Your SO -- knows vs. seen you [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Areyan

02-12-2009, 07:55 AM

Not sure if you were asking GGs or just CDers this question but I thought I'd add my :2c: as an accepting GG anyways.

Is this a case of she knows but does not want to see or she knows but you haven't felt comfortable enough yet to share your CDing with her?

If she knows and doesn't want to see then that may be what she can handle now... it sounds like there is some level of acceptance there for you and it would be wise to take it slowly and not push too much too quickly.

If it's the other way around, only you can know how comfortable you will be with sharing this with her and when/if you are ready, try to answer as many questions as she may come up with. Accepting SOs sometimes need a bit of time, lots of questions answered, and support to come to a better understanding with you about it. She may come to accept, participate and love you even more for sharing this with her, or she may not. Only you and your wife can determine this.

Good luck with coming out further to your wife, I hope it leads to a wonderful new union with her. :D

:hugs:

Akira

TGMarla

02-12-2009, 08:53 AM

gwen cd

02-12-2009, 09:07 AM

I have not gone totaly dressed for my wife.
She likes me in my lingrene.
Slowly we add things on to me.
To reach the end one must progress.
Baby steps.

Kathleen Ann Trees

02-12-2009, 09:17 AM

I told my wife about 4 years ago. Time flys. Twice during that special time together, I slipped her nightie on (she wasn't using it...). It was real good for me, but she didn't like it.

Kathleen

kristinacd55

02-12-2009, 09:23 AM

susann_gardener

02-12-2009, 09:23 AM

Been caught a few times, so she knows, but is not accepting. At All.

Jess_cd32

02-12-2009, 09:32 AM

My wife knows, and has seen my clothes, but has not (and does not want to) see Tash all girlied up with hair and make up.

Basically the same thing here, the last time my SO saw me dressed she commented...
'oh you just look so MACHO in that mini with frilly lace socks and heels' then she did one of these:brolleyes:...told her I'm not after the 'macho' look when cd'ed then I:brolleyes:
Alot of eye rolling went back and forth that night:doh:

When I picked up some heels yesterday she didn't mind that I bought her a few pairs as well though, guess thats kind of a good sign. She got a nice mini and midriff top as well the day before from me also, they didn't have the same in my size:sad:

Eventually I'll show her the full deal when I think my look has reached a point I'm happy with, still practicing on makeup for now.

Jenny G

02-12-2009, 01:04 PM

Is that the situation for many out there? my SO knows i dress, and has seen lingerie (nightie, garters, panties, etc...) but never actually full blown makeup hair and clothes.

she will eventually, you can't unring that bell, but I just wondered if anyone else has gone through it.
dressed for my wife fully on our honeymoon wanted to know where her husband was that she married told counciler that i was totally different and there was no sign of Donald her husband when we got home she asked that i remove all my female clothes out the apartment but let me keep my panties then about 6 months later came home and my beautiful satin and laced panties were gone and replaced by cotton boxers (aggh) 17yrs later she caught me dressed and has asked again to remove all my female objects out the house so now i sneak a pair of her panties every once in awhile.

melissacdx

02-12-2009, 02:21 PM

Good question. So now your SO knows, your partially out of the closet, at least with her. Did you figure ok she knows so now I don't have to hide all my cd belongings, or do you still keep them out of site?

no, i even wear them, like a lounge set, black satin with some pink , pants and a camisole, she's ok with that, comfortable even -- its me that is chicken i think...just because of what the stakes are, if I go for it, and she recoils, then, ugh, that's a big elephant in the room. mind you if she doesn't recoil than its fantastic, but........

Alice B

02-12-2009, 02:29 PM

Sure. I think many of us have gone through the various phases of seeing or not wanting to be seen by our SO's. My wife knows and supports me in that I can buy what ever clothes I want, can wear panties 7/24 and have painted toe nails. She has seen me fully dressed, but prefers not to. Will allow me to dress at home, but will stay upstairs. Has come down to my man cave a few times, but stays at her downstairs computer and does not really look at me. I would love to have her allow me to be openly dressed in her presence, but have not come up with a way to make that happen.

