Sunday Morning Blues

[Sherlyn]

Okay...... Quick summary bout last night. I had the opportunity to go into a club last night ...ummmm drag queens gays and lesbian ...Kew and I both got dressed to go ..she did my eyemakeup for me and let me wear her 1 of her outfits ... she looked great... REAL GREAT....soooooo off we go ...ummmm we get downtown ... park and !!!!! I JUST CANT DO IT !!!!!!!! Kew assures me I look fine ...but I just don't know why I cannot go in ...at 1 point I get outta the car while she waits and walk over to the street ..standing there right on the sidewalk across from the club...hmmmm no 1 even seems ta notice me or cares lol...... kinda gets my confidence up no stares at me... just casual glances sooo..THEN a guy in a pick-up truck ..pulls in right beside me :eek: ..rolls his window down .....and asks me to come here ...omg!!!! I quickly walk back too Kew in the car ...heart pounding....so we sit .... and sit... Kew at 1 point even went over and asked if there we're TG's in the club!!!yup!!! ..there was .the bouncer said... I never did go in ... I do not know why I cannot ....it frustrates me soooooo much...I just can't seem ta get the nerve too put myself in the company of others... HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! :confused:
So here I sit its Sunday Morning ...Kews asleep and I am feelin blue coz I had my first oppurtunity to present Sherlyn and lost my nerve

[CharleneCD]

Sherlyn, Bunny and I went to the same type of club and found acceptance and mostly no one paid attention to us. Next time you try, remember how you feel this morning. Just push your fear aside and go in. You picked one of the best places to go where you will feel the least out of place. Trust me you will not regret going in next time, just do it. Get out of your car, and keep putting one foot in front of the other till you go in. Think of how liberating it will be to have finaly been out. You can do it Sherlyn.

[Julie]

Sherlyn, so you didn't quite make it into that club last night, so what you took a huge leap forward in achieving that aim. Hell you made it to across the street, stop being so hard on yourself. You'll do it soon enough, just look as last night as being a try out ready for the big day.

Well done.

~Julie~

[Sherlyn]

thank you sooo sooo much Charlene and Julie ....I had ta post this ...at first I did not want to coz ...I felt defeated ... Kew said I better post a thread about this ..the forum is my support group....and she is right I already feel a little less bluesy

[spaskinstyle]

Sweetie:

You are just so pretty! You need to know that you are as pretty on the inside as you are on the outside - next time you step up to the front of the line and you'll look like you own the place! It won't take long for people to realize your real beauty is beaming from within.

I promise you will be having the time of your life before you know it.
Good Luck Sweetie

Theresa

[Tristen Cox]

Stage freight? It happens, just got to psych yourself out. But nothing to get that down about, next time you'll go in and have a great time and forget about this. ;)

[CharleneCD]

No your not defeated Sherlyn. Not even a setback. As Julie said you made it halfway across the street. Next time you will do better. For me alot of it comes down to not caring anymore. I wasnt ever truley accepted before, so as long as I am happy who cares what others think. The ones who love me and or, are my true friends are the only one's who matter. That includes my wife, my family, and all the wonderful people in this forum. All the others can either accept me or not, as long as Im happy. Since dressing makes me happy and is part of what I am, I do it. If you can take part of that attitude, the fear of going out becomes less inhibiting.

[Kimberly]

We all chicken out, hun... I'm finding it hard to SHOP these days: something I'm sure you've done plenty of. This is just the next step for you, and will take time.

Have no worries and just try again... we're all here for you :)

xx

[Jenny Beth]

Hi Sherlyn,

That first step into a public setting is the hardest one we will ever take. It is understandable that you were very nervous but if this is something you really want to do the time will come when you will overcome those fears. My first real outing was similar to what you just attempted and I probably couldn't have done it if not for the presence of my wife. To be honest I was pretty scared and felt that all eyes were on me, I soon realized no one paid any attention to me. You are so fortunate to have a wonderful partner who loves this side of you and she won't stand there and let anything bad happen around you. So you chickened out last night....no big deal. Eventually you are going to say damn it, this is who I am and you'll walk through those doors with your head held high. As Red Green once said, "I'm pulling for you, we're all in this together"!

[Deidra Cowen]

Sherlyn...you accomplished more than you are letting on. You did a car ride enfemme. Then you actually got out of the car and interacted with people outside the club.

Perhaps this can be a learning experience and you can move on to the next step of going in the club. I promise the club will be much more comfortable than outside!

[Sherlyn]

hugs to everyone supporting me here it sooooo...makes me feel much better

[Kimberly]

Sunday sucks.

Listen to The Zutons' "Not a lot to do" and you'll catch the exact mood I'm in... and your own, probably!!

