What have you learned?

[Tasha McIntyre]

Last night as were lying in bed, my wife started a conversation about my crossdressing. Now this is highly.....very highly unusual so I knew that this had been playing heavily on her mind. Basically it went "Why do you do it, I don't understand?" Slight pause for effect and then again "I just don't get it".

6 months ago I would not have had a clue how to answer, but since reading here a fair bit, a few things came to mind.

1. I can't explain it either, but I was very probably born with this 'addiction'. There's more chance me waking up with brown eyes in the morning that be rid of the desire to CD.

2. I tried to explain the sense of serenity and calmness that comes with dressing, esp after a long period without the opportunity. I can't expect you feel what I feel, all I can do is put what I feel into words, and hope you have some understanding on a basic level.

3. Be clear here, I was not, or am not looking for the sympathy vote, but in the words of another member, I explained that sometimes I feel it is a 'curse within'. I can't wish it gone, not because I know it won't go, but because of the emptiness I might feel if I no longer had the desire to dress.

We ended up taking for nearly an hour, gradually becoming less distressing to her. I think I reached the point where I had unloaded everything that I had learned from the wonderful people here.

This is the first time I have started a thread, apologies for being a bit long winded but I was busting at the seams to let this alll out

As threads are usually questions, I ask what is the most important thing you have you learned from this forum?

Cheers

Tash :)

[DAVIDA]

I am not the only man in a dress!

[Ashlie Marie]

yup I learned that I have sisters all over.. Gurl when I found this site It made me feel so much "at home" I have also learned a lot of good tips here on how to handle in a few years once our baby girl will be older and want to have mommy, daddy and auntie time, LOL I am sure I have learned so much more I just can't list it all here and take over the whole page. ok Tag who;s next hehe

Ash

[justmetoo]

I have learned to be more comfortable with myself. I have learned that in the future if I enter into a relationship to be more open and honest up front. I have learned there are a lot of cool people who CD or love someone who does. :)

[docrobbysherry]

--from your thread, Tasha!:)

[Shannen]

As threads are usually questions, I ask what is the most important thing you have you learned from this forum?

Cheers

Tash :)

To put a layer of clear nail polish on as a base... the color comes off so much easier then!

:heehee:

Sounds like you had a good talk. I didn't learn this here, although I'm sure you would find the advice here, but when a woman talks, the man needs to listen. We so often try to solve the problem or explain the reason, when maybe she just wanted to let it out?

As far as relationship advice goes, I've learned a lot reading through the loved ones section. There is a sticky in there that explained the accept/don't accept cycle that my spouse goes through. It didn't "fix" the problem, but helped me understand what her perspective is, and I am better able to meet the emotional needs in the relationship.

:hugs:

[Lora Olivia]

The most important thing I have learned here is that not one of us, be it mtf, ftm, cd, tg, ts, gg, gm, het, gay, les, bi (did I include all the dang labels?) are not alone. We are a group and I am proud to be a part of that group:hugs:

[Persephone]

As threads are usually questions, I ask what is the most important thing you have you learned from this forum?

Humility.

As an "out and about" crossdresser, despite all my awareness and research, I'd always thought of a "man in a dress" as a sort of less skilled, less experienced crossdresser; someone who wanted to improve their crossdressing skills and who aspired to someday going out.

Over the years I've been to a few crossdressing group meetings and just couldn't understand the guys in their pretty dresses, high heels, and facial stubble who sat around with their knees wide apart as they smoked cigars and regaled each other with war stories of what they did in Korea or Vietnam.

Frankly, I always felt a bit superior to such folks.

Despite years as a participant in other crossdresser forums, the people and messages here have shown me that the "man in a dress" is as perfectly legitimate as any other style of crossdressing.

I'm not better than someone who is O.K. with that crossdressing style, I'm just different.

[MissConstrued]

, but when a woman talks, the man needs to listen.


What? That's crazy talk!

[RachelDenise]

Tasha, I'm glad that you had something to say to your wife after being here. More importantly, you have opened the dialogue about yourself and maybe just maybe your wife might accept Tasha. Good luck. I'm cheering for you!

[diane51]

--from your thread, Tasha!:)

Agreed,
At least I'll be ready when the time comes, if it ever does.

