Please help me I'm so confused

[Rayna]

If you had asked me a week ago, I'd tell you I was sure I have gender dysphoria and that I was supposed to be a woman. Now that my wife has left me and I'm back on my own... I don't feel it at all.. Like no female voice inside me, no feminine desires.. nothing at all! I'm wicked confused.

As of now I'm Jason, and I have no desire to be anyone else... I feel a purge coming on... I have a TON of size 16 clothes, anyone interested, let me know and we'll work out a price.


-Jason

[Tristen Cox]

Rayna stop. This is exactily what happens to many of us. DO NOT throw anything away or get rid of it under any circumstances. Bag it and put it away if you like but KEEP everything, this is only a temporary. It is very highly probable that it is being caused by the breakup. Don't go looking for it to come back, take a break, and let it come flowing back to you. As I know it will. Just relax and don't think so much about it. It's not gone, just recessing for awhile ;)

[Rayna]

Rayna stop. This is exactily what happens to many of us. DO NOT throw anything away or get rid of it under any circumstances. Bag it and put it away if you like but KEEP everything, this is only a temporary. It is very highly probable that it is being caused by the breakup. Don't go looking for it to come back, take a break, and let it come flowing back to you. As I know it will. Just relax and don't think so much about it. It's not gone, just recessing for awhile ;)

I've had my purges before, and I remember what those felt like. It always happened because I resented that side of me. That's not what I'm feeling. I woke up today and I didn't hear myself as a girl anymore. I changed out of my panties and into boxers and they felt so comfortable (i usually HATE them because they feel awkward). I feel like she's just not part of me anymore. There's no resentment, no hatred, it's just... gone.

[Maddie Knight]

Rayna, I'm sure we have all gone through hard times and wanting to purge, but please for now don't throw all your stuff away. If in the future your fem side does not return (and I'm sure it will ) then by all means do what feals right to you.
Whatever you decide to do the girls on the forum will always be here for support.

[Tristen Cox]

You are just getting reconnected with yourself. Give it time. In a month or so you might think differently upon reflection. ;) *Hugs* + *Strength*

[cindybarnes]

Rayna, Tristen has some good advice, bag or box up your things and forget them for a while.
It wont hurt to see how you feel after some time passes.

Cindy

[Cissy Suzie]

I agree, tossing out your stuff is a mistake. So .... OK ... you lost your wife, you are going through a very bad time in your life. Looking back at my own experiences, I don't remember ever, never ever, feeling like Wow ! I wanna get all dolled up and have fun during a major emotional crisis!

Also, my observations of GG's tells me that when they are going through some life changing emotional trauma, they don't look so good either, unless they have to look nice for work, then they get home and put on the most frumpy, unattractive stuff! And you know why? Because it feels comfortable, like your boxers!

You throw all your stuff away, believe me I know from experience, you will wind up spending a fortune replacing things you will wish you had never lost. It might not happen real soon, but the urge will come and you will find yourself at the panty display at Victoria's Secret eventually!

Rent a storage locker, it will be cheaper in the long run!

Good luck and I am sorry you are having a bad time.

[JocelynG]

I will reiterate what the other ladies have said.You will regret purging your things if not this week,this month, or this year you will regret tossing it out. I had an issue with my wife and I felt I would never dress again. Because of this I threw out my hosiery,breast enhancers and makeup.Luckily I kept everything else but I regret throwing the other items out. Purging is a nasty dirty little word that will lead to hardache and dollars in the future

[Priscilla1018]

Never say the "P" word,don't think it.Pack it all away for now,when I think of all the beautiful things I threw out in the past it makes me want to cry.That's why rule number one is never say it,never think it and,by all means,never do it.You will get through this,we can help.

[paulaN]

I have to agree with everyone about purging. You are having a tuff time right now, hang in there hun. Things will get better I'm sure. Don't let the blues get the best of you, get the best of the blues I'm sure you can turn things around so every thing looks right side up again. were pullin for ya.

[Julie York]

Depression will do that.

Send all your stuff to me.



Then get blind drunk and steal a bus.


It worked for me.

[Tristen Cox]

Depression will do that.

Send all your stuff to me.



Then get blind drunk and steal a bus.


It worked for me.
Yeah but it was a little bus and not very good on gas.

[Julie]

Rayna,

You are going through a tough time. You are not yourself right now so purging would be a mistake. I'm in the same boat with an ended marriage and have had those "I just don't feel any desire to dress" feelings but I have learned over the years that the desires to dress will always come back - GUARANTEED! So follow the other girl's advice and just put them away for now. As for me, I make myself get dressed when I'm in a funk and I have yet to regret it.

My advice would be to go against your present inclinations.