[womanatheart]

Sherlyn,
Luv - last night was just practice! You have the look (a very good look that is!!!). When I am out - my detectors are running 120%. I learned something from Windy, who suggested going out to the mall in sunglasses (hold on - I'm getting to my point). I bought some very fem light sun glasses and wore them on my stroll to the mall efem. To top that - I forgot to put on my far sighted contact (old age - so I could not see good in the distance). My point - I had the best time of my life that day because I was in bliss because I was oblivious to others who might read me.
Next time - walk around the club - then - if comfortable - peep in. If comfortabe - enter and hide behind a plant - scope the place out - and tell your mate to find the most inconspicous table in the place. Then sit there till ...you know what to do. :)
Love,
Stephanie

[Fallen Angel]

like the rest of the ladies have said , youve taken your first step into the unknown. right there is a step in the right direction and you should be proud of your self that takes a lot of courage!!!! the next time you step out youl feel i bit more comfertable and besides your in good hans with kew. she wont let nothing happen to you xxx

[Sherlyn]

Awesome everyone ..... it feels sooo great just reading the support this forum gives me,,,, to all that have replied.. again .. hugs and love from me i greatly admire u grrrls and the care that you give :)

[new2jersey]

Sherlyn,
I know exactly what you are going through. Although my experiences was not with a club, but I know that FEAR! It's like Jenny Beth said, it's the hardest fear to overcome; you feel everyone is staring at you, but really, no one is, nor do they really care. And if they do figure it out, so what! Just look at them and smile!
You took some very big steps, girl, and that is what's most important. Need to build up the confidence, and to be honest, the way you look, you should have ALL the confidence you need. You look lovely!
One of my experiences, I was driving home from a friends house, dress alla femme, it was about 2 in the morning, and the low gas light come on. I cant make it home, so I have to stop. At first, I thought I would run out right there! What would I do? So, I drove around until I found a station; I pulled up to the pump, and the attendant was walking toward the car. I was so SCARED!!! In the best femme voice I could muster, I asked for $20, and he looked and stared for a moment, I smiled, and he went about his business. I then paid him, said thanks, he said your welcome and off I went. Although it was a scary feeling, at the same time, I enjoyed the rush of moment, and to see his reaction to me.

[misty_waves]

Sherlyn - I'm surprised that you chickened out last night because you look SO good! You have a beautiful, passeable look. Be confident - you can afford it.

- Misty

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Sherlyn,

I sympathize girl. My recent first trip out into the big wide world with Marla (which did go very well for me) was VERY scary once I got out of the car. Marla wanted us to go into a store but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I think the reason why was because that would have meant being up close to people.

Do you think your fears (like mine) are based upon being "outed" when people see you up close? On this forum people compliment each other all the time on how nice or pretty they are...and this is a good thing, but let me tell you this girl, even if you take into account how photographs can make a person look better than they actually are in real life, in my opinion, you are one of the prettiest girls here. I would kill to look as good as you do, and I'm not just saying this just because of this thread. If your fears about going into a club are caused because of worries about being up close up to people, don't sweat it you look terrific.

When the time comes for me to got out again, I'm going to remember all of the wonderfully supportive comments that have been made by all the girls who responded to this thread. Don't feel guilty about what might seem a failure last night. It's all part of the learning experience.

Best wishes

[karen marie]

sherlyn,
don't be so hard on yourself.only you will know when the
time is right.you've taken the first step going out.
hugs karen.

[Wendy me]

sherlyn it's not the end of the world...when like in most things in life your ready then it will happen ....better to have not gone in and been all tenced up ...maybe a viset when your not dressed might make it easyer on your next time you go dressed ............huge wendy hugs.........

[Kimberly]

Awesome everyone ..... it feels sooo great just reading the support this forum gives me,,,, to all that have replied.. again .. hugs and love from me i greatly admire u grrrls and the care that you give :)
Sherlyn,

As a junior member of the forum addressing a senior and more experienced member: It's all I can do :)

xxx

[Rachel_740]

Sherlyn,

Don't worry love, you'll get more oppertunities and you did well anyway if it was your first outing. Think of this as a practice run ;) .

Anne

[Ava Mouse]

Sherlyn,

TRY AGAIN! At least you had Kew with you, it's much harder to go out alone. I can't wait to hear your stories about being out and interacting with people! :D

-Ava

[cindybarnes]

Sherlyn, I guess a bunch of us are just going to have to come up there and help Kew drag you out ! ( no pun intended ) LOL
Realy you just about broke that first ice barrier so its kinda downhill now .
Once you get inside the club and relax some I KNOW you will have a great time !
And if you look that good in the new pic you posted with Sunday blues, Imagine when we see your Sunday im so happy I did it pics !!!,your just too cute :)
Hugs Cindy

[Stlalice]

Sherlyn,

The confidence to go out dressed and do anything - shop, go to a club, a church, etc. isn't something that comes easy to all of us. Sometimes you have to take what amount to baby steps. It's kind of like swimming in cold water - fun once you work up the courage but scary at the same time. For a start pick what you know will be a safe destination - wether its a club, support group meeting, church service, or what ever doesn't matter. Go with a friend, S/O, wife, relative, another C/D, or anyone you trust for support. My own first time out was to a Sunday church service at MCC of Greater St, Louis - scared ? You bet ! A gerbil on speed would have had more composure. I've posted that story in the transsexual forum under "Going Public the first time - to Church" . So don't feel bad about being scared - we've all been there. Hang in there kid - it gets easier the more often you do it. :D :D :D

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Sherlyn,

When it feels right for you ,you will walk in and be the prettiest girl in the club. :hugs: :Power:

[Mandy Salamander]

Sherlyn, so you didn't quite make it into that club last night, so what you took a huge leap forward in achieving that aim. Hell you made it to across the street, stop being so hard on yourself. You'll do it soon enough, just look as last night as being a try out ready for the big day.

Well done.

~Julie~
Couldn't agree more, Sherlyn.(and w/ all others as well) Consider this another small step in a positive direction. Same thing happened to me, first time out. Actually I didn't make it inside the club till my third try, and didn't stay long till my fourth!!! Also consider possibly a more casual, relaxed, less crowded venue, possibly outdoors. Think I'll start a thread regarding this, take a look.