[Tasha McIntyre]

The night after our conversation, my wife emails me (I'm at work on my laptop) basically saying although she knew on a superficial level what was happening, she had no idea how deep the feelings and desires to CD run through me. She wanted to be as supportive as she could without participating or seeing.

Last night we had a major breakthrough. After talking about the email, I said because of the don't ask / don't tell policy we have, you don't know the full details. If you ever wanna know more, please ask as I hate keeping secrets. An hour and a half later after going through pretty much everything, she wanted to see my girl pics (she didn't even know I used make up and hair).

I couldn't believe how well she took it all.....she won't actively encourage or participate, but I don't have to hide anything anymore and still get to do what I wan't when I get private time. I work shift work so I do get a fair bit of girl time. She doesn't want me to stop because she knows I need to do this. All she asks is that I stay in the house while dressed, and if out shopping, remain ultra discreet. Hey -no problems here .... more than happy with that :)

All in all a very good week :)
It's :love: and :drink: and a pamper pack for the wife this valentines day.

I know this post is a bit long winded, but once again I was busting at the seams to get it all out.

Tash :)

[justmetoo]

That's great! Best wishes! :D

[trannie T]

I have learned that there are a whole bunch of us, but nobody knows how many and that nobody knows why we do what we do.

[Rachel B42]

That I'm not alone, not a bad person and more "NORMAL" than I thought. Thanks to everyone on this forum, past and present.:)

[boardpuppy]

Besides not being alone and expecially "weird", I have friends that will hold my hand and talk, explain and re-explain everything that comes my way. Give guideance and advice, even when it is hard to take, in my best interest. I'm sure there is more, no I know this is more but this all that comes to mind.
Hugs,
Alice

[linnea]

The night after our conversation, my wife emails me (I'm at work on my laptop) basically saying although she knew on a superficial level what was happening, she had no idea how deep the feelings and desires to CD run through me. She wanted to be as supportive as she could without participating or seeing.

Last night we had a major breakthrough. After talking about the email, I said because of the don't ask / don't tell policy we have, you don't know the full details. If you ever wanna know more, please ask as I hate keeping secrets. An hour and a half later after going through pretty much everything, she wanted to see my girl pics (she didn't even know I used make up and hair).

I couldn't believe how well she took it all.....she won't actively encourage or participate, but I don't have to hide anything anymore and still get to do what I wan't when I get private time. I work shift work so I do get a fair bit of girl time. She doesn't want me to stop because she knows I need to do this. All she asks is that I stay in the house while dressed, and if out shopping, remain ultra discreet. Hey -no problems here .... more than happy with that :)

All in all a very good week :)
It's :love: and :drink: and a pamper pack for the wife this valentines day.

I know this post is a bit long winded, but once again I was busting at the seams to get it all out.

Tash :)

I've learned a lot on this forum too; among the most important things is the fact that I'm not alone and that there are many others who enjoy and feel great fulfillment as a result of crossdressing.
I also have been inspired by the stories of successful explaining to a spouse or GF; I hope to reach that point with my SO someday and I believe that I am closer every day to that goal, largely because of what I have learned on this forum.
Thank you for sharing your experience (not really long-winded at all, by the way).

[vikki2020]

That I'm not alone, not a bad person and more "NORMAL" than I thought. Thanks to everyone on this forum, past and present.:)

That says it for me also!I've also learned to embrace this part of me,something I wanted to do a long time ago, but never had the right mindset.

[Angie G]

That 99.9% of guys who dress are really good people And I'm happy to be one of this family.:hugs:
Angie

[Marvina Martian]

Well I can say that I have learned that I am not just a Crossdresser as I had once believed my self to be. I am a woman, sure I may have been born mostly male but even with me hiding it and over compensating most of my life I could not suppress who and what I am.

I have never been happier overall than I am now, I have finally accepted who I am to the fullest extent and even my entire family has accepted me.
So now I can finally feel at ease that I know I'll be able to make the body match my mind finally. And I quite look forward to the time where I can start the second part of my life.

So I have learned to be happy finally.

[Rachel Morley]

This is great news Tasha! I'm really happy for you. Hopefully things will get even better as time goes on because one of the things I have learned is that (in my case anyway) one's SO's boundaries will eventually move .... in my case they moved towards even more acceptance and participation.

My wife says for a lot of SOs, CDing is like tasting a new food ... you have try it at least 10 times before you start to get a liking for it. Ok, it might not be quite as simple as that, but my point is when we first got married my wife got exposure to parts of my dressing that she wasn't too keen on (including me going out in public) yet here we are 6 years later and she now not only accepts that but enthusiastically participates in the fun!