Kelli Michelle

02-12-2009, 02:48 PM

Nope. I have asked her if she would like to see me, and/or go out with with me while dressed. "I'll let you know if I do..," is her reply. She has peeked at my clothes though. She makes comments like "you have more tops than I do ...". Of course I don't, not even close. Two things strike me, based on what she has communicated to me so far. She is either afraid that I will look horrible,embarrassing her and me, or that I will look too good, which would mean to her things she would not rather think about (possibly me being TS, gay, etc.).

Tina B.

02-12-2009, 02:55 PM

I guess I am one of the lucky ones, when I told my wife that I was a cross dresser, I answered questions for about 15 minutes, then she gave me a funny look and said lets go shopping. Two dresses, two sets of neckless and earrings, Garter & nylons, slip and shoes, wig and a cheap set of foam forms, all bought by her (I was still uncomfortable with shopping back then) it was back at the house, she did my makeup (still had a lot to learn about that stuff) and I got dressed so she could see what see had bought me. Of course I screwed it up by getting sallowed by a pink fog, and we had to go back and set up some guide lines of just how often I should be dressing. But all in all, it has just gotten better and better over the years!
Tina

JulieC

02-12-2009, 03:41 PM

My wife's not always been 100% supportive, but she is now. It's not been a perfect ride, but we've always had the lines of communication open. The signs were good from early on; I told her about my CDing before we got married, and within a couple of days she bought me pantyhose. We had some bumps, but it's worked out.

Now, she'll borrow items of my clothing if they fit her and she needs them. I have a pair of red pumps from Bandolino she dearly wishes she could borrow, but our sizes are too disparate in shoes. I'm trying to find a close or exact match for the shoes for her. She'll buy things for me occasionally and surprise me with them. A couple of weeks ago she bought be a casual cotton skirt. I didn't have that sort of skirt in my wardrobe, so it was a perfect selection.

In going out in public, she is comfortable with whatever decisions I make, and trusts I won't do anything to embarrass her or the family. I can come home in heels, or fully en femme from wherever if I like.

Nowadays, the biggest obstacle is myself; trying to be a man for her while expressing my femme side as well. It's a tricky balance at times.

Katrina red nails

02-12-2009, 05:09 PM

I have worn nighties and panties for years and my wife has seen me in them but beyond that she is not interested seeing me either in clothing or makeup.
Who knows maybe one day she will but at the moment its a no-no and i respect her wishes.

debbeelee1

02-12-2009, 05:49 PM

I only dress en femme while my SO is with me!

ReineD

02-12-2009, 06:19 PM

The first time I met my SO en femme, she was absolutely beautiful! Fully dressed, forms, makeup, and her own long hair beautifully styled. Within a few minutes, we were on the sofa chatting and cuddling. Within the hour I felt as if I had known her all my life.
:love:

Cristi

02-12-2009, 06:26 PM

My SO knows, and is very accepting of my dressing. I dress at home almost all the time.

But, but MY choice, she has not seen me in full makeup.

Samantha43

02-12-2009, 06:37 PM

My wife has known since before we were married. She came over one evening and I was all dolled up. She was shocked for about 30 seconds then asked a few questions. I told her that I am 100% heterosexual (always the first question) and liked dressing like a girl. We've been married 20+ years and all is wonderful!

Carroll

02-12-2009, 07:11 PM

I think my avatar tells it all

RachelTVG

02-12-2009, 09:52 PM

My current GF doesn't know. I've thought about telling her but can't decide how I'd do it.

trisha11

02-12-2009, 10:04 PM

My SO knows and she has only seen me fully dressed in pics. She has seen me in some girly things, like panties, girly jammies, etc. We are planning on having an all girl night soon. I am a little nervous but am looking forward to it. We have even talked about getting all dressed up and heading out on the town,,,,,baby steps lol.
trisha

Sweetcheeks Marie

02-12-2009, 10:27 PM

I only dress en femme while my SO is with me!

Same here, generally, well, more recently at least.

PatyR

02-12-2009, 11:24 PM

My wife knows and also supports. I'm shy while shopping, so she helps a lot!:heehee: I don't know what I would do without her

Krystyna_Marie

02-12-2009, 11:29 PM

my wife found out recently, I've been in pink fog a lot, wearing my panties, camisoles, changing to more feminine earring than my usual silver ball stud. But she has not seen me fully dressed, or made up with my wig :eek: I'm more chicken, plus I'm still trying to exercise my body into a more fit specimen, so I'm a bit self-conscious, especially about my thik neck (rrr!).

