Are you where you want to be

[Carin]

To put this question in context: We start in a naive state, not knowing what the desire to cross dress is about, nor how far it will go. Over time we progress. We become aware of an increased desire, with or without the opportunity to express ourselves to meet that level of desire. Some of us stay in the closet, some venture out at a safe distance, some just go for it and live it as it is. Sometimes we reach a place of comfort, and only after a period of time getting used to that comfort zone, we realize that our comfort zone has evolved to further along the path. For some on here it would appear that they have matured to a comfort zone that matches their internal state and do not desire to change from there. Even with personal or social obstacles that prevent us of fully living in that state, we have a sense of where that is.

So to the question. Have you reached a comfort zone that meets your need or desire, a place of peace that you feel matches your internal state? If so, how long have you felt that way? And what does it look like?

To answer the question for myself, I believe I am close enough. For about 5 months now I have been able to dress as I like, and be who I want to be. I am male bodied transgendered. There is a feminine aspect to my brain. I like to express my femininity in the way I dress and present. Jewellery and makeup when I feel like it. Dress up or dress down, but usually female in appearance and always with forms 24/7. There is no burning desire to do much differently, if at all. Five months is not a very long time I know. I wonder what a few years will do.

I have heard a comment or two that I am still in denial about needing to be a woman, but those making the comment are not qualified to have an informed opinion. I believe that such thinking comes from people who can not understand a stable in-between or mixed gender transgendered state. The recent thread about How far do you go in drab (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=100549) suggests that a lot of us are in a comfort zone that meets the internal state. Lets hear from you.

[Lisa Golightly]

I'm getting there... It's interesting that every time I think I'm there something will happen that opens up new feelings or desires... That's when I realize, once again, I shouldn't try and limit myself to a second class life... I tend to opt for safe but sometimes am surprised to find myself being quite brave.

Rambling... lol... Let's just say I'm in a happy place that's broadened my horizons :)

That doesn't make any sense at all does it? lol... Awwwww it makes sense to me :)

[Carin]

That doesn't make any sense at all does it? lol... Awwwww it makes sense to me :)

Thank's Lisa. It makes perfect sense, as it is ones own self perception that is of interest.

[Amanda Shaft]

My feeling is that you can never stand still! Although my ‘place’ is one that gives me lots of dressing opportunities, chances to go out socially and to just be out in the world it still has limitations. Currently those limitations are fine and don’t impinge on my desire to be who I am, but who can say that in the future I may need to go further. The great fear of just about every SO! including mine!
Comfort zones are great but personally as soon as I realise I’m in one I tend to want to push the boundaries. I like the saying ‘if it ain’t broke fix it till it is!’
Amanda

[Joanne f]

Because i fight with it every day i know that i am not at my comfort zone or as you put it "where i would like to be " but i have commitments that i have to comply to and it is against my nature to go against those commitments plus there are other factors that come into play that tell me i would be unwise to go any further at the moment , so although i am not happy with where i am like most people i make the best of it .

[Rachel Lea]

I am not there yet. I would like to perform my normal tasks in life dressed as I wished. My current state is only to dress in private and since I like to tinker, etc.[very hard time just sitting still], I just can't do that while I am dressed to almost any degree without being seen.

[Phyliss]

Presently, on my journey through life, I'm at a "place" that is serene and comfortable for me. I can pretty much wear what I want within particular limits, that I respect. ( no earrings, wigs, forms, or skirts while in her company) on my own it's a different story.
I find that I'm much further along "the road" then I had thought possible and I enjoy this. I look down "the road" and wonder what's beyond the next curve and over the hill I see in the distance. Do I want to explore or do I want to be content with where I am?

I guess I'm surprised at where I am, and think I'm happy now, still,..... there is so much more.

[Annie D]

I am not where I want to be because of personal obligations that I must take care of first. Once those are taken care of, then I will be free to make the choices I currently hold in my heart. This said, from where I stand now, I have goals for Annie that I see in the future but I know full well that those goals may change before they can be put in motion. Does that make sense?

Most of us realize that our journey has taken many twists and turns to get us to where we are now and we have continuously made choices in the past, hoping that they were the right ones. Sometimes they were not the best but maybe we thought they were the best ones at the time. We can't look back at what has happened in the past because we can't relive them, we can only learn from them. We take one step at a time hoping that with each step we come closer to who we want to become. Annie is carefully advancing through life, carefully stepping, hoping to become the person she envisions herself to be, even if her dreams change from time to time.

[xAnne_Mariex]

Pretty much yeah, i've told the most important person to me about it and i'm 100% happy about why I do it.

The only thing i'd like to change would be to be able to dress up all the time at home.

[sarahNZ]

I am still too confused in my own mind to even contemplate comfort.

