Tit for Tat?

[Holly]

My wife recently had her ears pierced (November). This morning as she is getting ready for work, she comes out into the living room wearing a pair of my earrings asking me to help her secure them on her ears (the post snaps into a holder on the earring... kind of an unusual situation). I thought it was cute, my wife coming to her TG husband to help her with jewelry :heehee:. Now I certainly don't mind her at all using my jewelry (or anything else I have for that matter) But even so do you think she should have asked me to borrow them instead of just helping herself? If we aren't supposed to use their things without permission, shouldn't it work the other way as well?

[tamarav]

The genetic woman holds precedence over the TG. I heard that directly from my wife. She assures me that what is mine is hers, and what his hers is usually hers. I think I understand now.

I will not borrow from her unless she says "OK" and she can take anything I have without question. See how simple that is? I just have to remember it...

[debbeelee1]

Yes, you got to respect the SO's things! I always ask if I need to borrow something and she does the same for me!

[DemonicDaughter]

I think that it should work both ways. I feel its just common courtesy and respect for each other. I always ask my partner before borrowing anything even when they tell me I don't have to ask. Why? Because I think it shows them my respect for their personal space and belongings.

[Sammy777]

I heard that directly from my wife. She assures me that what is mine is hers, and what is hers is [-]usually[/-] hers.

LOL! Oh so true.

Just because you have nice girly things for her to borrow doesn't change the same old fact of What's "Yours" is "Ours" & what's "Mine" is "MINE"!, lol.

But, no matter how true that is, an occasional
"Can I borrow this" [Even though they know the answer is yes]
Or at least acknowledge the fact it is yours by saying
"Honey I borrowed/ Am borrowing your "whatever"
is still nice to hear once in a while, lol.
If not for the very least it gives you the change to say
"So am I going to get that back or not?" lol

[jruiz]

My wife recently had her ears pierced (November). This morning as she is getting ready for work, she comes out into the living room wearing a pair of my earrings asking me to help her secure them on her ears (the post snaps into a holder on the earring... kind of an unusual situation). I thought it was cute, my wife coming to her TG husband to help her with jewelry :heehee:. Now I certainly don't mind her at all using my jewelry (or anything else I have for that matter) But even so do you think she should have asked me to borrow them instead of just helping herself? If we aren't supposed to use their things without permission, shouldn't it work the other way as well?

Holly,

You have a supportive wife that let's and supports your cross dressing, and you are complaining because she uses your earrings?

Girl, I wish we all have this kind of problems with our SO...

[TxKimberly]

The genetic woman holds precedence over the TG. I heard that directly from my wife. She assures me that what is mine is hers, and what his hers is usually hers. I think I understand now.

I will not borrow from her unless she says "OK" and she can take anything I have without question. See how simple that is? I just have to remember it...

Hah! :D

[sara_also]

My wife is always welcome to anything I have without question..It's the least I can do for her....

[Lora Olivia]

My SO is welcome to anything, we really don't get in a toot about yours and mine, it is ours

[Tamara Croft]

Holly,

You have a supportive wife that let's and supports your cross dressing, and you are complaining because she uses your earrings?

Girl, I wish we all have this kind of problems with our SO...I don't agree with this at all, just because Hollys' wife is accepting, doesn't mean that is an open invitation to take things without the curtesy of asking. If it was the other way around, I'm sure Hollys wife wouldn't be too happy about it. I'm very accepting of my partner, but I sure wouldn't touch her girl things without asking. I know she wouldn't say no, but she would be more than willing to share her things with me.

[Sheila]

yup gotta say if i wanted to borrow anything of Debs's i would ask her permission first, and if she said no then no it would be ( well if she dared :heehee::heehee:) .... joking there .. respect is a two way street

[jruiz]

I don't agree with this at all, just because Hollys' wife is accepting, doesn't mean that is an open invitation to take things without the curtesy of asking. If it was the other way around, I'm sure Hollys wife wouldn't be too happy about it. I'm very accepting of my partner, but I sure wouldn't touch her girl things without asking. I know she wouldn't say no, but she would be more than willing to share her things with me.

