Too Comfortable?

[StephanieT]

Is there such a thing as being too comfortable being out dressed. It seems a though I don't really care anymore. The more I go out the more comfortable I am. At this point, I will go out and do almost anything. Maybe it is just my age. I think I have gotten to the point of " Who gives a Sh## "with almost everything in my life. So many things to do, so little time:D

[Persephone]

Don't know, Stephanie. As an out and about CD I'm pretty comfortable, usually not even aware that I'm any "different" from any other woman. I certainly don't consider myself any different, why should I?

Yet most women develop a certain "radar" for bad situations -- places they wouldn't go, guys that just don't "seem right" to get in a car with, that sort of thing. We don't get that radar in our formative years, so we need to constantly work on it to make sure it is in place and operational, and, because of who we are, we need to keep at least one extra antenna up.

Like the item I posted a few days ago about being in the restroom when a young girl came in. Sure, I knew I was "safe," I knew I looked "normal" and perfectly relaxed as I finished washing my hands and checking my hair and makeup, but I was glad my "extra radar" went "ping" just to alert me to the situation.

Ideally, when out and about, we should feel totally natural, comfortable that we can handle all ourselves in situations, otherwise I really don't think we should be there, but never so comfortable that we miss a cue that something could go wrong.

Does that make sense?

[spiroxlii]

If I had the forms and the clothes and the makeup like you do, I'd be comfortable out as a female. :)

I send mixed messages when I'm out. I don't mean to. I just do it because I don't have the time or money to devote to passing 100%, so I am content to be a pretty male for now. I wear girl jeans and a female jacket, and I have long hair, which I sometimes wear up and sometimes wear down. I realize I just look like an effeminate male when I'm out this way, but I'm okay with that. If I had the time and money, I'd certainly try to pass as well as I could, but since it's not practical for me to really pass right now, I'd rather look like a pretty boy than a hot tranny mess.

I actually do understand a bit of your pain, not from crossdressing but from being a licensed pistol carrier. Many days, I wear a small, well-hidden snubnose .38 revolver. Nobody knows it's there, so I don't draw stares or cause a stir. Some days my pants are too tight to wear a gun hidden inside the waistband, and I'm not wearing boots big enough to conceal my pistol. On those days, I carry openly on my hip, and as long as I'm carrying openly, there's no reason for me to carry my tiny revolver, so I carry a full size 1911 or XD.

My radar instantly goes on. I'm not ashamed of dressing in female clothing OR carrying a gun, but I do worry about what other people think of me. My head is constanly on a swivel. I'm looking around, noticing everybody and everything. Most people don't even notice it, honestly. I don't know how they could miss a big honking pistol on my belt, but one thing I've learned that applies to both CDing and pistol toting is that people are so absorbed in what they're doing that they don't really take a good, close look at the people around them.

Those who do notice the pistol mostly ignore it, just as they mostly seem to ignore my female clothing. Oddly enough, though I don't look like a cop at all, many of them just assume that I must be a policeman, since in their mind, the only person who would carry a gun and not be ashamed of it is a law enforcement officer. Once again, this goes to show that if you seem comfortable and natural doing what you're doing, whether it's crossdressing or pistol toting, people are more likely to assume that what you're doing is okay. If you act suspicious while carrying a gun, you're going to scare people. If you act weird or self-conscious while crossdressing, then you're going to draw negative attention to yourself, because people can sense that you're nervous.

Occasionally, somebody spots my gun and is disturbed, scared, or offended by it. Some of them shy away, and others confront me. In ALL cases where I encounter somebody who doesn't like what I'm doing, I try to be as polite, kind, and nonthreatening as I can. I want to be an ambassador for legally licensed gun toters, just as I want to be an ambassardor for the LGBTQ community. The more nice and pleasant you are, the more likely people are to accept your potentially controversial behavior.

[tricia_uktv]

I agree with you Stephanie. I have hit a different phase of my life. Its now less fun being out and about than it was but I am learning to adapt and just enjoy being myself.

[Karren H]

I think that I'm comphy out and age has a lot to do with it.. but I'm not too comphy to put myself in a situation I can't get out of.. A little fear is a good thing.. Being fearless usually ends you up in the morque..

[Sammy777]

If I had the time and money, I'd certainly try to pass as well as I could, ... Many days, I wear a small, well-hidden snubnose .38 revolver.

Er, sorry, did I miss something? You don't have enough money to buy a makeup kit, but you do have enough to waste on a revolver?
Some people.