[Merinda]

Hi Sherlyn ,

I had a similar experience in January

Like yourself I parked the car but hesitated getting out , I wondered if I was at the right place , how embarrasing if I was wrong .
The place looks like a private residence so I waited to see if anyone else went in , an elderly gent exited the residence so I was more suspicious that I was in the wrong place until a young guy went in with a suitcase.
I was going to follow him in but a car pulled up behind me with someone who looked like " Yosimite Sam " , he got out and messed with his car for about 10 minutes before finally walking off down the street .
At this stage my nerves were shot to pieces and I became frozen in my car , I drove away and came back 15 minutes later but I still couldn't move.

The worst part was the feeling that I was no longer Merinda , I was a man in womens clothing sitting in my car many miles from home.
I then drove home and became depressed.
******************
My advice to you Sherlyn is to arange to meet other CDers in male mode , this way you can get to know them before any event and make arangements to go into venues together.
This is what I did and I have successfully attended 3 social events since

[okanaganheather GG]

I am ssssssooooooo excited to be in on your courageous journey!! Thanks for sharing!

The experience you just shared with us is one that reminded me of the a story I wrote around different circumstances, but the same feelings.

Why does not getting into the club mean failure? That is not the finish line of your race...that is your lovely process of running the race to finding out more about yourself, and as others have pointed out here...there are many victories to celebrate in your evening!

I commend your fantasic ability to be present for the process, to ask for help, and...as for one woman's opinion...enjoy the nerves!!!! REALLY !! Cause one day soon you will be old hand at doing this and you will only be able to reflect on the intensity you just went thru cuase your newer self will OWN IT!!

With excitement for YOU! Hugs

[Julie York]

And the Award for Bravery Under Contradictory Emotions.....goes too......(play the audience...wait ...wait...)...SHERLYN!!!! (Huge applause, close up shots of beautiful women going all limp with relief.....quick shot of Attenborough wiping a tear.)



And the Award for Support and General Good All Round Person goes to..................
...................

...................
..................
(what do you think this is? Big Brother?)
...................
..................
...........
.......
IS!!!!!!!


KEW!!!!!


(Men faint in the street! Fireworks from the Eifell Tower etc etc etc.)

[KewTnCurvy GG]

He he he, Thanks Julie, you're a doll!

I have to admit I didn't know how to be supportive but I think I did an okay job of!

I did call the club and made sure TG friendly and all. Then I when we got there I went in to bouncers and asked "any TG ppl here?" They said "yes!" They had Drag show earlier and such. Well, Sherlyn kept looking for TG to come out of bar. We never saw. Though we did see one go in (kinda dressin' on the move too, in downtown). Anyway, we drove and sat and watched and sat. I tried to say all the right things. Anyhow, Sherlyn was a brave trooper!! I think she mentioned getting hit on by that young lil' truck boi (who wasn't bad lookin' either). :D

[Julie York]

You both did great. Good for you. I know it can be a little depressing setting a goal and not achieving it, but you got to the next stage and when it feels right it will be right. No point doing something so scary you dont enjoy it.

[Wenda]

As the others have said, you had a whole series of successes. focus on those, driving en femme, out on the steet en femme, being Propositioned en femme!!! sounds successful to me. So, being wise, you saved the best for next time. Doesn't sound chicken, sounds prudent. Can't wait to hear how next time goes. wenda. Red Green also says, "... I am a man...I can change... if I have to."

[Rikki]

Sherlyn Dear, you are doing great. Don't think of this as a chicken out, you are just taking small steps and doing a good job. The time will come and you will step through that door like you own the place. You can't go wrong with Kew at your side, she sounds like a great lady and support. Good luck hun you are doing great.


Rikki

[Sherlyn]

WOW !!!!!!! everyone is sooo supportive ,,thank you all again ..this place is such a great haven just to let loose our experiences ,,,funny eh i was afraid too post about this at first i thought it was a downer but i am now seeing it is a real upper ... i guess i was lookin at it thru the negative instead of the positive .. i had just even told Kew that last night,,, now seems like a dream... but!!! Sherlyn was actually downtown out on the street..u grrls have made me think WOW it was a step forward very very cool :hugs:

[StephanieCD]

Sherlyn... honestly - I'm picky ten times over. I've seen CDs and TGs at bars and stuff (me in drab)... you have SO LITTLE to worry about. You're foxy. Not to mention you got the Kew! :bunny:

Seriously - you have nothing to worry about.

[Julie]

Sheryln,

I didn't read all the replies so forgive me if I'm being repetitive.

Making that first step out is a lot like jumping into the water for the first time or skiing down a slope for the first time. It's scary but once you do it it's so wonderful! Then you want to do it again and again.

I first went out in the early 90's but I soon went into hibernation as the kids got too old to distract while I dressed. When I came back out I was like a scared rabbit. I met Jacki at Be-All last year and she seemed fearless. She took me to TG friendly bars and it was cool and lots of fun. Then the next day she scheduled a makeover at a hotel in downtown Chicago, far from any TG events related to Be-All. I just said, "What the hell!" and went. I think I was more afraid to say I was chicken to go than I was to actually do it. We got to the hotel and there was a pre-school teachers convention going on. Imagine what was going through my head when I walked through the hotel hallways, dressed, seeing all these teachers! I just looked straight ahead and laughed to Jacki, "Do you think they are taking applications?"

