neighbour that already knows.
The cat is out of the bag on this occasion (what do you expect going out in the garden with neighbours around, Is there a want to be discovered?), as Lucy said if you treat it as shameful that's how others will perceive it too and the myth is perpetuated.

[Isabella Ross]

Why do we get so hung up on this? I for one look forward to the day that every human being can just accept that there is no such thing as gay or straight; that we're all somewhere on a sliding scale of sexuality (and another for gender); and that it's such a non-issue that we really can't be bothered to dwell on a person's sexuality at all. That day is not coming soon, however. So in the interim, I offer what I've offered before when these discussions come up: some musings from Dr. Alice (Richard) Novak, transgendered psychiatrist and author of Alice in Genderland.

Today’s first question is Am I gay? The short answer is No, you're not, but you’re not exactly straight either.

To me and to most gay men, being gay describes a specific thing. It ‘s more like saying “He’s Mexican,” rather than “He’s definitely not from around here.” As a crossdresser, you’re clearly not gay in the sense of wanting to be a man sexually with a man and all the stuff that so often comes with it, like a head-spinning appreciation for the male form, an Oscar-Wilde-like wit, and a passion for fashion and celebrities. Oh, sure you may be loving all the little nuances of ladies’ clothing, but that’s not the same thing. Just the simple fact you call yourself a crossdresser means that you’re not gay, for most people (and specifically me in part 1 of this series) define crossdresser as a primarily straight man who is profoundly satisfied to imagine himself as a woman. So, you’re fundamentally heterosexual on some level or sorely misusing the term crossdresser.

But, are you completely straight? Well, hey, to answer that question I first owe you a definition of the term straight. Completely straight, or completely heterosexual describes a man who is only interested in sex as a man with a woman. You, my dear reader, may—despite your crossdressing consider yourself such a man, only for that to change—if you’re lucky—as opportunities present themselves. What if you had the chance to make like lipstick lesbians with your wife, another beautiful woman, a breathtaking transsexual, or another nice-looking crossdresser? Or what about my favorite: getting to be a sweet, slender girl in the arms of some giant of a man?

I imagine a lot of hands going up out there—and a few liars. Or, I should more compassionately say, people trying not to think too much. After all, there are enough pills to swallow in everyday life, without having to take on the hypothetical ones. Nonetheless, people, we all know that any number of these scenarios sound pretty sizzling and they may not be man-on-man gay but certainly ain’t straight either, in the sense that non-TG men take no interest in these things. Believe me I know; I work with plenty.

The truth is that, if you’re a crossdresser or even a transsexual reading this article, you may not be gay but you’re not a wholly straight arrow either. Or look at it this way: You may not be chocolate, but you’re not pure vanilla either. You’re strawberry. You are, no doubt, a love-to-be-femme (started-out-straight, secondary, autogynophilic if you must) MTF transperson. Yes, that describes the (in my view) intersex condition we share, but it also seems to shape our sexuality, sexuality in the sense of the things that turn us on.

I admit that that’s an inconvenient truth and different from what you might hear from most folks in our community. But I’m a psychiatrist, after all, not a propagandist, no matter how righteous our cause may be. I’m who you go to when the comforting illusions have fallen flat. I am strawberry, and I’m okay with it and hope the same for you, if you suspect that deep down you’re a little fruity too.

[Jenniferathome]

Isabella, the irony of this statement by Richard Novak is that is is a projection of his own situation on others to help justify himself. The irony is that he is a psychologist and should be able to be objective. Certainly from respondents on this forum, some of what he wrote is true, but for many, such as myself, it is not. Straight is straight. My cross dressing has no relationship to my sexuality. It's weird that I cross dress, but it stops there.

[xoMindyxo]

I agree with Jennifer here. I respect the author's profession, but he doesn't speak for me. I'm not attracted to men in any way nor does male genitalia do anything for me sexually. I know my life, my story, my struggles that led up to the day I accepted this life. He doesn't. Articles like this can further confuse those who are in the process of figuring this all out and can damage someone further. This is who we are, not some act. Just because I doll myself up, doesn't mean I now have to be attracted to men and put on some false act. It's not. Mandy is just a name I put to this face because my male name doesn't fit the image. It's my expression, my world, and Richard Novak doesn't speak for me.

[ErikaS]

Isabella, I read your post and just started to cry I don't understand im just trying to get a grip on whats going on in me. as i try to understand lately i cry more. Thank you.

Erika

[CarlaWestin]

So it's like saying all presbyterians like jelly doughnuts.

Ahhhh..!!..??

You know, occasionally I slip a gear and all I can think of is _________________ .
So, therefore, I most certainly must be _____________ !

[Tracii G]

Pretty sure most of my neighbors know I CD because I don't hide it.
I wave and say hi in girl mode or guy mode and that is just being a friendly neighbor.
So what if your neighbor thinks you are gay? There are worse things in the world.
If he thinks you are maybe he will leave you alone about the crossdressing and not be upset when he sees you in girl mode.

[docrobbysherry]

Why wouldn't they? What other reason so easily explains men dressing up to look like women?

I started CDing out of the blue at age 50+and began having fantasies of being the woman with a man. Not knowing any better, I assumed I'd turned gay!