Katie B, You forgot to mention the .45ACP 1911 or the XD, lol.
The 1911 is a .45 isn't it Spiroxlii?

I think Katie you should ask why she carries before dismissing the hardware as a waste of money.

Oh and trust me when I say that the proper make-up setup costs a LOT more then a good old .45 1911 does. :D

[spiroxlii]

Er, sorry, did I miss something? You don't have enough money to buy a makeup kit, but you do have enough to waste on a revolver?

Some people.

*edit* I realize that my reply is very very long, and that it goes very very off topic. I do not want it to start a big argument, because I know that this subject often incites people on both sides of the issue to anger. I have huge respect for all of you here, whether you agree with me or not.

1. I owned the guns before I became comfortable with my own gender identity, so it's not as if I chose guns over makeup.

2. As expensive as makeup and clothes are, the other things I want done (like laser hair removal and a trachea shave) are even more expensive, and they certainly cost a lot more than my modest monthly practice ammo budget. I'm currently a full time student with a part time job. When I graduate and go out into the "real world" with a real career, I will certainly make saving for my transformation a top priority.

3. I thought we were trying to be supportive and tolerant here. I know that you think of me now as "some people." I don't know what you mean by that, but I guess you mean I'm a paranoid, belligerent gun nut. You don't really know who I am, though. You don't know why I choose to "waste" my time and money on firearms. I'm guessing you don't really care to know, because you already have a set way of thinking about firearms and the people who own them, so no explanation will ever be good enough. If you do care to know, here it is:

I may live near Atlanta, one of the "gay capitols" of the world, but this can still be an intolerant region, an intolerant nation, and an intolerant world when it comes to alternate gender and sexual identities. There's nothing like being followed through a parking lot by a pack of meat heads calling you "queer" and "faggot" because they have safety in numbers and judgment impaired by alcohol. I wasn't even dressed at the time. If having long hair and a messenger bag made me "queer enough" to deserve to be heckled, cornered, and probably beaten, then I hate to think of what could happen to me if I were "made" by the wrong people while out in a skirt and makeup. In the incident I described above, I wasn't beaten to death. I got hit by one thrown bottle, and then I was lucky to be close enough to my car for the panic button to work. The noise and attention made them pause long enough for me to get away. If the parking lot had been bigger, or if I hadn't remembered where I parked, then who knows...?

I don't live my life in fear, clutching to my gun like a security blanket. I have it for personal reasons, and I treat it like a fire extinguisher or a seat belt. It's a piece of safety equipment that I hope I never ever have to use. I don't plan to start a grease fire, but I keep a fire extinguisher in my kitchen. I don't plan to get in a car accident, but I wear my seatbelt every time I drive. That doesn't make me paranoid. It makes me prepared for unexpected and unfortunate events. I've NEVER shot anybody or even pointed a gun at anybody. My deepest hope is that I never have to.

I choose to exercise my basic human right to self defense. I wish we all lived in a world where such a thing wasn't necessary. If you have gone through your whole life without being the target of a gay bashing, or if you live in a place where the most vicious people you may encounter while dressed are teenage girls with their snide comments, then I am happy for you, and I hope you never experience anything darker than that.

That said, I realize I don't know you. You may have been attacked more viciously than I have, and THAT may be why you are opposed to anything "violent," including my choice to carry a firearm for self defense. If that's the case, then I am truly sorry you've experienced the darkest side of human intolerance, and I hope you never experience it again. I just hope you don't think that I'm simply "responding to violence with more violence." I'm not a vigilante. I'm not out for revenge. A license to carry is not a license to kill or to seek out danger. I live my life even more carefully than I used to, and I still stay away from places and people that give me the wrong feeling. If I encounter danger again, my number one plan is to RUN away and LIVE, not to stay and fight, because the only way to ensure that nobody gets hurt is not to fight in the first place. My firearm will never be a tool of first resort. It just gives me the option of saving my own life in the event that I can not escape an unexpected threat to my own life or the lives of my loved ones.

I am dedicated to safe and responsible gun ownership, which is why I took charge of the Atlanta Chapter of the Pink Pistols (see my sig for the link). We were recently covered by the Atlanta-based GLBT newspaper Southern Voice (http://www.sovo.com/2008/12-19/news/localnews/9577.cfm).