We got to the salon just in time and said we were there for the makeover. Oh, no, we have you for 4 PM not 2 PM. My heart skipped a beat! We had two hours to kill and I was a nervous wreck wondering how we's spend it! So Jacki says let's go to the bar. Mind you it's Saturday afternoon in downtown Chicago in early June and the weather is beautiful. There's lots of people about. Again I suck it up and go, keeping my eyes focused straight ahead. We sat down at the bar but not before we were subjected to lots of strange looks (I was looking out of the corners of my eyes). The bar opened to Michigan Avenue, a very populated street no matter what the weather. We found seats with our backs to the street. After a couple of drinks and no altercations I began to loosen up. Finally 4 PM arrived and we went back to the salon. The makeover was fabulous and so was the girl who did it! But what was most memorable was being out in broad daylight dressed. I'll never forget it.

You can't let apprehension stop you from doing what you want to do. It only makes it worse. So just do it! You have a great lady by your side supporting you and that's more than most have. Appreciate it and have fun.:D

Now go get that calendar out and plan your next outing!

And Kew, you're remarkable! I love ya kiddo!

[Sherlyn]

Julie Ty for replying ..I read about your outings all the time...I can say this for sure...YOU have got it going ...I only wish I had a small piece of your attitude...Oh like I can go out the door ...drive around etc.. but Saturday night I felt a strange fear I had never felt B4... pretty darn sure it was the thought of ACTUALLY rubbing elbows with others and how i would react ...I meant act....Isnt acting a part of us we have to perfect? Yup I think so......Hugs Julie ...Ty for your support ....TOO COOL !!!!

[Fiona K]

Like all the others said Sherlyn,
Don't beat yourself up, it is massive step, particularly from the pont of view of those of us who have never made it outside!!

Cherish the support Kew gives you (and her make-up skills) and try again, then we'll hear all about the new girlfriends you both meet inside the club!!

I'll get out this summer too, one way or another!!

Fiona
xx

[DonnaT]

Why is it that some of these threads don't appear on my PCs for a couple of days, then there they are?

Sherlyn, it's very very hard to do things like you attempted, alone. You'll find it much easier if Kew got out of the car and walked with you. Once you get used to going in with her, then you can try it alone, while she waits in the car.

You'll also find it easier if you don't stop to analyze what you are doing or think about what will happen inside. Just get out of the car with Kew and both of you walk straight to the club, no stopping, except for traffic.

Plus, you won't be able to run back to the car if Kew has the keys and is right beside you.

Remember the first time you gathered enough nerve to post your picture here? You can gather it again, especially with Kew there supporting you.

[JoAnnDallas]

Sherlyn... I just made my first solo outing this morning. I got all dressed up and drove 3 miles to a gas station and filled up the SUV. YES, it was sacry, panic attack and everything, but I did it and now when I look back, it was not so bad. See my adventure post. You have a advanage that I don't have. You have a SO to help you. Mine doesn't know about me, so she can not help me.

As been suggested, have your SO walk with you the first two or three times. After that you'll over your fright.

[Amelie]

Wow, your first time out to a club and you almost had your first quickie with the guy in the pick-up. lol,,,, You should have flirted with the guy in the truck, then Kew would have gotten jealous and escorted you into the club, Kew would probably have dragged you in.

My advice, go to the club in drab, check out the atmosphere of the place. If you like it while in drab, then you will like it more while dressed.

Amelie

PS- You are a woman now, so expect men to bother you like they do to other women. This is part of being a woman, you'll have to get used to men and their ways.

[Kimberly]

PS- You are a woman now, so expect men to bother you like they do to other women. This is part of being a woman, you'll have to get used to men and their ways.
Hell no you don't!! Give them a f***ing good feminist lecture about how much the better gender female is.

Anyone understand that last sentance? ... no, thought not. Poorly phrased, huh? yeh....

[Tristen Cox]

Well I got it :rolleyes: :p

[Sherlyn]

Thank you all soo much again for the encouragement.....can't really say if i will do it the next time ....who knows ,,,but when the oppurtunity arise's you can bet ,,all your words will boost my confidence.. Oh and Amelie lol ... yea a quickie ..i went quickie running back to Kew in the car ...:) didn't even trip on my heels..getting real good at 4 inch heel walking ...lol

[Khriss]

like Sherlyn's eyes,, Tristens legs(and),, all the beautiful "girls" here often "trip My Trigger",, I feel like-an, "admirer" too, though that feels sometimes,smarmy somehow- ???

[azure]

Im sure you looked fantastic, you'll be ok next time, with Kew there adoring you and caring for her sis you'll knock em dead!!!!!

[uknowhoo]

I expect it's the same with many other girls...I read a thread like this and agree with what all the others have said, so I don't post something sounding too repetitive. So, just so you know, Sherlyn, in addition to the 50 posts, there are hundreds of others who just read, but don't post, who are also very proud of you and rooting for you for next time (and, btw, are inspired by your brave steps as well). We look forward to your next update(s).