First, stop focusing on your losses. It only makes things worse. Look at all the good things you have done in life. Look at all you've accomplished. Look at your skills and talents and all you can do with them. You'll be amazed how few people in the world can do all you can. George Bailey's got nothin' on you Honey!

Then ask yourself what things you have always wanted to buy, to do, to expereince but couldn't because you were thinking of everyone else? Now pick out one or two or three or all of them and do it. Spoil yourself! Have you ever seen a truly selfish person get down? No, because they are always giving themselves what they want and they don't give a damn about the rest of the world. I'm not suggesting changing who you are, just to spend a little time taking care of yourself. It will work wonders.

As far as not wanting to dress may I make a suggestion? Before you pack away your things pick out your favorite outfit and then get all dolled up. Take a look in the mirror, take pictures if you can. What do you see? My guess is a very happy girl. Stop thinking and start doing. Give it a try. What have you got to lose?

Also get involved in groups or organizations and donate your time, knowledge, help, whatever. You will get back tenfold what you give even if it's just the satisfaction of having helped.

But it's all up to you. You are the only one who can decide if you want to be happy or depressed and then take whichever road will take you where you want to go. My guess is you'll take the road to happiness. :D

[Julie York]

What Julie M said (great advise!)















THEN get drunk and steal a bus.

[CharleneCD]

Jason/Rayna, First, I may not have the experience the other girls have, but dont purge. Clothes are too damned expensive. Box them, why take a chance?

Right now you are going through a major challenging time in your life. Expect things arent going to feel normal. Jason is probobly in the forefront because his side is where you best deal with hard emotional problems.

Lastly use this as a learning experience. Jason came out because he is an important part of you. I wont ever repress Ed because it would be as harmful to me as repressing Charlene all these years. give yourself time, raynas will want to come back out when she is ready.

[Tristen Cox]

Then get bused and steal a drunk

[JoAnnDallas]

I agree with what the other girls are saying. I had suppressed JoAnn for a long time, until I came to live with my sister for a while. Now JoAnn is going out, having fun, and loving it. I also know that in a few weeks that JoAnn will have to go back into the closet, but she will have the memories to hold until next time. Do give up, the feeling, the urge, the need will always be there. It has for me since I was a little one and I'm in my 50's now.

[Cissy Suzie]

Then get bused and steal a drunk

Hmm I once met a buzzed drunk, I won't go into the details :eek:

[DonnaT]

What you are feeling is that a part of your soul died when your wife left. Your anima, according to Jung, is the fem part of your soul, and it has become injured as well.

It will heal soon, hopefully, if you let it. Once you get passed the grieving and denial stages of your loss.

Although I would normally say don't purge, in this instance I say go ahead. :eek: Ok put your eyes back in your head :D

I believe your fem clothes are too much of a reminder of some of the good feelings you had when dressed up and with your wife.

Eventually you will want to dress up again, as it is a part of who you are. You may not want the reminders of your wife that the clothes may bring. So, start fresh with new things that you really want.

New clothes, new life, fresh start and new adventures.

However, if you have something really expensive and/or hard to replace, such as something you looked for for ever before finding it, hold on to it, because the frustration you will feel when searching for it again will be depressing.

[Alayna]

There's as many reasons for purging as there are crossdressers in the world. I've stopped dressing on and off for years, just like everyone else. And like everyone else I always come back.

We hear often that someone has tossed out or closeted their female selves because they feel guilty or have an unaccepting spouse or some trauma. To just lose the desire feels strange - once for me even like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. But we tend to naturally try to balance ourselves out, just as anything does. If you eat a ton of chocolate in one sitting, you probabaly wouldn't want it again for some time.

There may be a hundred different reasons why you want to do this, or just one. The important thing is that regardless of the reason, you're trying to put yourself back together during a painful time in your life and crossdressing right now is hurting that process.

I agree with Donna in the importance of getting that out of your life (if that's indeed what you have to do to get on the road to recovery).
I have another suggestion to keep in mind too: keep everything! Just don't give yourself access to it. Give your stuff to someone for safe-keeping, bury it in the yard, put it in a Swiss bank accout - whatever. Just make sure that it will take a lot of effort to get it back. If and when you're willing to go through the effort to retrieve your stuff, you're ready to bring out Rayna again - and she'll be just as you left her, without regret or remorse of throwing away part of yourself.

[Khriss]

Alayna , i'd agree with what's been offered up- here-advice wize,, been there-done that, soo like was said ,,, hmmm bag "it" don't tag it-hehe- and save it,,, so no future regrets-eh? "K"

[ronna]

I threw away all my clothes one time, and I don't think I'll do that again.
I think I'd sooner throw out the wife and keep the clothes!
Well, not really, I know you're not laughing, Rayna.
In time you will find your direction.