[StephanieT]

but I'm not too comphy to put myself in a situation I can't get out of.. A little fear is a good thing.. Being fearless usually ends you up in the morque..
:iagree:
I would never put my in a situation where it could end up being a bad situation. As a former Boy Scout, I will never forget the motto "BE PREPARED"

[AKAMichelle]

What ended up happening at some point is that you become comfortable in your skin. We see women walk into the dressing room to try on clothes everyday. We see those same women walk into a public restroom. Why? Because they belong there. As we go out more, there gets to be a feeling of belonging. In my case it part of balance in my life. I realize that when I go out, I am the same person regardless of my genitalia, clothes, makeup, or hair. I'm me. That point in your life marks a real change in your life. You have set yourself free to be you.

Let me know when you are back in Colorado. I have a new outing ready for you. It is another first for both of us.

[suzypier]

I am really anxious to be able to go out like you do and be confortable instead of staying in the closet. It is nice to think the way you think, it is exactly what Gina Lance from the book "Get dress" suggested very much to do. :)

[Ashlyee Paige]

I know what you mean, I am more comfortable out enfemme than male now, I don't go the bars as male anymore lately but I still dont goto redneck bars or straight places enfemme, would like to but not alone. Its not fear of the judgements but a concern for safety.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I have gotten to the age where I just don't care any more - I am who I am
JoAnne Wheeler

[Nicole Erin]

Er, sorry, did I miss something? You don't have enough money to buy a makeup kit, but you do have enough to waste on a revolver?

Some people.

Umm, what business is it of yours how she spends her money?

[gennee]

I'm at the stage in my life where I don't care who knows that I dress. I've been out in public so much that it doeesn't faze me how people perceive me. Life is too short to worry about what others think.

Gennee



:cute::doll:

[victoriamwilliams1]

I am at that same stage now.

[MissConstrued]

Er, sorry, did I miss something? You don't have enough money to buy a makeup kit, but you do have enough to waste on a revolver?

Some people.


Now... I have wasted money on cheap makeup, but I've never wasted money on guns.

Every one of them has been money well spent! :D

[sarahNZ]

hell girl, I am still daydreaming of the day that I will be comfortable showing my made up face to anyone. never mind the too comfortable bit.

[Prissy Linda]

Er, sorry, did I miss something? You don't have enough money to buy a makeup kit, but you do have enough to waste on a revolver?

Some people.

Well I feel quite comfortable being escorted by Mr. Smith and Wesson.

[tricia_uktv]

DUM DUM DUM DUM

Whenever I am out dressed and see something I can't fathom, this is the song that comes to my head, and I am aware of the danger.

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd need shepherd
But you you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliber

[Persephone]

Er, sorry, did I miss something? You don't have enough money to buy a makeup kit, but you do have enough to waste on a revolver?

Some people.

A good revolver is never a waste of money.

[Raquel June]

I'm getting a little less comfortable going out, and it's turning into a somewhat depressing regression.

I was always plenty comfortable going to gay bars. I've even been to some seedy redneck bars en femme, but it's always with friends. But at school, I'm torn between progressing in my life and being the subject of violence and ridicule. I guess it's mostly the ridicule. I don't have my friends with me, and the whole point in me being myself is to be comfortable, but I'm certainly not comfortable so why bother? I tried to ask a woman on campus for directions to a building at the start of last quarter, and she just stood there with her jaw hanging open. I gotta say that's a little worse than someone making fun of you, when someone is just truly horrified by the tranny. Her son thought I was adorable, though, which is maybe what freaked her out, that her 5-year-old was running up to the weirdo and saying, "Hey lady!" Anyway, I'm not going to school en femme again. But there's a lot of violence around, too, and I'm not the most masculine thing in Dayton. There have been several armed robberies in the past 6 months at my school -- I think about 5 with knives and 3 at gunpoint. I wish I could just stick to hanging out in gay bars on the weekends, but the more I do, the more it upsets me that I'm not being myself the rest of the week.

And I do have a concealed handgun license, but even with that we law abiding citizens aren't allowed to be armed on a university campus or anyplace that serves alcohol.

[Gisele]

I am still not comfortable 100% when going out. I still look for family or friends when out. I don't give a rats @$$ what other people think of me it's just I am not out with the family or close friends yet.


SIDE NOTE:

If I had all of the money back I have spent on guns I could have had SRS, Implants and the works. But I do NOT regret buying any of my guns and I would do it again.:D

[Ashlee]

I had another Jamie Austin makeover on Tuesday and asked to do off-site pics so we went to a local hotel (outside not inside!) and took pics in the rear parking lot which was secluded. I wasn't nervous walking outside the studio, I looked at cars in the lane next to me and even drove by a detail cop. He was probably checking me out, when we got back there's a professional building next door to the studio where I sat on the wall and had pics taken in plain view of the street and people going in and out of the building. I was madeover and didn't recognize myself, doubt anyone made me then.