[Tristen Cox]

like Sherlyn's eyes,, Tristens legs(and),, all the beautiful "girls" here often "trip My Trigger",, I feel like-an, "admirer" too, though that feels sometimes,smarmy somehow- ???
Not at all :flirt: Right back at ya babe

[samanthajay]

honey your more hotter and sexier then girls i know ok. take deep breath look a cross that street smile at the bouncer cause he might think your hot and walk in. and kew if you reading this next time she hesitates at the door light a fire under her heelsto get her to go in and have a good time. :D its tough love

[womanatheart]

Stlalice,(where did you get that name?)
I must admit, I am laughing. First time out and went to a church? Let me guess and not be offensive; its a dead lutherian church full of old fogies or a hip african american church - opps - it can't be african american church because I find African Americans (male and female) read me quicker than any one on the planet.
Girl; you got .....balls(??) :D
I'd love to go out with you any day or night. I think we'd have a great time.
Love and kisses (if we can sneek them in) :)
Stephanie

[umbrellagirl GG]

sherilyn ~ I realize this is an older thread that's been bumped up somewhere along the way, but I still want to say that you look stunning! If you didn't tell me that you're a guy, I wouldn't think it.

[Sherlyn]

Awwww thank_you umbrellagirl ..Your so sweet :hugs:

[ladyjim]

Amen Sherilyn- your are gorgeous!

[Lauren_T]

Sherilyn, if I could look a fraction as good as you do, I wouldn't be scared of going anywhere!




.

[ladyjim]

Shes sexiness personified.

[Stephanie Mancini]

Sherlynn like you i was a bit apprehensive the first time out ever with my wife to a tg event, beginners paranoia she called it anyway up she goes for a looksee and on her return tells me in no uncertain terms to get my butt up there as i'am as good as anyone there, so what's a girl to do, up i go, take in a deep breath and enter through the double swing doors and i have never looked back since, let me assure you hun your more than good enough, there's a whole new world out there for us girls so go take yourself a little piece


Steph

[Khriss]

Stlalice,(where did you get that name?)
I must admit, I am laughing. First time out and went to a church? Let me guess and not be offensive; its a dead lutherian church full of old fogies or a hip african american church - opps - it can't be african american church because I find African Americans (male and female) read me quicker than any one on the planet.
Girl; you got .....balls(??) :D
I'd love to go out with you any day or night. I think we'd have a great time.
Love and kisses (if we can sneek them in) :)
Stephanie

-who could possibly be offended,, perhaps a "Lutheran" like me. I'm curious as to why a particular Protestant faith was picked, but ooh you got ethnic too, so other than pokin' fun at alice from St Louis' name choice it was all in
jest eh? -(reread) and-yeah realy negative,,, oh well.... :thumbsdn:

[MistyCD]

THEN a guy in a pick-up truck ..pulls in right beside me ..rolls his window down .....and asks me to come here ...omg!!!!

Sherlynn... with your looks, guys already think your a knockout sexy babe.
So don't worry, talk it over with Kew, have her do your makup again and try later on next week. After you do it, you'll wonder why you didn't go out sooner!!!

hugs.... Misty

[Sophia Rearen]

Sherlynn,

My god you are so beautiful. I only wish that I was half as pretty as you. And with your SO, Kew, your in prime position to break out.

I love this thread, thank you. I just had to reply. There is so much help and support from the other girls here. One thing that I have noticed is we all have preconceived fears as to what might happen we we venture out. Can anybody predict what will happen? I don't think so. Have you ever prepared yourself for a conversation with someone? Like there is some sort of script that the conversation will follow. Does the conversation ever go as planned? When you do go out next time, just do it. Listen to that wonderful sound of heel in front of toe. Those sounds will take you there. Hold your head high, your beautiful and confident.

This forum is a great support group and as such I would like to tell about my second time out, last fall. I don't know if it's as good as going to church enfemme but it may help others here.

A nearby town holds an annual high heel race for fun. This was to be my second time in the event. The first time fears and realizations will be saved for another time. Anyway, I asked my sister-in-law to go with me. I wanted to take her out to dinner before the race. I wanted to go to the establishment that was sponsoring the race. She wanted to shake things up in my home town. I apprehensively agreed and picked a very conservative restaraunt. I called ahead to see if we needed reservations. No, but the bar was closed for a private party.

My SIL(sister in law) picks me up and says I look great (first time she has seen me enfemme, gotto love her) and three wigs later we're out the door in daylight. Photo op in the driveway. I get to the passenger door and oops forgot my money. I get to the door and oops forgot my ID. Of course my purse had cosmetics though. Next an earring breaks. Third time back in the house for another pair of earrings. I get to the car door and a french tip finger nail pops off! As I'm pressing it back on a dress shoulder pad I'm using for stuffing pops out of my wonder bra. Ok, that goes back in. Then finger nail number two comes off. I'm literally falling apart in my driveway. Not much of a confidence booster. We're laughing so hard of course I become untucked and fearfull I would ruin my makeup. I swear to you, my sisters, this is the honest turn of events.

Ok, I'm still going. :D We get to the restaraunt. My heart is racing. Just listening to my heels on the pavement to get me there. We walk in side by side to the hostess table. Not one but three very cute hostesses are there to greet us and each is wearing a polital pin for a ultra republican candidate for US Congress. OMG the private party in the bar is a fund raiser for the candidate. I'm enfemme in my hometown with the far right. :eek: As we walk past the partitions I'm made already by one of the female attendees. We sit and I sit with my back to them. I tell my SIL I can't believe this. I'm soo nervous. The water girl arrives and I talk in my normal voice (no way I'm gonna hide this voice) she looks like she's in shock. Next we get lucky. Our waitress is sweet and probably a lesbian (confirmed later). She loves it. I tell my SIL that I have to go to the bar, I need to do it for all crossdressers sake. She suggest I go and get some matches. Yea, good idea like a scavenger hunt. I go in and who do I make eye contact with, of course the woman who made me on the way to our table. I'm holding my head high, I smile at her and say hi. What the hell, right? I'm at the bar, one row back waiting for the bar maid and man does this seem like an eternity. I'm checking everyone out and I'm OK, no problems. Weird thing is though I am being checked out by some sleazy guy whom I met years ago, gross! Bar maid flashes me a huge smile, I get my matches and head back to safety.

