need some advice

[Bea A]

my teenage daughter has fully come out and is now fully dressing FTM. (he) went to prom with his date (a gg). Trying to get through the change in pronouns. How can I be the most supporytive, even though he doesn't live with me. (lives with mom out of state). He wants to fully transition at 18.

Thanks

[NiCo]

my teenage daughter has fully come out and is now fully dressing FTM. (he) went to prom with his date (a gg). Trying to get through the change in pronouns. How can I be the most supporytive, even though he doesn't live with me. (lives with mom out of state). He wants to fully transition at 18.

Thanks

I admire you for being so caring enough to actually research into this. As a ‘FTM’ myself I would have loved my parents to have came on a site like this or even googled the condition I have, but they didn’t care and called me selfish and confused.

I guess the only thing you can do is adopt his new male name, try your very best to use the right pronouns and be there for him during his hard times (cause he will probably have them). He has a long and frustrating journey ahead of him, and the worst feeling in the world is feeling alone, which most of us ‘FTMs’ do (I apologise putting FTM in inverted commas, I personally don’t like using the phrase but other guys don’t mind)

Anyway, you sound like a very loving and caring parent, it’s wonderful you are actually wanting to understand. Good for you! He is lucky to have you



Ady x

[Thornton]

1) Would you please talk to my parents? Tell them how they should have responded when I came out about a month ago?

2) Like Ady said, adopt the new name and pronouns. Treat him the way he wants to be treated, he's not daddy's little girl anymore. Listen whenever he needs you to...

Continue what you're doing and keep researching this. Read some articles, watch some documentaries (I personally liked "Gender Redesigner" and "The Opposite Sex: Rene's Story). Even stuff like this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ND8LV...eature=channel is helpful. Make sure your kid knows what he's getting into, since there is alot to deal with medically, financially, socially and emotionally. If he doesn't seriously encourage him to start actually planning this all out, since he wants to transition as soon as he can.

Whatever state he's in, there's a good change there's a GLBT Youth support group he can join in a nearby city. I find mine quite helpful, he might feel the same.

I don't know what else to tell you. You're doing fine, just by caring enough to ask how to be supportive. Keep up the good work.

[Ze]

First off, like the others have said, kudos to you for trying so hard to understand and be supportive. Second, I guess all I can do is mimic what Thornton and Ady have said; use the right pronouns, make sure he has a decent idea of what he's getting into, how to stay safe, etc. Other than that, hug him whenever you see him. Perhaps an "I love you just the way you are" while you're at it. I'd like to hear that sometime...

Edit: Oh, and a media source I've always been especially partial to is the documentary mini-series "Transgeneration." It's about two MtFs and two FtMs, all going to college in various areas of the US. Very real, very natural, very awesome to watch. Both you and your son may enjoy it.

Edit 2: Believe it or not, Thornton, I'm not familiar with those two documentaries. Where did you find them? Netflix doesn't have 'em.

[Thornton]

"Gender Redesigner" is about an FTM named fAe from rural western PA (I don't know what part of the state you're from, if this means anything to you.) It's an indie documentary, that got bought by Logo. It can be found on Logo's website here: http://www.logoonline.com/search/ind...all_logoonline . It's split up into 8 parts.

Rene's Story, however, is ALOT harder to find for free online. I'm still searching...

I watched both of these documentaries when Logo aired them on TV, and just committed them to memory.

But, now I'm interrupting this parent's thread, I think I'll just PM you at this point.

[Ze]

"Gender Redesigner" is about an FTM named fAe from rural western PA (I don't know what part of the state you're from, if this means anything to you.) It's an indie documentary, that got bought by Logo. It can be found on Logo's website here: http://www.logoonline.com/search/ind...all_logoonline . It's split up into 8 parts.

Rene's Story, however, is ALOT harder to find for free online. I'm still searching...

I watched both of these documentaries when Logo aired them on TV, and just committed them to memory.

But, now I'm interrupting this parent's thread, I think I'll just PM you at this point.

Thank you! (And sorry, Lisa! )

[John]

I basicaly second everything that's allready been said.

Start using name and pronown. If you posably can, don't wate untill they ask (which will be months after they actualy want you to start), just start of your own volition as soon as you can. If mum is awhere of the situation, use name/prownoun to her too, even if she dosn't use them back; it'll encorage her to use them and get the both uest to them in a 'safe' environment (i.e. if you slip up it's not going to cause problems)

Read/watch everything you can get your hands on. Having to explain transman101 repetativly is verry tyring, so better your questions (which you'lll have regardless) are more in-depth and awhere. You'll also be in for less suprises.

Ignore other people's (negative) oppinions. I see/hear a lot about perants going 'you can't transition! what will the nabours/my church group/my friends/colleges think!', just remember that compaired to your child, they are all secondary (I'm sure you know that allready, being a bord member and all but I think it bairs mentioning)

And obviously love/support/nurture as you have been doing previously. And be preppaired for the odd infathamable crisis.

[crossdrezzer1]

its simple,,, LOVE YOU SON,, and call her son from now on,,she is living a he and if you call her a she in front of her she will cringe inside,,, just love him,,, thats as simple as it can be

[Sheila]

Sweetie good advice given ............... just think how you like to be addressed when you are dressed and go from there

[NiCo]

its simple,,, LOVE YOU SON,, and call her son from now on,,she is living a he and if you call her a she in front of her she will cringe inside,,, just love him,,, thats as simple as it can be

Yes he will cringe inside, and then he will start to cringe outside too and then get really annoyed if after four years the pronouns are still wrong and the old name is still used [i know this from personal experience]

As she said, tell him you love him...cause it's all use trapped lads [and lassies] want to hear from our parents

[Thornton]

Hey, I just thought of more advice!

If your son binds his chest, MAKE SURE he is NOT using an ACE bandage. Bandages you buy over the counter are NOT MADE for chest binding, and should not be used in that way. Not only does this method not work, but it causes pain and damage to the lungs, ribs, and spine.

If he does not have a binder but would like one, direct him to the following:

FTM at Underworks: http://underworks.com/ftm/
T-Kingdom: http://www.t-kingdom.com/index.htm
Mango Products: http://www.mangoproducts.net/index.htm
The T-Male Big Brothers Binder Program: http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/Binders

and, this site is just flat-out useful: http://www.ftmguide.org/

[Ze]

Hey, I just thought of more advice!

If your son binds his chest, MAKE SURE he is NOT using an ACE bandage. Bandages you buy over the counter are NOT MADE for chest binding, and should not be used in that way. Not only does this method not work, but it causes pain and damage to the lungs, ribs, and spine.

If he does not have a binder but would like one, direct him to the following:

FTM at Underworks: http://underworks.com/ftm/
T-Kingdom: http://www.t-kingdom.com/index.htm
Mango Products: http://www.mangoproducts.net/index.htm
The T-Male Big Brothers Binder Program: http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/Binders

and, this site is just flat-out useful: http://www.ftmguide.org/

Excellent add-on, Thornton.