Tamara,

Sure it would be much better and nicer, but I still wouldn't make an argument or pick a fight out of this... Not that bad after all...

[jillleanne]

Absolutely Holly. Be a man and tell her you want a divorce.
Oh, ok, well, in that case, just chalk it up to being a part of a relationship where the little things really shouldn't matter.

[Shannen]

Did I just enter an alternate universe????

:heehee:

[Tamara Croft]

Tamara,

Sure it would be much better and nicer, but I still wouldn't make an argument or pick a fight out of this... Not that bad after all...I don't think Holly is picking a fight or arguing about anything, just making a bit of a point really, that when MTF's borrow our stuff without asking, we get annoyed, works both ways really don't you think?

[Alice B]

In this case I would say...help yourself. Maybe it will be a shared feature.

[TGMarla]

I see both sides of it. But my wife routinely borrows my clothes and anything else she wants without asking. It has never bothered me one bit. Were she accepting of my crossdressing, I'd really have no problem with her borrowing or using any of my femme items, unless it was something I was planning on using at the same time. In fact, I'd be rather flattered that she opted to wear something of mine.

We've been married a long time. What's mine is hers, and what's hers is hers is a funny saying, but not always completely true. We are us, and as such, we nest together. It's true that I sometimes borrow some of her things, but for the most part, I have my own wardrobe. I really see little or no difference between her borrowing my things and my borrowing hers. Like jilleanne said, the little things really don't matter.

Little things like putting out clean pajamas for her, and buying her flowers, or making her dinner matter. Little things like earrings and shirts don't.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Holly,

Humm ... this is an interesting (and touchy) subject. In our house, Marla has said that I can borrow anything of hers whenever I like ... BUT ... I have to ask permission first.

95% of the time she says "yes" but not always. If she ever says "no" there is usually a good reason, like she was going to wear it/them herself or that it's new and she hasn't worn it on her yet. Me? .... I like it when she wears my stuff no matter what and I encourage her to do so often. She doesn't have to ask me first.

To answer your specific question: "If we aren't supposed to use their things without permission, shouldn't it work the other way as well?" I guess so ... but then again it's all about our own individual personal attitudes and preferences for people using our stuff isn't it? I am OK sharing everything in my life with the love of my life no matter what it is and if I was going to wear it/them or whatever, then I don't mind changing my outfit ..... Marla is more assertive about getting what she wants, but then again I want my wife to happy and I always go along with her wishes ... it's my submissive nature :)

[Babette]

.....But even so do you think she should have asked me to borrow them instead of just helping herself? If we aren't supposed to use their things without permission, shouldn't it work the other way as well?

Well I suppose it depends on the individuals involved and the level of their relationship. This is not a big deal for either one of us. Sure she asks but it usually goes something like this, "Where is my new ______ that I bought for you?"

I have learned that whenever I cannot find something, it can be found in you know who's closet. There can be bigger things for us to worry about you know. This is such a small matter that we can have a good belly laugh over it.

Good thought provoking question Holly.

Babette

[jruiz]

I don't think Holly is picking a fight or arguing about anything, just making a bit of a point really, that when MTF's borrow our stuff without asking, we get annoyed, works both ways really don't you think?

To me, she's complaining...

[Shannen]

To me, she's complaining...

To me, she is using sarcasm to make a point!

But by all means, lets just not discuss it at all, I'm sure everyone is wrong!

(that's my version of sarcasm)

:hugs:

it's a role-reversal-reversal!!!

[Holly]

To me, she's complaining...Well I'm not :D... not in the slightest. Tamara was exactly right. If your read my original post you would see that I don't mind my wife borrowing anything of mine at all. And for those of you who are not aware my wife and I have been happily married for 40 years. We know one another pretty well after all that time together. I didn't make a big deal out of it with her and have no intention of doing do. It just seemed an interesting twist in the situation that we see all too often here of the CDing partner getting in trouble for borrowing something from their partner without asking.

I find it interesting that the MtF responders think it it just fine for their partner to help themselves without asking and all the GG's who have responded believe it is fair for them to ask as they rightfully expect that we should do with their things. In the words of Spock, "Fascinating!"