Nice bottle of wine. Photo op. Good conversations with SIL and waitress. I need to go back to the bar. Way too much of a buzz the first time. I have to do it again. Scavenger hunt number two, a glass of ice water. No problem. I'm standing same place, a row back from the bar and I get a feeling I'm being checked out. Out of the corner of my eye I notice my fushia bra strap peeking out of the dress strap. I casually turn my head and fix it. As I turn, two rich looking republican middle aged women were checking me out, they had to have made me, I'm two feet from them. Again, I smile and say Hi, How are you doin? Response was open mouths and no words. :D Barmaid loves me, and of course by this time the entire staff knows I'm there.

Back to safety of the table. Great meal. Great girl talk (it happens so naturally with GG's when I'm enfemme it's amazing) and a whole lot of fun. I learned a lot about myself in that place. Of which, the biggest realization I had as I sat there enfemme, I was still checking out women. Be it for the way they were dressed or because of their natural beauty. I realized there is not a gay bone in my body (not that there is anything wrong with that) and I told my SIL so. Her reply was simply, good.

Went to the race, met some GG friends, one is a jewelry artist whom made my bangles for this night. Repeated the above story to some gay guys at the bar and they said I was their hero/heroine.

I'll stop now. This is probably too long. If so, I'm sorry. What a hoot this night was.

I guess my advice to all us girls, Sherlynn, myself included is that we don't know what to expect when we go out. However, we will not know until we try. Yes, something negative might happen. Then again, something empowering may as well. Should we sit in our little coccoons afraid of the unknown? I don't think so.

I have just psyched myself up to do some dress shopping this week. Will I try them on there? You bet, there may be a good story ahead. :thumbsup:

[Alison Anderson]

Sherlyn, you look so beautiful and totaly passable to me!
The guy in the truck obviously thought so as well.
I know this is an older thread but we all want to tell you how fabulous you are!
Perhaps you could take a little dutch courage to settle your nerves next time, I sure would, and going in with a couple of extra friends might help as we all feel safer in numbers.
Don`t push yourself if it`s too scary. When you are ready. I have never done it but the above is how I imagine it would be easier for me.
Love,
Alison.

[Stephenie]

Well Sherlyn, It's been one month since this thread started. Have you been back to that club yet? I don't have any experiance in going out to clubs but, I do know how hard it was to tell my SO. I can just imagine how your stomach muct have felt. Hope you go back soon.

P.S. Your are way to pretty for Kew to let you go alone.

[Sherlyn]

Its been a month wow ...I have not gone back ...driven by the club but not stopped ..intentions we're too do soo ...but :(..I am going thru emotional ups and downs too ..Kew is away ...and we are not sure when we will be together again ..without a doubt we plan to be ..having her here during a strong growing period of my she self ..was absolutley wonderful ..I trembled as she walked over too the club too make sure it would be ok for me that night {love her } ...Im trying too contact other cd's... in my area that will give the confidence too get out ...I have in the past few days also gone thru serious doubts about my she / self ..you all know what I mean ...its a confusing time for this part of me .....It really helps me ta see this thread bump up again and the support from all of you that have posted Thank You All :hugs:
Sophia thats sooooo BOLD ....lol u go grrll..awesome night u had

[Tristen Cox]

Remember you have some friends that will always love ya, tough times and good times too. :hugs: :hugs:

[Sherlyn]

Remember you have some friends that will always love ya, tough times and good times too. :hugs: :hugs:

Tristen... :hugs: :hugs: Awesome Thank-You

[ladyjim]

hang in there sheryln; better times WILL happen.

[Toyah]

You really are cute and much braver than me, I have made it to the back yard, thats all, why did you go to a gay club cause from what I can see you would pass anywhere. Theres me a hetro guy and looking at your eyes an going ????????????? well I am not telling you coz I should not be there.

[Stlalice]

Sorry to disillusion you - MCC is very much an alive and vibrant place - we are primarily but by no means exclusively an LGBT friendly church that welcomes people of ALL colors, religous, and ethnic backgrounds. We operate on what is called the "Love, trust, and acceptance" model and try to make anyone that comes in feel welcome and safe coming here. Sad to say that far too many of the "mainline" denominations don't do this and as a result many of our members are refugees of sorts who have been given grief and hard times elsewhere.

