Military housing

[Maggie Kay]

My spouse and I are applying to rent a house in a large nearby military housing complex. It is partially open to civilians and those who are working for DOD or the DLI (Defense Language Institute) It is a great deal and has super low crime because of the Presidio Police. Messing with these guys is a Federal offense. Many more military only houses are being built in the complex too.
Here is my worry. Being that we are now a same sex couple, is this community going to be hostile? The rental manager mentioned that he would try to find a house where we might do best. He didn't come out and say it that being lesbians was a problem but hints were dropped. He could be gay and really paid a lot of attention to me. Note though that he does not live there. I like the houses there but I worry that when the neighbors, who are mostly short term tenants, see us, we at least will face jeers or vandalism. I really doubt that there are any other lesbian couples there.
Does anyone have ideas about this?

Maggie

[AllieSF]

Hi Maggie,

I assume you are talking about the Presidio area in San Francsico. The law is the law here in California and they cannot discriminate in any way against you. I think it is great that you can live in that super fantastic area of SF, so close to everything. Just go for it, make sure that they do not discriminate against you in any way. Take notes, with dates, times and names and words said if it does happen. You can easily use that against then if the need arises. I actually do not think that you will have a problem. As everyone here says, just be yourself, confident, friendly, etc. You will have some good neighbors and some that are not so good. That can happen anywhere to anyone. Do enjoy your new home and keep in touch, I am local too.

[Maggie Kay]

Actually, I am in Monterey. I really am getting more confident that it will be OK too. My spouse and I are able to go about our business as I have gone full time for a year. Sometimes we get looks but never have we been embarrassed or harassed. She has walked arm in arm with me in public as well as caressing my shoulder and back at a street fair. We don't push it but people know. Certainly the rental agent knows. He was very attentive.


My main concern was the community in the military. Many here are from the midwest, if they tend to be conservative living next to two women with the same last name could be an issue.

I am inclined to proceed. Thanks for the input!

[TxKimberly]

My spouse and I are applying to rent a house in a large nearby military housing complex. It is partially open to civilians and those who are working for DOD or the DLI (Defense Language Institute) It is a great deal and has super low crime because of the Presidio Police. Messing with these guys is a Federal offense. Many more military only houses are being built in the complex too.
Here is my worry. Being that we are now a same sex couple, is this community going to be hostile? The rental manager mentioned that he would try to find a house where we might do best. He didn't come out and say it that being lesbians was a problem but hints were dropped. He could be gay and really paid a lot of attention to me. Note though that he does not live there. I like the houses there but I worry that when the neighbors, who are mostly short term tenants, see us, we at least will face jeers or vandalism. I really doubt that there are any other lesbian couples there.
Does anyone have ideas about this?

Maggie

I speak from the vantage point of someone who spent 12 years active duty Army and has also lived in Military housing.

Vandalism? Out of the question - you have nothing to worry about as far as that is concerned. Unless things have changed in the 14 years I've been out, you had to be not just Military, but MARRIED Military to live in housing. Anyone living there has far too much at risk to mess with you. Most military folks are just like you and I, with the same values, and so most of them wouldn't dream of harassing you. Add to that the fact that they would be thrown out of housing and their careers in serious jeopardy if they were caught doing anything like that.

I know this doesn't make sense because it's not based on logic, but I also think it wont hurt that your both female. Don't ask me why, but your typical male smiles at the thought of two women together, but then gets sick to his stomach at the thought of two men.

So - openly hostile is out of the question, but I wouldn't promise you would be met with love and adoration either. Personally, I think you would be treated no worse here than anywhere, and given the very nature of the Military, you couldn't possibly be in a safer neighborhood. The Military takes looking out for each other, each others homes, and each others families very seriously.

[deja true]

Don't ask, don't tell?

Seriously, though...it seems to me that federal government has stricter anti-discrimination regs than many local areas, though the SF area is known for being among the most open localities in N. America.

Is this housing on a military installation? If so, military regulations apply, not necessarily local law. I'd get to know whoever administers the property and familiarize yourself with all anti-discrimination rules and regs that apply. Then, as Allie says, keep detailed notes about any untoward occurrances that may happen, even the sightest thing. Nothing may happen, but just like in an employment situation, those notes are gonna back you up if something does.

Good luck, hun, enjoy your new home...

:)

[Maggie Kay]

It is on government land. One has to show photo ID to be on the grounds. The rental office has the equal opportunity housing logo displayed prominently.
I do know that the Presidio police have the reputation of not being messed with. We were told that it was a very quiet place to live and extremely safe. The more I hear about this the more I am comforted that this might be a very good place to live for us.

Maggie

[Want to be Lisa]

I want to echo what Kimberly said. I was in the Army for 15 years. You will find living amongst them to be a very safe environment.

[Jessinthesprings]

Maggie,

The military does encourage bias against the GBLT communities, but they are also human. I live in Colorado Springs, which has Fort Carson, two Air Force Bases, NORAD (which has everything under the sun including military from Canada and the UK) and of course the Air Force Academy. Not to mention we have the far right Focus on the Family group. With all this it would seem to be a very hostile place to live. I have never had a problem. Everyone even uses the correct pronouns. Not to mention most of the members that attend the TG group are former military. If I had to guess, you will get hasseled as much there as anywhere. Go for it and as long as you go about your buisness and not throw it in their faces you should be fine. And if you do get harrased do as another member suggested take down their names, actions, words and submit it to the appropriate authorities, and maybe even their base commander. While they are 50years behind in employment practacies the modern military is very PC. Good luck.

[Diane Elizabeth]

As the housing is on military federal land. Local laws don't neccessarily apply. The military have their own laws. Hence "don't ask- don't tell". Now with that said keep in mind that military laws do not allow for gay/lesbian relationships. Housing is assigned to married personnel. Couples cohabitating w/o a marriage licience are not permitted to live in housing. Check out the Base Housing Regulations to find out the current laws they go by. dylen