One day in the near future, I hope to be feeling good enough about my look to share it with her. She's been very sweet, shared some of her jewelry she never wears with me, tolerated me shopping the ladies aisles at Ross Dress for Less and bringing home a bag of new underthings. She looked at me bemused when I told I had been browsing the cocktail dresses, saw one to die for, but not my size (curses!). She smiled, though, she thinks I'm so weird :D

Kisses - KM

Kate's at home

02-12-2009, 11:36 PM

I must be blessed with my girl. She is totally accepting to the point we have taken it together. I dress daily w/ her after work and on weekends once trips, errands, yard work is done. In fact, we often dress identically as what we like is so similar. She sees me both relaxing and enjoying my feminine side, and is comfortable with it as long as I keep it at home. As I have long (enough) hair, I don't play with wigs, which I know would be a turn off for her. Nails don't interest me. I have not done much with make up for decades, tho eventually I would like to play with this with her. No hurry tho. I know a line she has, which is unspoken, is no shaving body hair below neck, which she enjoys as part of her man. She also does not want me in bed dressed. These are all more than OK arrangements I am more than happy to live with in the daily compromises of living happily with a loving partner. It's as if she is totally accepting of my daily "feminine explorations", if not taken too far, and each day, in so many ways, she knows she is also with the man she loves too. More than fair...

Kate

Vicky Perry

02-12-2009, 11:48 PM

For me my spouse helps me with my makeup I still am not good at it ,I do my oun eyeliner ,mascara and lipstick the only thing clothing wise is helps lace up my corset if I decide to wear it, she used to take alot of my pictures for me until I got my web cam.

suchacutie

02-12-2009, 11:54 PM

My wife is also very supportive, but wants her man too. I can totally understand that and I'm in total agreement. She is fascinated with the exploration of who Tina is.

Everything was going really well until it seemed time to get serious about my voice. When I'm by myself, I can rather easily shut down my lower resonance and generate a female voice. That voice seems to require a lot of the lilt that women have. I'm really pretty happy with it. The problem is that if I start to use is with my wife I somehow get self-concious and am not sure who I am. I'm sure that I, at that moment, cross over some boundry into the kind of girl who could really giggle with her girl-friend. Something is stopping me and I need to find out what that is. This is so strange! I'll have to figure out how to explain it to my wife and see if we can work it out!

Anyone have this kind of issue?

tina

Intertwined

02-13-2009, 12:03 AM

OK. The truth is.....Jean sees me dressed every day.:)
It is all her fault!:heehee:

Thank You Davida, that put a smile on my face.

My wife knows I CD, I guess the closest term is Tolerant, she has purchased me nightgowns, bras and purses, but does not like to see me dressed.

For the others here in a similar boat, I think its a need for a Masculine SO, the provider, defender, protector, and seeing us enfeme, reduces, or completely cancels out that Masculinity.

I believe (of course ive been wrong before) that most of us can be both.

Marissa

02-13-2009, 12:10 AM

I read the posts and for those who have a supportive SO, i commend you and them..that must be heaven..

for those who has an SO who sets limits or says 'NO', i feel for you..

my wife saw me wanting to add it to our life..but she couldn't handle it.. but there were other issues to a point, but that was a major topic that she used to support her departure.. so i was felt alone and a fool for opening up..

anyway.. now i'm between relationships and i would be afraid to even think of meeting a GG and then have to decide to be open with her..

and then there is that part of me which is not sure but the idea of being with a cd/ts or a man for that matter is still undeciding...lol such a mess..

sorry this is not a real response to the thread, i just wanted to express my thoughts to those who are brave enough to open up..and take the punches as they come..

i wish all the best of luck for their future as they open up to SO...

Hugs,

Cassey :)

Sally2005

02-13-2009, 01:27 AM

How about seen vs knows... my wife has seen me, but doesn't know. I've dressed on many halloweens and even did some experimenting with my wife on the side, but it ended with some jokes by her and her telling some of my friends...several years ago, this caused a real trust issue with me. In the last couple years she has made some accepting comments and I've dressed up for halloween and she seemed to enjoy it, but she never brings the subject up after and she might suspect something, but I don't think she knows I dress up a lot or have gone on some field trials. I'm working on 'telling her', but not with a huge story about my inner desire or feelings because it fluctuates too much and don't really talk too much about anything else. I think I have to just carry on from what she knows and gradually expose her to more. For instance, I might take a makeup class and she may think it is funny, but she won't see it as a life changing event and yet I'll be that much more out to her. Then I'll have to show her what I learned...