As for having courage or as you so delicately put it - balls - thats more or less a requirement if your going to live your life as an out transsexual woman. When you come down to it, it's not the physical equipment that matters - it's more your state of mind and the confidence that you build in yourself and your ability to pass that gets you through transition. I know EXACTLY how nervous and scared Sherlyn was and is feeling about going out the first time - for I felt the same way. The important thing is that you pick a safe destination - it does not matter if its a club, support group, or a church - and have a good friend or two along to lend support and comfort. Hang in there Sherlyn, feel free to PM if you want to talk. ;)

[Khriss]

Hey Sherlyn , I figure it's kinda like a game (B-Ball) You suited up (got dressed) walked out into the arena, (drove there and even got out of the car!) and now You're just stretching out, nervously waiting for the game to start. I'll bet when You walk onto the court, the ball is tipped and the game starts Your nerves will melt away. And it's only the first quarter? I think You'll find Your "rhythm" as you play too , cuz You're a winner!
( yeah , I coach, Youth basketball,,, pretty bad eh?)
but heatfelt! hang in -xx"K"

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Awwww, hun (aka Sherlyn), I know things have been hard. I love ya too grrl! Thanks grrlz, for as always being so caring and supportive:D

[norbie]

Hi Dear Sherlyn,
you got no any worries the way how you look. As I said before you pass anytime and you CAN compete with true GG's.
Would you like to tell us more? (only if you like!)
Like what did you wear? like when you are a little aprehensive, did you still concentrate on fem. walk and so on.
But deffently it was a great step to the doors of the club, next time you will walk in and have a great time. This is my wish for you. :thumbsup:
Love and biiiig bear hug from Norbie :p

[Stephenie]

Sherlyn,

I hope that you are working things thru. To hear you talk about doubts makes you seem so much more than just a pretty pic on the computer. To know that someone who is so beautiful as a woman and that normally comes across as so self asured has questions makes me feel better about myself. I think we all have doubts about who we are and how we show it. As most of us would say, be truthful to your self and be what you are. My heart feels for you.

Hugs

[Olivia]

No s**t, Sherlyn, you are beautiful girl! So many of us will never have your good looks. I've not gone out totally enfemme yet, so I know it can't be easy. But, with your looks and Kew there with you, you'll make it happen! Hang in there girl, Olivia.

[mand]

Hello Sherlyn, hope you're ok love, I'm sure you are :) ...................just send you a :hugs:

lots of love mand xxx

[suzanne]

hey i think everyone goes throught this, just remember how nice you feel and go fo it girl

[Sherlyn]

...well tonight ..i took a deep breath ...parked my little black car outside the club ...... it was lookin very quiet ...lol soooooozaaaaaaaaa i stepped outta my car ..... gave my skirt a little readjustment .... and walked in :eek: as i started down the stairs ,,,3 men on the way up .... omg ...think smile nice ...first guys sez hi!!! how are you i give him a little smirk and continue down the stairs ...well expecting ta see some sorta action goin on alls there was we're 2 more guys playin fooooooossss ball.... they look over at me ..kinda smile i think hmmmmmm well this it !!!!!!! lol ....soooo i decide well i made it in the door ..place is quite dead ..i will come back again when i can slide around a little less noticed ...lol ...so back up the same stairs ...3 guys smokin now ...same guy sez too me take care ..maybe see you again as i clip clop back to me car ..lol somethin bout heels and pavement .... :)
Oh I have too add 1 more thing ..personal observation ...my dressing lately is changing ..its no longer about how frilly or how elegant my clothing can be ..... i just put on whatever i see in the closet first ,,,well usually its a short skirt..lottsa those ..and a top ... as for hose ..lol i think i am getting like a gg .... i dont wear em ..its summer ...bare legs and sandals lol it feels soooooo much more natural .. i am not trying too dress down ... i will just say i find my self less intriged by outfits and more of just being a girl

[Olivia]

Way to go Sherlyn! Ah, that's a big step ; or would be for me anyway. Good for you. And I gotta agree with you about those hose. I haven't worn any all summer. My bare, tanned legs just feel so good all clean shaven. I never tire of looking down at them, coming out of a nice pair of shorts. What a thrill, lol. Congrats Sherlyn, Olivia.

ps. I wanted to add that i love the top in your pic!

[Sherlyn]

Cool :) TY Olivia

[umbrellagirl GG]

that is a fantastic post sherlyn!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUGE CONGRATULATIONS! You're one of those CD girls that I'm jealous of! ;) ;) :) :)

[Sweet Susan]

Way to go, Sherlyn. I've been there a few times myself, and I found that it doesn't always get easier. But the more I've done it the more I was ready to try it again. I'm sure after time, it'll be easier and easier. It's just a tough thing to do. I went into a bar one night, thinking it was T-friendly, sat down in a booth, and over walked a big ole boy with a Texas grin and shit-kicking boots on. He proceeded to make me entirely uncomfortable. I went to get up to leave, and he blocked my passway. I thought, "lordy, lordy, I've done done it again." I said, "excuse me, but I'm outta here, musta taken a wrong turn at the door." He stepped aside, and I stepped on out of there, taking my heels off, so as to get better traction out the door. Got to my car and, MAN!, was I ever glad to be back in friendly territory.

[cindybarnes]

Sherlyn , I knew it woulndt take you long !!! Thats sooo cool !! Soon we will be calling you barfly ?? :p

Each time will be easier now and you can relax and have fun, maybe meet some local CD's you didnt know were out there.

Congrats !!!!!
Cindy

[Sharon]

Congratulations, Sherlyn! :clap: Hopefully, the next time you go (soon?), there will be a larger and more lively group of people there. :)

[Deidra Cowen]

Way to go Sherlyn!!! I am very happy for you and proud you accomplished your goal.

[norbie]

Bravo! Good on you dear Sherlyn.
Oh no! don't be like a lazy GG - you know beauty have to suffer sometime. Put your hose on, legs look so much more beautyful.
Love and big hugs from Norbie

[Sophia Rearen]

Sherlyn,
Thats great news. :thumbsup: You make a brief visit to this place and already they want you back? That's so cool. Howabout tonight? Thursday nights are usually better out.
Regarding dressing: Don't be lazy and just grab something. Thats the male inside you. Put him away for now, he can go out later. I know when I dress drab I always grab whats on top of the drawer. Have fun with your fem clothes. :) Stockings aren't needed. Your lucky to be able to shave all year. Too much work for me in the summertime.