Here dressed in my own bed I am comfortable. But it is lonely here on my own.

I don't know what I am willing to do or how far I am willing to go, but I will be happier if I have some one warm with me.

[Sarah...]

No. I've not reached that comfort zone yet. What is comforting though is that I know exactly where that zone is. I will be comfortable when I am living as a woman. Luckily that is also my wife's comfort zone. So we are planning now to arrange our business and life affairs to make it so.

Then we'll be comfortable.

Sarah...

[Angie G]

I am right where I wish to be I get to dress 5 days a week at home. And outside of work always have something on that's girly. I have no need to go out fully dressed I sometimes wear makeup have both ears pierced and my own long hair I have an accepting wife And love just were I'm at. Very happy and very comfortable.:hugs:
Angie

[Raychel]

Not quite there yet. I only get to dress about once a month, if that now. I would really be more happy of it were twice a week. Maybe someday. My wife is becoming more accepting everyday. So it is really just the kids now.

[JennSC]

I believe I am still evolving into my true self. By that I mean that I have repressed Lisa Jenn for so many years that it is taking time to realize who that part of me really is. Sometime I feel I am on the precipice of a slippery slope, and could easily slide into becoming Lisa totally. Life complicates that, with work, the impact on family, etc.

My "happy place" now is just to let Jenn come out no matter how I am dressed. I realize the external is only a facade of the real me. As I allow her to emerge, I have noticed that I am more relaxed and comfortable. Some around me who have noticed it aren't sure how to deal with it. Heck, I'm not sure how to deal with it!!!!

But, I am committed to seeing where this journey takes me, not as a CD or TG or any other label, but as a person. It is self discovery of who I really am. It is scary, yes, but necessary for me to eventually find my place, my comfort zone.

[MJ]

I'm getting there... It's interesting that every time I think I'm there something will happen that opens up new feelings or desires... That's when I realize, once again, I shouldn't try and limit myself to a second class life... I tend to opt for safe but sometimes am surprised to find myself being quite brave.

Rambling... lol... Let's just say I'm in a happy place that's broadened my horizons :)

That doesn't make any sense at all does it? lol... Awwwww it makes sense to me :)

I'm the same as Lisa . evolving a little everyday

[Alana65]

Have you reached a comfort zone that meets your need or desire, a place of peace that you feel matches your internal state?

No.

[renee k]

I'm getting pretty close to where I want to be. I want to do a couple of things that will bring my outward appearance in line with how I feel inside. Once those steps are complete I'll feel alot better about myself.

Huggs, Renee

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Yes and no...
I've reached a certain level of comfort....I ahve the look that I'm comfortable with....the acceptence of the wife is pretty good most of the time...some times though she's "growls" about my dressing...

Am I at a level where I'm comfortable yes do I want to go further??? Yes....to get out and be comfortable being out but not totally living 24/7 nor making a total switch over to being femmed....how father do I want ot go???? Have no idea because it's more or less a moving target at this time...a progression....and where it goes I don't knoww....

It's more a journey than a final destination....but so far it's working well since it will be a year next month since I've deleved into this process and came on this site....my progession has evolved day by day and moment by moment....and I'm please with what I see and have experienced and to where I'm at for the moment....

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Right now I'm comfortable with my appearance at work and home, I mostly wear feminine attire but don't always wear a wig or forms etc..especially at work. But I know one thing, my desire right now is to progress along this path to being 24/7 as a woman and if financially able to, in the future transition by having HRT and then SRS. :battingeyelashes:

[Tina B.]

Yes, I have found my comfort level. While I am in the closet, I am one of those that are happy there. My wife is the only one I am out to, and she is a great supporter of Tina's. I dress at home when ever I want and have spent days at a time dressed 24/7. We shop together, Or I will go shopping alone and feel confident that I can buy whatever I see that I want, and if the SA thinks it's for me I don't really care. So I feel I have all the freedom I need or want!
Tina

[Tracii G]

Not quite where I'd like to be but that will come with time. Overall I'm very happy with how far I have come in such a short time.

[StaceyJane]

No, but I'm slowly making progress.

[SherylynJade]

I am mostly happy with where I am currently. Right now I am out to some friends, I have a fiancee that is completly 110% supportive and is very encourageing, have been out into the world now many times, am considering attending a new church where I will only be known as Salenna, and have begun looking for a new job as Salenna. While it's not needed for me to be happy, am also considering starting hormones for breast development, but that is as far as I will be going with it. I have no current plans or desires to have SRT.
So yes, I am mostly happy where I am, just would like to be able to have the courage to be more out to closer friends that I have so far.

[Ralph]

Wow, what a great topic and answers. Yes, I have been exactly where I want to be for 20 years and some change.