[SUSANNE]

Rayna,
Sometimes our feminine side is not just a feeling. It is an attitude. When I don't
"feel" feminine, and I'm usually angry about something, I "dress-up" completely and
hand-wash some of my panties; then I call my only "fem-friend" and we talk about
clothes or make-up, or something girlish. Eventually, I balance out. I have come to
realize that my femininity is not just about passion, it is also, and maybe even more
about compassion. So, put a bra and some panties and a housecoat on and cook
dinner! Learn to enjoy who you are.

Susanne

[Mira]

I feel you, Rayna. I'm 4 months or so out of a marriage and during the down times, I have NO desire to dress. I will go weeks without even looking at my shoes and dresses and run around in male drag. But don't purge. Never purge. I have lost ~$500-$1000 over the years purging.

The feminine voice will comeback. It's part of you and will NEVER go away. Now is the time for the husband in you to heal. That's what happens. It's your soul's way of alerting you that "Jason" needs time and attention. If "Jason" doesn't survive, what happens to Rayna? Please, heal, pamper yourself, cry, laugh, spend time with friends and family. Rayna is still very much a part of who you are and don't let this temporary setback destroy that wonderful side of yourself.

I'm speaking from personal experience. I live what you feel every darn day. Mood swings, depression, sadness. I look in my drawer of over 50 pair of my favorite hose and feel nothing. Then one day I'm showering, doing my nails and preparing to let Mira loose for the afternoon. It's difficult during this time, I sure know. And it's perfectly ok not to dress. Being a crossdresser is not about how often you dress or how strongly you feel about it, it's about being who you are.

Today Jason gets a <hug> too. He's every bit as special as Rayna. Hope you feel better and I'll being wishing you happy thoughts :p.

[Lindahexi]

Rayna, I have to agree with most of the previous posts, DON'T PURGE. Donna makes very valid comments, as usual, but I have purged my stuff in the past and bitterly regretted it, especially the wigs. My advice is bag the stuff up, put it in the attic, and even if you decide to start over in the future with a completely new wardrobe, you still have a choice. At the time of my purge I was totally convinced that I would never dress again, but I was deluding myself, the desire almost always returns after a while. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best and hope that the future brings you happiness.

[Kimberly]

JulieM, how the HELL do you do that??

Great advice, every time :)

ditto, what she said^^^

[Jodeeuk]

I went through the same thing and still am going through it (my wife was my first love, High school, sweet heart)
Basicly I was the motivator and the facilitator of a Large CD/TS social Club here in Calgary, My wife was allso a facilitator she decided I wasnt the one for her anymore and moved in a with a TS friend of mine that I had been nice enough to socialise and help through her transition rough spot financialy and enotionly, she had been taking hormones for two years and was living as a women, my socalled TS friend, any way my wife and her moved in togther, when I was worried sick about my wife and where she was, the TS denied all knowledge of her whereabouts, this scar-ed me I walked away from the people I tried for 7 years to help, the TG club, and the community and havnt been back since, this forum and my recent posts here have been the closest thing to the old femme me, and even though I dont think Ill ever go back to crossdressing, I do have some knowledge and experiances Id like to share with any of you that want it.

I still have alot of my stuff, but I should Imagine its all pretty messed up from being in boxes and suite cases for 3 years, Makeup I should imaging is all toast and to get the stuff I had before would cost thousands of bucks

A shock of loosing somebody can really shake you, and being alone is a tough thing , if you were like me, allways together with your wife, theres not a day I dont think about her seriously, and three years hasnt healed a thing

I am with another women I do love her, but its a difernt level shes knows that and Im allways honest with her, I have been from the very start, she tried to promote or help me, saying I can crossdress anytime I want too, but like I said the scar hasnt heeled

All the best
LOVE
JODEE

[SilkenPrincess]

Rayna,
First off, I'm sorry that you are hurting so much right now. I'm sure that there are many of us, including me, who would extend a hug to you in your time of pain. My own marriage is becoming "iffy", so I can somewhat relate to your situation. We are all here for you, don't ever forget that, OK? Now, about your loss of desire for dressing. It WILL return, don't ever think it will disappear forever, it won't. I am presently on an agreed-to-but-reluctant purge. It has lasted well over 13 years, and the desire has NEVER left me. It can't. Just like my left arm can't decide to take a walk without the rest of me. Face it, Rayna, for your own mental health. Many are here that have fought the desire, binging and purging endlessly. Real peace will ensue when you come to terms with who and what you are, and openly embrace it. Are you hungry when you're sick? Not likely. Neither should you be surprised at the lack of desire to dress right now. Your present circumstances are short-circuiting your emotions. Rayna, your present predicament does not define you. What's inside does. Don't let what's going on now dictate who you are, you'll be disappointed. Just accept that this will pass in time, and you can return to who you are. Peace, my sister! We love you!
Love,
SilkenPrincess