AliceJaneInNewcastle

02-13-2009, 01:57 AM

my wife saw me wanting to add it to our life..but she couldn't handle it.. but there were other issues to a point, but that was a major topic that she used to support her departure.. so i was felt alone and a fool for opening up..

anyway.. now i'm between relationships and i would be afraid to even think of meeting a GG and then have to decide to be open with her..
I remember reading a comment in a book many years ago. The first wife doesn't know. The 2nd knows but doesn't accept. The 3rd wife knows and accepts.

If you're looking for a partner for more than one night, you're far better off being honest early in the relationship. If she doesn't like it and it ends, you haven't put much into the relationship and haven't lost much.

I came out to a girlfriend years ago. I had long hair (I was a uni student) but she never saw me crossdressed at all. She ridiculed me and her behaviour ended badly.

When I met my wife, I was open about my CDing very early in the relationship and long before we decided to marry.

My wife convinced me to buy my first good quality wig when I thought it was too expensive, supported and encouraged me when I wanted to get my ears pierced, travelled with me every time I went to monthly "private" seahorse (support group) meetings that involved 2 hours drive each way, gives me honest feedback on my presentation, has made me jewellery and knitted me girly ponchos. She intends to make me clothes (she has material for some) and will be altering a vintage belly dance dress that I bought recently (along with one for her). Overall, she is very supportive. :happy:

You can't get that sort of support if you're not honest up front.

Alice

Jenniferpl

02-13-2009, 06:01 AM

My wife has seen me wear bras, panties, garters and nylons, heels, some makeup, and just any for of clothing for bed. Heck this week came home and she had purchased two bras for me that were on sale.

I guess you could say she is ok with it.

KarynDavis

02-13-2009, 06:47 AM

My wife knows and is becoming more accepting - but she really wishes "it" would go away. One or two nites per week she goes and does her thing which allows me to get out and about. The last major trip we took - I was allowed to drive enfemme. Some nites I get to sleep with hose, bra, forms and nightgown. She is becoming more tolerant.

tamarav

02-13-2009, 09:00 AM

I told my wife 3-4 years before we got married. She accepted it as a part of me, not as a negative but as a softer more approachable man. She even suggested that I attend beauty school to be able to work in a field that is supportive of beauty and of the people that work within it.

The only problem I have is if I am looking for a particular piece of clothing and she has put it in her closet... She does look at what I am about to wear to work and makes suggestions about it's appearance. When I look back at pictures I have taken of outfits that she did not think were appropriate, and after my fog had lifted, she was right.

PretzelGirl

02-13-2009, 03:31 PM

My wife has known since I restarted (I had stopped before we got married). She is very accepting but she does set certain boundaries. She doesn't care for a voice change or a name. Also, I don't go out and she doesn't sound approving of meeting other CDs.

The main thing to me while working through these things is the talk it all out, accept that your SO has boundaries on what they are comfortable with, take it slow, and don't push your luck.

SabrinaDubh

02-13-2009, 04:51 PM

My wife has seen me, taken my photos, and has gone out with me. She views it all as a non issue.

switcheralso

02-13-2009, 08:34 PM

She likes me in my lingrene. She has not seen me fully dressed maybe soon.

Bea A

02-13-2009, 08:54 PM

My wife knows and accepts anything underneath. In fact on occaission she will ask why I'm NOT wearing a bra or nightie. But we are about to venture into virgin territory next weekend with me going into full makeup. I came out of the bathroom about a month ago with mascara on and she didn't eact well. She held it in, but that night in bed she told me how much she struggled with seeing it. We are still ironing out boandaries, except one that prevent our kids from being exposed. I have to expect her boundries right now, because if lft to my own desires, many boundaries may be broken... and that ain't good.

Staci

02-13-2009, 09:06 PM

My wife knows and has since before we were married. She helps me pick out clothes and helps with my make-up. She does not want to see me with a wig on but that is about it. She helped to measure me for my formal dress and just last week bought me a new pair of pink high heels. I'd say she helps as much as she can. But we keep it private between the 2 of us.