[Sherlyn]

Cool Cool ...thank you everyone it was a big step ... had this big rush as i sat there in my car .... thought if i dont at least get in the door tonight i am going too be mad at me ...lol... the feeling i had as i walked down those stairs was soooo surreal ... and 1 thing i did feel as i walked back out the door too the street.. being read was not even a thought :)... usually I am looking for ppl that are watchin ....just walked too the car with attitude ....:D Whos that man's hand holding my chin up? lol This is a BIG worry I have ...my baseball glove hands...What a Ya DO ???? :eek:

[Priscilla1018]

Sherlyn, I am so happy you finally made it in the door.Way to go Sister.

[Sherlyn]

:hugs:@ Priscilla Thank-You

[Wendy me]

girlfreind , male , female ...stright , gay or what ever if your out with them killer eyes of yours and someone is looking at your hands thay have huge problemes.....

[Stephenie]

Well done Sherlyn, I'm happy for you. About the hands, no one will ever be looking at your hands. Your face and eyes are way to captivating

[Olivia]

Wendy, that's right girl! I had to laugh when I read that, you're a mess! Damn, I love you girls. Sherlyn, with your looks, honey, they won't even know you have hands, lol. An old Door's song keeps running thru my head, "break on through to the other side". I believe that you have, O.

[Michelle I]

Sherlyn:

Congratulations on the first big step, its gets easier. I love my days out as Melissa,especially the visits to the hair salon. If I looked as good as you do, I would not worry at all about being out.
Good work, keep it up.

Melissa

[Tristen Cox]

Well I guess I better chime in and congratulate you also. Too bad it couldn't be more eventful but you took the first step :thumbsup: Proud of ya babe ;)

[Sherlyn]

Ya Wendy as huge as my hands ...lol ty
Stephanie Thank-You:)
Mikeycd thanx wish i had more confidence in me as u seem too have in yourself :)
Tris :cool: I am trying ta hang in ...oh screw the tryin I AM GOING TOO :hugs:

[DragonLotus]

I'm late on this thread too but I read the whole thing, and everyone here is right when they say you have NO NEED to be concerned with your look!

I haven't been out with a GG to a tolerant club since last summer, but when I did it was a blast. She was a tiny Taiwanese girl (she wore a chinese style dress just for me!) and she made me look like a lumberjack at my towering height of 5'5". I dressed in my J-Rock androgynous look and we dirty danced the night away! Oh LAWD it was hot. And we got a lot of admiring glances. SWWEEEEET.

Now my point is....you are *that* kind of hot. If I was out with a MtF CD that looked as good as you, people would be admiring two GG's workin' it on the dance floor without giving it a second thought. I'm glad to see you went back. Now go on a Saturday after 11 pm and you'll be stylin'!

And hands? I know GG's with big hands (a couple of them are great bass players). The better for punching somebody in the throat if they take you for less than the lady you are!

Rock on. :thumbsup:

[Sherlyn]

Omg !!!!! DragonLotus ...too funny bout the hands i have been playin bass now for over 20 yrs ..hehe...on the road for 9 of those ..currently in band doing our own stuff...and very close ta getting airplay ..too cool u said that ..and who are these gg's??
Sorry fuzzy pic ...rockin to hard :)

[Sherlyn]

well .. tonight ...all gussed up .... full intentions of clubbin ...minor setback ..ugh !!! well first off ..heading into town ..... uh oh bathroom needed ...too faraway ..... mccdonalds ahead ,,,,soooo pitstop .... yes i washed my hands ..lol mirror was handy too ........ so get there no parking close by ....still not sure of walking the main street a distance yet soo i do a loser lap down princess st. return to club find spot across the road ...now mind you i had my attitude on 100%,,,quick ciggy i think b4 then off i go .....NOT !!!!!! theres a reg club next door ...and as open the door ,,both feet on the ground...hair a little toss ...omg theres the drummer in my band ,,,standing like right there outside the club smokin .... now i said i had attitude but not sooo much as i could casually..walk past him ..just know him toooo well ...soooo key on ..clutch down1st gear im gone .... thinkin of tryin sunday night ,,,,theres a contest goin on ...based on survivor could be fun ...if no work Monday im there ,,,,oh btw band practice tomorrow,,,I wonder

[Tristen Cox]

Yeah I keep asking about that but you chicken out. Who knows they might like having a new rock chick to play with. Erm... hope you didn't take that wrong :D

[Julie York]

You've got amazing courage Sherlyn. Shame about the band member. Maybe next time.

I can see when you get this thing licked you will be telling us amazing stories of your adventures.

It's really refreshing to hear genuine accounts of the difficulties and courage required to go out.

[Stephenie]

So what was your drummer doing at a TG friendly club? You might have scared him more than he scared you.

[Sherlyn]

Oh Stephanie ...sorry i will explain better,,the club is right next door too a sports bar.the doors are like 20 feet apart ...since no smoking in bars here...he came outta the SPORTS bar for a ciggy....i am not sure if he woulda recogognized me ...however i am not 100% yet able too fully carry myself fem....takes work(need lots) soooooo i was worried he,d pick up on that see the car ..and goooo hmmmmmmmmmm lol