Getting past the male brain or can you

[kristyk]

Hi ladies Hope you can give me your opinion on this

I like you have known I am female for many years actually since I can rememebr which is about 7 years old. In 1995 I started seeing a therpists I then was refered to a physcologists or Psyciatrist I get these two confused all the time so I could get my meds and also a letter if one day I wanted to go

I am sure this is not going to come out correct but here it goes

My soul and heart is female I live everyday knowing I am a woman I am not full time I dress as Kristy everyday just not as out as I want to be I think you understand.

However my brain or mind set or male personality can take over in a moments notice and Kristy takes a back seat. I don't know how to stop it or if I can stop it can you give me your opinion weather your pre op or post op just tell me your frame of mind on the male brain you still have

Thanks
KristyKis male as much as I try to get rid of my male personality so Kristy can shine my male thoughts get in the way.

Maybe this is telling me I am not trans anything becasue I can not get my thoughts to be female. My thoughts are female all day everyday I can not see myself as male when I l

[StaceyJane]

I really don't make any effort to think or be mentally different when I'm Stacey. I just relax and be me.
I think that's easier than trying to have a different personality. Of course I feel Stacey is the real me.

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Kristy

This is all quite common and nothing to worry about, the problem comes from all of the years of having to present a male front, it's what you're brain got trained to do. I know that I went through it during my transition, I can't remember when it stopped because it was a gradual thing that I really didn't notice, I just got to a point where it wasn't there anymore.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Zenith]

The male is an act or front that I have had to perfect my whole life...it is wrong but familiar...so I backslide too...as you explore the female (if it is you) you will become more comfortable with it and the male will fall away...and there are GG fighter pilots, mechanics, race car drivers, SERE instructors, etc...you don't have to be thinking pink/girly 100% of the time to be female...

Edit:I swear I was typing this at the same time as Karen and did not see her reply before posting...

[Carole Cross]

I don't think I have a male brain, this is why I have found it difficult living as a man. It is time for a change. :daydreaming:

[AKAMichelle]

Regardless of what decisions in life you ever make, you will always be you. I have a male and a female side to me. Those are the parts which make me whole. I have finally accepted that mix. Hopefully you can embrace all that makes you who you are as well.

[kristyk]

Thanks Karen and Zenith that makes me feel really good about myself.
The thought that maybe you never leave the male brain kind of freigtens me when I think about beingin teh real world as Kristy one day.

I am so glad to hear I am not the only one that has experienced this and I was even more happy to hear that it may go awya in time.

Zenith that is funny you girls were typing at the same time Karen jsut had quicker fingers

Thanks for your honesty

KristyK:daydreaming:

[Sharon]

I have the same old brain as ever, but have long stopped trying to mask it with affected mannerisms and behavior. However, I still have all the same interests I ever had, even though some of them are considered masculine.

Relax, Kristy, and just be yourself. :)

[kristyk]

Sharon I agree with that relax for me sometimes that is hard to do. I guess I will always be Mark but as long as Kristy can rule someday I should be willing to except Mark will always be there. Hopefully just not as much in some ways.

This is the best TS site I have found I love that know unwanted trolls can get in. I can usually expect life experienced answers to be gven top me even if I don't like what I hear

Thanks

[GypsyKaren]

Zenith that is funny you girls were typing at the same time Karen just had quicker fingers
KristyK:daydreaming:

Us giraffes have hooves, we can cover a lot of territory on a keyboard at once.

Karen Starlene :star:

[~Kelly~]

...and there are GG fighter pilots, mechanics, race car drivers, SERE instructors, etc....

OMG!!! I can't believe you wrote that! Mainly just because of the coincidence of the ONLY specific job you mentioned was one that I happened to have a bit of experience in. Back in my "other life" when I was trying to put on the grandest show of all time, I began thinking of how to take my life to the next level of "rugged masculinity". This was the time I was trying to prove to EVERYONE including myself how mascuine I was. I knew who I REALLY was but tried to cover over it because I was scared to go that route. Anywho, I joined the Air Force and decided to take the roughest job I could find. And what did that end up being? You guessed it: SERE instructor! (The fact that I didn't even last 6 months in it is irrelevant at this point LOL Apparently I was NOT as rough and tough as I wanted everyone to believe I was :P ) I will say this much though....we did have another girl in the class, so the original statement holds true.....jobs such as these are NOT merely limited to the guys.

[MichelleBolton]

In my Therapist session the other day, I told her that I will be thru this stage, when I stop labeling things as feminine or masculine. That I will simply stop labeling my actions, and live.

