Transitioning and NOT passing

[tgirlinva]

I think as I grow into my own skin, I learn how to deal with my parents. But the "new" problem is my fear that I will not pass. That no matter what I do (HRT, FFS, etc) I will always be a man in a dress to society. Passing 100% and being considered as much a woman as the one next door, be she GG or TG, is very important to me and I don't know how i'd cope if at the end of the road, I don't pass... I know it'll be a HUGE HUGE disappointment for me. has anyone felt like that?

[SirTrey]

I think as I grow into my own skin, I learn how to deal with my parents. But the "new" problem is my fear that I will not pass. That no matter what I do (HRT, FFS, etc) I will always be a man in a dress to society. Passing 100% and being considered as much a woman as the one next door, be she GG or TG, is very important to me and I don't know how i'd cope if at the end of the road, I don't pass... I know it'll be a HUGE HUGE disappointment for me. has anyone felt like that?

I think most people feel like that while transitioning, both on the MtF side and the FtM, as well (which is where I am)....The longer I am on hormones, the more I pass...The problem is, every time I have to pull out an ID for whatever reason, it makes Me wonder if people will notice the little "F" on My driver's license and wonder why I have facial hair and a deep voice....Being trans is certainly not an easy road, but as time goes on and you are more and more comfortable presenting as YOURSELF, that person will shine through and you will blend and pass more and more....Just be who you are, realizing that, no, society may never completely accept you, but you probably will hit a point where you will pass most of the time....and, when you do, you will feel a great sense of peace...Example, today I donated blood...when I walked in, the guy who greets donors handed Me the book the Red Cross makes you read before you donate and said, "Here you go, Sir"....small victory, but critical to people like us....Just try to relax, and, as time goes by, learn to disregard what people think (or wondering how they see you) and just go on about the business of life....That's really the only way to be truly happy in your transition....Good Luck....:) **Trey**

[GypsyKaren]

Passing 100% and being considered as much a woman as the one next door, be she GG or TG, is very important to me

Why? I know it would be nice, but trust me, life is constantly lining up much more important things to throw in your face. Worry about being a good person, worry about making a difference, that means a lot more at the end of day.


I don't know how i'd cope if at the end of the road, I don't pass

The sun will still come up the next day, you'll still have a stack of bills waiting to be paid, you'll still have to face each day the same as before, and you'll get through them just like you do now.


I know it'll be a HUGE HUGE disappointment for me. has anyone felt like that?

Ahh, but you don't know this, you've never been in this situation before. If this does happen, it will probably be because you're already setting yourself up for failure before you're even close to the starting gate.


I think as I grow into my own skin, I learn how to deal with my parents.

You will learn how to deal with everything as you grow, including your fears, that's what the natural growth of life is all about.

Listen, I know this is hard and I understand your fears, we've all been there, but you have to stop looking for problems and just start being. Life would be so lovely if we had it all perfectly mapped out before us ahead of time and it was all full of lollipops and rainbows, but that just ain't gonna happen and it's a waste to wait for it to. All any of of us can do is get up each morning and face the day and MAKE it work for us.

I don't pass, never did and never will, but I'm ok with that because not only do I accept it and myself, I MAKE it work for me. I have a wonderful life now as Karen because I face the challenges as they come and I never stay down if I take a hit...it's better to try and fail than to stand still, rust never sleeps.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Steph Butterfield]

I read so many positive stories from girls prior to transitioning, and saw their before and after pictures and had mixed emotions, firstly I thought "how could someone so male become so female ?" and secondly it gave me hope, that if they could acheive this, then I could too.

However nearly 3 years into my real life test, and 2 years of hormones, I am still getting the most awful abuse, assaults and still struggling to get a job as a woman, all this because I do not pass.

FFS would help, but getting the £15,000 for it would be a major problem.

All this said, everyone's experience is different, many factors come into it, how each person reacts to hormones, the neighbourhood they live in, how family react to their loved one's transition. To nick a line from Forrest Gump " Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get"


Stephanie

[Lisa Golightly]

eeeek... Passing... hmmmm... lol... No-one passes 100%. It's what makes those moments when you are treated 100% as a woman sooooooooo special.

Awwwwwwwwww... all you can do is be you.

[melissaK]

Few of us are lucky enough to be considered "handsome" or "beautiful" by any particular society's view or such things. Some of us look like Shrek no matter what we do, and this is true regardless of birth gender. So, let's not get too down on ourselves for not measuring up to superficial standards of beauty or ugliness. Its trite, but we have to learn how to change the things we can, and accept the things we can not change, and to acquire the wisdom to know the difference.

hugs,
'lissa

[Sharon]

We ourselves are much more critical about our appearance than anyone else. To be true, there are those of us who will never pass one hundred percent of the time, but I have found that our attitude and confidence matters more than anything else. It isn't easy to do, and it may come slowly, but just becoming comfortable with who we are really makes the difference. Stop looking in stranger's eyes and wondering what they are thinking. Don't assume glances towards you means anything. Be friendly and don't try to avoid interacting with others.

Listen, we can choose to hide and be miserable, or we can do something about it and become a valid member of our respective places in society. It does happen! Sadly, horrible things occasionally happen to some of us, but I choose to not be cowered by what could happen.

[~Kelly~]

We ourselves are much more critical about our appearance than anyone else. To be true, there are those of us who will never pass one hundred percent of the time, but I have found that our attitude and confidence matters more than anything else. It isn't easy to do, and it may come slowly, but just becoming comfortable with who we are really makes the difference. Stop looking in stranger's eyes and wondering what they are thinking. Don't assume glances towards you means anything. Be friendly and don't try to avoid interacting with others.

Listen, we can choose to hide and be miserable, or we can do something about it and become a valid member of our respective places in society. It does happen! Sadly, horrible things occasionally happen to some of us, but I choose to not be cowered by what could happen.

I absolutely agree 100%! Confidence makes a HUGE difference! KNOW who you are and live regardless of what others think. By living your life, constantly nervous or anxious that maybe that last person saw something or suspects something does not let the real you come out. We have fought our whole lives to get to this point where the real us CAN be shown. Don't waste it away by being timid or shy. Otherwise, you are essentially right back where you started.

[Steph Butterfield]

Confidence does not stop the constant abuse, threats or assaults, I am proof of that, 3 years of that.