I really hope that your wife will (in time) also become curious about it all and want to know and see more of Tasha. Good luck!

Hugs
Rachel

[Jonianne]

.......one of the things I have learned is that (in my case anyway) one's SO's boundaries will eventually move .... in my case they moved towards even more acceptance and participation.

My wife says for a lot of SOs, CDing is like tasting a new food ... you have try it at least 10 times before you start to get a liking for it.......

Execelant analogy Rachel. Marla is so good at that.

My wife also moved her boundries to more acceptance and participation, in time, after she gained more and more trust. Lots of love and thankfulness, communicating, patience and respecting her boundries are the key in a relationship.

[Ashley_1962]

- how to create cleavage from virtually nothing
- the best way to remove body hair
- that we are 'not alone' in our struggles
- that one size doesn't fit all.. we all live at different points on the continuum of male and female.. and that's OK!
- that we are bright, articulate, sane and really supportive of each other!!
- that our biggest challenge (in my opinion) is finding/gaining acceptance from our SO's.

So good luck in your journey.. it's a long and winding road - hopefully this group can help you keep between the lines..

[Carin]

...Last night we had a major breakthrough.

Congratulations to you and your SO Tasha. And thank you for posting.

This isn't Final Jeopardy, the answer does not have to be posed as a question :heehee:. It is so good to hear of relationships that work the way it is supposed to. Communication, Thoughtfulness, Progress. It is not just progress for you, it is progress for all of us. For some - it does not work out - for some it does. We learn from it all.

[Jenniferpl]

I learned to take it slow. By slowly introducing Jennifer to my wife, I have a accepting and supportive wife. Give a good woman time to adjust and due not do anything to distroy her trust and you will be surprised at what she will accept. This past week she purchased two bras for me. I have trying for years to get her to buy me anything.

On a side note, I learn that large inserts can cause a sore back after several hours. Also life is boring without lipstick.

[Carly D.]

WOW you nailed that one out of the park... I mean that is how I feel to a T .. right at it.. I think of how I am going to explain my cross dressing to anyone and I don't have a clue where to start or explain any of it.. I think that's the main reason I chose to stay in the closet.. I don't have a clue how to explain any aspect of my dressing.. from the fact that sometimes I don't but barely dress up.. to the dressing to the nines.. and the fact that I hate to dress up in full male dress clothes, but love to dress in my fem garb..

[Prissy Linda]

What? That's crazy talk!

LOL, you crack me up. Love your sense of humor :)

[xAnne_Mariex]

That i'm not the only one that does this and that it's a very big and important part of who I am

[Jilmac]

Yes Tasha, I have learned much from this forum, not only about myself but also other CD'ers. I just wish that a forum such as this one had existed 15 years ago when my wife asked me some very similar questions. Prehaps I would have been able to satisfy her curiousity and quell her anxiety. Now that I no longer have her, I'll never know for sure.

[Sarah...]

Well I can say that I have learned that I am not just a Crossdresser as I had once believed my self to be. I am a woman, sure I may have been born mostly male but even with me hiding it and over compensating most of my life I could not suppress who and what I am.

I have never been happier overall than I am now, I have finally accepted who I am to the fullest extent and even my entire family has accepted me.
So now I can finally feel at ease that I know I'll be able to make the body match my mind finally. And I quite look forward to the time where I can start the second part of my life.

So I have learned to be happy finally.

I learned just that...

Sarah :)

[Carole Cross]

IO have learned to accept who I am and to follow my desire to transition. I may never be convincing as a woman, but at least I will feel more relaxed and content within myself. :daydreaming:

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

I've come to realize that my decades of crossdressing was just part of a journey to find out who I am, Kimberly. I learn more everyday and gain confidence to be me. In time I will probably seek HRT and possibly SRS. :battingeyelashes:

[Celeste]

I still held on to quite a lot of needless guilt about myself when I first joined here,so I think I have learned that it's OK to let that go,I can relax about "me" and don't have to always question my motives for dressing.

[2b.Lauren]

I have learned many things from all the wonderful sisters I have met in here. The one that I will cherish the most is honesty. I think after reading the many posts about being honest with your significant other and yourself has spoken volumes to me. It might not be easy to do, but the feeling afterwards is well worth it.