VtVicky

02-13-2009, 10:08 PM

My first wife knew about, and accepted, my panties and slips... and shredded my favorite slip before she moved out.

My second wife knew about my lingerie interests before we got married. And during our marriage we would have "girlfriend" dates where we both dressed in lingerie. And she even bought me a few pieces. We even went out a couple of times with me wearing a bra and bf's. ..... And she used it all against me when she left.

My current GF knows, but does not want to experience any of it. She does participate with me when I buy panties, and supports that, but is still looking for a nightgown for me that isn't "too feminine". And simply cannot fathom my interest in bras. We have arrived at a point where whenever she comes over to my house, she honks when she gets in my driveway to give me time to change before she comes in.

My point: Be careful, be very, very careful. Boundaries are funny things. They can be fluid, semi-permeable, and transient. Or they can be rigid, concrete, and permanent. I can remember thinking how incrediblely lucky I was, in my second marriage, to have found the woman of my dreams. I now look back at her dozen or so psychiatric hospitalizations, (Half coming after we split), and wonder if the old adage, "If something seems too good to be true, it probably is." may have some relavance here.

I now take comfort in the fact that I am not living a lie. And my GF knows enough. Or at least as much as she wants to know. It's not perfect. But I once thought I had perfect. And that was a mistake.

My advice is to not only respect the stated boundaries of your SO. but to steer well clear of them. Do not press the envelope. Live well within it. Pressure will elict increased resistance. Lack of pressure will generally result in the lowering of resistance. But, any change in boundaries must be generated by her, not by you, and in her own time.

Good luck

linnea

02-13-2009, 11:41 PM

My wife saw me once on a Halloween before she knew I did this regularly. I did the full-blown girl thing, and she did the guy thing. She now knows I crossdress, but she's never met Marla. Perhaps one of these days.....

Halloween seems to have helped quite a few CDs; I'm waiting for a party this fall. I will suggest crossdressing for us if we get a chance. Otherwise, as far as I know, she doesn't know.

Cassiecd

02-14-2009, 07:27 AM

I started dressing after we were married, so it has been an exploration for both of us. She is way behind me along the acceptance path but I am patiently waiting. Baby steps has been mentioned....and that is true for both of us.

She knows ( i had to tell her right away) but does not seem to want to see me dressed yet. I do not know if she ever will. I am trying to be sensitive to her fears and feelings and I understand your fears about how her reaction will affect your confidence. She does allow me to share her closet space and has bought me things and shopped with me. I am thankful for all she has bravely done for me so far!

Raychel

02-14-2009, 07:45 AM

My wife knows that I dress. She has in the past said that she never wished to see me dressed. But on Haloween this year she sugested that I dress as an old lady. So maybe there is hope afterall.

jennylou

02-14-2009, 09:11 AM

My SO is supportive, encouraging and not the problem. Three teenage children are

Ashlee

02-14-2009, 09:17 AM

I dressed up totally from head to toe and from the skin out en femme. Wife saw me of course as we were headed to a Halloween party. OMFG did I feel like a million bucks that night; cool air on my legs, the hair from my wig in my face, the taste of the lipstick, the constant glancing of myself in a mirror and the attention I got was unbelievable. The best part came when we got home and....well....you figure it out (en femme!!)

Sadly, she wished not to want to see Ashlee ever again so Ashlee will only exist in private (makeover sessions and online) I envy those of you that can bring your femme selves out and about.

Dr.Susan

02-14-2009, 09:18 AM

Yes and yes even buys and lets me borrow her clothes but I usually prefer my own..
She just bought me three dresses the other day.

Helen 2

02-14-2009, 12:23 PM

Knows since waaaay before we married, in fact, before we got engaged as this was not something I was going to hide from her.

Never seen me fully en femme nor does she want to, although she's okay with some underdressing. Knows I go out (a lot!) when she's traveling and trusts my judgment on where to go, what to do, etc.

Her philosophy can be summarized with 'dont ask, dont tell', and it's worked for almost 30 years...