[kellycan27]

A gun, nope ruins the lines of my dress. But if you wish to be packin....feel free.

[foxyjj111]

i have actually just recently been out dressed for the first time. i have been getting dressed and walking around the neighborhood at night time and passed severel people on the way. dont care anymore what they think but really havnt had a second look. i am hoping to soon go into a store (a dimly lit one of course) to see how people respond. if i seem to pass then i can easily see how i will feel comfortable going out whenever. i have taken leaps and bounds this year so far so who knows.

[kellycan27]

I like your attitude hun. pretty soon they won't be able to keep you in.

[Super Amanda]

Now... I have wasted money on cheap makeup, but I've never wasted money on guns.

Every one of them has been money well spent! :D

That's true, right now I'm unarmed, but I really feel like when I go full time I will need a pistol again. In the past my Beretta saved my live, I know what can happen when you are at the mercy of a nut with a gun. We firearm owners know that most of us are VERY responsible and safe with our weapons.

[Raquel June]

Glock 26: $499
500 rounds of practice ammo: $100
NRA defensive handgun class: $80
Conceald Handgun License fee: $55
100 rounds of Federal HST Law enforcement ammo: $48
Nemesis pocket holster: $17

So that's $799. And I've long since broken the the $2,000 mark on makeup. My last trip to Sephora cost a lot more than my last trip to the range.

Who knows, someday looking pretty just might save my life, too! If I make my Charisma roll I could avoid a bad situation altogether!

[MissConstrued]

My last trip to Sephora cost a lot more than my last trip to the range.

Who knows, someday looking pretty just might save my life, too!


Just be very careful not to store your makeup anywhere near your ammunition. I know a guy who tried to reload his deer rifle really fast once while hunting, for a follow-up shot. He reached into the wrong pocket... rack, slap, rack... and chambered his Chapstick. :eek:

The deer got away, but that could be dangerous, ya know.

[mannph]

There seems to be a lot of very pretty ladies here who have never gone out. I've gone out, but just with pantyhose and heels under my male clothes. It is amazing how many people never look at feet. I also have gone out in shorts and pantyhose and nobody seems to notice hose.

[Melora]

If YOU GO OUT...
Please Do Not become a statistic... Be smart!!
BAD PEOPLE ARE AVAILABLE!!!
PLEASE ASK ME!! I KNOW!!

[Angie G]

Way to go girl.:hugs:
Angie

[Raquel June]

...I know a guy who tried to reload his deer rifle really fast once while hunting, for a follow-up shot. He reached into the wrong pocket... rack, slap, rack... and chambered his Chapstick. :eek:

Hunter 1: (looking up at mounted deer) What kinds slugs ya use?

Hunter 2: I think that was Urban Decay Voodoo. $22 a pop!

[crazybiker]

If I had the forms and the clothes and the makeup like you do, I'd be comfortable out as a female. :)

Lol... to tell you the truth, i believe there are a bunch of us who dont necessarliy use forms. I've been using well sock like things, actually rolled up undershirts.. they're wide enough and shapeable to form my B's in a very nice shape... as far as going out, i'll just have to keep my bending over to a minimum or find something a little more covering of the chest area... the only problem i see is i like my V shirts :( ... anyhow to the topic at hand...

I'm getting comfortable, and starting to just not care, i've told a bunch of people, and am hoping to meet my GG friends... they're an already out Xdresser... as long as i have some moral support i'm fine... i'm in public and I dont know any of these people so why do i care :p... and even if i undress and go back to guy mode, i'm sure I could go walk around the same place and nobody'd be the wiser... btw i'm in Vancouver just so you have an idea... i think with all the gay parades that we have during the seasons of being slightly warmer out and all the people that show up gay and straight, and myabe even CD'rs because of the people around them (i'm not sure on this so dont get mad) that i'm sure that it would be fine around here :)

[crazybiker]

Night after night as I dress and talk, it seems as if i'm just working up to getting more comfortable. I had to change to go upstairs recently to get some toast, and put my shorts and regular tee back on, and i as like woah... i like my other top and skirt better.

[Raychel]

I am at the point wher I don't care all that much either. I am who I am, I guess I am a bit more comfortable with who I am then my wife. I am kinda getting the feeling that she is wishing that it would just go away. Although those are very mixed feelings.

So I guess I am to comfortable in her eyes. If this post makes any sense at all.