[SusanMarie]

I can only list one? Well, ok.
There are many people like me in this world...and they are all really, really kool! kewl! cool! ... well you get the point.

[Shannon]

I've learned so much -- helpful details, stories of going out, and that I have so many sisters. The most important thing I have learned is to be honest and open about my crossdressing in my closest relationships.

[Nicki B]

What I've learnt on forums like this is to try never to judge, or make assumptions about people - often they have stories they don't tell, which would change your view of them hugely, if only you knew?


What I've learnt from dressing is that letting yourself be your real self, and then being proud of who and what you are, is hugely empowering - and that confidence works through into all aspects of your life? :)

[Jess_cd32]

I've learned alot here also, to much really to list but its nice to see we're not alone as cd's. I think this site helped a great deal in my comming out to my SO as well.

Its broken down alot of barriers for me and I'm no longer shy talking about cd'ing issues with other cd's.

This is a great support forum to belong to, my hats off to those that run it and the members:thumbsup:

[StaceyJane]

It's my body and my life. I have to be in control of both.

[rachelgirlnw]

As an "out and about" crossdresser, despite all my awareness and research, I'd always thought of a "man in a dress" as a sort of less skilled, less experienced crossdresser... Frankly, I always felt a bit superior to such folks... I'm not better than someone who is O.K. with that crossdressing style, I'm just different.

Persephone, thanks for that pearl of wisdom. I've felt similar. What I've learned is that I have my blinders, but I don't always know where they are. Your post revealed to me one that I didn't realize I had. Thank you much!

[janelle]

I have learned many things. I have family & friends here. How make inprovements in my looks & maybe the most important is, Its ok to be me & show how I truely feel. No more hiding or sneaking around about myself, just do it & live life to the fullest.

Thanks to everyone here for the help.

Hugs N kisses
Janelle

[RitaCD]

After years of questioning and misunderstanding by my previous SO, I have learned that I am not "sick". I am not a "pervert". I'm Ok, you're Ok, and I really like being Rita.

[Petra Bellejambes]

... and worked towards. Terrific news from you. Entirely an inspiration. Thanks so much for sharing and much happiness and growth wished to both you and the Mrs.

[Tasha McIntyre]

Terrific news from you. Entirely an inspiration. Thanks so much for sharing and much happiness and growth wished to both you and the Mrs.

Thank you Petra, and to all the wonderful ppl out there for reading and responding. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that nearly 1000 people have read my entry...wow, compare that to only one other person ever seen me in a skirt (in person lol).

Every time I log on here it's an education, and I've got heaps reading about what you all have learned from this site.

The wife can't come to participate with, or even encourage Tash at this stage, but it's a whole lot more than others have so I am very happy with that. Not every CD has an SO like Gabrielle Hermosa :daydreaming:

If I have any more developments, I'll keep you posted.

Cheers :drink: and thanks again.

Tash :)

[sarahNZ]

I have learned to be true to myself and to respect the rights of others in the some time.

[gwen cd]

Hi Tash.
This is the first step.
Ever heard of curiosity killed the cat.
I am still yet to meet a GG who is not curious.
Give her time to sort out the mixed feelings in her head after the bombshell hit.
She will turn around..... Just give her time...

The Thread will be over sized if I tell all the things I have learn.
The most important is to be patient with your S.O.

Thanks to all the girls and lady's for their input.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I have heard those questions from my Spouse so many times ! I guess the majority of us have. This is a very good post.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

...what is the most important thing you have you learned from this forum?

I'm not sure there is any most important thing. I've honestly learned a lot here - all of it I consider very valuable.

1) It feels great to know that I'm not alone. I've known I was not the only cd on the planet for many years, but I never really got a sense of interacting with people like me until coming here (and maybe a little on flickr as well).

2) Count my blessings. Count my blessings that I have a very loving and accepting wife who is an active participant in my cding. Thank God for bringing her into my life.

3) I believe I have a new clarity about my life. I personally accepted myself as a crossdresser (made peace with myself) long before coming here. It wasn't until spending some time here interacting with people that I started to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. No, not a crossdresser - I'm already that. :heehee: My mind is hard at work trying to figure out how to make crossdressing a part of my career. I never really pondered that before. I don't mean just dressing at work, I mean finding or making a career in which it is a part of it, if that makes any sense.