Once I understood who and what I am, and am not, I was able to understand the needs that go with that self-identity (do not need to create the appearance of a female body, or live as an alter ego with a female name... just need to dress some amount of the day/week to forget the stress of the outside world). I explained all that to the woman whom I proposed to marry, and she was accepting of it. The rest of the world may never accept, but my wife does, and that's all that matters. As a result I can dress however I need to all day every day at home, and stay in the closet the rest of the time.

Life is terrific!

ralph

[linnea]

My feeling is that you can never stand still! Although my ‘place’ is one that gives me lots of dressing opportunities, chances to go out socially and to just be out in the world it still has limitations. Currently those limitations are fine and don’t impinge on my desire to be who I am, but who can say that in the future I may need to go further. The great fear of just about every SO! including mine!
Comfort zones are great but personally as soon as I realise I’m in one I tend to want to push the boundaries. I like the saying ‘if it ain’t broke fix it till it is!’
Amanda

I like what Amanda has written, and it is close to my own situation (though I don't have LOTS of dressing opportunities) and feeling about it.

[Rachel Morley]

Almost. Pretty much I am there .... almost. I have no desire to transition but I do have a desire to dress fully and present as a woman often. I'm lucky that I am able to do this quite a lot. When I'm not en femme I present as a feminized guy (to a greater or lesser extent). However, I want to live more of my non working life fully en femme, but I if I was totally honest with myself I know I am not as confident as I should be about doing this. For some reason I still sometimes feel uncomfortable being fully dressed at home in front of Marla's 18 year old son. When I'm out en femme on my own (which is not that often as I'm almost always with Marla) I'm still not confident enough to be the "independent woman" I should be. I'm still a little nervous about what people's reactions might be when they read me up close as we interact. So yeah, I'm pretty happy but I do need to work on my voice and my confidence more, otherwise I'm very contented with my life and my crossdressing :)

[Kelli Michelle]

I still do not know where my comfort zone is. So I suppose I must keep evolving till I get there. That's the thing. You can't really "guess" as to where that is. The only way to know, is to experience it. That's why questions like, " where do you want to be in 5 yrs...?" are so difficult to answer. Each new experience either tells me "I don't want that", or "I do." The journey is less like a straight line, more like a a drunken walk.:drink: When you reach that "point" you will know it, hopefully.

[Nicole Erin]

I am not quite there. I will be there when I can live full time as a woman.

[charlie]

Hello Carin!
Right now I'm a bit confused because of the directions I'm going. I always just feel that I'm just me, whether it is Charlie or Charles. However, Charlie is involved much more in the adventure of life now. She steps out and just going somewhere (anywhere) becomes an adventure. I now have a male friend that likes Charlie and he wants to go out to dinner and dancing. I'm treated as a lady friend, without the romance part. It is a friendship only, but involves really changing gender as well as feeling somewhat guarded about the usual situation of being CD in public. My comfort zone is being enticed and stretched all at the same time.

[Teri Jean]

I know my journey is not over and with a couple of decades, barring something unexpected, I will find the end of this and peace. I have always said I'm not sure what I want to be when I grow up, but I know this is part of my journey. Huggs to you all. keli

[JoAnne Wheeler]

NO - I want to go a lot farther - I do not want SRS, but I would like to go up to that point and stop

JoAnne Wheeler

[tricia_uktv]

I think the trouble is ... it's always changing.

[Carly D.]

I think I'm where I want this to be.. a little more closer to the door of the closet after this past Friday nights adventure.. anytime I go outside I wish I could be "out", but then I have to think of the "what ifs.." and I keep it tame.. last Friday night was special for me... it was as daring as I've ever been.. I can't say that it is or isn't because I'm here.. from reading others escapades with going out while dressed up.. I think it was just time to be daring for once.. but to the question of am I where I want to be?? part of me says yes and part of me says no.. I think as cross dressers (the community as a whole) that we all try to strive for being or having more.. more as in the case of wanting to be out.. be brave little buckeroo...

[Paula_S]

No.
For example, I'd love to be silky smooth all over, but I have plenty more hairs that still need lasering and it's not easy to find the time to do that when you work long hours...:straightface:

[Karren H]

I don't have a plan... but I suspect I've exceede where I thought I would be,,,, and I'm happy...

[Jennifer_Cross]

Glad I found this forum, still got a long way to go on appearance (passing) More work to do yet but hey.... It's all fun!

Jen

[Marlena_Sparkles]

For me I am very happy where I'm at. But I do believe the journey of happiness will continue. I live my life as a lady as much as I can. I go shopping,to clubs and various places with very good results. 8 out of 10 people say they would have never known if I didn't tell them. Everyone I know says I look better as a woman than a man. Even my mom! I always get great compliments on the way I dress & look. For me...that is awesome. I am just trying to fit in and look as natural as possible. Everyone says I am doing a great job!