[Di]

We both always ask first its just respectful of the each others things.
I did by accident wear one of Shers hairclips:o last week infact:o....and she was looking all over for it and I had it in my hair:doh:..............I have tons of hair stuff and never thought about it that she had a special one.:o We laughed about it:love:
Maybe she did it by accident like I did hon:hugs:

[Intertwined]

Holly,

You have a supportive wife that let's and supports your cross dressing, and you are complaining because she uses your earrings?

Girl, I wish we all have this kind of problems with our SO...

First, it all depends on what type of agreement you have with your partner.

Second, if my wife borrowed anything of mine, wether or not she asked, I would just be tickled pink, because I would take that as a compliment, she has mentioned borrowing my burgandy gym workout top, (picture at bottom)

Third, I know growing up in my family, (between the girls of course) jewelry was always fair game, if it wasnt locked away, it was fair game to be borrowed.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/picture.php?albumid=927&pictureid=9634

[beenherelongtime]

out of common courtesy she should ask first, just a "do you mind", would do.

tgmaria, you confuse me you say she borrows your things, and you borrow hers, but at the same time you say "were she accepting" how does she borrow all of these things if she doesn't accept.

[justmetoo]

I agree with the "common courtesy". Sure, most of the time the answer would probably be "yes", but there's probably a good reason for an occasional "no". It's about basic respect for your partner, not about CDing. Of course, individual results may vary. :)

[Sally2005]

Tam's rule seems to be the way it works at my house. I figure its all fair since I did borrow some of her stuff a couple times without asking first...but generally, I'll ask, it is the right thing to do. I don't mind her borrowing anything as long as I'm not in the middle of using it, or it is put back exactly where it was and in the same condition or better.

[Huntress]

I think that it should work both ways. I feel its just common courtesy and respect for each other. I always ask my partner before borrowing anything even when they tell me I don't have to ask. Why? Because I think it shows them my respect for their personal space and belongings.

Gotta go with the Queen of Dairy Queen on this one. Respect MUST be respected. Many things can be rekindled, but when respect is lost...then----
Visigoths, huns, and barbarians must of needs be recruited, and sent forth with cleavers, battle axes*, maces, and claymores to take it.:devil:
De Oppresso Liber,
Huntress

* dated one in New Zealand years ago.:eek:

[Sandra]

I think it is only right that before anyone borrows something then they should ask, it's just common courtesy.

[Michelia]

So technically I would not care about any one getting my permission to borrow anything. Anything of mine belongs to my family. That goes for clothes as well as anything else.

The problem comes in when it is not returned, or not returned in the same shape, size, condition, etc. It is this very reason why I demand that I be consulted before anything gets borrowed, and thus I reciprocate.

I hate looking around for my stuff.

[Kelsy]

I think borrowing without asking is a forgivable offence!:)

Kelsy

[Sara Jessica]

I think this is a very thoughtful question and would also fall onto the "fascinating" side in that I don't so much expect to be asked if my wife wishes to borrow anything of mine. Then again, it's pretty much locked up to keep away from the kids that she'd have a hard time getting at it without my "permission".

I guess we have an unspoken understanding though about jewelry and purses, those are shared regularly.

[Kate Simmons]

Hmm, I think maybe quid pro quo may come into play somewhere here Holly.;):):hugs:

[lauraabdl]

Girls Girls Girls some of us just only dream of our SO's borrowing our clothes or jewelery or make up. Those of you who do actually have accepting SO's should know how jealous the rest of us girls here are.
Laura:sad:

[Intertwined]

Makes me think of the new Mattel toy.

Divorced Barbie, comes with all of Ken's stuff as well as hers.

Yes! this is a joke (not one of my better ones, sorry)

[StephanieT]

She assures me that what is mine is hers, and what his hers is usually hers.

This sounds like a normal man/woman relationship to me.

Holly,
I would think she should ask first. I have pierced ears and my wife would never take my earrings. Of course her diamond studs are bigger than mine.