The facts for me, is I feel a strong need to be female. In fact that I am, female. Even if I don't change a thing now, the fact of the matter is I am female. I need to make the changes in my body, because of the need. I have tried to change the mind, but really that is a supression of the mind, my feelings really never go away.

I would state that sometimes I believe I have a male mind, and other times, I know I have a female mind. But, really, does it matter, no. What does matter, is my feelings, my expression, me.

So, there will come a time, in which I will simply live, and not question what gender the action belongs to. It's just me.

Go with the flow, your feelings, don't question um, and live. Stop the what ifs, and see where that takes you.

[Sara Violet]

I had that issue a few months ago Kristy. I felt like I was going crazy. I was very depressed for the fist time since starting transition. I too questioned transition.

Like Karen said, its just takes time. It seems to be very common. Don't try to so hard, and you will be fine. Don't be mad at yourself for falling back on instincts you created to survive.

My opinion of it is, the brain is playing catch up to the body during transition. We become self aware of the male traits and thought patterns we created, and frantically try to purge them. Our brain just needs time to adjust to not having to try so hard to react "male". All it needs is time to adjust.

[Heatherx75]

You know, I know that in my case, I developed an adverse reaction to being called things like "queer" when I was a teenager, (or that disgusted, horrified look on my father's face when mom told him about my crossdressing when I was 12,) and for many years I developed active defense mechanisms to alleviate the situation. Such as: avoiding showing any emotion about anything, drug and alcohol abuse, and whatever dumb macho activity I could jump into to "prove myself."
Finally I got to the point where I was accomplished enough to look back and say, "You know, I'm still me, and I've done all these things, and none of those rednecks back home would have lasted 5 minutes in my shoes. If I'm a woman then this shows what a woman can do. Especially when people think she's a man." The last part is of course unfortunate, but is the reality, and the reason why we still have our masculine tendencies. We're used to people reacting to us as if we are men, and the tendency is to give what's expected.
Today, my feminine mannerisms still mostly only come out when I'm feeling extremely comfortable with the person(s) I'm talking to. But hopefully, like Karen said, it'll be a gradual development.

[kristyk]

Wow thanks for the all the opinions I am really glad to hear that others have this tug of war sometimes Makes me feel more relaxed. I have more and more just tried being who I am that really feels good when I can just be Kristy. I can see where girls and guys who are GG or GM that really enjoy being male or female can have such open and fun personalities now. I have never been able to be that way I have been envious of those people.

Sorry went a different direct

Thanks :)

[Tizabet]

"You know, I'm still me, and I've done all these things, and none of those rednecks back home would have lasted 5 minutes in my shoes. If I'm a woman then this shows what a woman can do. Especially when people think she's a man."Quoted just because it's an awesome quote.

As to the original question, there's one aspect that no one seems to have brought up yet~ Hormones guide your thoughts and feelings pretty strongly. I certainly have my "male" feeling moments (ugh), but far less often since starting HRT. Just something to keep in mind. :)

[morgan pure]

You really want to be a girl?

I live, work and play almost exclusively with women. Here's an example: I have two young women who crew for me on my sailboat. They are smart, good and brave girls. But one got into a fight with mutual friends and the other tried to stay neutral. Now they don't talk and my crew has been ruined. I trained these girls for 3 years, and need them. Two months ago they were arm in arm, b.f.f.'s, now they hate each other forever. Women do that. And my racing season is ruined.

Since HRT I am definitely more loving and even-tempered. But I am not over-sensitive (as many female workmates are), not territorial (like all girlfriends), and aren't jealous of prettier women (they can be merciless).

M

[kristyk]

Morgan all valid points I understand what you are saying

Tizabet that is probably correct I should expect some male moments from time to time I just hope they come less and less

Thanks for the opinions

Morgan if you ever need someone to just ride along let me know I need a very long vacation :)

Thanks again I appreciate all the thoughts and opinions

KristyK

[morgan pure]

Kristy,

I'm in NYC area. Contact me. I always need crew.

On the other hand, there are so many female traits that I just adore. I have spent my whole life with women and girls and have studied them the whole time.

Once, when I was dressing up a lot and going out and hanging around with a very gay crowd and was picking up noticeably effeminate mannerisms, I asked a wonderful teen girl I knew if I was acting too femme. She said, "Don't change." I don't know any boys who would have said that. I hope that I would have.

I could go on. Where's Pruella?

Morgan

[kristyk]

Morgan I'm sure the teen girl was right don't change
You sound like you have what I am looking for

So don't change

KristyK