Joy Carter

02-14-2009, 12:43 PM

My spouse accepts my waring underpants and plain black nighties, but can't accept the rest. I go out main stream as Joy when time and money is there. Come to think of it, Petco has a two for one on collars today. :D

SFRachel

02-14-2009, 05:45 PM

My wife knows and accepts. She is very understanding but not interested in seeing me dressed. I told her I'm a CD when she found a pair of hose in my briefcase. I felt it was better to tell her I'm a CD rather then let he think I was having an affair (her initial thought).

diane51

02-14-2009, 06:43 PM

My current GF doesn't know. I've thought about telling her but can't decide how I'd do it.

Hey Rachel, have a look here....

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13841

This just may help.

Roxi Loh

02-14-2009, 06:57 PM

My wife also knew before we were married. She has lost some interest in recent years but I still do dress around her. We sometimes watch What Not To Wear together and comment on the styles, hair and makeup. She used to be very active doing my makeup, buying clothes for me etc. Now I do all of that for myself. I still like to dress around her...it just makes me feel better that I am not sneaking around.

ginger22

02-14-2009, 09:38 PM

wow, i'm more impressed than ever with my wife. i told her about my love of stockings when dating - i'd never worn them in front of anyone before. the first night in bed with them the top of my head just about came off... :D

she had the classic worries, but has settled down and buys me nice things every now and again. i feel horrible for everyone that struggles with their SO - that's a tough place to be. :(

i've only done full makeup twice. once on halloween (we went as ginger and maryann, hence the name), and the other time i was so self conscience it wasn't great. mainly i wear stocking and heels in the bedroom.

it's the self conscience thing i'm trying to get a grip on...

PaulaSF

02-15-2009, 12:17 AM

I remember reading a comment in a book many years ago. The first wife doesn't know. The 2nd knows but doesn't accept. The 3rd wife knows and accepts.

Alice,

Guess I got lucky, skipped #1 of the quote: so my #1 knew, but didn't accept (and less so, over the time we were together) and #2 knows & accepts, and even enjoys/shares!

I think a big factor in her aceptance is that her years in retail fashion, her male co-workers were gay, metrosexual clothes horses, including the occasional drag queen amongst them.

When we lived in SF, we went out a number of places with me en femme, and her in man-tailored pants suits, but at 5'7" ~120 lb-ish and a size 4-6 not the most convincing drag king!

AsiaSF & the Weekend Drag brunch at Harry Denton's starlite room are easy choices for visiting couples to go out together.

Now that home is in the Sierras, our couple's outings far fewer, but we do spend a couple romantic weekends a year in the city, and have had no problem with me traipsing down the halls, of the Cathedral Hill Hotel (TGSF holds socials at their bar, FYI) and chatting up Aussie tourists in the elevator, while heading back n forth to our cab and that night's dinner, than cocktail destination. Don't avail myself of the better value Marines Memorial Hotel for dressed weekends, as I do try to respect those with more conservative mores...

Her acceptance ends with my desire to keep my stilettos on, when "geting busy" ... "take those things off, I don't want you to poke me!"...

Billijo49504

02-15-2009, 12:35 AM

My wife know and helps me shop, but she is shopping too. And usually on my card. She does all the laundry and sometime borrows some of my clothes. Even though she has a lot, herself!! Most of my jeans come out of her "It don't fit me pile." So she definately knows and sees me dressed. She even helps with my makeup...BJ

Angie G

02-15-2009, 08:20 AM

My wife knowing started with her letting wear a skirt on one hot day 3 years ago now I can fully dress 5 day a week undies 7 days a week out side of work. One step at a time hun. You'll get there.:hugs:
Angie

sarahNZ

02-15-2009, 08:25 AM

my Ex saw my clothes (yeah right she went searching for them) etc even though she did not want to know, and only saw me one time half dressed with makeup but no wig, and I only walked out of the bedroom to confront her after the marrage was called off (we still lived under the same roof for a while) and she had just started an argument again before storming off to another part of the house. Of course I had to follow to get my side said so she could here me.

Kaz

02-15-2009, 08:53 AM

I think it must be amazing to have an understanding SO who knows and accepts. My wife kind of knows and I guess accepts. She's found stockings and things occasionally when I've been careless, but has never talked about it. I daren't really bring the subject up... maybe I should. We've been married for years and have kids who have recently fled the nest. I played about with CDing over the years but have really accepted things in the last few years and am now shaved and where girly underwear most days - dressing whenever she is out. Strange business!