[joann426]

if they borrow any think from me i wood like to get it back and i dont have to go after it thats why i dont lend any thing out i dont get it back:eek:

[susie evans]

HI HOLLY

good to here from you as you no my wife and i both you anderstand that these things just happen if i say something all D, she says is i guess it's time to go shopping because you allready have more clothes and accessories than i do and i need to catch up with you

:):hugs:susie

[marny]

Mi Casa, Su Casa.... I believe this but I have to agree with previous respondents.
What's ours is hers, and what 's hers is hers! :lol2:

[Carin]

Hi Holly.
You make a relevant point, and I hear it in the spirit that was intended. It is important for couples to understand that respect for boundaries really is a two way street.

[Samantha B L]

Holly,maybe it would be nice if she asked first. But she lets you dress all you want so maybe a little nobles oblige is what's called for(that's a French expression I think and I hope I'm spelling it right). I've never been married but I had a soulmate relationship with the same GG since I was in 8th grade and we shared everything.

[randomlag]

wait she just got them pierced ??? how many of her own does she have ,Has she found any she likes or have she really found likes r in your collection thin ice my friend. Plus if u r together as long as u know were there at does it matter?
I know i am picky out the way i look when cd may be she thought that they when good with what she was wearing I would not think about it unless thinks come up missing

[jillleanne]

I too, as TGMaria mentioned, am flattered when she wears something of mine with or without asking. I hope during the day she sees what she is wearing and it reminds her of me in some small way at that moment; sort of romantic don't you think? The only thing important in our relationship is our relationship.

[CD Susan]

I think that it should go both ways but if I had a supportive wife I would not question her borrowing anything of mine. In fact I would encourage it.

[sarahNZ]

OK now look...

If she uses my skilly or my chainsaw without asking then I suspect we will never need to discuss the common etiquit of borrowing! (she would likely do herself a mischief) likewise if I were to use her streightning wand. and although the general rule in "her house" was what is yours is mine and what is mine is my own as seems to be rather common, certin rules of etiquit should be followed. It pissed her off if I used anything with out asking (especially as I knew the answer was no), and it certainly pissed me off when I needed a screw driver from the garage for any given task only to find that my drivers were anywhere but where they were supposed to be!

So long answer short... YES it is common curtisy!

[Leanne2]

My wife does not like the fact that I sometimes crossdress. But on several occasions it has benefited her. Once her parents came to visit. When her mother was getting ready for church she realized that she hadn't packed her skirt. My wife's clothes are too small for my MIL but mine aren't. My wife came in the bedroom where I was dressing and asked to borrow one of my skirts. It was a full crinkle skirt with a drawstring. I was happy to be able to help.
Several times my wife has gotten a run in her pantyhose and needed another pair. "Babe, can I borrow a pair of yours?" She always asks. Being much larger, I can't wear her clothes. Leanne

[Jess_cd32]

I wish my SO did show interest in borrowing some of my stuff, I'd love to see her in a few of my mini's with a boa wrapped around her neck:)
Maybe down the road:daydreaming:

[JoAnne Wheeler]

In case you have not heard, there is a DOUBLE STANDARD and we are on the short end of the stick

JoAnne Wheeler

[Sheila]

In case you have not heard, there is a DOUBLE STANDARD and we are on the short end of the stick

JoAnne Wheeler

Really have you read the GG input in this thread JoAnne ............ I am getting tired of being hit with your double standard remarks and other digs at GG's ....... we WOULD NOT BE HERE IF WE DID NOT CARE ( now I know you are having a hard time .... we have PM'd on it ... I have offered you help via PM . I meant it then and I mean it now ...... back off us GG's please with your digs)

[Tamara Croft]

In case you have not heard, there is a DOUBLE STANDARD and we are on the short end of the stick

JoAnne WheelerHave you actually read any of the GG input in this thread? One assumes you have not, because had you bothered to read what we have said, you would see that we don't agree with people borrowing things without asking. And you would have also noticed, that the majority of CD's that have posted in this thread have mostly said, Holly should be grateful her wife is so accepting, which imho is not an invitation to borrow things without asking. So where is the double standard? it's in your head!

[vanessaleigh]

I don't mind my wife borrowing anything I have. She has borrowed panty hose, jewelry, slips, panties, skirts and purses. I just hate it when she doesn't give it back!